Exposure to international media, such as films, TV and magazines, has an impact on the local culture. What do you think of these impacts? Do you think that the advantages of these impacts outweigh the disadvantages?

Exposure to international media, such as films, TV and magazines, has an impact on the local culture. What do you think of these impacts?

Do you think that the advantages of these impacts outweigh the disadvantages?

In this contemporary world, it has become a prevalent and publicly recognized phenomenon for worldwide individuals to keep an eye from the same TV programs, listen to the equivalent music genres and look through the same news. This tendency has arisen a debatable topic about whether the upsides truly outweigh its drawbacks. Although there are some considerable negative ramifications, which come at an expense of the cultural diversity loss, I firmly support the fact that the merits gained by communal media consumption are definitely profound.

First, one of the key advantages of this trend is that the aforementioned issue fosters greater comprehension among numerous cultures. When citizens from different countries are exposed to the same social platforms, the awareness of others daily lives and viewpoints are clearly acknowledged. This, consequently, can breakdown existing stereotypes and prejudices, leading to a more tolerate and integrated society. Second, shared media experiences can generate a sense of global community. For instance, when the public from all around the world watch a universal sporting event or read a prominent news story, it would form a common experience regardless of religious and geographic barriers. This can help build connections and solidarity among individuals from differing cultures.

On the other hand, there are some implicit shortcomings of this drift. One concern is that it can give rises to cultural diversity loss. If the public consumes the same media, there will be a risk of eroding unique local cultures and traditions. Another concern is that global media could be interfered by some powerful corporations, which results in homogenization of content and alleviation of perspectives. Despite these potential demerits, I believe the benefits of communal media consumption prevail over the risks. Linking and comprehending capabilities between residents from different cultures are invaluable. It is crucial to take an interest into cultural assimilation, but this can be minimized by assisting diverse media sources and encouraging critical thinking about it.

In conclusion, I consider the advantages overshadowing its disadvantages. This trend is able to arouse the more understanding and bond among human beings, which is necessary during this current internationalized society

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this contemporary world" -> "In the contemporary world"
Explanation: Removing "this" before "contemporary world" corrects the grammatical structure, aligning with formal academic style by avoiding unnecessary articles before adjectives modifying nouns.
"keep an eye from the same TV programs" -> "watch the same TV programs"
Explanation: "Keep an eye from" is an idiomatic expression that is too informal for academic writing. "Watch" is a more direct and formal verb choice.
"listen to the equivalent music genres" -> "listen to similar music genres"
Explanation: "Equivalent" implies exact similarity, which may not be the intended meaning here. "Similar" is more appropriate for describing genres that share characteristics but are not identical.
"look through the same news" -> "read the same news"
Explanation: "Look through" is an informal expression; "read" is the more precise and formal verb for consuming news.
"has arisen a debatable topic" -> "has become a debatable topic"
Explanation: "Arisen" is not the correct verb form in this context; "become" is the correct verb to indicate the emergence of a topic.
"come at an expense of the cultural diversity loss" -> "come at the expense of cultural diversity"
Explanation: Removing "the" before "cultural diversity" corrects the grammatical structure and maintains the formal tone.
"the merits gained by communal media consumption" -> "the benefits of communal media consumption"
Explanation: "Merits" can be vague; "benefits" is a clearer and more commonly used term in academic discourse.
"the awareness of others daily lives and viewpoints are clearly acknowledged" -> "the awareness of others’ daily lives and viewpoints is clearly acknowledged"
Explanation: Adding an apostrophe to "others’" corrects the possessive form, and changing "are" to "is" agrees with the singular subject "awareness."
"a more tolerate and integrated society" -> "a more tolerant and integrated society"
Explanation: "Tolerate" should be "tolerant" to agree with the adjective form required in this context.
"give rises to" -> "give rise to"
Explanation: "Give rises to" is grammatically incorrect; "give rise to" is the correct idiomatic expression.
"global media could be interfered by some powerful corporations" -> "global media could be influenced by some powerful corporations"
Explanation: "Interfered" is not the correct verb; "influenced" is the appropriate term for describing the impact of corporations on media.
"Linking and comprehending capabilities" -> "linking and comprehension capabilities"
Explanation: "Linking" should be a gerund form "linking" to match the gerund "comprehension" and maintain grammatical consistency.
"take an interest into" -> "take an interest in"
Explanation: "Into" is incorrectly used; "in" is the correct preposition for expressing interest in something.
"This trend is able to arouse the more understanding and bond among human beings" -> "This trend is able to foster greater understanding and bonding among human beings"
Explanation: "Arouse the more understanding and bond" is awkward and incorrect; "foster greater understanding and bonding" is more precise and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt. It discusses the impacts of international media on local culture, highlighting both advantages and disadvantages. The writer acknowledges the loss of cultural diversity as a significant drawback while emphasizing the benefits of increased understanding and global community. The response is comprehensive and provides a balanced view, which is essential for a high band score.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the writer could provide more specific examples or case studies that illustrate the impacts mentioned. For instance, citing particular films or events that have fostered cross-cultural understanding or led to cultural homogenization would strengthen the argument and provide concrete evidence to support the claims.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the advantages of international media consumption outweigh the disadvantages. This is evident in the thesis statement and is consistently reinforced throughout the body paragraphs. The use of phrases like "I firmly support" and "I believe the benefits prevail" clearly conveys the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the writer could enhance the consistency of their argument by explicitly linking back to the main thesis in the conclusion. A more direct restatement of the position in the conclusion would reinforce the essay’s overall argument and ensure that the reader is left with a strong impression of the writer’s viewpoint.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several key ideas, such as the fostering of understanding among cultures and the creation of a global community. These ideas are extended with explanations and examples, such as the mention of shared media experiences during global events. However, some points could benefit from deeper exploration; for example, the discussion of cultural diversity loss could include more detail about how this manifests in specific contexts.
- How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and perhaps include statistics or studies that highlight the effects of international media on local cultures. This would not only substantiate the claims made but also demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the impacts of international media on local culture and weighing the advantages against the disadvantages. There are no significant deviations from the topic, and the writer consistently relates back to the central question.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to the main thesis. Additionally, avoiding overly complex sentence structures can help maintain clarity and ensure that the main ideas are easily understood by the reader.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and presents a well-structured argument. To achieve an even higher score, the writer should focus on providing more specific examples, reinforcing their position in the conclusion, and ensuring that all ideas are thoroughly supported and clearly articulated.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by introducing the topic and stating the writer’s position. Each body paragraph focuses on a specific point, with the first paragraph discussing the advantages of international media and the second addressing the disadvantages. The progression of ideas is coherent, as the essay moves from discussing the benefits to the drawbacks, culminating in a conclusion that reiterates the main argument. However, there are moments where the transition between points could be smoother, particularly when shifting from the advantages to the disadvantages.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the benefits, a sentence like "Despite these positive aspects, it is important to consider the potential downsides" could help guide the reader more effectively into the next section.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph focuses on the advantages, while the second addresses the disadvantages. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph, which would help the reader understand the focus of each section more readily.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences of each paragraph to clearly outline the main idea. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "One significant advantage of international media is its ability to foster cross-cultural understanding." This would provide a clear framework for the discussion that follows.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions ("although," "despite"), referencing ("this trend," "these potential demerits"), and lexical cohesion through synonyms and related terms. These devices help to maintain the flow of ideas and connect sentences and paragraphs. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied or sophisticated, particularly in linking contrasting ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more advanced linking phrases and connectors. For example, instead of repeatedly using "on the other hand," you might use "in contrast" or "alternatively" to introduce the disadvantages. Additionally, varying sentence structures can enhance cohesion; for instance, using relative clauses or participial phrases can create more complex and engaging sentences.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By focusing on smoother transitions, clearer topic sentences, and a wider range of cohesive devices, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with phrases like "prevalent and publicly recognized phenomenon," "cultural diversity loss," and "implicit shortcomings." These expressions show an ability to articulate complex ideas. However, certain terms are repeated, such as "media" and "cultural," which could limit the perceived range. For instance, using synonyms or related terms could enhance the variety.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating a broader array of vocabulary related to the topic. For example, instead of repeatedly using "media," you might use "broadcasts," "content," or "communication platforms." Additionally, using more varied adjectives and adverbs can enrich the essay’s language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "give rises to cultural diversity loss" should be "gives rise to cultural diversity loss." The term "alleviation of perspectives" is also unclear; it seems to imply a reduction in viewpoints, but "narrowing" or "diminution" would be more precise.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, it is essential to review vocabulary choices and ensure they convey the intended meaning. Using a thesaurus can help find more accurate synonyms, but be cautious of context. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy can prevent errors that affect clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy overall. However, there are a few typographical errors, such as "tolerate" instead of "tolerant," and "interfered" should be "influenced" in the context used. These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, regular practice with spelling exercises can be beneficial. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools and proofreading the essay multiple times can help catch errors before submission. Reading the essay aloud may also assist in identifying misspelled words or awkward phrasing.

In summary, while the essay showcases a solid command of vocabulary and generally meets the criteria for a Band 7 in Lexical Resource, there are areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "Although there are some considerable negative ramifications, which come at an expense of the cultural diversity loss" showcase the use of subordinate clauses effectively. Additionally, the use of transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" and "For instance" contributes to the overall coherence and flow of the argument. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be further diversified. For example, the sentence "This can help build connections and solidarity among individuals from differing cultures" could be rephrased to include more varied constructions.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more conditional sentences (e.g., "If media consumption continues to homogenize, local cultures may face greater risks") and participial phrases (e.g., "Having experienced diverse media, individuals may develop a broader worldview"). Additionally, varying the placement of clauses can create more dynamic sentence structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, "can give rises to cultural diversity loss" should be corrected to "can give rise to cultural diversity loss." Additionally, the phrase "the awareness of others daily lives and viewpoints are clearly acknowledged" contains a subject-verb agreement error; it should be "the awareness of others’ daily lives and viewpoints is clearly acknowledged." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are some areas where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which results in homogenization of content" to separate the clauses more effectively.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread for common errors, particularly with subject-verb agreement and possessive forms. Practicing sentence diagramming can help identify and correct these issues. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will aid in enhancing clarity and readability.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a clear argument with a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy. Focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will further elevate the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this contemporary world, it has become a prevalent and publicly recognized phenomenon for individuals worldwide to watch the same TV programs, listen to similar music genres, and read the same news. This tendency has given rise to a debatable topic about whether the upsides truly outweigh the drawbacks. Although there are some considerable negative ramifications, which come at the expense of cultural diversity loss, I firmly support the fact that the merits gained by communal media consumption are definitely profound.

First, one of the key advantages of this trend is that it fosters greater comprehension among numerous cultures. When citizens from different countries are exposed to the same social platforms, the awareness of others’ daily lives and viewpoints is clearly acknowledged. This, consequently, can break down existing stereotypes and prejudices, leading to a more tolerant and integrated society. Second, shared media experiences can generate a sense of global community. For instance, when people from all around the world watch a universal sporting event or read a prominent news story, it creates a common experience regardless of religious and geographic barriers. This can help build connections and solidarity among individuals from differing cultures.

On the other hand, there are some implicit shortcomings of this trend. One concern is that it can give rise to cultural diversity loss. If the public consumes the same media, there is a risk of eroding unique local cultures and traditions. Another concern is that global media could be influenced by some powerful corporations, which results in the homogenization of content and the alleviation of perspectives. Despite these potential demerits, I believe the benefits of communal media consumption prevail over the risks. Linking and comprehension capabilities between residents from different cultures are invaluable. It is crucial to take an interest in cultural assimilation, but this can be minimized by supporting diverse media sources and encouraging critical thinking about it.

In conclusion, I consider the advantages to overshadow the disadvantages. This trend is able to foster greater understanding and bonding among human beings, which is necessary in our current internationalized society.