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Fresh water is a limited resource in some parts of the world. Today, increasing demand made it a global problem. What are the causes of increasing demand? What measures can governments and individuals take to solve this problem?

Fresh water is a limited resource in some parts of the world. Today, increasing demand made it a global problem.
What are the causes of increasing demand?
What measures can governments and individuals take to solve this problem?

There has been an increasing concern about the high number of people who demand for fresh water across countries nowadays, however it is a limited resource in specific parts of the world. In the following paragraph, the reasons for this demand and solution will be outlined.

In today’s world, the number of basic equipments in our daily life requires a significant amount of water such as washing machines, dishwashers. Moreover, a large sized family also contributed to this problem. Every single member in a family needs a certain amount of water in order to wash and shower. Furthermore, nowadays we tend to use bath tub instead of taking a shower, this results in wasting a lot of fresh water.

One of the actions that we can do is raising awareness of an individual about how limited fresh water is, and also try to avoid waste water in daily life. Furthermore, governments should introduce a new policy about using fresh water such as increasing the fine if a family wastes too much water.

To sum it all, machine advancements such as dishwasher, washing machines and facilities in daily life such as bath tub, which requires a significant amount of water in order to work. To solve this issue, people should raise awareness about water resources and avoid waste water. The government can introduce new policies and limit the water that one person can use per day.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "demand for fresh water" -> "demand for fresh water"
    Explanation: The phrase "demand for fresh water" is grammatically correct and clear, but it could be more precise by specifying the type of water, such as "demand for potable water" or "demand for clean drinking water."

  2. "across countries nowadays" -> "globally"
    Explanation: "Globally" is a more concise and formal term that effectively conveys the widespread nature of the issue, replacing the less formal "across countries nowadays."

  3. "basic equipments" -> "basic appliances"
    Explanation: "Appliances" is the correct term for household devices like washing machines and dishwashers, whereas "equipments" is less commonly used and sounds less formal.

  4. "a large sized family" -> "larger families"
    Explanation: "Larger families" is grammatically correct and more formal than "a large sized family," which is awkward and unclear.

  5. "Every single member in a family needs" -> "Each member of a family requires"
    Explanation: "Each member of a family requires" is more formal and precise than "Every single member in a family needs," which is somewhat redundant and informal.

  6. "nowadays we tend to use bath tub" -> "currently, we often use bathtubs"
    Explanation: "Currently" is more formal than "nowadays," and "bathtubs" should be plural to match the context of multiple users. Additionally, "tend to use" is less formal than "often use."

  7. "wasting a lot of fresh water" -> "wasting considerable amounts of fresh water"
    Explanation: "Considerable amounts" is a more precise and formal way to describe the quantity of water wasted, replacing the vague "a lot."

  8. "raising awareness of an individual" -> "raising individual awareness"
    Explanation: "Raising individual awareness" is a more natural and formal way to express the idea of increasing awareness among individuals.

  9. "try to avoid waste water" -> "attempt to conserve water"
    Explanation: "Conserve water" is a more precise and formal term than "avoid waste water," which is grammatically incorrect and awkward.

  10. "introduce a new policy about using fresh water" -> "implement policies to conserve fresh water"
    Explanation: "Implement policies" is more specific and formal than "introduce a new policy," and "to conserve fresh water" clarifies the purpose of the policies.

  11. "increasing the fine if a family wastes too much water" -> "increasing fines for excessive water usage"
    Explanation: "Fines for excessive water usage" is more specific and formal than "increasing the fine if a family wastes too much water," which is awkward and informal.

  12. "machine advancements such as dishwasher, washing machines" -> "technological advancements such as dishwashers and washing machines"
    Explanation: "Technological advancements" is more precise and formal than "machine advancements," and "dishwashers and washing machines" should be plural to match the context.

  13. "facilities in daily life such as bath tub" -> "facilities in daily life such as bathtubs"
    Explanation: "Bathtubs" should be plural to match the context of multiple users, and "facilities" is a more formal term than "equipments."

  14. "which requires a significant amount of water in order to work" -> "which necessitate significant water usage"
    Explanation: "Necessitate significant water usage" is more concise and formal than "requires a significant amount of water in order to work," which is verbose and informal.

  15. "avoid waste water" -> "conserve water"
    Explanation: "Conserve water" is a more precise and formal term than "avoid waste water," which is grammatically incorrect and informal.

  16. "limit the water that one person can use per day" -> "regulate individual water usage per day"
    Explanation: "Regulate individual water usage" is more formal and precise than "limit the water that one person can use per day," which is awkward and informal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both parts of the prompt: the causes of increasing demand for fresh water and the measures that can be taken to mitigate this issue. However, the response is somewhat superficial and lacks depth. For instance, while it mentions household appliances and family size as causes, it does not explore other significant factors such as population growth, climate change, or agricultural demands. Similarly, the proposed solutions are limited and do not encompass a wide range of potential actions, such as technological innovations or international cooperation.
    • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should expand on the causes by including a broader range of factors. For the solutions, it would be beneficial to discuss more varied approaches, such as water conservation technologies, public education campaigns, and sustainable agricultural practices.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general position regarding the issue of fresh water demand. However, the clarity of this position is undermined by vague language and a lack of specific examples. For instance, phrases like "the number of basic equipments" are unclear and could confuse the reader about the writer’s stance. Additionally, the transition between discussing causes and solutions is abrupt and lacks a cohesive thread.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. Using clear topic sentences and transitions can help guide the reader through the argument. Providing specific examples to illustrate points will also enhance clarity.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the causes of water demand and potential solutions, but these ideas are not well-developed or supported. For example, the mention of household appliances as a cause is valid, but it could be extended by discussing how these appliances contribute to overall water consumption. The solutions proposed, such as raising awareness and imposing fines, lack elaboration on how these measures would be implemented or their potential effectiveness.
    • How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing statistics, examples, or case studies to back up claims. Additionally, discussing the implications or potential outcomes of proposed solutions would strengthen the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the demand for fresh water and potential solutions. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the concluding paragraph, which reiterates points without adding new insights. The phrase "To sum it all" suggests a summary rather than a synthesis of ideas, which can detract from the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to the main question. Avoiding repetitive phrases and instead synthesizing information in the conclusion can help reinforce the main arguments without straying from the topic.

Overall, the essay would benefit from a more thorough exploration of the prompt, clearer articulation of ideas, and stronger support for claims made. Expanding the word count while addressing these areas would likely lead to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, starting with an introduction that outlines the topic and the points to be discussed. However, the logical flow between ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the causes of increased demand for fresh water to the proposed solutions is somewhat abrupt. The causes are mentioned in the second paragraph, but the connection to the solutions in the following paragraph lacks a clear linking statement that ties the two sections together.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect causes to solutions. For example, after discussing the causes, a sentence like "Given these causes, it is essential to consider what measures can be taken to address this issue" would create a smoother transition.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs, but the structure could be more effective. The introduction is clear, but the body paragraphs could be better defined. The second paragraph combines multiple ideas about causes without clear separation, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument. Additionally, the solutions are presented in a single paragraph that could benefit from further subdivision to enhance clarity.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. For instance, separate the discussion of causes into two paragraphs: one for technological factors (like washing machines) and another for lifestyle choices (like family size and bathing habits). Similarly, the solutions could be divided into individual paragraphs for government measures and individual actions.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "moreover" and "furthermore," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel disjointed. For example, the phrase "this results in wasting a lot of fresh water" lacks a clear connection to the previous sentence, making it feel abrupt.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "in addition," "consequently," or "as a result" to show relationships between ideas more clearly. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help maintain coherence throughout the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to an improved band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some effective terms like "limited resource," "demand," and "awareness." However, the use of phrases such as "high number of people who demand for fresh water" is somewhat awkward and could be expressed more naturally. Additionally, phrases like "basic equipments" and "large sized family" are not idiomatic and detract from the overall fluency.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms and more varied expressions. For instance, instead of "high number of people," you might say "growing population" or "increasing population density." Additionally, replace "basic equipments" with "essential appliances" to improve clarity and fluency.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "demand for fresh water" should simply be "demand for fresh water" instead of "demand for fresh water across countries." The phrase "wasting a lot of fresh water" could be more effectively stated as "excessive water consumption." These inaccuracies can lead to confusion and weaken the argument.
    • How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. For example, instead of "try to avoid waste water," consider "implement strategies to minimize water waste." This not only clarifies the message but also demonstrates a more sophisticated use of language.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a good level of spelling accuracy, but there are a few errors that could impact clarity. For instance, "equipments" should be "equipment," as "equipment" is an uncountable noun. Additionally, "bath tub" should be written as "bathtub" to reflect standard spelling.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Practicing writing regularly will help reinforce correct spelling in context.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary, as well as ensuring spelling accuracy, the overall quality of the writing can be significantly enhanced.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences is limited, as seen in the opening sentence: "There has been an increasing concern about the high number of people who demand for fresh water across countries nowadays." While this sentence is grammatically correct, it could be more varied in structure. The essay primarily relies on straightforward constructions, which may hinder the overall fluency and sophistication of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that combine clauses effectively. For example, instead of saying, "Moreover, a large sized family also contributed to this problem," the writer could say, "In addition to this, larger families contribute significantly to the problem, as each member requires a substantial amount of water for daily activities." This not only adds complexity but also improves coherence.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "demand for fresh water" should be "demand for fresh water" without the preposition "for." Additionally, the sentence "this results in wasting a lot of fresh water" could be clearer if rephrased to "this results in a significant waste of fresh water." Punctuation errors, such as the missing commas in compound sentences, also affect readability. For example, "In today’s world, the number of basic equipments in our daily life requires a significant amount of water such as washing machines, dishwashers" could benefit from a comma before "such as."
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and preposition usage. Additionally, practicing the use of commas in complex sentences will enhance clarity. For example, breaking up long sentences or adding commas where necessary can help the reader follow the argument more easily. Engaging in grammar exercises and seeking feedback on writing can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt and provides relevant points, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There has been growing concern about the high demand for fresh water across countries today; however, it remains a limited resource in certain parts of the world. In the following paragraphs, the causes of this increasing demand and potential solutions will be outlined.

In today’s world, the number of basic appliances in our daily lives, such as washing machines and dishwashers, requires a significant amount of water. Moreover, larger families also contribute to this problem. Each member of a family requires a certain amount of water for washing and showering. Furthermore, currently, we often use bathtubs instead of taking showers, which results in wasting considerable amounts of fresh water.

One action that can be taken is raising individual awareness about how limited fresh water is and encouraging efforts to conserve water in daily life. Additionally, governments should implement policies to conserve fresh water, such as increasing fines for excessive water usage.

To sum up, technological advancements such as dishwashers and washing machines, along with facilities in daily life such as bathtubs, necessitate significant water usage. To address this issue, people should raise awareness about water resources and strive to conserve water. The government can introduce new policies to regulate individual water usage per day.

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