Full-time students should spend a lot of time on studies, but they should be involved in other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Some people believe that full-time students should devote a large amount of their time to learning purposes, but they also need to engage in other activities too. From my perspective view, I totally agree with this statement.
To begin with, the rapid advancement of contemporary life forces youngsters to learn an astronomical volume of knowledge related to numerous fields like economy, society, environment and so on. Therefore, students need to take a large amount of their time for studying purposes in order to have a good grasp of these lessons as well as complete all educational objectives in their classes more effectively.
However, students should allocate their time for other activities too due to some principal reasons. First and foremost, if pupils specialise only in their studying without taking part in other essential activities, it may have a deleterious effect on their health. More specifically, this gradually leads them to a sedentary lifestyle, which not only weakens their strength and vitality but also impairs their cognitive thinking. Therefore, this way of living certainly adversely affects both their mental and physical health alongside their academic outcomes. Secondly, taking part in other activities would aid students in enriching some important skills such as communication, collaboration and so on, which play a vital role on the ladder of their career in the future. Moreover, they also have a chance to apply their theoretical understanding to resolve practical issues, thus they may have a deeper insight into their areas of study as well as remember them for a long period of time. For example, by attending a running workshop, the younger generations would not only play a sport to enhance their physical health but also have a chance to communicate with other people. This supports them in developing their communication skill as well as boosting their confidence, which is one of the most imperative skills that they must be adept at using.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"devote a large amount of their time to learning purposes" -> "devote a significant portion of their time to academic pursuits"
Explanation: "Academic pursuits" is a more precise and formal term than "learning purposes," which is vague and informal. "Significant portion" is also more specific than "large amount," enhancing the academic tone.
"engage in other activities too" -> "engage in other activities as well"
Explanation: "As well" is more formal and appropriate in academic writing than "too," which can sound colloquial.
"From my perspective view" -> "From my perspective"
Explanation: "From my perspective view" is redundant. "From my perspective" is sufficient and maintains the formal tone.
"an astronomical volume of knowledge" -> "a substantial volume of knowledge"
Explanation: "Astronomical" is an exaggeration and may be seen as hyperbolic in this context. "Substantial" is more measured and appropriate for academic writing.
"take a large amount of their time for studying purposes" -> "allocate a significant amount of their time to academic pursuits"
Explanation: "Allocate" is more precise than "take," and "academic pursuits" is a more formal term than "studying purposes."
"due to some principal reasons" -> "due to several key reasons"
Explanation: "Principal" is not the correct word here; "key" is more appropriate to describe important reasons. "Several" is also more specific than "some," which is vague.
"if pupils specialise only in their studying" -> "if students focus exclusively on their studies"
Explanation: "Focus exclusively" is a more precise and formal way to describe the intensity of concentration on studies compared to "specialise only in their studying," which is awkwardly phrased.
"a deleterious effect on their health" -> "adverse effects on their health"
Explanation: "Adverse effects" is the correct plural form, as it refers to multiple negative impacts, which is more accurate in this context.
"weakens their strength and vitality" -> "weaken their physical strength and vitality"
Explanation: Adding "physical" clarifies that the strength referred to is physical, not mental or emotional, which is important for precision in academic writing.
"impairs their cognitive thinking" -> "impacts their cognitive abilities"
Explanation: "Impacts" is a more formal synonym for "impairs," and "cognitive abilities" is a more precise term than "cognitive thinking," which is somewhat vague.
"play a vital role on the ladder of their career" -> "play a vital role in their career advancement"
Explanation: "In their career advancement" is a clearer and more formal way to describe the role of skills in professional development, compared to the awkward and incorrect "on the ladder of their career."
"have a chance to apply their theoretical understanding to resolve practical issues" -> "have the opportunity to apply their theoretical knowledge to practical problems"
Explanation: "Theoretical knowledge" is more precise than "theoretical understanding," and "practical problems" is a more formal term than "practical issues."
"boosting their confidence" -> "enhancing their confidence"
Explanation: "Enhancing" is a more formal synonym for "boosting," aligning better with academic style.
"one of the most imperative skills" -> "one of the most essential skills"
Explanation: "Essential" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "imperative," which can sound slightly informal and forceful in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by acknowledging both the necessity for students to focus on their studies and the importance of engaging in other activities. The introduction clearly states the author’s agreement with the statement, and the body paragraphs provide balanced reasoning for both aspects. However, while the essay mentions the need for students to engage in other activities, it could benefit from a more explicit discussion of the extent to which this engagement is necessary.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could explicitly quantify or qualify the balance between study and other activities. For example, they could discuss specific percentages of time that should be allocated to each or provide examples of activities that complement academic learning.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently supporting the idea that both studying and other activities are essential. The phrase "I totally agree with this statement" in the introduction sets a definitive tone, and the subsequent paragraphs reinforce this viewpoint. However, the transition between the two main ideas could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and coherence, the author could use transitional phrases that explicitly link the importance of studying to the benefits of engaging in other activities. For instance, phrases like "In addition to academic success, engaging in extracurricular activities also…" would help to create a more fluid argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, particularly regarding the health implications of focusing solely on studies and the skills gained from extracurricular activities. The use of specific examples, such as attending a running workshop, effectively illustrates the points made. However, some ideas could be further extended with additional examples or elaboration.
- How to improve: To enhance the depth of the argument, the author could include more varied examples of activities beyond sports, such as volunteering or participating in clubs. Additionally, providing statistical evidence or studies that support the claims about health and skill development would strengthen the argument further.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic, discussing the balance between studying and other activities. There are no significant deviations from the main argument, and the points made are relevant to the prompt. However, the introduction could be more concise, as the phrase "the rapid advancement of contemporary life forces youngsters to learn an astronomical volume of knowledge" may distract from the central argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author could streamline the introduction by directly stating the importance of balancing studies with other activities without overly complex phrasing. This would help to keep the reader’s attention on the main argument from the outset.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the author could further enhance the clarity and depth of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument supporting the need for full-time students to balance their studies with other activities. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s perspective, and the body paragraphs logically follow this premise. The first body paragraph focuses on the necessity of dedicating time to studies, while the second emphasizes the importance of engaging in extracurricular activities. This clear division helps the reader understand the argument’s structure. However, the transition between the two main ideas could be smoother, as the shift from studying to other activities feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two ideas, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely," to signal the shift from the importance of studying to the benefits of other activities. Additionally, summarizing the key points at the end of each paragraph could reinforce the logical progression of the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph has a clear main idea: the first discusses the necessity of studying, while the second elaborates on the benefits of engaging in other activities. However, the second paragraph is somewhat lengthy and could be broken down further to enhance clarity and focus on individual points.
- How to improve: Consider dividing the second body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on health implications and the other on skill development. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve the overall clarity of the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "however," "more specifically," and "for example," which contribute to the overall coherence. These devices help link ideas and clarify relationships between sentences. However, the essay could benefit from a broader range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow and connection between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate more linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," or "consequently," to create smoother transitions between points. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help maintain cohesion and avoid repetition.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing ideas and using cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and flow of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "astronomical volume," "debilitating effect," and "collaboration." These choices reflect an understanding of the topic and an ability to express complex ideas. However, some phrases, like "the younger generations," could be simplified to "young people" for clarity and conciseness.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more varied synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "activities," you might use "extracurricular pursuits" or "enrichment opportunities." This will not only diversify the vocabulary but also demonstrate a broader lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally employs vocabulary effectively, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the ladder of their career" could be more accurately expressed as "the trajectory of their careers." Additionally, "debilitating effect" is somewhat vague; specifying how it affects health could enhance clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that precisely conveys your intended meaning. For example, instead of "impairs their cognitive thinking," you might say "hinders their cognitive development." This specificity will improve the overall clarity and impact of your arguments.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a good level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, "principal reasons" should be "principal" (as in main) instead of "principle" (as in a fundamental truth). Such errors can detract from the overall impression of proficiency.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a moment to review the essay for spelling errors, or use digital tools that can help identify mistakes. Additionally, familiarizing yourself with commonly misspelled words can be beneficial.

By addressing these areas, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria. Focus on expanding your vocabulary range, ensuring precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy to enhance the overall quality of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "if pupils specialise only in their studying without taking part in other essential activities, it may have a deleterious effect on their health" showcases an ability to convey intricate ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of "students should" and "they should," which could limit the overall range.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases or clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "students," try using participial phrases or adverbial clauses. Additionally, varying the length and complexity of sentences can create a more engaging rhythm in the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors. For example, "From my perspective view" should be corrected to "From my perspective" or "From my point of view." Additionally, the phrase "the ladder of their career" is somewhat awkward; a more natural phrasing might be "the trajectory of their careers." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could be used to improve clarity, such as before "which play a vital role" in the sentence discussing skills.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on common collocations and phrases to avoid awkward constructions. Regular practice with grammar exercises can also help reinforce correct usage. For punctuation, reviewing rules regarding the use of commas in complex sentences can enhance clarity. Reading more academic essays can provide insights into effective punctuation and structure.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, attention to variety in sentence structure and meticulous proofreading for grammatical and punctuation errors will help in achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people believe that full-time students should allocate a significant amount of their time to academic pursuits, but they also need to engage in other activities as well. From my perspective, I completely agree with this statement.

To begin with, the rapid advancement of contemporary life compels youngsters to acquire a substantial volume of knowledge related to various fields such as the economy, society, and the environment. Therefore, students need to devote a significant portion of their time to studying in order to grasp these lessons effectively and meet all educational objectives in their classes.

However, students should also allocate time for other activities due to several key reasons. First and foremost, if pupils focus exclusively on their studies without participating in other essential activities, it may have adverse effects on their health. More specifically, this can lead them to adopt a sedentary lifestyle, which not only weakens their physical strength and vitality but also impacts their cognitive abilities. Consequently, this way of living can adversely affect both their mental and physical health alongside their academic performance.

Secondly, engaging in other activities helps students develop important skills such as communication and collaboration, which play a vital role in their career advancement. Moreover, they have the opportunity to apply their theoretical knowledge to practical problems, allowing them to gain deeper insights into their areas of study and retain information for a longer period. For example, by attending a running workshop, younger generations not only engage in a sport to enhance their physical health but also have the chance to interact with others. This experience supports them in enhancing their communication skills and boosting their confidence, which is one of the most essential skills they must master.

In conclusion, while it is important for full-time students to devote a significant portion of their time to academic pursuits, engaging in other activities is equally crucial for their overall development and well-being.