Full-time students spend a lot of time studying, but some people say that they should be involved in other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Full-time students spend a lot of time studying, but some people say that they should be involved in other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Opinions are divided on whether plenty of full-time students spend their much time studying for further education. Although studying in the whole time is not truly an individual's development purpose, I believe that involving to other outside activities is a greater way to improve themselves and a more valuable measure.
On the one hand, a large amount of undergraduate students tends to determine that learning full-time at school will bring about productive outcomes. The initial reason is to get higher marks for their academic background. For example, when students can expend their a lot of time focusing on doing homework and researching various study's resources to combat difficult topics that they may face in real-world situations, then they are able to be gain useful knowledge and expand their horizons, which is highly appreciated by teachers and students can get high scores based on that. In addition, studying constantly for a while is also an advantage for learner when they have the ability to gain different varieties sources of knowledge without being confused and worried, which controls their studying abilities properly.
Nevertheless, I am convinced that there exist several benefits of participating in other activities to alleviate some diseases from learning for a long time for students, consisting of a stress or depression. The primary reason is making more social friends, the students claim that they should spend more time connecting other peers and talking to them to lessen the stressful days through short interesting conversations. Sometimes, students and their peers are the one who will help mutually in the studying path with comprehensive and intensive insights. The second point is that full-time students have a chance to be exposed to soft skills. To eleborate, numerous students make a choice of joining sports teams or art clubs to learn more about teamwork, presentation skill and how to deal with any problem step by step, which improve significantly student's academic performance as well as broaden their social knowledge.
In summary, despite learning full-time will have some certain benefits like getting high marks and controlling studying abilities, I believe that making social friends and learning more about soft skills are one of the effective methods to reduce the stress for students.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"plenty of full-time students" -> "many full-time students"
Explanation: "Plenty" is somewhat informal and vague; "many" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing. -
"spend their much time" -> "spend a significant amount of time"
Explanation: "Their much time" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "A significant amount of time" is grammatically correct and more formal. -
"involving to other outside activities" -> "engaging in other extracurricular activities"
Explanation: "Involving to" is incorrect; "engaging in" is the correct preposition for activities. "Extracurricular" is the correct term for activities outside of the main curriculum. -
"a large amount of undergraduate students" -> "many undergraduate students"
Explanation: "A large amount of" is redundant; "many" is sufficient and more concise. -
"determine that learning full-time at school will bring about productive outcomes" -> "believe that full-time learning at school yields productive outcomes"
Explanation: "Determine" implies a conclusion based on evidence, which may not be the case here; "believe" is more appropriate for expressing personal opinion. "Yields" is more formal than "bring about." -
"expend their a lot of time" -> "spend a considerable amount of time"
Explanation: "Expend their a lot of time" is awkward and informal; "spend a considerable amount of time" is grammatically correct and formal. -
"a while" -> "a period of time"
Explanation: "A while" is vague and informal; "a period of time" is more precise and formal. -
"gain different varieties sources of knowledge" -> "access diverse sources of knowledge"
Explanation: "Gain different varieties sources" is grammatically incorrect and awkward; "access diverse sources" is grammatically correct and more formal. -
"alleviate some diseases from learning for a long time" -> "mitigate the negative effects of prolonged learning"
Explanation: "Alleviate some diseases" is incorrect and unclear; "mitigate the negative effects" is precise and appropriate for academic writing. -
"making more social friends" -> "making new social connections"
Explanation: "Making more social friends" is informal and redundant; "making new social connections" is more precise and formal. -
"short interesting conversations" -> "brief engaging conversations"
Explanation: "Short interesting" is redundant; "brief engaging" is more concise and maintains the intended meaning. -
"To eleborate" -> "To elaborate"
Explanation: "Eleborate" is a typographical error; "elaborate" is the correct word. -
"make a choice of joining" -> "choose to join"
Explanation: "Make a choice of" is awkward and verbose; "choose to join" is more direct and formal. -
"improve significantly student’s academic performance" -> "significantly improve their academic performance"
Explanation: "Improve significantly student’s" is grammatically incorrect; "significantly improve their" corrects the possessive error and improves flow. -
"broaden their social knowledge" -> "expand their social knowledge"
Explanation: "Broaden" is less common in this context; "expand" is more typical and appropriate for academic writing.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the importance of studying full-time and the benefits of engaging in other activities. The writer acknowledges the value of academic achievement while also arguing for the necessity of extracurricular involvement. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit delineation of the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement. The phrase "I believe that involving to other outside activities is a greater way to improve themselves" suggests a leaning towards agreement, but it lacks a clear statement of the writer’s position regarding the balance between studying and other activities.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This could involve explicitly stating whether they fully agree, partially agree, or disagree with the notion that students should engage in activities beyond studying, thereby providing a clearer framework for the essay.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that values both studying and extracurricular activities, but it does not maintain a consistent stance throughout. The introduction suggests a belief in the importance of other activities, yet the body paragraphs present arguments for both sides without a strong emphasis on the writer’s personal stance. For instance, the phrase "I am convinced that there exist several benefits" indicates a belief in the benefits of extracurricular activities, but it is somewhat overshadowed by the detailed discussion of studying.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that their position is consistently reflected in each paragraph. This could involve using topic sentences that clearly align with their stance and summarizing how each point supports their overall argument. Additionally, reinforcing their viewpoint in the conclusion will help solidify their position.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of studying and participating in other activities. However, some points lack sufficient development and clarity. For example, the discussion about social friendships and soft skills is relevant but could be expanded with more concrete examples or evidence. The phrase "the students claim that they should spend more time connecting other peers" could be strengthened by providing specific examples of how these connections benefit students academically and personally.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more specific examples and evidence to support their claims. This could involve citing studies, statistics, or personal anecdotes that illustrate the benefits of extracurricular activities. Additionally, ensuring that each idea is fully explained and connected back to the main argument will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the balance between studying and other activities. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For instance, the phrase "which controls their studying abilities properly" is somewhat vague and does not clearly relate back to the main argument about the necessity of balancing study with other activities.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the argument. They can achieve this by regularly referring back to the prompt and ensuring that each point made is relevant to the discussion of how students should balance their time between studying and other activities. Additionally, avoiding vague language and ensuring clarity in expression will help keep the essay on topic.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, enhancing clarity, coherence, and depth of support will help to achieve a higher band score in Task Response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, while each body paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument. However, the logical progression of ideas within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of studying full-time to the advantages of engaging in other activities could be smoother. The use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "Nevertheless" helps signal shifts in perspective, but the connections between ideas within paragraphs sometimes feel abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more transitional phrases that clarify the relationship between ideas. For example, within the first body paragraph, after discussing the benefits of studying, you could add a sentence that explicitly connects these benefits to the need for balance with extracurricular activities. Additionally, ensure that each point is fully developed before moving on to the next to maintain coherence.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the overall structure is appropriate for an IELTS Task 2 essay. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that explicitly relate back to the essay prompt. The current topic sentences are somewhat vague and do not immediately indicate the paragraph’s focus.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences by clearly stating the main idea of each paragraph in relation to the prompt. For example, instead of starting the second paragraph with "Nevertheless, I am convinced that there exist several benefits of participating in other activities," you could say, "While studying full-time has its merits, engaging in extracurricular activities offers essential benefits that contribute to students’ overall well-being." This approach will help readers understand the relevance of each paragraph more quickly.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "for example," "in addition," and "to elaborate." These devices help clarify the relationships between ideas and provide examples. However, there is a reliance on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For instance, the phrase "to elaborate" is used in a way that could be varied to maintain reader interest.
- How to improve: Diversify the cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Instead of repeating "to elaborate," consider alternatives like "for instance," "specifically," or "in other words." Additionally, incorporating more complex cohesive devices, such as "furthermore" or "conversely," can enhance the sophistication of your writing. This will not only improve the flow but also demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the overall band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication in some areas. For instance, phrases like "plenty of full-time students" and "a large amount of undergraduate students" are somewhat repetitive and could be expressed more diversely. Additionally, terms such as "productive outcomes" and "useful knowledge" are quite basic and could be enhanced with more advanced synonyms or phrases.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. For example, instead of repeating "students," they could use "learners," "scholars," or "pupils." Additionally, using phrases like "academic achievements" instead of "higher marks" could elevate the language. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises could help broaden their lexical range.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "involving to other outside activities" is awkward and incorrect; it should be "involvement in other activities." Similarly, the expression "a greater way to improve themselves" could be more clearly articulated as "a more effective means of personal development."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on the correct collocations and grammatical structures. They could practice writing sentences with common phrases and seek feedback on their usage. Additionally, reviewing grammar rules related to verb forms and prepositions would be beneficial.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "eleborate" (should be "elaborate") and "learner" (should be "learners" in context). These mistakes can disrupt the flow of reading and may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help reinforce correct spelling. Engaging in regular writing practice and seeking peer reviews can also aid in identifying and correcting spelling errors before final submission.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will significantly improve the overall quality of the writing.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "Nevertheless" indicates an attempt to structure arguments clearly. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and repetitive structures, such as "students can expend their a lot of time" and "the students claim that they should spend more time connecting other peers." The overall range is somewhat limited, which affects the overall fluency and coherence of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice using different types of clauses and phrases. For example, integrating more relative clauses (e.g., "students who participate in extracurricular activities often develop better social skills") and varying sentence openings can add complexity. Additionally, using transitional phrases effectively can help in creating a smoother flow between ideas.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and issues with punctuation. For example, phrases like "plenty of full-time students spend their much time studying" should be corrected to "a lot of full-time students spend a lot of time studying." The use of "to involving" is incorrect; it should be "to be involved." There are also punctuation issues, such as missing commas that could clarify meaning, particularly in complex sentences. The phrase "which is highly appreciated by teachers and students can get high scores based on that" lacks proper punctuation to separate the two independent clauses.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors before submission can help catch mistakes that disrupt the flow of ideas. Reading more academic texts can also help the writer internalize correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.
Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and some relevant points, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the quality of the writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
Opinions are divided on whether many full-time students spend a significant amount of time studying for their education. Although studying full-time is not solely for an individual’s development, I believe that engaging in other extracurricular activities is a more effective way for students to improve themselves and a more valuable measure of their growth.
On the one hand, many undergraduate students tend to believe that full-time learning at school yields productive outcomes. The primary reason for this belief is the desire to achieve higher marks in their academic pursuits. For example, when students can spend a considerable amount of time focusing on homework and researching diverse sources of knowledge to tackle challenging topics they may encounter in real-world situations, they are able to gain useful insights and expand their horizons. This is highly appreciated by teachers, and as a result, students can achieve high scores based on their efforts. In addition, studying consistently over a period of time allows learners to access various sources of knowledge without feeling confused or overwhelmed, which helps them manage their study abilities effectively.
Nevertheless, I am convinced that there are several benefits to participating in other activities to mitigate the negative effects of prolonged learning for students, such as stress and depression. The primary reason is the opportunity to make new social connections. Students often claim that they should spend more time interacting with their peers and engaging in brief, interesting conversations to alleviate the stress of their academic workload. Sometimes, students and their peers can mutually support each other in their studies, providing comprehensive and insightful assistance. The second point is that full-time students have the chance to develop soft skills. To elaborate, numerous students choose to join sports teams or art clubs to learn more about teamwork, presentation skills, and how to approach problems step by step, which can significantly improve their academic performance as well as expand their social knowledge.
In summary, despite the fact that full-time learning has certain benefits, such as achieving high marks and managing study abilities, I believe that making social connections and acquiring soft skills are effective methods for reducing stress among students.