Gia Hao
Gia Hao
Food should only be bought from local sources. There are 2 main advantages and disadvantages for this statement.
On the one hand, food sourced locally is often more affordable than imported food. This is because the local food does not contain any taxes by the government, which is why it’s much cheaper in the market. For example, a pound of tomatoes in our local store is often more inexpensive compared to the Japanese tomatoes. Moreover, the food from the local area is usually fitted to our palette more. This is because we have been used to how our local food tastes. For instance, the taste of foreign cuisine has to be adapt to our taste in order to suitable for our palette
On the other hand, buying food from unknown local places might cause food-related health problems. There are lots of local shops in our country so we can not guarantee the quality of the food. For example there were a lot of food-poisoning cases in the past few years on the news when they eat from local places. Next, there won’t be a variety of food in our country. It is because when we only eat food sourced locally ,we won’t need any foreign food in our daily life leading to the shut down of foreign restaurants.
In conclusion, there are 2 main advantages for the preference including cheaper price, fit to our palette .The disadvantages are foodborne illnesses and limited variety .
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"There are 2 main advantages and disadvantages for this statement." -> "There are two primary advantages and disadvantages to this assertion."
Explanation: Replacing "2" with "two" corrects the numerical format to match the formal tone, and "primary" is more precise than "main" in academic writing. "Assertion" is a more formal term than "statement." -
"food sourced locally is often more affordable" -> "locally sourced food is frequently more affordable"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase to "locally sourced food" clarifies the subject and improves readability. "Frequently" is a more formal synonym for "often." -
"the local food does not contain any taxes by the government" -> "locally sourced food is not subject to government taxes"
Explanation: "Locally sourced food" is a more precise term than "the local food," and "is not subject to government taxes" is a clearer and more formal way to express the absence of taxes. -
"it’s much cheaper in the market" -> "it is significantly cheaper in the market"
Explanation: Replacing "it’s" with "it is" corrects the contraction to a full form, enhancing formality. "Significantly" is a more precise adverb than "much." -
"the food from the local area is usually fitted to our palette" -> "locally sourced food is typically suited to our palate"
Explanation: "Locally sourced food" is a more precise term, and "typically suited to our palate" is a more formal and accurate expression than "usually fitted to our palette." -
"has to be adapt to our taste" -> "must be adapted to our taste"
Explanation: "Must be adapted" corrects the verb tense and form for grammatical accuracy and formality. -
"in order to suitable for our palette" -> "to be suitable for our palate"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical structure and removes the unnecessary "in order to," which is redundant in this context. -
"buying food from unknown local places" -> "purchasing food from unfamiliar local sources"
Explanation: "Purchasing" is more formal than "buying," and "unfamiliar local sources" is a more precise and formal phrase than "unknown local places." -
"we can not guarantee the quality of the food" -> "we cannot guarantee the quality of the food"
Explanation: Corrects the contraction "can not" to "cannot" for formal writing standards. -
"there won’t be a variety of food in our country" -> "there will be limited food variety in our country"
Explanation: "There will be limited food variety" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea, and "will be" is more appropriate than "won’t be" in formal writing. -
"It is because when we only eat food sourced locally,we won’t need any foreign food in our daily life leading to the shut down of foreign restaurants." -> "This is because when we only consume locally sourced food, we may not require foreign food in our daily lives, potentially leading to the closure of foreign restaurants."
Explanation: "This is because" introduces a clearer causal relationship, and "consume" is more formal than "eat." "May not require" is more tentative and appropriate than "won’t need," and "closure" is a more formal term than "shut down."
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of sourcing food locally. However, it fails to provide a comprehensive exploration of the topic. The statement "there are 2 main advantages and disadvantages for this statement" is vague and does not clearly articulate what those advantages and disadvantages are. Furthermore, the essay does not explicitly state the prompt’s position on whether food should only be bought from local sources, which is crucial for a balanced argument.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should clearly define the advantages and disadvantages at the beginning of the essay. Each point should be elaborated with specific examples and explanations. Additionally, a more direct engagement with the prompt’s stance would enhance clarity.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear and consistent position. While it mentions both sides of the argument, it does not take a definitive stance on whether food should only be bought from local sources. Phrases like "there are 2 main advantages" do not convey a strong opinion, which can confuse the reader about the writer’s perspective.
- How to improve: The writer should state their position clearly in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. Using phrases like "I believe" or "In my opinion" can help establish a clear viewpoint. Each paragraph should link back to this position to maintain consistency.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped and lack sufficient support. For instance, the claim that local food is more affordable is not substantiated with data or a deeper analysis of why this is the case. Similarly, the mention of food poisoning cases is a valid point, but it requires more context and detail to be impactful.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed explanations and examples. Incorporating statistics, studies, or expert opinions can strengthen arguments. Additionally, expanding on each point with further elaboration will help to create a more compelling essay.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, but there are moments where the focus wavers. For example, the discussion about the taste of foreign cuisine feels somewhat tangential and does not directly support the main argument about local sourcing. The phrase "we won’t need any foreign food in our daily life" also introduces a new idea that could distract from the main focus.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central argument of whether food should be sourced locally. It may help to outline the main points before writing to ensure coherence and relevance throughout the essay.
In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on clearly addressing all parts of the prompt, presenting a definitive position, elaborating on and supporting ideas with relevant examples, and maintaining a consistent focus on the topic. Additionally, ensuring that the essay meets the required word count is essential for achieving a higher score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the advantages are presented first, followed by the disadvantages, which is a common structure. Yet, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother. The phrase "On the other hand" is used effectively, but the connection between the points could be more explicit. For example, the link between affordability and health issues is not clearly articulated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate the relationship between ideas. For example, after discussing the advantages, you could add a sentence that summarizes the benefits before introducing the disadvantages. This would help the reader understand the contrast more effectively.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. However, the paragraphs could be more developed. The first paragraph discussing advantages is somewhat brief and could benefit from additional examples or explanations. The second paragraph on disadvantages also lacks depth, particularly in the explanation of foodborne illnesses.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details. For instance, in the advantages paragraph, you could elaborate on how local food supports the economy or community. In the disadvantages paragraph, provide more specific examples of foodborne illnesses and their implications to strengthen your argument.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which are effective in contrasting ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited. There are instances where the flow between sentences could be enhanced with additional linking words or phrases. For example, the transition between the second advantage and the first disadvantage feels abrupt.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Furthermore" or "Additionally" to connect similar ideas, and "Conversely" or "In contrast" to introduce opposing points. This will create a smoother flow and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially improving the overall band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing the advantages and disadvantages of local food sourcing. Terms like "affordable," "inexpensive," "palette," and "food-related health problems" are effectively used. However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "local food" and "food sourced locally," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "local food," you might use "regional produce," "domestic food," or "homegrown ingredients." Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary related to health and economics could elevate the essay’s quality.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "fitted to our palette" should be "fitted to our palate," as "palette" refers to a range of colors used by artists. Additionally, the phrase "adapt to our taste" should be "adapted to our taste" to maintain grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, it is crucial to proofread for correct word choice and grammatical structure. Utilizing a thesaurus can help find the correct terms. Additionally, practicing writing with a focus on context can aid in selecting the most appropriate vocabulary.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, "adapt" should be "adapted," and "suitable" is misspelled as "suitable for our palette." Furthermore, "food-poisoning" should be hyphenated as "food poisoning," and "there were a lot of food-poisoning cases" could be more formally stated as "there have been numerous cases of food poisoning."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, regular practice with spelling exercises and utilizing spell-check tools can be beneficial. Reading more extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling and familiarize oneself with commonly used words. Additionally, creating a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them can be an effective strategy.
By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy—the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Food should only be bought from local sources.") and compound sentences ("On the one hand, food sourced locally is often more affordable than imported food."). However, the range is limited, and many sentences follow a similar pattern, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For instance, phrases like "This is because" are overused, leading to a lack of complexity in the argumentation.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that combine clauses effectively. For example, instead of repeatedly using "This is because," try using relative clauses or participial phrases. An example revision could be: "Food sourced locally is often more affordable than imported food, primarily due to the absence of government taxes on local produce."
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "the food does not contain any taxes by the government" is awkwardly constructed; a more accurate phrasing would be "the food is not subject to government taxes." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences. For instance, "For example there were a lot of food-poisoning cases in the past few years on the news when they eat from local places" should include a comma after "example" for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, practice identifying and correcting common errors in sentence structure and punctuation. Reading essays aloud can help catch awkward phrasing and run-on sentences. Additionally, reviewing grammar rules regarding subject-verb agreement and the use of commas in complex sentences would be beneficial. For example, revise the problematic sentence to: "For example, there have been numerous food-poisoning cases reported in the news over the past few years related to eating at local establishments."
By focusing on these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.
Bài sửa mẫu
Food should only be bought from local sources. There are two primary advantages and disadvantages to this assertion.
On the one hand, food sourced locally is often more affordable than imported food. This is because locally sourced food is not subject to government taxes, which makes it significantly cheaper in the market. For example, a pound of tomatoes in our local store is frequently less expensive compared to Japanese tomatoes. Moreover, the food from the local area is typically suited to our palate. This is because we are accustomed to the flavors of our local cuisine. For instance, the taste of foreign dishes must be adapted to be suitable for our palate.
On the other hand, purchasing food from unfamiliar local sources might lead to food-related health problems. There are numerous local shops in our country, so we cannot guarantee the quality of the food. For example, there have been many food poisoning cases reported in the news over the past few years when people ate from local establishments. Additionally, there will be limited food variety in our country. This is because when we only consume locally sourced food, we may not require foreign food in our daily lives, potentially leading to the closure of foreign restaurants.
In conclusion, there are two main advantages to this preference, including lower prices and suitability to our palate. The disadvantages are the risk of foodborne illnesses and limited variety.