Given that all kinds of products are worldwide available, the distinction between nations is gradually evaporating. This essay attempts to shed light on the merits and demerits of this tendency before concluding it is positive.

On the one hand, the ability to purchase any item, no matter the recent geographic location somewhat has an adverse effect. Particularly, it could lose the countries’ identities. Since youngsters nowadays mostly have an intensive preference for following alien and fashionable trends, such as clothes and life-style, which would be facilitated more through this tendency,,so far there have been many young people ,whose population might account for the major population rate of the world, given to immerse themselves into foreign practices and neglecting their national cultures, leading to national identity becoming blurred among other countries .

However, there are a variety of compelling reasons as to why I believe that people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world is supportive advancement. One rationale is that this phenomenon could assist residents enhance the quality of their life. To illustrate,this development enables them to reach and consume a source of high-standard products, involving food, clothes,medicine, and household appliances, contributing to health improvement,one of crucial factors that high-quality life is attributed to. Another justification is that it might be a boost to the economy. This is because if the domestic products are accessible globally, not only they but also their brand would have more opportunities to approach both domestic and overseas consumers, leading to increased sales and higher profits, which would act as a precursor to a thriving economy.

In conclusion, while the widespread sale of goods somewhat could cause a detrimental consequence, I would contend that it is a hopeful development.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"somewhat has an adverse effect" -> "has a somewhat adverse effect"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. The revised version corrects the prepositional phrase to improve the sentence structure and maintain formal tone.
"lose the countries’ identities" -> "erode the identities of countries"
Explanation: The term "lose" is too informal and vague in this context. "Erode" is more precise and academically appropriate, suggesting a gradual deterioration of national identities.
"youngsters nowadays mostly have an intensive preference" -> "young people today often exhibit a strong preference"
Explanation: "Youngsters" is somewhat informal and "nowadays" is conversational. "Young people" and "today" are more formal and precise. "Exhibit" is also more academic than "have."
"which would be facilitated more through this tendency" -> "which is facilitated more by this trend"
Explanation: "Facilitated more through" is awkward and unclear. "Facilitated by" is more direct and appropriate for formal writing.
"whose population might account for the major population rate of the world" -> "whose population may comprise a significant proportion of the global population"
Explanation: "Population rate" is incorrect and unclear. "Comprise a significant proportion of the global population" is more precise and formal.
"given to immerse themselves" -> "tend to immerse themselves"
Explanation: "Given to" is incorrect in this context. "Tend to" is the correct phrase for indicating a habitual action.
"neglecting their national cultures" -> "neglecting their national cultural heritage"
Explanation: "Cultural heritage" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "cultures," emphasizing the historical and collective aspects of cultural identity.
"people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world is supportive advancement" -> "the ability of people to purchase the same products worldwide is a supportive advancement"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version clarifies the subject and improves the flow of the sentence.
"enhance the quality of their life" -> "improve the quality of their lives"
Explanation: "Enhance" is less specific than "improve," and "lives" should be plural to match the generalization implied.
"involving food, clothes,medicine, and household appliances" -> "including food, clothing, medicine, and household appliances"
Explanation: "Involving" is less precise than "including," which is more appropriate for listing items.
"one of crucial factors that high-quality life is attributed to" -> "one crucial factor contributing to high-quality life"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and grammatically incorrect. The revision clarifies the relationship between the factor and high-quality life.
"it might be a boost to the economy" -> "it could be an economic boost"
Explanation: "It might be a boost" is informal and vague. "It could be an economic boost" is more formal and precise.
"not only they but also their brand would have more opportunities" -> "not only they but also their brands would have more opportunities"
Explanation: "Their brand" should be plural to match the generalization implied, and "brands" is more appropriate than "brand" in this context.
"leading to increased sales and higher profits, which would act as a precursor to a thriving economy" -> "resulting in increased sales and higher profits, thereby contributing to a thriving economy"
Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat informal and lacks precision. The revision clarifies the causal relationship and uses more formal language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the merits and demerits of the global availability of products. The introduction clearly states the intention to explore both sides before concluding with a positive stance. However, the exploration of the demerits is somewhat limited and lacks depth. For instance, the discussion on the loss of national identity could be expanded with more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides are explored more thoroughly. This could involve providing additional examples of how national identities are being affected and elaborating on the potential consequences of this trend. Furthermore, including a counterargument or acknowledging potential criticisms of the positive aspects could create a more balanced discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the global availability of products is ultimately positive. This is evident in the conclusion, which reaffirms this stance. However, the transition between discussing the negative aspects and the positive aspects could be smoother. The phrase "However, there are a variety of compelling reasons…" serves as a transition but could be more explicitly linked to the previous point to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer should use more explicit transition phrases that connect the negative and positive points. For example, after discussing the demerits, the writer could introduce the merits with a phrase like "Despite these concerns, there are significant advantages to consider…" This would help reinforce the overall argument and maintain a clear position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the impact on national identity and the benefits of improved quality of life and economic growth. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the point about enhancing quality of life could benefit from more specific examples of high-standard products and their direct impact on individuals or communities. Additionally, the economic argument could be supported with data or examples of countries that have benefited from global product availability.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples, data, or case studies. This could involve discussing particular products that have improved lives or citing statistics about economic growth in countries with global access to markets. More detailed explanations will make the arguments more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of worldwide product availability. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the phrase "the ability to purchase any item, no matter the recent geographic location somewhat has an adverse effect" could be clearer in its connection to the overall topic, as it introduces ambiguity regarding what is meant by "recent geographic location."
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence directly relates to the main topic of the essay. This can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and ensuring that they contribute to the overall argument. Additionally, avoiding vague phrases and ensuring that each point made is directly linked to the implications of global product availability will help keep the essay on topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear argument. By addressing the areas for improvement outlined above, the writer can enhance the depth, clarity, and persuasiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the adverse effects of globalization on national identity to the benefits of product availability is somewhat abrupt. The first body paragraph focuses on the negative aspects, while the second jumps directly to the positive without a clear transition or linking sentence that ties the two ideas together.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that indicate a shift in perspective, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely." Additionally, summarizing the main point of the first paragraph before moving to the next could help reinforce the connection between the two sides of the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with one paragraph dedicated to the negative aspects and another to the positive aspects. However, the paragraphs could be more clearly defined. For example, the first paragraph is lengthy and contains multiple ideas that could be broken down into smaller, more focused paragraphs. This would enhance readability and allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
- How to improve: Aim to create more distinct paragraphs by focusing on a single idea per paragraph. For instance, the first paragraph could be split into two: one discussing the loss of national identity and the other addressing the influence of foreign trends on youth culture. This would allow for clearer development of each point and improve overall coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however" and "particularly," but there is a limited range of cohesive devices used throughout. The repetition of certain phrases and the lack of variety in linking words can make the writing feel somewhat monotonous. For example, the phrase "this phenomenon" is used multiple times without variation, which detracts from the overall cohesiveness of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "furthermore," "in addition," or "consequently" to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, varying sentence structures can help maintain reader interest and improve the overall flow of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices could elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion. Focusing on these areas will enhance clarity and readability, ultimately leading to a more effective argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "adverse effect," "alien and fashionable trends," and "compelling reasons." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks the sophistication expected at higher band scores. For instance, the phrase "high-standard products" could be varied with alternatives like "premium products" or "quality goods." Additionally, phrases like "leading to national identity becoming blurred" could benefit from more varied expressions to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should actively incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. Engaging with a thesaurus and practicing paraphrasing can help diversify language use. For example, instead of repeating "products," the writer could use "merchandise," "goods," or "items" in different contexts throughout the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the ability to purchase any item, no matter the recent geographic location" is awkwardly constructed and could be simplified to "the ability to purchase any item regardless of geographic location." Additionally, the term "intensive preference" is not commonly used; "strong preference" would be more appropriate. The phrase "leading to national identity becoming blurred among other countries" also lacks clarity and could be articulated more precisely.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. Reading more academic essays and noting how authors choose their words can provide insights into precise language use. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and conciseness will also help in this area.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors, such as "life-style" (which should be "lifestyle") and "whose population might account for the major population rate of the world" (which could be rephrased for clarity). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the double commas in "this tendency,," which detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should develop a habit of proofreading their work before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can enhance spelling skills over time.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By actively expanding vocabulary, focusing on precise language use, and implementing effective proofreading strategies, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the writer employs both simple and complex sentences, such as "On the one hand, the ability to purchase any item, no matter the recent geographic location somewhat has an adverse effect." However, the complexity of some sentences leads to confusion, as seen in "which would be facilitated more through this tendency,,so far there have been many young people ,whose population might account for the major population rate of the world, given to immerse themselves into foreign practices and neglecting their national cultures." This sentence is convoluted and could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences more effectively. For example, breaking down overly complex sentences into shorter, clearer ones can enhance readability. Additionally, incorporating varied sentence beginnings and using different conjunctions can help create a more engaging flow. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "this" or "that," the writer could begin with an adverbial phrase or a dependent clause to add variety.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "no matter the recent geographic location somewhat has an adverse effect" is awkwardly constructed. There are also punctuation errors, such as the double commas in "tendency,,so far" and the lack of spaces after commas, which disrupt the flow of reading. Additionally, the phrase "leading to national identity becoming blurred among other countries" could be more clearly expressed.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. For example, the phrase "the countries’ identities" should be revised to "the identity of countries" for clarity. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly focusing on common error patterns, can be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should review the rules regarding comma usage, ensuring that commas are used to separate clauses appropriately and that there are no unnecessary repetitions. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for revisions that improve clarity and coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at using varied grammatical structures, it requires more clarity and accuracy in both grammar and punctuation to achieve a higher band score. Regular practice and revision can significantly enhance the writer’s skills in these areas.

Bài sửa mẫu

On the one hand, the ability to purchase any item, no matter the recent geographic location, somewhat has an adverse effect. Particularly, it could erode the identities of countries. Since youngsters nowadays often exhibit a strong preference for following alien and fashionable trends, such as clothes and lifestyle, which is facilitated more by this trend, there have been many young people, whose population may comprise a significant proportion of the global population, who tend to immerse themselves in foreign practices and neglect their national cultural heritage, leading to national identity becoming blurred among other countries.

However, there are a variety of compelling reasons why I believe that the ability to buy the same products anywhere in the world is a supportive advancement. One rationale is that this phenomenon could assist residents in improving the quality of their lives. To illustrate, this development enables them to access and consume high-standard products, including food, clothing, medicine, and household appliances, contributing to health improvement, which is one crucial factor contributing to a high-quality life. Another justification is that it could be an economic boost. This is because if domestic products are accessible globally, not only would they but also their brands have more opportunities to approach both domestic and overseas consumers, resulting in increased sales and higher profits, thereby contributing to a thriving economy.

In conclusion, while the widespread sale of goods could somewhat cause a detrimental consequence, I would contend that it is a hopeful development.