Global warming is one of the biggest threats human face in 21st century, and sea levels are continuing to rise at alarming rates. What problems are associated with this and what are some possible solutions.

In today’s world, global warming is always an adverse issue that human are facing, besides, the sea levels tend to rise at urgent rates. Although there will undoubtedly be some negative consequences of this trend, societies can take steps to mitigate these potential problems.
The 2 main factors leading to this problem are pollution and deforestation. First of all, pollution is caused by people’s awareness. More specifically, numerous of factories and industrial parks emit fuel wastes or smoke into the environment, which means the air is no longer fresh because CO2 gas accounts for the majority. The second cause is that humans now are trying to destroy forests by cutting down trees, deforestation is due to agricultural expansion, wood extraction, and infrastructure expansion such as road building and urbanization. As a result, the ozone layer is broken more detrimentally and climate change is getting worse. These factors have made ice melts uncontrollably, which why sea levels continue to rise.
There are several actions that government could take to solve the problems described above. To begin with, a simple solution would be to raise human’s awareness through education. In these days, children at the age from 6 to 18 have an intention to realize whether what they are doing is wrong or right, so they could probably memorize the importance of protecting the environment. Another solution will be for governments to encourage people to stop cutting down forests and to plant more trees, moreover, they should propose strict financial laws about illegal deforestation.
In conclusion, various measures can be taken to tackle the problems that are certain to stop the rise of sea levels as soon as possible.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"always an adverse issue that human are facing" -> "a persistent challenge that humans are facing"
Explanation: Replacing "always an adverse issue that human are facing" with "a persistent challenge that humans are facing" maintains formality and clarity. The word "adverse" is suitable but is better utilized in specific contexts rather than a general description of the issue. Additionally, "humans" is the correct plural form rather than "human".
"the sea levels tend to rise at urgent rates" -> "sea levels are rising at alarming rates"
Explanation: "Tend to rise at urgent rates" is imprecise and lacks the necessary severity to convey the urgency of the situation. Replacing it with "are rising at alarming rates" maintains the gravity of the issue while improving clarity and formality.
"there will undoubtedly be some negative consequences" -> "there will undoubtedly be adverse consequences"
Explanation: While "negative consequences" is appropriate, "adverse consequences" is more formal and aligns better with academic style. This change enhances the sophistication of the language without sacrificing clarity.
"The 2 main factors" -> "The two primary factors"
Explanation: Replacing "2" with "two" adheres to formal writing conventions by using words instead of numerals for small numbers. Additionally, "primary" is a more precise term than "main" in this context.
"First of all" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "First of all" is more colloquial, whereas "Firstly" is more suitable for academic writing. It maintains the sequential structure while improving formality.
"pollution is caused by people’s awareness" -> "pollution is caused by human activities"
Explanation: The phrase "pollution is caused by people’s awareness" is unclear and doesn’t accurately represent the cause of pollution. "Human activities" is a more accurate and formal term to describe the source of pollution.
"numerous of factories" -> "numerous factories"
Explanation: "Numerous of" is incorrect; "numerous" is sufficient on its own to convey the idea of multiple factories. Removing "of" improves clarity and conciseness.
"which means the air is no longer fresh because CO2 gas accounts for the majority" -> "resulting in degraded air quality due to the predominance of CO2 emissions"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks precision and is overly simplistic. By replacing it with a more detailed explanation, the sentence becomes clearer and more academically appropriate.
"humans now are trying to destroy forests" -> "human activities are contributing to deforestation"
Explanation: "Trying to destroy forests" is vague and lacks specificity. "Contributing to deforestation" accurately describes human actions without oversimplification.
"As a result, the ozone layer is broken more detrimentally" -> "Consequently, the ozone layer is depleted at an accelerated rate"
Explanation: "Broken more detrimentally" is awkward and unclear. "Depleted at an accelerated rate" conveys the idea more precisely and maintains a formal tone.
"which why sea levels continue to rise" -> "which is why sea levels continue to rise"
Explanation: Adding "is" corrects the grammatical structure of the sentence, making it clearer and more coherent.
"government could take" -> "governments could take"
Explanation: "Government" should be pluralized to match the plural noun "governments." This maintains grammatical consistency within the sentence.
"raise human’s awareness" -> "raise awareness among the populace"
Explanation: "Raise human’s awareness" is awkward and imprecise. "Raise awareness among the populace" is clearer and more formal.
"children at the age from 6 to 18 have an intention" -> "children aged 6 to 18 are inclined"
Explanation: "Children at the age from 6 to 18 have an intention" is unclear and awkward. "Children aged 6 to 18 are inclined" is more precise and maintains formality.
"to realize whether what they are doing is wrong or right" -> "to discern the ethical implications of their actions"
Explanation: "Realize whether what they are doing is wrong or right" is verbose and unclear. "Discern the ethical implications of their actions" is more concise and academically appropriate.
"stop cutting down forests" -> "halt deforestation"
Explanation: "Stop cutting down forests" is somewhat informal. "Halt deforestation" is a more formal and precise term.
"strict financial laws" -> "stringent financial regulations"
Explanation: "Strict financial laws" is somewhat informal. "Stringent financial regulations" is a more formal and precise term.
"certain to stop the rise of sea levels" -> "aimed at mitigating sea level rise"
Explanation: "Certain to stop the rise of sea levels" is overly optimistic and lacks precision. "Aimed at mitigating sea level rise" is a more accurate and formal expression of the intended outcome.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both the problems associated with global warming and rising sea levels, as well as potential solutions. It discusses pollution and deforestation as key factors contributing to these issues and proposes raising awareness and implementing stricter laws as solutions.
- How to improve: The essay could improve in comprehensively addressing all parts of the question by providing more specific examples and elaborating further on the problems associated with rising sea levels and the potential consequences. Additionally, it could offer a more detailed discussion on the proposed solutions, including how they would effectively address the identified problems.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that global warming and rising sea levels are significant problems that require attention. It presents pollution and deforestation as causes and suggests raising awareness and implementing stricter laws as solutions.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the essay could strengthen its thesis statement to clearly outline the stance taken. Additionally, it could reinforce this position throughout the essay by consistently linking evidence and examples back to the central argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the causes of global warming and rising sea levels, as well as potential solutions. However, the development and support of these ideas are limited. For instance, while pollution and deforestation are mentioned as causes, there is little elaboration or evidence provided to support these claims.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation, extension, and support of ideas, the essay could incorporate specific examples, data, or statistics to bolster its arguments. Additionally, providing more in-depth analysis and explanation would strengthen the overall coherence and persuasiveness of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by addressing the problems associated with global warming and rising sea levels, as well as potential solutions. However, there are some instances where the focus could be tighter. For example, the brief mention of the ozone layer may slightly deviate from the central theme.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the essay could ensure that every point made directly contributes to the discussion of global warming and rising sea levels. Any tangential topics should be either omitted or more closely linked to the main argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, clarity of position, and staying completely on topic. Strengthening these aspects would likely result in a more cohesive and persuasive response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of organization, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes and solutions, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas within paragraphs and between paragraphs could be improved for better coherence. For instance, the transition between discussing pollution and deforestation is somewhat abrupt, lacking a smooth segue. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more explicit thesis statement to guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider structuring the essay more clearly. Start each body paragraph with a topic sentence that previews the main idea, then use supporting details and examples to develop that idea coherently. Ensure that transitions between ideas are smooth and logical to create a seamless flow of information. Finally, strengthen the thesis statement to succinctly outline the main points of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to separate distinct ideas, including separate paragraphs for discussing causes and solutions. However, there are opportunities to improve paragraph structure and coherence. Some paragraphs lack unity, with ideas that could be better grouped together, while others contain multiple ideas that could be expanded into separate paragraphs for clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on maintaining unity within paragraphs by ensuring that each paragraph revolves around a single main idea or point of argument. Consider breaking up longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve readability and emphasize individual ideas. Additionally, utilize topic sentences to clearly introduce the main point of each paragraph and ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transition words like "first of all" and "in conclusion," to connect ideas and indicate the progression of thought. However, there is limited variety and sophistication in their use, leading to some repetition and a lack of fluidity in the essay’s structure.
- How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices used throughout the essay to create a smoother and more coherent argument. Incorporate a range of transition words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," and "on the other hand," to signal different types of relationships between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns, demonstratives, and referencing words to clarify connections between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing the overall cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "global warming," "pollution," "deforestation," "ozone layer," "climate change," "urbanization," "education," "illegal deforestation," among others. However, some of the vocabulary usage lacks precision or variety, leading to occasional repetition and simplistic language choices.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, strive for greater diversity and sophistication in vocabulary selection. For instance, instead of repeatedly using general terms like "problem" or "solution," explore synonyms or more specific descriptors to convey nuances effectively. Additionally, incorporate domain-specific terminology related to environmental science and policy to enrich the essay’s lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay employs some vocabulary with relative precision, there are instances of imprecise or inappropriate word choices. For instance, using "adverse" to describe global warming is technically correct but lacks the specificity and impact of terms like "dire" or "grave." Similarly, phrases like "raise human’s awareness" could be refined to "enhance public awareness" for clearer expression.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision by selecting words that precisely convey intended meanings and nuances. Utilize synonyms and context-appropriate terminology to avoid repetition and ensure clarity. Consider the connotations and subtleties of words to enhance the sophistication and effectiveness of expression.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate level of spelling accuracy, with several instances of misspellings and grammatical errors. Examples include "adverse" instead of "adversely," "detrementally" instead of "detrimentally," "strict financial laws about illegal deforestation" instead of "strict financial laws against illegal deforestation," among others.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, implement strategies such as proofreading, spell-checking tools, and vocabulary expansion. Practice writing exercises focusing on commonly misspelled words and grammatical rules. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing writing resources to identify and correct errors effectively.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable effort in addressing the prompt, refining vocabulary usage for precision and accuracy can significantly elevate the quality and coherence of the response. Continued practice and attention to detail in lexical selection and spelling will contribute to enhanced clarity and effectiveness in conveying ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a moderate range of sentence structures. There is an attempt to vary sentence structures, but it is limited. For instance, simple sentences dominate the essay, with occasional complex and compound sentences. There is a lack of variety in sentence beginnings, and some sentences are overly repetitive, diminishing the overall variety and fluency of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and overall effectiveness of the essay, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures such as complex and compound-complex sentences. Introduce variety in sentence beginnings to avoid monotony and repetition. This can be achieved through the use of introductory phrases, dependent clauses, or participial phrases.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar and punctuation usage. However, there are notable instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies throughout the essay. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("human are facing"), articles ("an adverse issue"), and prepositions ("to realize whether what they are doing is wrong or right"). Punctuation errors include missing commas in compound sentences and improper use of apostrophes ("governments", "human’s").
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, it is essential to pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and prepositions. Reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction can help improve accuracy. Additionally, proofreading essays for punctuation errors, especially in compound sentences, and learning the appropriate use of apostrophes can contribute to overall improvement in writing mechanics.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s world, global warming persists as a significant challenge that humans are facing, with sea levels rising at alarming rates. Although there will undoubtedly be adverse consequences of this trend, societies can take steps to mitigate these potential problems.

The two primary factors contributing to this issue are pollution and deforestation. Firstly, pollution is primarily caused by human activities. Specifically, numerous factories and industrial parks emit harmful pollutants into the environment, resulting in degraded air quality due to the predominance of CO2 emissions. Secondly, human activities such as deforestation contribute to the depletion of the ozone layer at an accelerated rate, exacerbating climate change and leading to uncontrollable ice melts, hence the continued rise in sea levels.

There are several actions that governments could take to address the problems described above. Firstly, they could raise awareness among the populace through education. Children aged 6 to 18 are inclined to discern the ethical implications of their actions, making them receptive to understanding the importance of environmental protection. Additionally, governments could implement measures to halt deforestation and promote afforestation. This could involve stringent financial regulations aimed at mitigating sea level rise, including penalties for illegal deforestation and incentives for reforestation efforts.

In conclusion, various measures can be taken to tackle the problems associated with global warming and rising sea levels. By implementing these solutions, we can work towards mitigating the adverse effects of climate change and safeguarding our environment for future generations.