Government should focus their spending on public services rather than on arts such as music and painting. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that governments should prioritise funding for public services over arts such as music and painting. I disagree with this opinion as I believe that both fields should receive equal attention from authorities.

On the one hand, investing in public services can foster the development of the country and boost the living standard of citizens. For example, funding for thoroughfares can increase the efficiency of transportation and reduce logistic costs, thereby increasing the competitive advantages of production section of the country. Moreover, developing healthcare systems can also benefit the citizens' overall well-being because they can access high quality illness treatments. In addition, investing in education sectors can increase the quality of human resources in the country, contributing to the sustainable development of the country.

Opponents of investing in arts often underscore that investing in arts can only be beneficial for art lovers, while investing in public sectors can benefit more people. However, I would argue that proper investment in arts such as music and painting can develop the country and its inhabitants significantly. For example, Korea's appropriate funding for music contributes to the prolification of K-pop culture around the world, making millions of people willing to pay a large amount money to take part in K-pop concerts. The revenue from these performances contributes significantly to the GDP of this country, making it one of the most robust economies in Asia, hence its citizen's living standard also increases.

In conclusion, I acknowledge that investing in public services is essential for the development of the countries and the citizens' living standard. However, art sector also need to be prioritized equally as it also beneficial for the countries and their citizens.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is often argued" -> "It is frequently contended"
Explanation: "Frequently contended" is a more formal and precise term that enhances the academic tone of the sentence, replacing the more casual "often argued."
"I disagree with this opinion" -> "I oppose this viewpoint"
Explanation: "Oppose" is a more formal synonym for "disagree," and "viewpoint" is a more precise term than "opinion" in academic writing.
"as I believe" -> "as I contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal verb that aligns better with the academic style, replacing the more conversational "believe."
"investing in public services can foster" -> "investing in public services fosters"
Explanation: Changing "can foster" to "fosters" makes the statement more definitive and assertive, which is preferred in academic writing.
"boost the living standard of citizens" -> "enhance the standard of living for citizens"
Explanation: "Enhance the standard of living" is a more formal and precise phrase than "boost the living standard."
"funding for thoroughfares" -> "funding for infrastructure"
Explanation: "Infrastructure" is a more specific and formal term than "thoroughfares," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"reduce logistic costs" -> "reduce logistical costs"
Explanation: "Logistical" is the correct adjective form to describe costs related to logistics, improving the grammatical accuracy.
"increasing the competitive advantages" -> "enhancing the competitive advantages"
Explanation: "Enhancing" is a more precise verb than "increasing" in this context, suggesting a more nuanced improvement.
"developing healthcare systems can also benefit" -> "developing healthcare systems also benefits"
Explanation: Similar to earlier, "benefits" should be used as a singular verb to match the singular subject "healthcare systems."
"investing in education sectors" -> "investing in the education sector"
Explanation: "The education sector" is grammatically correct and more precise than "education sectors," which is plural and incorrect.
"Opponents of investing in arts" -> "Critics of investing in the arts"
Explanation: "Critics" is a more formal term than "opponents," and "the arts" is the correct form to refer to the arts as a singular entity.
"Korea’s appropriate funding for music" -> "Korea’s strategic investment in music"
Explanation: "Strategic investment" is a more formal and precise term than "appropriate funding," which is somewhat vague.
"prolification" -> "proliferation"
Explanation: "Proliferation" is the correct term, not "prolification," which is a typographical error.
"making millions of people willing to pay a large amount money" -> "encouraging millions of people to pay substantial amounts"
Explanation: "Encouraging" is a more precise verb than "making," and "substantial amounts" is a more formal expression than "a large amount money."
"hence its citizen’s living standard also increases" -> "thereby contributing to an increase in the citizens’ standard of living"
Explanation: "Thereby contributing to an increase in the citizens’ standard of living" is a more formal and precise way to express the causal relationship.
"art sector also need to be prioritized equally" -> "the arts sector also needs to be prioritized equally"
Explanation: "Needs" should be singular to match the singular subject "the arts sector," and "needs" is more formal than "need."
"it also beneficial for the countries and their citizens" -> "it is also beneficial for the countries and their citizens"
Explanation: Adding "is" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence grammatically complete and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the notion that government spending should solely focus on public services. The author argues for equal attention to both public services and the arts, effectively covering the key aspects of the question. However, while the essay mentions both sides, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the arguments for prioritizing public services, as well as a more robust defense of the arts.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should consider providing more detailed examples and arguments for why public services are crucial, alongside the benefits of arts funding. This could involve discussing potential consequences of neglecting the arts or providing statistics that illustrate the impact of arts funding on society.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the idea that public services should be prioritized over the arts. The author consistently argues for equal funding, which is commendable. However, the position could be reinforced by more explicitly stating the implications of this stance in the introduction and conclusion, ensuring that the reader is reminded of the central argument throughout.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the author could reiterate the main argument in each paragraph and ensure that each point made ties back to the central thesis. A more explicit statement of the position in the conclusion would also help solidify the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of public services and the economic impact of arts funding, but some points lack depth. For instance, the discussion on public services could be expanded with more specific examples or data to support claims about their importance. The example of K-pop is a strong point, but it could be further elaborated to demonstrate a broader cultural impact.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point. This could involve discussing how arts funding can lead to social cohesion or community development, as well as providing more comprehensive data or case studies to support claims.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt effectively. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For example, the transition between discussing public services and arts funding could be smoother, as the shift may momentarily confuse the reader about the central argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main argument. Using topic sentences that reflect the paragraph’s contribution to the overall argument can help guide the reader and maintain coherence throughout the essay. Additionally, avoiding overly broad statements that stray from the prompt will help keep the essay tightly focused.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The first body paragraph effectively outlines the benefits of investing in public services, while the second body paragraph counters the opposing viewpoint by discussing the merits of arts funding. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the shift from public services to arts could be better signposted to enhance logical progression.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly link the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing public services, you could introduce the next paragraph with a phrase like, "While public services are undeniably important, the arts also play a crucial role in national development." This would help guide the reader through your argument more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction clearly states the writer’s stance, and each body paragraph develops a distinct point. However, the conclusion could be more robust; it merely restates the main ideas without synthesizing them or offering a final thought that ties back to the prompt.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs and reiterating the importance of balancing investment in both public services and the arts. A concluding sentence that reflects on the broader implications of this balance could enhance the overall impact of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand," "moreover," and "however," which help to clarify relationships between ideas. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive. For example, the phrase "investing in" is used frequently without variation.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms or alternative phrases to express similar ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "investing in," you could use "allocating funds to" or "supporting initiatives in." Additionally, incorporating more complex cohesive devices, such as "in contrast" or "consequently," can enhance the sophistication of the writing and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing the benefits of public services and the arts. Phrases such as "boost the living standard," "competitive advantages," and "sustainable development" show an ability to use topic-specific vocabulary effectively. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "investing" and "development" could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader array of synonyms and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "investing," alternatives like "allocating funds," "supporting," or "financing" could be employed. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enrich the text (e.g., "significant investment" instead of just "investment").
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are some imprecise usages that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the competitive advantages of production section of the country" is awkward and unclear. The term "prolification" is also a misspelling of "proliferation," which detracts from the precision of the vocabulary used.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should carefully review word choices and ensure they convey the intended meaning. For example, rephrasing "the competitive advantages of production section of the country" to "the competitive advantages of the country’s production sector" would clarify the meaning. Additionally, proofreading for spelling errors, such as correcting "prolification" to "proliferation," will improve overall precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "prolification" and "citizen’s living standard," which should be "citizens’ living standards." These errors can undermine the overall impression of the writing and may distract the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools before submission. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and maintaining a list of frequently used vocabulary can help reinforce correct spelling in future writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with a Band score of 7, there are areas for improvement in lexical range, precision, and spelling. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise word usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "investing in public services can foster the development of the country and boost the living standard of citizens." This showcases the ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way arguments are presented, which can detract from the overall sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words to signal shifts in argument or perspective. For example, using phrases like "In addition to this," or "Conversely," could help to create more dynamic sentence beginnings. Additionally, experimenting with different ways to combine ideas, such as using participial phrases or conditional clauses, could further diversify sentence construction.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a solid command of grammar and punctuation, but there are notable errors that affect clarity and professionalism. For example, the phrase "the competitive advantages of production section of the country" should be corrected to "the competitive advantages of the production sector in the country." There are also punctuation issues, such as missing commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences or confusion in meaning. The phrase "making millions of people willing to pay a large amount money" should be "a large amount of money," indicating a missing preposition.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly with articles and prepositions. Practicing sentence diagramming could help in identifying and correcting complex structures. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in compound and complex sentences, would enhance clarity. Reading more academic essays can also provide insight into proper grammatical usage and punctuation.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is often argued that governments should prioritize funding for public services over the arts, such as music and painting. I oppose this viewpoint, as I contend that both fields should receive equal attention from authorities.

On the one hand, investing in public services can foster the development of the country and enhance the standard of living for citizens. For example, funding for thoroughfares can increase the efficiency of transportation and reduce logistical costs, thereby enhancing the competitive advantages of the production sector of the country. Moreover, developing healthcare systems can also benefit the citizens’ overall well-being because they can access high-quality illness treatments. In addition, investing in the education sector can improve the quality of human resources in the country, contributing to the sustainable development of the nation.

Critics of investing in the arts often underscore that such investments can only be beneficial for art lovers, while investing in public services can benefit more people. However, I would argue that proper investment in the arts, such as music and painting, can develop the country and its inhabitants significantly. For example, Korea’s strategic investment in music contributes to the proliferation of K-pop culture around the world, encouraging millions of people to pay substantial amounts to take part in K-pop concerts. The revenue from these performances contributes significantly to the GDP of this country, making it one of the most robust economies in Asia; hence, its citizens’ living standards also increase.

In conclusion, I acknowledge that investing in public services is essential for the development of countries and the living standards of their citizens. However, the arts sector also needs to be prioritized equally, as it is also beneficial for the countries and their citizens.