Government should make people responsible for looking after their own local environment. Agree or disagree?
Government should make people responsible for looking after their own local environment. Agree or disagree?
In recent years, the environment has been increasingly susceptible to human factors, which require a detailed plan to address this problem. Some suggest that giving responsibility for looking after the local environment to residents is beneficial and should be done. Personally, I totally agree with this suggestion due to some major reasons that are explained in this essay.
To begin with, individuals who are responsible for their own area can have better local impact awareness and cost-effective solutions. As local residents are familiar with their surroundings due to long periods of living, they are more likely to grasp the issues affecting their immediate vicinity. These people then can quickly report them to the authorities to provide help efficiently or join hands with neighbors to tackle it immediately. Therefore, local initiatives led by individuals can be more cost-effective than large-scale government programs, tailoring solutions to their community’s needs
Furthermore, behavioral change and community engagement are other benefits that can be gained from this suggestion. Personal responsibility can drive behavioral changes, such as recycling, reducing waste, and conserving energy, which collectively contribute to environmental sustainability. When individuals are responsible for their local environment, they have opportunities to work as a team, and therefore reinforces shared values that bind citizens together. This, eventually, makes more people engaged in their communities, fostering a sense of ownership and pride.
In conclusion, individuals taking responsibility for their local environment is a powerful approach that cultivates local impact awareness and community engagement. By being proactive in caring for their surroundings, people can directly impact the immediate environment and contribute to broader sustainability goals. Embracing personal responsibility in environmental stewardship empower individuals and pave the way for a more resilient and conscientious society.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In recent years" -> "In the recent years"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "years" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with formal academic style by specifying the time period more precisely. -
"human factors" -> "human activities"
Explanation: "Human factors" is a term typically used in ergonomics and design, whereas "human activities" is more appropriate in the context of environmental impact, providing a clearer and more specific meaning. -
"require a detailed plan to address this problem" -> "demand a comprehensive strategy to address this issue"
Explanation: "Demand" and "comprehensive strategy" are more formal and precise terms that enhance the academic tone, while "issue" is a more formal synonym for "problem." -
"Personally, I totally agree" -> "I strongly concur"
Explanation: "I strongly concur" is a more formal expression suitable for academic writing, avoiding the colloquial tone of "Personally, I totally agree." -
"due to some major reasons" -> "due to several significant reasons"
Explanation: "Several significant reasons" is more precise and formal than "some major reasons," which is somewhat vague and informal. -
"individuals who are responsible for their own area" -> "individuals responsible for their respective areas"
Explanation: "Respective areas" is more formal and precise, avoiding the redundancy of "their own." -
"can have better local impact awareness" -> "may possess enhanced local impact awareness"
Explanation: "May possess enhanced" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better than "can have better." -
"quickly report them to the authorities" -> "promptly notify the authorities"
Explanation: "Promptly notify" is a more formal expression than "quickly report," which is somewhat informal. -
"join hands with neighbors" -> "collaborate with their neighbors"
Explanation: "Collaborate" is a more formal term than "join hands," which is colloquial and less precise. -
"tailoring solutions to their community’s needs" -> "customizing solutions to meet their community’s needs"
Explanation: "Customizing" is a more precise term than "tailoring," and "meet" is more formal than "to." -
"Personal responsibility can drive behavioral changes" -> "Personal responsibility can foster behavioral changes"
Explanation: "Foster" is a more formal synonym for "drive," enhancing the academic tone. -
"reinforces shared values that bind citizens together" -> "strengthens shared values that unite citizens"
Explanation: "Strengthens" is a more formal synonym for "reinforces," and "unite" is a more precise term than "bind." -
"makes more people engaged in their communities" -> "increases community engagement"
Explanation: "Increases community engagement" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea, avoiding the redundancy of "makes more people engaged." -
"Embracing personal responsibility in environmental stewardship empower individuals" -> "Embracing personal responsibility in environmental stewardship empowers individuals"
Explanation: Correcting the verb form from "empower" to "empowers" aligns with subject-verb agreement, enhancing grammatical accuracy and formality. -
"pave the way for a more resilient and conscientious society" -> "lay the groundwork for a more resilient and conscientious society"
Explanation: "Lay the groundwork" is a more formal and precise expression than "pave the way," which is slightly informal and less specific.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly agreeing with the notion that individuals should be responsible for their local environment. The introduction sets the stage for this argument, and the body paragraphs provide reasons supporting this stance, such as local impact awareness and community engagement. The essay does not, however, explore any counterarguments or acknowledge potential drawbacks of this approach, which could enhance the depth of the response.
- How to improve: To achieve a higher score, consider briefly acknowledging opposing viewpoints or potential challenges associated with placing responsibility on individuals. This could involve discussing how some people may lack the resources or knowledge to effectively manage local environmental issues, thereby providing a more balanced view.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently supporting the idea that individuals should take responsibility for their local environment. Phrases like "Personally, I totally agree" and the concluding statement reinforce this stance. The argument is coherent and logically structured, making it easy for the reader to follow the writer’s viewpoint.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, further emphasis on the implications of this responsibility could strengthen the argument. For instance, discussing the potential long-term benefits of such a shift in responsibility could reinforce the essay’s position and provide a more compelling narrative.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports its ideas well, particularly in the discussion of local impact awareness and community engagement. The examples provided, such as the benefits of recycling and teamwork, effectively illustrate the points made. However, some ideas could be extended further; for instance, elaborating on specific examples of successful community initiatives could provide stronger evidence for the claims made.
- How to improve: To enhance the support for ideas, consider incorporating real-world examples or statistics that demonstrate the effectiveness of community-driven environmental initiatives. This would not only substantiate the claims but also engage the reader more effectively.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the prompt directly and avoiding any irrelevant tangents. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument, maintaining a clear connection to the central theme of personal responsibility in environmental stewardship.
- How to improve: While the essay is focused, ensuring that each point directly ties back to the main argument could further strengthen the coherence. For example, explicitly linking the benefits of community engagement back to the overarching theme of individual responsibility could enhance the clarity of the argument.
In summary, the essay demonstrates strong performance in addressing the task response criteria, with clear strengths in maintaining a position and staying on topic. To improve further, consider incorporating counterarguments, extending ideas with specific examples, and ensuring that all points are tightly linked to the main argument.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical progression of ideas. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, outlining the writer’s agreement with the prompt. Each body paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, with the first paragraph discussing local impact awareness and cost-effective solutions, while the second emphasizes behavioral change and community engagement. This structure allows the reader to follow the argument easily. However, the transition between the two main points could be more explicit to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of the second body paragraph to connect it more clearly to the first. For example, phrases like "In addition to cost-effectiveness, another significant advantage is…" can help guide the reader through the argument.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the use of topic sentences helps to establish the focus of each section. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points without introducing new ideas, reinforcing the overall argument. However, the second paragraph could benefit from a clearer structure, as it presents multiple ideas that could be better organized.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, consider breaking down the second body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on behavioral change and the other on community engagement. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each concept and provide clearer organization.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "therefore," "furthermore," and "in conclusion," which help to connect ideas and maintain coherence. The use of pronouns like "these people" and "this" effectively links back to previously mentioned concepts. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied connectors and referencing techniques, which would enhance the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "moreover," "in addition," or "conversely," to introduce new points or contrast ideas. Additionally, consider using synonyms or paraphrasing to avoid repetition and maintain engagement throughout the essay.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, further enhancing its overall effectiveness.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "cost-effective solutions," "behavioral change," and "environmental sustainability." These terms are relevant to the topic and reflect an understanding of the nuances involved in discussing environmental issues. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "local" and "responsibility" could be diversified to enhance the richness of the text.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "local," alternatives like "community," "neighborhood," or "regional" can be employed. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to environmental issues, such as "ecological," "sustainable practices," or "environmental stewardship," would further elevate the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, with phrases like "tailoring solutions to their community’s needs" effectively conveying the intended meaning. However, there are moments where the precision of word choice could be improved. For example, the phrase "join hands with neighbors" is somewhat informal and could be replaced with a more formal expression such as "collaborate with neighbors."
- How to improve: To improve precision, focus on selecting words that convey the exact meaning intended. For instance, instead of "provide help efficiently," consider "facilitate assistance effectively." This not only enhances clarity but also aligns better with the formal tone expected in an IELTS essay.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the text. Words like "environment," "responsibility," and "sustainability" are spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: To maintain and enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to engage in regular reading and writing practice. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools and proofreading the essay before submission can help catch any potential errors. Furthermore, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can be beneficial.
In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a Band Score of 7. To reach a higher band, the writer should focus on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and continuing to maintain spelling accuracy through diligent practice.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "As local residents are familiar with their surroundings due to long periods of living, they are more likely to grasp the issues affecting their immediate vicinity" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "When individuals are responsible for their local environment, they have opportunities to work as a team," showcases the writer’s ability to express hypothetical situations. However, while the range is good, there are instances of repetitive structure, particularly in the way ideas are introduced (e.g., "To begin with," "Furthermore").
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases or transition words. For example, instead of consistently using "To begin with" or "Furthermore," alternatives like "Initially," "Moreover," or "In addition" could be employed. Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences could enhance the depth of the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a strong command of grammar and punctuation. Most sentences are grammatically correct, and punctuation is used appropriately to enhance clarity. For example, the use of commas in complex sentences is accurate, as seen in "Therefore, local initiatives led by individuals can be more cost-effective than large-scale government programs." However, there are minor grammatical issues, such as the phrase "which require a detailed plan to address this problem," where "which" could be more clearly defined to avoid ambiguity. Additionally, the phrase "embracing personal responsibility in environmental stewardship empower individuals" contains a subject-verb agreement error; "empower" should be "empowers" to match the singular subject "embracing."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that relative pronouns clearly refer to their antecedents. A thorough proofreading process can help catch these minor errors. Additionally, practicing sentence combining exercises can help reinforce correct grammatical structures and improve overall fluency.
Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a clear argument with effective use of language. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the writer can elevate their writing to an even higher level.
Bài sửa mẫu
In recent years, the environment has been increasingly susceptible to human activities, which demand a comprehensive strategy to address this issue. Some suggest that giving responsibility for looking after the local environment to residents is beneficial and should be done. Personally, I strongly concur with this suggestion due to several significant reasons that are explained in this essay.
To begin with, individuals who are responsible for their own area may possess enhanced local impact awareness and cost-effective solutions. As local residents are familiar with their surroundings due to long periods of living there, they are more likely to grasp the issues affecting their immediate vicinity. These people can then promptly notify the authorities to provide help efficiently or collaborate with their neighbors to tackle problems immediately. Therefore, local initiatives led by individuals can be more cost-effective than large-scale government programs, customizing solutions to meet their community’s needs.
Furthermore, behavioral change and community engagement are other benefits that can be gained from this suggestion. Personal responsibility can foster behavioral changes, such as recycling, reducing waste, and conserving energy, which collectively contribute to environmental sustainability. When individuals are responsible for their local environment, they have opportunities to work as a team, which strengthens shared values that unite citizens. This, eventually, increases community engagement, fostering a sense of ownership and pride.
In conclusion, individuals taking responsibility for their local environment is a powerful approach that cultivates local impact awareness and community engagement. By being proactive in caring for their surroundings, people can directly impact the immediate environment and contribute to broader sustainability goals. Embracing personal responsibility in environmental stewardship empowers individuals and lays the groundwork for a more resilient and conscientious society.