Governments should focus their spending on public services rather than on art such as Music and Painting. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The discussion on whether governments should prioritize allocating financial resources for public services over art such as music and painting is ongoing and complex. I think that while investing in public services has its advantages, spending money on art should not be considered wasteful or as significant.
On the one hand, I believe that the expenditure on community services has its merits. First, it may allow governments to enhance the quality of life. Public services include basic necessities like roads, healthcare facilities or infrastructure. Therefore, by focusing their spending on these services, authorities are actively enabling the maintenance and betterment of citizens’ living conditions. For example, in Viet Nam, where a large amount of the government budget is invested in healthcare, there is an increasing number of healthcare facilities with highly competent specialists in the medical disciplines and even state-of-the-art equipment, which has proved to be of much use, considering the country’s relatively low mortality rate during the COVID-19 pandemic. In addition, allocating money for public services can create a society with fairness and opportunities provided for all. A more level playing field that provides chances for education and social mobility regardless of backgrounds can be materialized by investing in community services. For instance, need-based scholarships, a part of public services, help students with disadvantaged socio-economic backgrounds afford tuition, allowing those with potential and talent to pursue education without being limited by financial constraints. Ultimately, I think that the expenditure on community services is good value for governments’ spending.
On the other hand, I would contend that investing in art is not a waste of financial resources. First, art can be an economic booster. The arts sector itself can be an economic driver through the operation of various art events and exhibitions, attracting both local and international tourists. For example, the renowned Louvre Museum, located in Paris, France, is a popular landmark visited by millions of tourists annually because of its valuable paintings, which makes it one of the major contributors to the revenue of French tourism. Furthermore, allocating spending for art is also to preserve cultural heritage. Art is one of the elements that construct a nation’s culture, which places even more importance on providing budgetary support for it. To illustrate, Quan Ho Bac Ninh, a Vietnamese traditional form of music created by the indigenous population of Bac Ninh, is still promoted and appreciated by the public thanks to the government’s effort and investment in protecting this art form. Thus, directing governmental resources towards art benefits both the economy and cultural preservation.
To conclude, I would argue that while focusing spending on public services can improve living conditions and provide fair opportunities for all, the values of the expenditure on art should not be overlooked, considering its contribution to the national economy and the protection of cultural heritage.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"I think" -> "It is believed"
Explanation: Replacing "I think" with "It is believed" shifts the statement from a personal opinion to a more objective, academic tone, which is more suitable for formal writing.
"spending money on art should not be considered wasteful or as significant" -> "the allocation of funds to art should not be viewed as wasteful or insignificant"
Explanation: The phrase "the allocation of funds to art" is more precise and formal than "spending money on art," and "viewed as" is more academically appropriate than "considered."
"enhance the quality of life" -> "improve the quality of life"
Explanation: "Improve" is a more precise and formal term than "enhance" in this context, aligning better with academic language.
"basic necessities like roads, healthcare facilities or infrastructure" -> "basic necessities such as roads, healthcare facilities, and infrastructure"
Explanation: Adding "such as" and commas after "facilities" improves the grammatical structure and clarity of the list.
"actively enabling the maintenance and betterment" -> "actively facilitating the maintenance and improvement"
Explanation: "Facilitating" is more precise and formal than "enabling" in this context, and "improvement" is preferred over "betterment" for formal writing.
"a society with fairness and opportunities provided for all" -> "a society characterized by fairness and equal opportunities for all"
Explanation: "Characterized by" is more formal and precise than "with," and "equal opportunities" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "opportunities provided."
"need-based scholarships" -> "scholarships based on need"
Explanation: "Scholarships based on need" is a more formal and concise way to express the concept.
"I would contend" -> "it is contended"
Explanation: Similar to the earlier suggestion, replacing "I would contend" with "it is contended" shifts the statement to a more objective, academic tone.
"The arts sector itself can be an economic driver" -> "The arts sector can serve as an economic driver"
Explanation: "Serve as" is a more formal and precise phrase than "can be," enhancing the academic tone.
"allocating spending for art" -> "allocating funds for art"
Explanation: "Funds" is a more specific and formal term than "spending," which is vague and informal in this context.
"places even more importance on providing budgetary support" -> "emphasizes the need for budgetary support"
Explanation: "Emphasizes the need for" is more precise and formal than "places even more importance on," which is somewhat redundant and informal.
"directing governmental resources towards art benefits" -> "directing governmental resources towards art has benefits"
Explanation: Adding "has" clarifies that the benefits are a result of directing resources towards art, improving the sentence structure and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both aspects of the prompt: whether governments should prioritize public services over art, and the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees. It discusses the merits of investing in public services such as healthcare and infrastructure while acknowledging the economic and cultural benefits of investing in art.
- How to improve: To further enhance, ensure that each paragraph explicitly connects back to the prompt and maintains a clear focus on addressing both parts of the question throughout.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position by acknowledging the benefits of prioritizing public services but arguing against the notion that spending on art is wasteful. The position is evident in each paragraph, supported by examples and reasoning.
- How to improve: Strengthen the clarity by explicitly stating the position in the introduction and conclusion, ensuring that every paragraph directly supports this stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are well-presented and developed with specific examples (e.g., healthcare improvements in Vietnam, economic benefits of the arts). Each example is extended to explain its significance, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: To further improve, consider adding more nuanced analysis or contrasting perspectives where applicable to deepen the discussion of each point.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by consistently addressing the prompt’s central argument: the allocation of government spending between public services and art. However, some sections could more directly connect back to the main argument without diverging into less relevant details.
- How to improve: Maintain a strict focus on the central argument of prioritizing spending between public services and art throughout each paragraph to ensure coherence and relevance.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt with a balanced argument, providing strong support for its position through relevant examples and clear reasoning. To achieve a higher band score, further enhancing the clarity and direct relevance of each paragraph to the prompt would be beneficial.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear and logical organization throughout. Each paragraph focuses on either the benefits of investing in public services or the value of allocating resources to art. This structure allows for a coherent development of ideas without overlap or confusion between the two main arguments. Transitions between paragraphs are smooth, enhancing the overall flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider reinforcing the connections between paragraphs by using explicit transitional phrases or sentences. This can help readers follow the progression of ideas more easily, ensuring a seamless transition from one argument to the next.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure its arguments. Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. This structure not only aids in clarity but also maintains focus on the respective arguments about public services and art.
- How to improve: Ensure consistency in paragraph length to maintain balance and coherence. While some paragraphs are well-developed, others could benefit from further elaboration or additional examples to strengthen the arguments presented. For instance, expanding on the economic benefits of art in a dedicated paragraph could enrich the discussion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices effectively, including pronouns (e.g., "it," "these"), conjunctions (e.g., "while," "furthermore," "thus"), and lexical cohesion (e.g., "first," "second," "to illustrate"). These cohesive devices help connect ideas within and across sentences, ensuring coherence and logical progression.
- How to improve: Introduce more sophisticated cohesive devices such as discourse markers (e.g., "consequently," "moreover") or complex sentence structures (e.g., conditional clauses, relative clauses) to add nuance and depth to the argumentation. This can elevate the essay’s coherence by explicitly signaling relationships between ideas and enhancing the flow of reasoning.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong coherence and cohesion, reflecting a well-organized structure with clear paragraphing and effective use of cohesive devices. By refining transitions, elaborating on certain points, and incorporating more diverse cohesive devices, the essay could further enhance its coherence and cohesion to potentially achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of vocabulary across different aspects of the topic. It employs diverse terms such as "prioritize," "allocating financial resources," "enhance the quality of life," "maintenance," "betterment," "fairness," "opportunities," "materialized," "disadvantaged socio-economic backgrounds," "constraints," "expenditure," "economic booster," "landmark," "revenue," "cultural heritage," "construct," "indigenous population," and "appreciated." These words are used appropriately to convey nuanced meanings and enhance the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: While the range of vocabulary is strong, ensure that all vocabulary choices are fully appropriate in context. Sometimes, simpler words might improve clarity without sacrificing depth. For instance, instead of "maintenance and betterment," consider "improvement" in some instances for smoother readability.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary precisely to convey specific meanings, such as distinguishing between "public services" and "art," and emphasizing the economic and cultural aspects of each. For example, "economic booster" effectively communicates the role of art in generating revenue, and "cultural heritage" accurately describes the significance of art in national identity.
- How to improve: Occasionally, ensure that more complex vocabulary choices do not obscure the meaning. For instance, the phrase "fair opportunities for all" could be clearer if simplified to "equal opportunities."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling throughout the essay is generally accurate, with very few errors noted ("prioritize," "expenditure," "constraints," etc.). These instances do not detract from the overall readability or coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Continue to practice careful proofreading to catch any minor errors that might occasionally appear. Consider using spell-check tools to ensure consistent accuracy.

Overall, the essay effectively utilizes a wide range of vocabulary to explore the topic comprehensively, demonstrating a strong understanding of lexical resource criteria for IELTS Band 7. To enhance future performance, maintaining clarity while using diverse vocabulary and ensuring consistent spelling accuracy will be beneficial.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. It includes complex sentences ("The discussion on whether governments should prioritize allocating financial resources for public services over art such as music and painting is ongoing and complex"), compound sentences ("On the one hand… On the other hand…"), and examples of conditional structures ("For example…"). These structures are effectively used to convey ideas clearly and logically.
- How to improve: To further enhance variety, consider incorporating more advanced structures such as inversion ("Not only… but also…"), participial phrases ("Having considered both sides of the argument, it is clear that…"), or passive voice constructions where appropriate. This would add sophistication and depth to your argumentation.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays generally accurate grammar and punctuation throughout. There are instances where articles or prepositions could be more precisely used ("to enhance the quality of life", "a society with fairness and opportunities"), but these do not detract significantly from overall clarity. Punctuation, including commas and periods, is used effectively to separate ideas and aid readability.
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring consistent and precise use of articles ("the", "a"), especially in academic contexts where clarity and specificity are crucial. Additionally, consider the nuanced use of punctuation marks like semicolons and colons to link closely related ideas or introduce examples more distinctly. Reviewing these aspects systematically can elevate the overall grammatical accuracy of your writing.

Overall, your essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical structures and accuracy. By further diversifying your sentence structures and refining grammatical precision, you can enhance the sophistication and clarity of your arguments, potentially pushing your score higher in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

The ongoing debate regarding whether governments should prioritize spending on public services over art, such as music and painting, is complex and multifaceted. In my view, while investing in public services offers undeniable benefits, allocating funds to art should not be dismissed as wasteful or insignificant.

On the one hand, investment in public services has clear advantages. It enables governments to enhance the quality of life by providing essential amenities like roads, healthcare facilities, and infrastructure. For instance, in Vietnam, substantial government investment in healthcare has led to an increase in well-equipped medical facilities and skilled medical professionals, contributing to a relatively low mortality rate during the COVID-19 pandemic. Moreover, directing resources towards public services fosters a society characterized by fairness and equal opportunities. Need-based scholarships, for example, enable students from disadvantaged backgrounds to pursue education without financial constraints, thereby promoting social mobility and equal access to opportunities.

On the other hand, I contend that investing in art is not frivolous but rather economically beneficial. The arts sector can serve as an economic driver through events and exhibitions that attract local and international tourists. For instance, the Louvre Museum in Paris generates significant revenue for French tourism due to its valuable art collections. Additionally, funding for art is crucial for preserving cultural heritage, which plays a vital role in national identity. For example, the Vietnamese traditional music form, Quan Ho Bac Ninh, thrives today due to government efforts to safeguard and promote cultural treasures.

In conclusion, while prioritizing spending on public services can enhance living standards and promote equality, allocating funds to art should be seen as a strategic investment. It not only stimulates economic growth but also safeguards invaluable cultural heritage. Therefore, governments should strike a balance between investing in public services and supporting the arts to achieve comprehensive societal development.