Governments should spend money on other things than art even thoigh art helps develop quality in people’s life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Despite the benefits that art brings to people’s life, it is suggested that governments should allocate budgets on other fields. I partially disagree with this viewpoint, and this essay will outline the reasons below.
On the one hand, in many developing countries, there are various existential issues, which can be poor quality of infrastructures or unsatisfied personal income. As a result, national authorities has been spending endeavors on improving their residents’ living standards by prioritizing monetary resources on facilities, expanding industries, and promoting tourism industry. Thus, it is sensible to curb public spending on artworks as it can steadily solve thorny problems of a nation such as criminal rate. For example, many regions in Africa has been suffered from droughts and the exhaust of water resources, which are attributed to starvations. Therefore, a financial support in poverty alleviation program, including sustenance aids, better healthcare system, is essential, instead of genuinely paying attention to art.

On the other hand, concerning well-developed nations, where individuals are ensured the human rights and social welfare, artistic pursuits is encouraged because of enrichments in cultural identity. To be more specific, art, namely artifacts, portraits, is a way to convey sentimental values, strengthen people’s relationship in this contemporary society. Moreover, through art, such as songs, pictures, literature, it shows an ability to visualize global problems, which can be mentioned are climate change, deforestation, and environmental deterioration. Hence, it can raise awareness of humans in addressing these current issues.

In conclusion, although art can foster one’s life, enriching the diversity of a country’s culture, it is not necessary for some countries due to national hardships, which are poor healthcare system, inequality among people’s income. Ultimately, it would be a wise choice to strike a balance between capitalizing on art and other sectors to completely accommodate fundamental needs of human.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"it is suggested that governments should allocate budgets on other fields" -> "it is suggested that governments should allocate budgets to other fields"
Explanation: The preposition "on" is incorrectly used here. "To" is the correct preposition to use when referring to allocation of resources to a particular area or field.
"I partially disagree" -> "I partially disagree with this viewpoint"
Explanation: Adding "with this viewpoint" clarifies that the disagreement is specifically with the given opinion, enhancing the formal tone and precision.
"national authorities has been spending endeavors" -> "national authorities have been allocating resources"
Explanation: "Has been spending endeavors" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Allocating resources" is more precise and appropriate for formal writing.
"curb public spending on artworks" -> "reduce public spending on artistic endeavors"
Explanation: "Curb" is somewhat informal and can imply restriction rather than reduction. "Reduce" is more neutral and appropriate for academic writing.
"many regions in Africa has been suffered from" -> "many regions in Africa have suffered from"
Explanation: "Has been suffered from" is grammatically incorrect. "Have suffered from" is the correct form of the verb in this context.
"the exhaust of water resources" -> "the exhaustion of water resources"
Explanation: "Exhaust" is a noun and should be used as such, not as a verb. "Exhaustion" is the correct noun form.
"starvations" -> "starvation"
Explanation: "Starvations" is not a word; "starvation" is the correct term.
"a financial support in poverty alleviation program" -> "financial support for poverty alleviation programs"
Explanation: "A financial support in" is awkward and unclear. "Financial support for" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"genuinely paying attention to art" -> "focusing on art"
Explanation: "Genuinely paying attention to" is redundant and informal. "Focusing on" is more concise and appropriate for academic writing.
"artistic pursuits is encouraged" -> "artistic pursuits are encouraged"
Explanation: "Is" should be "are" to agree with the plural subject "pursuits."
"enrichments in cultural identity" -> "enhancements to cultural identity"
Explanation: "Enrichments" is not typically used in this context; "enhancements" is more commonly used to describe improvements or additions to something.
"it shows an ability to visualize" -> "it demonstrates the ability to visualize"
Explanation: "Shows" is somewhat informal and vague; "demonstrates" is more formal and precise.
"which can be mentioned are" -> "which include"
Explanation: "Which can be mentioned are" is awkward and unclear. "Which include" is more direct and appropriate for formal writing.
"it would be a wise choice to strike a balance" -> "it would be prudent to strike a balance"
Explanation: "Wise choice" is somewhat informal; "prudent" is a more formal synonym that fits better in academic contexts.
"completely accommodate fundamental needs of human" -> "fully meet the fundamental needs of humans"
Explanation: "Accommodate" is not typically used in this context; "meet" is more precise and appropriate. Also, "human" should be pluralized to "humans" for grammatical correctness.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding government spending on art versus other essential areas. The writer acknowledges the benefits of art while also presenting a case for prioritizing other sectors, particularly in developing countries. However, the response could be more explicit in stating the extent of agreement or disagreement with the prompt. The phrase "I partially disagree" is somewhat vague and could be elaborated upon to clarify the writer’s stance more definitively.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should clearly outline their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. A more explicit statement such as "I believe that while art is important, it should not be prioritized over basic human needs in developing nations" would provide clarity.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position, indicating partial disagreement with the notion that governments should prioritize spending on areas other than art. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The transition between discussing developing countries and well-developed nations could be smoother, as it may lead to confusion about the overall stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use topic sentences that reflect their viewpoint at the beginning of each paragraph. Additionally, reiterating the main argument in the concluding remarks would help reinforce the position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the necessity of addressing existential issues in developing countries and the cultural enrichment provided by art in developed nations. However, some points lack sufficient elaboration and supporting examples. For instance, while the mention of droughts in Africa is relevant, the connection to the argument could be strengthened with more detailed examples or statistics.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more specific examples and data to support their claims. For instance, when discussing the benefits of art, citing specific programs or initiatives that have successfully integrated art into community development could enhance the argument. Additionally, expanding on how art contributes to societal issues would provide a more well-rounded discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of government spending on art versus essential services. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the discussion of art’s role in addressing global issues could be more directly tied back to the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by explicitly linking the discussion of art’s societal benefits back to the question of government spending priorities. For example, instead of broadly discussing global issues, the writer could specify how art initiatives can be integrated into government spending without detracting from essential services.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on clarifying their position, providing more detailed support for their ideas, and ensuring that all points are directly relevant to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with distinct sections for the opposing viewpoints. The introduction effectively states the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs logically follow this stance. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the challenges faced by developing countries, while the second addresses the benefits of art in well-developed nations. However, the transition between these two perspectives could be smoother, as the shift from discussing developing countries to developed nations feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. For example, at the end of the first body paragraph, a sentence like "Conversely, in nations where basic needs are met, the role of art becomes more pronounced" could help bridge the two ideas more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs each tackle a different viewpoint. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided to separate the discussion of art’s cultural significance from its role in addressing global issues, which would enhance clarity and focus.
- How to improve: Consider breaking the second body paragraph into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the cultural importance of art and the other on its role in raising awareness of global issues. This separation would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "On the other hand," and "Moreover." These phrases help to signal shifts in argument and add clarity. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices is limited, leading to some sentences feeling disconnected. For example, the transition between discussing the issues in Africa and the need for financial support could benefit from a more explicit connection.
- How to improve: To diversify and enhance the effectiveness of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Consequently" can help to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help maintain cohesion throughout the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, there are areas for improvement. By enhancing logical flow between paragraphs, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument can be significantly improved.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing complex issues such as government spending and societal needs. Phrases like "allocate budgets," "existential issues," and "monetary resources" show an ability to use varied vocabulary. However, some terms are repeated or used inappropriately, such as "artworks" and "art," which could be diversified to include synonyms or related terms (e.g., "creative expressions," "cultural artifacts").
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "art," they could use "cultural expressions," "artistic endeavors," or "creative works." Additionally, using more specific vocabulary related to the context (e.g., "cultural heritage" instead of "art") could enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, the phrase "curb public spending on artworks" may imply a reduction in funding for art, but the context suggests a need for prioritization rather than outright reduction. Additionally, "has been spending endeavors" is awkward and unclear; "has been focusing efforts" would be more precise.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that word choices accurately reflect their intended meaning. They can practice by revising sentences to clarify their points. For example, instead of saying "curb public spending," they could say "reallocate public funds" to better convey the idea of prioritization without implying a complete reduction.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "thouigh" instead of "though," "has been suffered" instead of "has suffered," and "starvations" instead of "starvation." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help improve overall spelling skills. It may also be beneficial to review the essay for common grammatical structures to ensure that verb forms and plurals are used correctly.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary and presents relevant ideas, there are areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying word choice, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, such as "Despite the benefits that art brings to people’s life, it is suggested that governments should allocate budgets on other fields." However, there are instances of simpler sentence constructions that could be expanded for greater complexity. For example, "As a result, national authorities has been spending endeavors on improving their residents’ living standards…" could be restructured to include more varied clauses or phrases.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice combining shorter sentences into more complex ones and using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Additionally, incorporating more varied conjunctions and relative clauses can help in creating more sophisticated sentence forms. For instance, instead of "it is sensible to curb public spending on artworks," the writer could say, "it is sensible, particularly in developing nations, to curb public spending on artworks, as this allows for the allocation of resources to more pressing issues."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that detract from its overall clarity and professionalism. For instance, "national authorities has been spending endeavors" should be "national authorities have been spending efforts," as "authorities" is plural. Additionally, the phrase "many regions in Africa has been suffered from droughts" is incorrect; it should be "have been suffering from droughts." Punctuation is generally correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "which can be mentioned are climate change, deforestation, and environmental deterioration."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and verb tenses. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for punctuation and clarity can help identify areas where commas or other punctuation marks could improve the flow of ideas. For example, revising sentences for clarity, such as "a financial support in poverty alleviation program, including sustenance aids, better healthcare system," to "financial support for poverty alleviation programs, which include sustenance aid and improved healthcare systems," would enhance grammatical accuracy and clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, focusing on grammatical accuracy and diversifying sentence structures will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Despite the benefits that art brings to people’s lives, it is suggested that governments should allocate budgets to other fields. I partially disagree with this viewpoint, and this essay will outline the reasons below.

On the one hand, in many developing countries, there are various existential issues, such as poor infrastructure and inadequate personal income. As a result, national authorities have been allocating resources to improve their residents’ living standards by prioritizing monetary resources on facilities, expanding industries, and promoting the tourism sector. Thus, it is sensible to reduce public spending on artistic endeavors, as this can steadily address pressing problems within a nation, such as high crime rates. For example, many regions in Africa have suffered from droughts and the exhaustion of water resources, which have contributed to starvation. Therefore, financial support for poverty alleviation programs, including sustenance aids and better healthcare systems, is essential, rather than focusing primarily on art.

On the other hand, in well-developed nations, where individuals are ensured human rights and social welfare, artistic pursuits are encouraged due to their enhancements to cultural identity. To be more specific, art, such as artifacts and portraits, serves as a means to convey sentimental values and strengthen people’s relationships in contemporary society. Moreover, through art forms like songs, pictures, and literature, it demonstrates the ability to visualize global problems, including climate change, deforestation, and environmental deterioration. Hence, it can raise awareness among individuals in addressing these current issues.

In conclusion, although art can enrich one’s life and contribute to the diversity of a country’s culture, it may not be a priority for some nations facing significant hardships, such as inadequate healthcare systems and income inequality. Ultimately, it would be prudent to strike a balance between investing in art and other sectors to fully meet the fundamental needs of humans.