Group or team activities can teach more important skills for life than those activities which are done alone. Do you agree or disagree?

Group or team activities can teach more important skills for life than those activities which are done alone.
Do you agree or disagree?

It is true that individual activities help people become independent. Since there are no teammates to rely on or ask for advice, we have to manage all aspects of the work by ourselves. For example, when a person struggle with a complex scientific problem beyond their area of study, he will need to make throughout research and put in extra effort to figure it out. In addition, with no assistance from others, people learn to be more disciplined. Having no one to keep track of the progress, we will have to organize the workload efficiently and motivate ourselves to finish the tasks within deadlines.
Nevertheless, I would argue there are various skills offered by team activities. Firstly, working in a team equip people with cooperation skills. In order to maiximize the productivity, it is essential to communicate with each other and ensure conflicts do not occure during the working process. Furthermore, in special cases when one is the group leader, they will have time to practice their leadership skills. By being the person who control a team, he has to understand each member's strengths and preferences, therefore distribute the jobs effectively. Also, when unexpected circumstances happen, he is responsible for devising solutions and raise the team's spirits.
In conclusion, although I agree that working alone help people become independent and disciplined, I am of the opinion that group activities can teach more important skills such as cooperation and leadership skills.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"individual activities" -> "individual pursuits"
Explanation: "Pursuits" is a more formal and precise term that better fits the academic context, suggesting a broader range of activities beyond just work or tasks.
"we have to manage all aspects of the work by ourselves" -> "we must manage all aspects of the work independently"
Explanation: "Must" is more formal than "have to," and "independently" is a more precise adverb that emphasizes the autonomy involved in individual work.
"when a person struggle" -> "when an individual struggles"
Explanation: "An individual" is more formal than "a person," and "struggles" should be singular to match the singular subject "individual."
"make throughout research" -> "conduct extensive research"
Explanation: "Conduct extensive research" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase, replacing the awkward and incorrect "make throughout research."
"put in extra effort" -> "exert additional effort"
Explanation: "Exert additional effort" is more formal and precise, suitable for academic writing.
"Having no one to keep track of the progress" -> "Without anyone monitoring progress"
Explanation: "Without anyone monitoring progress" is more concise and formal, improving the sentence structure and clarity.
"we will have to organize the workload efficiently" -> "we must organize our workload efficiently"
Explanation: "Must" is more formal than "will have to," and "our" specifies the ownership of the workload, enhancing clarity and formality.
"motivate ourselves to finish the tasks within deadlines" -> "self-motivate to complete tasks by deadlines"
Explanation: "Self-motivate" is a more formal expression, and "complete tasks by deadlines" is a more precise and formal way to convey the idea.
"working in a team equip people with" -> "working in a team equips individuals with"
Explanation: "Equips" is the correct verb form, and "individuals" is more formal than "people."
"maiximize" -> "maximize"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error.
"do not occure" -> "do not occur"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error.
"the person who control a team" -> "the person controlling the team"
Explanation: "Controlling" is the correct form, and "the team" should be singular to match the singular subject "person."
"he is responsible for devising solutions and raise the team’s spirits" -> "he is responsible for devising solutions and boosting the team’s morale"
Explanation: "Boosting the team’s morale" is a more precise and formal way to describe improving team spirits, and "morale" is the correct term for this context.
"working alone help people become independent" -> "working alone helps individuals become independent"
Explanation: "Helps" is the correct verb form, and "individuals" is more formal than "people."
"I am of the opinion that" -> "I believe that"
Explanation: "I believe that" is a more direct and formal way to express personal opinion in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument discussing the benefits of individual activities in promoting independence and discipline, as well as highlighting the advantages of team activities in fostering cooperation and leadership skills.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure that each point is fully developed and supported with specific examples. Additionally, consider providing a more balanced discussion by acknowledging potential drawbacks of both individual and team activities.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that team activities offer more important skills for life than individual activities. This position is consistently supported throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, explicitly state the position in the introduction and conclusion, and ensure that each body paragraph reinforces this viewpoint.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the benefits of individual and team activities, but the development and support of these ideas are somewhat limited. More detailed explanations and examples could strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To extend and support ideas, provide specific examples, anecdotes, or research findings to illustrate the points made. Additionally, consider exploring the implications of these skills on real-life situations.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the skills learned from individual and team activities. However, there are some instances where the focus shifts slightly away from the main argument.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the main argument and avoid introducing tangential ideas that do not contribute to the overall thesis.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially increase the band score, focus on providing more detailed explanations, incorporating specific examples, maintaining a balanced discussion, and ensuring a clear and consistent position throughout. Additionally, pay attention to staying on topic and avoiding tangential discussions that detract from the main argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6- Organize Information Logically:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organization of ideas with a coherent structure. The introduction presents the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that discuss the benefits of individual activities and team activities. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. However, there could be a stronger connection between the paragraphs to enhance the overall coherence.
How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transition words and phrases to link ideas between paragraphs. For example, using words like "furthermore," "in addition," and "however" can help create a smoother flow between different arguments.

Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into three paragraphs: introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, but the body paragraph could be further divided to enhance clarity and coherence. The body paragraph discusses both individual and team activities, which could benefit from separate paragraphs to avoid confusion.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down the body paragraph into two separate paragraphs, one focusing on individual activities and the other on team activities. This will help readers follow the argument more easily and improve the overall structure of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices such as "for example," "in addition," and "although" to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. However, there is a limited variety of cohesive devices used throughout the essay, which can affect the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion, try incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices such as pronouns (e.g., "this," "that"), conjunctions (e.g., "however," "therefore"), and transitional phrases (e.g., "on the other hand," "as a result"). This will help create a smoother flow between ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with words like "independent," "disciplined," "cooperation," "productivity," "leadership," and "preferences." These words effectively convey the ideas and add depth to the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To further enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more advanced or nuanced terms related to teamwork, problem-solving, and interpersonal skills. This can elevate the sophistication of the essay and showcase a deeper understanding of the topic.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary precisely to convey the intended meanings. For instance, phrases like "working in a team equip people with cooperation skills" and "distribute the jobs effectively" demonstrate clear and accurate word choice.
- How to improve: While the vocabulary usage is mostly precise, pay attention to using more specific and contextually appropriate terms to avoid any ambiguity or vagueness. For example, instead of saying "special cases," consider specifying the scenarios in which leadership skills are crucial.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a good level of spelling accuracy with minimal errors. Words like "throughout" should be "thorough," and "occure" should be "occur." Overall, the spelling is mostly correct, enhancing the readability of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy further, consider proofreading the essay carefully to catch any typos or misspelled words. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools can help identify and correct any spelling errors before submitting the final draft.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences like "Since there are no teammates to rely on or ask for advice, we have to manage all aspects of the work by ourselves" showcases the ability to combine ideas effectively. However, there is room for improvement in incorporating more complex structures like conditional sentences or passive voice constructions to further enhance the depth of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating conditional sentences to present hypothetical situations or passive voice constructions to shift the focus of the sentence. For example, instead of always using active voice, try constructing sentences in passive voice to vary sentence structures and add sophistication to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical accuracy with only minor errors. For example, the use of articles and verb tenses is generally correct throughout the essay. However, there are a few instances where subject-verb agreement or preposition usage could be improved. Additionally, there are a few punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences or incorrect placement of apostrophes.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and preposition usage to ensure consistency. Additionally, review the rules for punctuation, especially regarding comma usage in compound sentences and apostrophes for possessives. Practicing sentence structure variations can also help in identifying and correcting any grammatical errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that individual pursuits help individuals become independent. Since there are no teammates to rely on or ask for advice, we must manage all aspects of the work independently. For instance, when an individual struggles with a complex scientific problem beyond their area of study, they will need to conduct extensive research and exert additional effort to figure it out. Without anyone monitoring progress, we must organize our workload efficiently and self-motivate to complete tasks by deadlines.

However, I believe that working in a team equips individuals with valuable skills. Firstly, it is essential to communicate effectively and ensure conflicts do not occur during the working process to maximize productivity. Furthermore, in cases where one is the person controlling the team, they have the opportunity to practice leadership skills. By understanding each member’s strengths and preferences, they can distribute tasks effectively. Additionally, when unexpected circumstances arise, the team leader is responsible for devising solutions and boosting the team’s morale.

In conclusion, while I agree that working alone helps individuals become independent and disciplined, I believe that group activities can teach more important skills such as cooperation and leadership.