Having a salaried job is better than being self-employed. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In recent times, it is usually believed that working for a company has more benefis than working as a freelancer. In my opinion, I completely agree with this point of view due to several reasons.
First and foremost, people should regconize the fact that being an employee is superior to being one’s own boss. There is no denying that having a salaried job provides financial stability. It is clear that employees receive a fixed amount of money every month, which allows them to plan their budget and manage their expenses more effectively. For example, this consistent income is especially important for people who have families to support or loans to pay off. In contrast, self-employed individuals often face unpredictable income, which can create stress and financial insecurity.
Another reason why I agree with this being a employee brings more advantageous than being a freelancer because salaried employees usually enjoy various benefits from company benefits polices that self-employed people do not. This means that they often have access to health insurance, retirement plans, and paid vacations. These benefits provide a safety net that can be crucial in times of need. On the other hand, self-employed individuals have to arrange and pay for these benefits themselves, which can be quite expensive and complicated. A good case in point would be that you will have holidays with your colleagues in company, join in teamworks activities such as beach volleyball, kayaking and so on and when you take time off to give birth or go to the doctor, there will be a company health support policy.
In conclusion, I fully support for having a salaried job is more advantageous than being self-employed. However, each of us should consider carefully before reaching the final decision on this issue.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"it is usually believed" -> "it is commonly believed"
Explanation: "Commonly" is a more precise and formal term than "usually," enhancing the academic tone of the statement.
"has more benefis" -> "offers more benefits"
Explanation: "Benefis" is a typographical error; "benefits" is the correct term. Also, "offers" is more appropriate than "has" in this context, as it correctly conveys the idea of providing advantages.
"In my opinion, I completely agree" -> "I strongly agree"
Explanation: The phrase "In my opinion, I completely agree" is redundant. "I strongly agree" is more concise and maintains the formal tone.
"people should regconize" -> "it is essential to recognize"
Explanation: "Regconize" is a typographical error; "recognize" is the correct spelling. "It is essential to recognize" is more formal and precise.
"being an employee is superior to being one’s own boss" -> "being an employee is preferable to being one’s own boss"
Explanation: "Superior" can imply a moral or ethical superiority, which may not be intended here. "Preferable" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term.
"having a salaried job provides financial stability" -> "holding a salaried position offers financial stability"
Explanation: "Holding a salaried position" is a more formal expression than "having a salaried job," and "offers" is more precise than "provides" in this context.
"employees receive a fixed amount of money every month" -> "employees receive a consistent monthly income"
Explanation: "Consistent monthly income" is a more precise and formal way to describe the regularity of salary payments.
"salaries" -> "salaries"
Explanation: This is a typographical error; "salaries" should be used instead of "salary."
"salaries" -> "salaries"
Explanation: This is a typographical error; "salaries" should be used instead of "salary."
"salaried employees usually enjoy various benefits from company benefits polices" -> "salaried employees typically benefit from company benefit policies"
Explanation: "Benefit from" is more precise and formal than "enjoy various benefits from." Also, "benefit policies" is the correct term, not "benefits polices."
"self-employed individuals have to arrange and pay for these benefits themselves" -> "self-employed individuals must arrange and pay for these benefits themselves"
Explanation: "Must" is more forceful and formal than "have to," fitting better in an academic context.
"A good case in point would be that you will have holidays with your colleagues in company" -> "A notable example is that salaried employees often enjoy company-sponsored holidays with their colleagues"
Explanation: "A notable example" is more formal than "A good case in point," and "company-sponsored holidays" is more precise than "holidays with your colleagues in company."
"join in teamworks activities" -> "participate in team-building activities"
Explanation: "Participate in team-building activities" is a more formal and accurate phrase than "join in teamworks activities."
"when you take time off to give birth or go to the doctor" -> "when taking time off for maternity leave or medical appointments"
Explanation: "Maternity leave" and "medical appointments" are more specific and formal terms than "give birth" and "go to the doctor."
"there will be a company health support policy" -> "the company offers a health support policy"
Explanation: "The company offers a health support policy" is more direct and formal, avoiding the vague and uncertain "there will be."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position that supports salaried employment over self-employment. The author provides reasons for this stance, including financial stability and access to benefits. However, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the topic, such as acknowledging potential advantages of self-employment, which would demonstrate a more balanced view and a deeper engagement with the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could briefly mention some advantages of self-employment, even if the overall stance remains supportive of salaried jobs. This would show a comprehensive understanding of the topic and allow for a more robust argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that salaried jobs are superior to self-employment. The use of phrases like "I completely agree" and "I fully support" reinforces this stance. However, there is a slight inconsistency in the conclusion, where the author suggests that individuals should consider both options carefully, which could confuse the reader regarding the strength of the position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the author should ensure that the conclusion aligns with the argument presented in the body of the essay. A more definitive closing statement that reiterates the advantages of salaried employment without suggesting ambiguity would strengthen the overall argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-supported ideas, such as financial stability and employee benefits. The examples provided, such as the importance of a consistent income for families and the advantages of company benefits, effectively support the main arguments. However, some ideas could be further developed. For instance, the discussion about company activities and health support policies is somewhat vague and could benefit from more specific examples or elaboration.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, discussing specific types of health insurance or retirement plans that salaried employees might receive could add depth to the argument. Additionally, expanding on the implications of financial insecurity for self-employed individuals would strengthen the comparison.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages of salaried employment. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For example, the mention of team activities and holidays, while relevant to the benefits of salaried jobs, could be more directly tied to the main argument about financial and job security.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all examples and points made directly support the thesis. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument without deviating into less relevant territory.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-supported argument. By incorporating the suggested improvements, the author could enhance clarity, depth, and balance in their response, potentially raising the score even higher.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of salaried employment over self-employment. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs each focus on distinct reasons supporting the main argument. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses financial stability, while the second addresses employee benefits. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. The phrase "Another reason why I agree with this being a employee brings more advantageous than being a freelancer" is somewhat awkward and disrupts the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," or "In addition," can help guide the reader through the argument more fluidly. It may also be beneficial to explicitly link back to the thesis in each paragraph to reinforce the central argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific point. The introduction and conclusion are present, framing the argument effectively. However, the second body paragraph could be divided into smaller sections to improve readability and focus. For example, the discussion about company benefits could be separated from the examples of team activities, allowing for a more focused exploration of each point.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant examples. Consider starting a new paragraph when introducing a new aspect of the argument or when shifting from general benefits to specific examples. This will help maintain clarity and keep the reader engaged.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for example," "on the other hand," and "in contrast," which help to connect ideas and provide clarity. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be more explicit. For example, the phrase "this means that they often have access to health insurance" could be better linked to the previous sentence for improved cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "additionally," "consequently," or "similarly." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a greater command of language. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and expanding the range of cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary related to the topic of employment. Terms like "financial stability," "unpredictable income," and "salaried job" are appropriately used. However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice, such as using "self-employed" and "freelancer" interchangeably without exploring synonyms or related terms. This can limit the richness of the vocabulary used.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "self-employed," they could use "independent contractor" or "entrepreneur." Additionally, exploring phrases like "job security" or "employment benefits" could add depth to the discussion.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally communicates ideas clearly, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "being a employee brings more advantageous" is grammatically incorrect and awkwardly phrased. The correct form would be "being an employee is more advantageous." Additionally, the term "benefis" is a misspelling of "benefits," which detracts from the overall clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should carefully proofread their work to correct grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Furthermore, they should ensure that phrases are structured correctly. For instance, replacing "being a employee brings more advantageous" with "being an employee offers more advantages" would enhance clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "benefis" instead of "benefits" and "regconize" instead of "recognize." These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility. While the overall message is understandable, consistent spelling mistakes can impact the reader’s perception of the writer’s language proficiency.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a systematic approach to proofreading. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or vocabulary lists can help reinforce correct spelling of commonly used words.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. For instance, the use of sentences like "In my opinion, I completely agree with this point of view due to several reasons" shows an attempt to express complex ideas. However, the essay lacks more sophisticated structures such as complex sentences that could enhance clarity and depth. Phrases like "being a employee brings more advantageous than being a freelancer" indicate a need for more varied sentence forms and clearer comparative structures.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "being a employee brings more advantageous than being a freelancer," the writer could say, "While being self-employed offers flexibility, being an employee provides more advantages, particularly in terms of financial security and benefits." Additionally, using transitional phrases can help connect ideas more fluidly, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "benefis" is a misspelling of "benefits," and "regconize" should be "recognize." There are also instances of incorrect article usage, such as "being a employee" instead of "being an employee." Additionally, the phrase "this being a employee brings more advantageous" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "this shows that being an employee brings more advantages." Punctuation is generally adequate, but there are moments where commas could improve readability, particularly in longer sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can help identify mistakes before submission. Furthermore, practicing sentence structure and verb agreement can enhance overall grammatical proficiency. The writer should also pay attention to article usage and ensure that nouns are correctly modified (e.g., "an employee" instead of "a employee"). Regular reading and writing practice can help internalize correct grammar and punctuation usage.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to convey a clear argument, improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence variety and grammatical correctness will significantly enhance the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, it is commonly believed that working for a company offers more benefits than working as a freelancer. In my opinion, I completely agree with this point of view due to several reasons.

First and foremost, people should recognize the fact that being an employee is superior to being one’s own boss. There is no denying that having a salaried job provides financial stability. It is clear that employees receive a consistent monthly income, which allows them to plan their budget and manage their expenses more effectively. For example, this steady income is especially important for people who have families to support or loans to pay off. In contrast, self-employed individuals often face unpredictable income, which can create stress and financial insecurity.

Another reason why I agree with this statement is that being an employee brings more advantages than being a freelancer because salaried employees usually enjoy various benefits from company benefit policies that self-employed people do not. This means that they often have access to health insurance, retirement plans, and paid vacations. These benefits provide a safety net that can be crucial in times of need. On the other hand, self-employed individuals must arrange and pay for these benefits themselves, which can be quite expensive and complicated. A notable example is that salaried employees often enjoy company-sponsored holidays with their colleagues, participate in team-building activities such as beach volleyball and kayaking, and when taking time off for maternity leave or medical appointments, the company offers a health support policy.

In conclusion, I fully support the idea that having a salaried job is more advantageous than being self-employed. However, each of us should consider carefully before reaching a final decision on this issue.