he chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

he chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart illustrates the figure for what Anthropology graduates did after their obtaining their undergraduate degree at the same university and the table compares how the percentage of their income varied in three different types of workplaces after 5 years of working.
Overall, becoming a full-time worker was a prevalent choice among graduates while both working for government seemed to be the most lucrative sector due to the higher chance of having top-tier salaries.
In terms of destination, full-time jobs, taking up 52%, stood out as the most common option for Anthropology novices after graduation. This figure was more than three times that of part-time jobs, which closely followed up with 15%. In contrast, the percentage of people who choose to work and study, who do not have a career yet and who pursue higher education were relatively low, ranging from 5% to 12%. Other 15% of choices cannot be investigated during the surveyed time.
Turning to the 5-year-experience anthropologists’ income, 50% of whom reported having $100,000+ when choosing to work in government segment, which was higher than 10% when opting for opening their own consulting services at the same level of income as well as the closely lower one ($75,000-$99,000). In contrast, having a job in private enterprises only had 30% chance to get the salaries of $100,000+ level. This figure also equaled the second highest income range in ministry, which was $75,000-$99,000. While both freelance consultants and governing system shared the same proportion of salaries for $25,000-$74,999 which was only around 5%-15%, that of private businesses was higher by 5%-20%.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "their obtaining their undergraduate degree" -> "obtaining their undergraduate degree"
   Explanation: Simplifying "their obtaining their undergraduate degree" to "obtaining their undergraduate degree" improves readability and removes unnecessary repetition.

2. "while both working for government seemed to be the most lucrative sector" -> "while government employment appeared to be the most lucrative sector"
   Explanation: Replacing "both working for government" with "government employment" makes the sentence clearer and more formal by using a noun phrase instead of a verb phrase.

3. "top-tier salaries" -> "high salaries"
   Explanation: "Top-tier salaries" can be simplified to "high salaries" without losing meaning, maintaining clarity and conciseness.

4. "In terms of destination" -> "Regarding employment"
   Explanation: "In terms of destination" is less precise; "Regarding employment" is more formal and suitable in this context to introduce the discussion about job outcomes.

5. "novices" -> "graduates"
   Explanation: "Novices" typically refers to beginners or newcomers, whereas "graduates" specifically denotes individuals who have completed their studies, which is more appropriate in this context.

6. "This figure was more than three times that of part-time jobs" -> "This percentage was more than three times higher than that of part-time jobs"
   Explanation: Clarifying "figure" to "percentage" improves precision, and using "higher than" instead of "that of" enhances clarity and formality.

7. "who do not have a career yet" -> "who are not yet established in their careers"
   Explanation: "Do not have a career yet" can be replaced with "are not yet established in their careers" for a more formal and precise expression.

8. "Other 15% of choices cannot be investigated during the surveyed time." -> "The remaining 15% of choices were not ascertainable during the survey period."
   Explanation: "Cannot be investigated" is less precise; "were not ascertainable" is more formal and clearer in this context.

9. "Turning to the 5-year-experience anthropologists’ income" -> "Regarding the income of anthropologists with 5 years of experience"
   Explanation: "Turning to" is informal; "Regarding" is more formal and appropriate for transitioning to a new topic within the essay.

10. "when opting for opening their own consulting services" -> "when opting to start their own consulting services"
    Explanation: "Opting for opening" can be simplified to "opting to start," which is more grammatically correct and concise.

11. "closely lower one" -> "slightly lower one"
    Explanation: "Closely lower one" is awkward; "slightly lower one" is more natural and clear in indicating a small difference in income levels.

12. "Having a job in private enterprises only had 30% chance to get the salaries of $100,000+ level." -> "Working in private enterprises only had a 30% chance of earning salaries at the $100,000+ level."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and correctness.

13. "that of private businesses was higher by 5%-20%." -> "private businesses had a higher proportion of salaries in the range of 5%-20%."
    Explanation: Clarifying the comparison to accurately convey the intended meaning.

By addressing these specific issues, the essay can be enhanced in terms of clarity, precision, and formality, making it more suitable for an academic or formal context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the data, but the information is not always presented in a clear and concise way. The essay also makes some comparisons, but these are not always relevant or accurate.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by:

• Providing a clearer overview of the data in the introduction.
• Presenting the information in a more logical and coherent way.
• Making more relevant and accurate comparisons.
• Using more precise language to describe the data.
• Avoiding unnecessary repetition.
• Using a more formal tone.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some organization by separating the discussion into two main parts: the choices of Anthropology graduates and their subsequent salaries after five years. There is an attempt to present main features and make comparisons, but the coherence and cohesion suffer in several areas.

In terms of coherence, there is a basic attempt to organize information, but the progression is not entirely clear. For example, the transition between discussing choices after graduation and salaries could be smoother. Some ideas are presented repetitively, such as mentioning percentages without clear development or comparison.

Regarding cohesion, the essay makes an effort to use cohesive devices, but they are often inaccurate or repetitive ("while," "in contrast," "turning to"). Sentence structures and referencing lack clarity, leading to some confusion about relationships between ideas. Additionally, paragraphing is attempted but lacks logical structure, with ideas sometimes appearing disjointed within paragraphs.

How to improve:

1. Structural Organization: Ensure a clear introduction that previews both parts of the essay (graduate choices and salaries), followed by distinct paragraphs for each topic.

2. Cohesive Devices: Use cohesive devices more effectively to link ideas within and between sentences. Avoid repetitive phrases and aim for clarity in transitions.

3. Paragraphing: Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single central topic or idea, logically sequenced from one to the next. This helps in presenting a clearer progression of information.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve greater coherence and cohesion, potentially reaching a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at using vocabulary to convey information about Anthropology graduates’ career choices and salaries after five years. It adequately covers the main points of the prompt but lacks precision and fluency in vocabulary usage. There are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout the essay, which occasionally hinder clarity and precision. For example, "novices after graduation" could be clearer and more precise. The essay also contains awkward phrasing and some inconsistencies in grammar that affect the flow of ideas.

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score:

1. Increase Range: Include a wider variety of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely. Use synonyms and more specific terms where appropriate.
2. Accuracy: Pay closer attention to word choice, ensuring that each word accurately conveys the intended meaning. Proofreading for spelling and word formation errors is crucial.
3. Clarity and Precision: Focus on clarity in expression, avoiding ambiguous or awkward phrases that may confuse the reader. Simplify complex sentences to enhance readability.

By refining these aspects, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource, enhancing overall clarity and coherence in conveying information effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a range of structures, including simple and some complex sentences. There are instances of complex structures attempted, such as relative clauses and compound sentences. However, these attempts are not always accurate and can sometimes hinder clarity. There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, particularly in verb agreement ("what Anthropology graduates did after their obtaining their undergraduate degree"), awkward phrasing ("the figure for what Anthropology graduates did after their obtaining their undergraduate degree"), and inconsistent sentence structures ("Other 15% of choices cannot be investigated during the surveyed time"). Punctuation usage also lacks consistency, which affects readability.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, focus on improving the accuracy and variety of sentence structures. Ensure that complex structures are used correctly to enhance clarity and coherence. Pay attention to verb forms, subject-verb agreement, and use punctuation consistently and appropriately. Practice writing with attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure diversity.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given data outlines the post-undergraduate activities of Anthropology graduates from a university, along with their salaries after five years of employment.

To begin, full-time employment emerged as the predominant choice among graduates, constituting 52% of respondents. This figure significantly surpassed part-time work, which followed closely at 15%. Conversely, options such as simultaneous work and study, unemployment while studying, and pursuing further education were less popular, ranging from 5% to 12%. An additional 15% of responses did not fall into the specified categories during the survey period.

Turning to salary distributions after five years, government roles proved most lucrative, with 50% of respondents earning $100,000 or more annually. This contrasted sharply with those in private consulting and non-governmental roles, where only 10% achieved the $100,000+ bracket. Similar income levels of $75,000-$99,000 were reported by both government employees and private consultants, each comprising a notable segment of the surveyed group at around 30%. Freelance consultants and private sector employees reported incomes ranging from $25,000 to $74,999, with variations of 5%-20% in each category.

Overall, the data indicates a preference for full-time employment among Anthropology graduates, with significant variations in income depending on the type of employer, notably favoring government roles for higher salaries.