Hotel managers should provide good working conditions for their employees. Do you agree or disagree?
Hotel operators ought to offer their staff a comfortable environment to work in. Although having a comfortable working environment contains certain drawbacks, I agree that its advantages can outweigh its disadvantages.
Having a satisfied workplace has some benefits for both companies and employees. Firstly, it will make employees feel that the company has a certain care for their working environment, and from there, they will contribute more to the company wholeheartedly. As a consequence, it creates a healthy work culture and increases work efficiency. Moreover, a company that prioritizes a good working environment will attract competent people.
On the other hand, having a comfortable working atmosphere will have some drawbacks. Firstly, in a working environment, if it is extremely comfortable, it might lead to complacency or a lack of motivation in some individuals. That will be a challenge for managers, who have to control and manage those employees because of their high level of complacency. Especially in hotel and restaurant environments, where employees have to obey all rules and processes and have a high level of discipline to provide a more comfortable experience for customers, In addition, some factors, such as modern facilities and office layouts or relaxed policies, contribute to creating distractions for some employees. It will make staff members apathetic to their jobs and reduce their ability to concentrate at work, and from there, their work efficiency will be reduced, leading them to not achieve the targets that they were suggested at work. As a result, it affected not only themselves but also the company.
In conclusion, having comfortable work surroundings still has some benefits, but to me, in order to work effectively, we need to obey certain rules and have a great level of concentration at work to achieve good work completion.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"Hotel operators ought to offer their staff a comfortable environment to work in." -> "Hotel operators should provide their staff with a conducive working environment."
Explanation: Replacing "ought to offer" with "should provide" and "comfortable environment to work in" with "conducive working environment" enhances formality and precision.
"Although having a comfortable working environment contains certain drawbacks, I agree that its advantages can outweigh its disadvantages." -> "While a comfortable working environment may have some drawbacks, I agree that its advantages can outweigh the disadvantages."
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for better flow and replacing "although having" with "while" improves the overall coherence and formality of the expression.
"it will make employees feel that the company has a certain care for their working environment" -> "it will convey to employees that the company prioritizes their working conditions."
Explanation: Substituting "has a certain care for" with "prioritizes" and "working environment" with "working conditions" results in a more sophisticated and precise phrasing.
"from there, they will contribute more to the company wholeheartedly." -> "consequently, they will wholeheartedly contribute more to the company."
Explanation: Replacing "from there" with "consequently" and reordering the sentence improves the logical progression and formality.
"Especially in hotel and restaurant environments, where employees have to obey all rules and processes and have a high level of discipline to provide a more comfortable experience for customers," -> "This is particularly crucial in hotel and restaurant settings, where employees must adhere to established rules and processes and maintain a high level of discipline to ensure a comfortable experience for customers."
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and substituting "have to obey" with "must adhere to" and "provide a more comfortable experience" with "ensure a comfortable experience" enhances precision and formality.
"In addition, some factors, such as modern facilities and office layouts or relaxed policies, contribute to creating distractions for some employees." -> "Moreover, certain elements like modern facilities, office layouts, or lenient policies can introduce distractions for certain employees."
Explanation: Replacing "In addition" with "Moreover" and refining the expression of contributing factors improves the formality and clarity of the statement.
"It will make staff members apathetic to their jobs and reduce their ability to concentrate at work, and from there, their work efficiency will be reduced, leading them to not achieve the targets that they were suggested at work." -> "This can result in staff members becoming apathetic towards their jobs, diminishing their ability to concentrate at work. Consequently, their work efficiency may decrease, preventing them from achieving the suggested targets."
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for coherence and replacing repetitive phrases with more precise language enhances the overall academic tone.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the various aspects of the prompt. It acknowledges both the advantages and disadvantages of providing a comfortable working environment. The introduction clearly states the position, and the body paragraphs elaborate on the benefits and drawbacks, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the prompt.
- How to improve: To further enhance the response, consider providing more specific examples or illustrations that directly relate to the advantages and disadvantages mentioned. This can add depth to the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance throughout, agreeing with the statement that hotel operators should provide a comfortable working environment. Each paragraph contributes to reinforcing this position, ensuring clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: While the stance is clear, consider refining the thesis statement to be more explicit in expressing agreement. This can help in providing a stronger foundation for the rest of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas in the essay are presented logically, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. Examples are used to support the points made, and the essay demonstrates a good level of development.
- How to improve: To enhance the essay, aim to provide more depth in the analysis by expanding on the examples provided. Additionally, consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen the overall argumentation.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the impact of a comfortable working environment on employees and the company. However, there are moments where the focus on hotel and restaurant environments introduces some deviation from the broader context of "working conditions."
- How to improve: To stay more closely aligned with the prompt, ensure that examples and scenarios are directly related to the broader concept of "working conditions." This will help in maintaining a more focused and relevant discussion.
The essay effectively addresses the prompt, offering a balanced consideration of the advantages and disadvantages of providing a comfortable working environment for hotel employees. To improve, consider incorporating more specific examples, refining the thesis statement for clarity, providing deeper analysis of examples, and ensuring all examples directly relate to the broader concept of "working conditions."
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a coherent structure by presenting a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction outlines the stance and previews the discussion. Body paragraphs discuss advantages and drawbacks logically. However, there’s a slight imbalance in addressing the advantages more prominently than the drawbacks.
How to improve: To enhance logical organization, maintain a more balanced exploration of advantages and drawbacks. Ensure that each point is given equal weight and attention within the body paragraphs. Consider a stronger topic sentence for each paragraph to guide the reader through the content more effectively.
Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs adequately, with distinct divisions for the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided for clearer structure. Each paragraph presents a central idea, but the second one contains multiple ideas that could be better separated.
How to improve: Break down the second body paragraph into smaller, focused paragraphs to address individual points separately. Start a new paragraph for discussing the potential drawbacks of a comfortable working environment, allowing for better coherence and clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices reasonably well, such as transition phrases ("Firstly," "Moreover," "On the other hand," "In conclusion") to signal shifts in ideas. However, there’s a need for greater variety and more sophisticated linking devices. Additionally, some sentences lack cohesion, making the progression between ideas slightly abrupt.
How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., additionally, furthermore, nonetheless) to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one, maintaining a clear flow of ideas.
Overall, to enhance coherence and cohesion, aim for a more balanced discussion of advantages and drawbacks, refine paragraph structure for clearer organization, and diversify the use of cohesive devices for smoother transitions between ideas. Strengthening these aspects will elevate the essay’s coherence and cohesion, potentially improving the overall band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, showcasing words and phrases like "wholeheartedly," "complacency," "apathetic," "concentration," and "work completion." It effectively uses vocabulary to express ideas related to the topic.
- How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more nuanced and contextually specific vocabulary. For instance, instead of using generic terms like "certain drawbacks" or "certain care," explore richer alternatives that precisely convey the intended meaning.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances where vocabulary usage is precise, such as the term "complacency" to describe a potential issue in a comfortable work environment. However, some areas could benefit from more exact and targeted vocabulary. For instance, phrases like "certain drawbacks" and "certain care" could be replaced with more explicit terms to sharpen the expression of ideas.
- How to improve: Work on refining vocabulary choices by utilizing specific terms that precisely encapsulate the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "a certain care for their working environment," consider alternatives like "attentiveness towards workplace conditions."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with minimal errors observed. However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as "work surroundings" (a singular possessive form like "work surrounding" would be more appropriate) and "work completion" (which could be improved by using a more contextually fitting term like "work accomplishment").
- How to improve: Encourage a thorough proofreading process to catch minor errors in spelling and grammar. Additionally, considering the context and appropriate usage of terms can help in refining expressions for greater clarity and accuracy.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary with varied and appropriate word choices. To enhance lexical precision, focus on employing more specific terms to articulate ideas more sharply and consider refining spellings and expressions for greater accuracy and clarity.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences are prevalent, and while there are a few complex structures, they are not consistently employed. For instance, the use of introductory phrases and clauses is limited. The essay lacks a more nuanced approach to sentence formation, which could enhance the overall flow and engagement.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating a broader range of sentence structures. Introduce more complex sentences, such as those with relative clauses or inversion, to add sophistication and clarity. For example, in the concluding paragraph, where the essay discusses the need to obey certain rules, incorporating a complex sentence structure could elevate the expression of ideas.
Use Grammar Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of imprecise language use and some minor errors. For instance, in the first paragraph, the phrase "a certain care" could be revised to "a certain level of care" for clearer expression. Additionally, in the second paragraph, the phrase "because of their high level of complacency" may benefit from rephrasing to improve clarity.
- How to improve: Pay careful attention to precision in language use. Review sentences for clarity and ensure that prepositions and conjunctions are used appropriately. In the case mentioned, consider rephrasing the sentence to eliminate ambiguity and improve the overall coherence.
Use Correct Punctuation:
- Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally correct, but there are a few instances where it could be refined. For example, in the first paragraph, the comma after "Firstly" is unnecessary. In the second paragraph, the phrase "as a result, it affected not only themselves but also the company" might benefit from a semicolon after "result" to enhance the flow.
- How to improve: Focus on refining punctuation skills. Review the use of commas, semicolons, and other punctuation marks to ensure they contribute to clarity and coherence. Practice using different punctuation marks appropriately to enhance the overall structure of sentences.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, further attention to sentence variety and precision in language use would contribute to an even more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
Hotel operators should provide their staff with a comfortable working environment. I agree that the advantages of such an environment outweigh the drawbacks, despite a few challenges it might pose.
Creating a comfortable workplace yields benefits for both the company and its employees. It communicates that the company values the well-being of its staff, leading to increased dedication and contribution from employees. This fosters a positive work culture and boosts overall efficiency. Additionally, a company that prioritizes a good working environment tends to attract skilled individuals.
However, there are some drawbacks to an overly comfortable setting. Excessive comfort might breed complacency or reduced motivation in some individuals. Managing such employees becomes a challenge for managers, especially in hotel and restaurant settings where strict adherence to rules and high discipline are necessary for providing a pleasant customer experience. Moreover, elements like modern facilities, office layouts, or relaxed policies can create distractions, making some staff disinterested and decreasing their focus at work. This, in turn, hampers their efficiency, hindering them from meeting work targets.
In conclusion, while a comfortable work environment offers numerous benefits, it’s essential to balance comfort with maintaining discipline and focus. Achieving effective work completion requires a commitment to rules and a high level of concentration at work.