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Housing shortages in big cities can have severe consequences. Only government action can solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Housing shortages in big cities can have severe consequences. Only government action can solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that government measures are the only solution to the lack of housing in urban areas. From my perspective, while the government bears the major responsibility of this issue, the role of other non-governmental institutions cannot be ignored.

To start with, the authorities are significant contributors to address housing shortages. The key rationale behind this statement is that the lack of infrastructure can be solved by allocating the government subsidy on construction projects. Building schemes financed by the state are often residential complexes and apartments, which can extensively tackle the accommodation problem of a large number of people. Another justification is that the authority can incentivise residents to reside in surrounding areas. This approach mitigates the housing burden in metropolises and deploys vacant real estates in other regions, consequently alleviating the housing shortages.

On the other hand, the credit of private entities and non-profit organizations should be acknowledged. Regarding the former, numerous enterprises are involved in the fundraising process of building schemes, substantially fund many housing projects that accommodate the residents. Meanwhile, the latter firms are crucial to facilitate communication between the populace and the government. Since non-profit institutions are run by civilians, they understand the local needs, thus can act as a spokesperson of local inhabitants for any governmental housing projects. This significance, coupled with the contribution of private businesses, adequately justifies the role of non-governmental organizations in the collective effort to deal with this residential difficulty.

In conclusion, I agree that government actions are pivotal to resolve housing issues, however, other private entities also exert efforts to cater to the population.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "It is believed" -> "It is widely acknowledged"
    Explanation: "It is widely acknowledged" is a more precise and formal expression that conveys a broader consensus, which is more suitable for academic writing.

  2. "From my perspective" -> "From a perspective"
    Explanation: Removing "my" makes the statement more objective and less personal, aligning better with academic style, which aims to present facts rather than personal opinions.

  3. "the major responsibility" -> "the primary responsibility"
    Explanation: "Primary" is more specific and academically precise than "major," which can be vague and less formal.

  4. "the lack of infrastructure can be solved" -> "the lack of infrastructure can be addressed"
    Explanation: "Addressed" is a more formal and precise term than "solved," which is somewhat colloquial and implies a complete resolution, which may not always be the case.

  5. "allocating the government subsidy on construction projects" -> "allocating government subsidies to construction projects"
    Explanation: "Subsidies" should be plural to match the context of multiple projects, and "to" is the correct preposition for indicating the direction of allocation.

  6. "Building schemes financed by the state" -> "State-financed building schemes"
    Explanation: "State-financed" is a more concise and formal way to describe the source of funding, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.

  7. "can extensively tackle the accommodation problem" -> "can significantly address the accommodation issue"
    Explanation: "Significantly address" is more precise and formal than "extensively tackle," and "issue" is preferred over "problem" in formal academic writing to denote a challenge or difficulty.

  8. "incentivise residents to reside" -> "encourage residents to reside"
    Explanation: "Encourage" is a more commonly accepted and formal term in academic contexts than "incentivise," which may be less familiar or overly specific.

  9. "mitigates the housing burden" -> "reduces the housing burden"
    Explanation: "Reduces" is a clearer and more direct term than "mitigates," which can be less commonly understood in this context.

  10. "deploy vacant real estates" -> "utilize vacant real estate"
    Explanation: "Utilize" is more precise and formal than "deploy," which can imply a more active or military context. "Real estate" should be singular to match the context.

  11. "the credit of private entities" -> "the contributions of private entities"
    Explanation: "Contributions" is a more accurate and formal term than "credit," which can imply financial debt, which is not the intended meaning here.

  12. "substantially fund many housing projects" -> "substantially fund numerous housing projects"
    Explanation: "Numerous" is more precise and formal than "many," which is somewhat vague and informal.

  13. "adequately justifies" -> "sufficiently justifies"
    Explanation: "Sufficiently" is more formal and academically appropriate than "adequately," which can be seen as less precise.

  14. "I agree that government actions are pivotal" -> "It is evident that government actions are pivotal"
    Explanation: Replacing "I agree" with "It is evident" removes the personal pronoun and shifts the statement to a more objective, academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by acknowledging the government’s role in solving housing shortages while also recognizing the importance of non-governmental entities. The introduction clearly states the author’s perspective, indicating a balanced view. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit discussion of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The conclusion reiterates the main point but lacks a definitive stance on the extent of agreement.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should clearly articulate their position on the extent of agreement or disagreement in the introduction and conclusion. For instance, using phrases like "I fully agree" or "I partially disagree" would clarify the author’s stance. Additionally, providing a brief overview of the main arguments supporting this position in the introduction would set a clearer framework for the essay.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position, emphasizing the government’s primary responsibility while acknowledging the contributions of non-governmental organizations. However, the transition between these two viewpoints could be smoother, as the shift from government action to private entities may confuse readers about the author’s main argument.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the author should use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two viewpoints. For example, after discussing government actions, the author could state, "While government action is crucial, it is equally important to consider the role of private entities." This would help reinforce the overall argument and ensure that the reader understands the relationship between the two perspectives.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several relevant ideas, such as government subsidies and the role of non-profit organizations. However, some points lack depth and specific examples. For instance, while the author mentions that private entities fund housing projects, there are no specific examples or statistics to illustrate this point, which weakens the argument.
    • How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, the author should include specific examples, data, or case studies that illustrate the effectiveness of government and non-governmental actions in addressing housing shortages. For instance, citing a successful housing project funded by a private entity or a government initiative that led to increased housing availability would strengthen the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the housing shortage issue and the roles of government and non-governmental organizations. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly vague, particularly in the transition between points, which could lead to a perception of drifting from the main topic.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the central question of government versus non-governmental solutions. Using topic sentences that clearly state the main idea of each paragraph and its relevance to the prompt would help keep the essay on track. Additionally, summarizing how each point contributes to the overall argument in the concluding sentences of each paragraph would reinforce the topic’s relevance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the writer’s stance, followed by two main body paragraphs that discuss the roles of government and non-governmental entities in addressing housing shortages. The logical progression from government responsibility to the role of private and non-profit organizations is well-executed. For instance, the transition from discussing government subsidies to the importance of private entities is smooth and maintains a clear focus on the topic.
    • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider using more explicit linking phrases that guide the reader through the argument. For example, phrases like "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In addition" could help delineate the points more clearly. Additionally, a brief summary sentence at the end of each paragraph could reinforce the main idea before transitioning to the next point.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses government action, while the second addresses the contributions of private and non-profit organizations. This clear separation aids readability and comprehension.
    • How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, consider ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Government intervention is crucial in addressing the housing crisis," which would immediately inform the reader of the paragraph’s focus. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a concluding sentence that ties back to the overall argument can strengthen the coherence of the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "On the other hand," "This approach," and "Meanwhile," which effectively connect ideas and contrast different viewpoints. These devices help in maintaining the flow of the essay and in guiding the reader through the argument.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "In contrast" can enhance the richness of the text. Additionally, varying sentence structures can improve cohesion; for example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "The authority," try rephrasing some sentences to begin with the action or outcome, which can create a more dynamic flow.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, meriting a Band Score of 8. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of housing shortages. Terms such as "government measures," "infrastructure," "residential complexes," and "non-profit organizations" indicate a solid grasp of the subject matter. The use of phrases like "significant contributors" and "mitigates the housing burden" showcases the ability to employ varied vocabulary effectively. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more diverse, particularly in expressing ideas related to solutions and consequences.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms that convey similar meanings. For example, instead of repeating "housing shortages," you might use "housing crisis" or "accommodation deficit." Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enrich the text, such as "urgent housing crisis" or "effectively alleviate."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where word choice could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "the authorities are significant contributors to address housing shortages" could be more clearly articulated. The term "contributors" is somewhat vague; specifying "key stakeholders" or "primary actors" would enhance clarity. Additionally, the phrase "the authority can incentivise residents" could be improved by specifying what kind of incentives are being referred to, such as "financial incentives" or "tax breaks."
    • How to improve: Focus on choosing words that convey your intended meaning more clearly. When discussing the role of government or private entities, be specific about their contributions. For example, instead of saying "facilitate communication," you could say "enhance dialogue" or "bridge the gap between residents and government." This precision will strengthen your arguments and make your writing more impactful.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors that would detract from the overall quality of the writing. Words such as "infrastructure," "accommodation," and "significance" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a strong command of English spelling conventions.
    • How to improve: To maintain and further improve spelling accuracy, consider regular practice with spelling exercises or using tools like spell checkers when drafting essays. Additionally, reading extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts. If you encounter unfamiliar words, take the time to look them up and practice writing them to solidify your understanding.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 7 for Lexical Resource, there are opportunities for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling practices. By diversifying vocabulary, choosing words more carefully, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the essay could reach an even higher level of lexical sophistication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the writer employs complex sentences effectively, such as "The key rationale behind this statement is that the lack of infrastructure can be solved by allocating the government subsidy on construction projects." This sentence showcases the use of a subordinate clause and a clear main clause, enhancing the sophistication of the writing. Additionally, the use of phrases like "On the other hand" and "To start with" indicates a good command of discourse markers that help in organizing ideas logically. However, while the range is generally strong, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way arguments are introduced.
    • How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Another justification is that," the writer might use "Furthermore," or "In addition to this," to introduce new points. Experimenting with different sentence lengths and types (e.g., using questions or exclamatory sentences for emphasis) could also enhance the overall complexity and engagement of the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For example, the phrase "the authorities are significant contributors to address housing shortages" could be more accurately phrased as "the authorities are significant contributors to addressing housing shortages," as "to address" is not the correct form following "contributors." Punctuation is mostly correct, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses, but there are some areas where clarity could be improved. For instance, the sentence "This approach mitigates the housing burden in metropolises and deploys vacant real estates in other regions, consequently alleviating the housing shortages" could benefit from a clearer separation of ideas or a rephrasing for better flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on ensuring that verb forms match their intended use within the context of the sentence. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly focusing on gerunds and infinitives, could be beneficial. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding complex sentences, would help in refining clarity and coherence. Reading high-quality academic texts can also provide examples of effective punctuation and grammar usage.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. With targeted improvements in sentence variety and grammatical precision, the writer could elevate their performance even further.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely acknowledged that government measures are the only solution to the lack of housing in urban areas. From my perspective, while the government bears the primary responsibility for this issue, the role of other non-governmental institutions cannot be ignored.

To start with, the authorities are significant contributors to addressing housing shortages. The key rationale behind this statement is that the lack of infrastructure can be addressed by allocating government subsidies to construction projects. State-financed building schemes are often residential complexes and apartments, which can significantly tackle the accommodation problem for a large number of people. Another justification is that the authorities can incentivize residents to reside in surrounding areas. This approach reduces the housing burden in metropolises and utilizes vacant real estate in other regions, consequently alleviating the housing shortages.

On the other hand, the contributions of private entities and non-profit organizations should be acknowledged. Regarding the former, numerous enterprises are involved in the fundraising process of building schemes and substantially fund many housing projects that accommodate residents. Meanwhile, the latter organizations are crucial in facilitating communication between the populace and the government. Since non-profit institutions are run by civilians, they understand local needs and can act as spokespersons for local inhabitants in any governmental housing projects. This significance, coupled with the contributions of private businesses, sufficiently justifies the role of non-governmental organizations in the collective effort to deal with this residential difficulty.

In conclusion, I agree that government actions are pivotal in resolving housing issues; however, other private entities also exert efforts to cater to the population.

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