How are you? What is your plan for your coming birthday? What present do you want from me?

How are you?
What is your plan for your coming birthday?
What present do you want from me?

Dear Mery
I hope you're well. I'm sorry for not writing to you recently because i'm to busy with my studying.
My birthday is coming. I'm so excited about my birthday next week. I want to tell you about my preparation. I hope you enjoy it too.
I planned the party two weeks ago. I'm going to celebrate the party at home with friends and relatives. I have bought a lot of decorations, prepared a list of dishes and ordered beautiful cakes for my birthday. Your presence will be a great support for me on my birthday. I hope that you would be able to spare time to coming.
I looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Best wishes.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "Mery" -> "Mary"
   Explanation: "Mery" seems to be a misspelling or informal version of the name "Mary," which should be capitalized and spelled correctly for formal communication.

2. "i’m to busy" -> "I’m too busy"
   Explanation: "to" should be replaced with "too" to convey the meaning of being excessively occupied, and "I’m" should be capitalized for grammatical correctness.

3. "excited about my birthday" -> "looking forward to my birthday"
   Explanation: "Excited about my birthday" is slightly informal. "Looking forward to my birthday" is a more formal and commonly used expression.

4. "want to tell you about" -> "would like to inform you of"
   Explanation: "Want to tell you about" is casual. "Would like to inform you of" is a more formal and polite expression, suitable for written communication.

5. "I hope you enjoy it too" -> "I hope you will enjoy it as well"
   Explanation: "Enjoy it too" is slightly informal. "Will enjoy it as well" is a more formal and grammatically correct phrase for expressing a hope.

6. "celebrate the party" -> "host the party"
   Explanation: "Celebrate the party" is not idiomatic. "Host the party" is a more appropriate term for organizing or arranging a celebration.

7. "a lot of decorations" -> "numerous decorations"
   Explanation: "A lot of decorations" is colloquial. "Numerous decorations" is a more formal and precise expression for emphasizing abundance.

8. "ordered beautiful cakes" -> "ordered exquisite cakes"
   Explanation: "Beautiful cakes" is somewhat generic. "Exquisite cakes" conveys a sense of elegance and refinement, suitable for a formal occasion like a birthday celebration.

9. "Your presence will be a great support for me" -> "Your presence would greatly enhance my celebration"
   Explanation: "Your presence will be a great support for me" is a bit informal and overly personal. "Your presence would greatly enhance my celebration" is a more formal and appropriate expression for inviting someone to an event.

10. "spare time to coming" -> "spare time to attend"
    Explanation: "Spare time to coming" is grammatically incorrect. "Spare time to attend" is a proper phrase to indicate making time to be present at an event.

11. "I looking forward to hearing from you soon" -> "I look forward to hearing from you soon"
    Explanation: "I looking forward" is grammatically incorrect. "I look forward" is the correct form for expressing anticipation in written communication.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses the prompt. It acknowledges the upcoming birthday and briefly mentions the plan for the celebration. However, it neglects to respond to the first and third parts of the prompt, which ask about the recipient’s well-being and the desired present.
  • How to improve: Ensure all parts of the prompt are addressed explicitly. Begin by expressing gratitude or acknowledging the well-being of the recipient. Then, provide a detailed plan for the upcoming birthday celebration and specify any desired presents.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the anticipation of the upcoming birthday celebration. However, it lacks clarity in addressing the recipient’s well-being and the desired present.
  • How to improve: Maintain consistency in addressing all aspects of the prompt throughout the essay. Clearly state the purpose of the communication, whether it’s to share excitement about the birthday, inquire about the recipient’s well-being, or express preferences regarding birthday gifts.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay briefly presents the idea of preparing for the birthday celebration but lacks depth and elaboration. It mentions planning the party, buying decorations, preparing dishes, and ordering cakes without providing further details or explanations.
  • How to improve: Extend and support ideas by elaborating on the planning process, describing the chosen decorations, explaining the significance of the dishes, and sharing preferences for the cake. Provide specific details and examples to enhance the reader’s understanding and engagement.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay partially stays on topic by discussing the upcoming birthday celebration. However, it veers off-topic by failing to address the recipient’s well-being and the desired present, as requested in the prompt.
  • How to improve: Maintain focus on the main theme of the essay, which is the upcoming birthday celebration, while ensuring all aspects of the prompt are addressed. Avoid including irrelevant information that detracts from the central topic and purpose of the communication.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates anticipation and preparation for the upcoming birthday celebration, it falls short of fully addressing all parts of the prompt and lacks depth in its presentation. To improve, the writer should ensure comprehensive coverage of the prompt, maintain clarity and consistency throughout the essay, provide detailed explanations and examples, and stay focused on the main topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4

Organize Information Logically:

• Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompts provided but struggles with maintaining a logical flow of information. The organization of ideas appears somewhat random, and transitions between them are not smooth, which can confuse the reader. For instance, the jump from the apology for not writing sooner to discussing birthday plans lacks a natural transition, and the flow between discussing the party and requesting the recipient’s presence is abrupt.
• How to improve: To enhance the logical flow and structure of the essay, the writer should consider using a more structured format that clearly addresses each prompt individually and links ideas with transitional phrases. Beginning with a brief introduction that acknowledges the prompts, followed by separate paragraphs dedicated to each question, would significantly improve clarity. For example, one paragraph could focus entirely on birthday plans, another on desired gifts, and a separate concluding section to reinforce the request for the reader’s presence.

Use Paragraphs:

• Detailed explanation: The essay is presented as one long paragraph, which makes it difficult to distinguish between different ideas or parts of the discussion. Effective paragraphing is missing, which is crucial for readability and organization in any essay. Each new topic or shift in focus should start a new paragraph.
• How to improve: The student should practice dividing the content into distinct paragraphs, each with a clear purpose. One approach is to start a new paragraph for each response to the separate questions posed in the essay prompt. For example, one paragraph could be dedicated to the writer’s feelings and current state ("I hope you’re well…"), another to plans for the birthday ("My birthday is coming…"), and another discussing what gift the writer hopes to receive. This division will help the reader follow the progression of ideas more comfortably.

Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

• Detailed explanation: The essay uses limited cohesive devices, and the ones in use are somewhat repetitive and incorrectly applied, such as "I’m so excited," followed later by "I’m going to celebrate." The use of "I hope" is repeated multiple times, which can feel redundant rather than cohesive. The use of linking words or phrases that can guide the reader through the argument or narrative is minimal.
• How to improve: The student should expand their repertoire of cohesive devices beyond simple conjunctions and personal pronouns. Introducing adverbs, conjunctions, and discourse markers could significantly improve the text’s cohesion. For example, "Furthermore" or "In addition" could introduce additional details about the birthday plans, while "Consequently" or "As a result" could precede outcomes or conclusions drawn from earlier statements. Using a variety like "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Finally" can help organize responses to the prompts more clearly and indicate progression through the essay’s narrative or argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, including common words and expressions appropriate for informal communication. However, there is a lack of variety in vocabulary, with some repetition and reliance on basic language structures.
  • How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, aim to incorporate more diverse vocabulary and expressions. Expand your vocabulary by reading widely and noting down new words and phrases. Additionally, consider using synonyms to avoid repetition and add depth to your writing. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "birthday," you could employ alternatives like "celebration," "special day," or "anniversary."

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses vocabulary that is generally appropriate for the context but lacks precision in some instances. For example, phrases like "I’m so excited about my birthday" and "I planned the party two weeks ago" could be expressed with more precise language to convey the writer’s emotions and actions more effectively.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, strive to select words and phrases that accurately convey your intended meaning. For instance, instead of using "so excited," consider expressing your anticipation with more vivid language such as "I’m eagerly anticipating" or "I’m thrilled." Similarly, specify the timing of your party planning by saying "I finalized the party arrangements two weeks ago" for clarity and precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Mery" instead of "Mary," "to" instead of "too," "coming" instead of "come," and "looking" instead of "look forward." These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spelling and grammar checkers available in word processing software. Additionally, proofread your writing carefully to catch and correct any spelling mistakes before submitting your work. Developing a habit of reviewing your writing for errors will help enhance spelling accuracy over time. Additionally, expanding your reading habits can expose you to correctly spelled words in context, aiding in retention and application.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the structures further to enhance the overall fluency and coherence of the essay. For instance, while simple sentences dominate the essay, incorporating more complex and compound-complex structures can add depth and sophistication to the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and fluency of the essay, consider incorporating a greater variety of sentence structures. Introduce complex sentences by combining independent and dependent clauses, use compound sentences to connect related ideas, and experiment with compound-complex structures for more nuanced expression. Varying sentence lengths and structures will improve the flow and readability of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies that detract from its clarity and coherence. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("I’m to busy"), punctuation errors such as missing commas in compound sentences ("I planned the party two weeks ago. I’m going to celebrate the party at home…"), and inconsistent capitalization ("I looking forward"). Additionally, there are instances of informal language usage ("I’m so excited about my birthday") that should be revised for a more formal tone appropriate for the task.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, focus on reviewing and practicing fundamental grammar rules, particularly regarding subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and punctuation usage. Pay close attention to sentence structure and ensure coherence by using appropriate transitional phrases and punctuation marks. Additionally, aim for a consistent formal tone throughout the essay by avoiding colloquial expressions and informal language. Proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help identify and correct any remaining errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

Dear Mary,

I hope you are doing well. I apologize for not writing to you recently as I have been very busy with my studies.

My birthday is coming up, and I am really looking forward to it next week. I would like to inform you of my plans and hope that you will enjoy them as well.

I have arranged to host the party at home with friends and relatives. I have purchased numerous decorations, prepared a list of dishes, and ordered exquisite cakes for the celebration. Your presence would greatly enhance my birthday, and I hope you can spare some time to attend.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Best wishes,
[Your Name]