Humans are damaging the environment. What problems can this create? What are some solutions?

Environmental degradation is increasingly serious due to human activities. This essay attempts to shed light on the problems which have resulted from this phenomenon before outlining several viable solutions that should be adopted to tackle this problem.

There are two major problems which both human and natural habitats have to face stem from environmental pollution. First and foremost, due to air pollution caused by excessive exhaust fumes, human health is detrimentally affected. In fact, because of industrialization and urbanization, the exhaust emissions from factories and vehicles have seriously increased, leading to air pollution, especially in megacities. This could push individuals to suffer from some serious diseases, such as lung cancer or respiratory disease. Moreover, deforestation could lead to the demise of thousands of species. To be more specific, many animals and plants are highly dependent on forest ecosystems for food, shelter, and reproduction. Consequently, when these habitats are destroyed, typically for agricultural, urban development, or industrial purposes, species face difficulties in surviving, leading to population decline and, in severe cases, extinction.

To combat this worrying issue, the following essential steps should be taken. One feasible measure is that governing bodies should encourage big cities to reduce greenhouse gases by easing the traffic flow. This could be done by upgrading the public transport system and encouraging residents to use carpooling. When the number of private vehicles commuting on the roads is limited, the air quality appeals to be fresher, which then improves human overall health. Another remedy is that the authorities should introduce policies aiming at protecting forests from being cut down illegally. For instance, they could enforce strict regulations, including hefty fines, imprisonment, and revocation of business licenses, for individuals or companies involved in illegal logging. This will act as a strong deterrent to those intending to engage in such practices, thereby preserving habitat for various species and maintaining biodiversity.

In conclusion, there are some serious repercussions attributable to the environment being devastated, and it is crucial that the aforementioned measures be implemented not only by the governmental bodies but also by individuals to deal with these issues.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"increasingly serious" -> "increasingly severe"
Explanation: "Severe" is a more precise term in academic contexts to describe the intensity of environmental degradation, enhancing the formal tone of the essay.
"shed light on" -> "explore"
Explanation: "Explore" is a more academic term that implies a thorough examination of the issues, which is more suitable for an analytical essay.
"problems which have resulted from this phenomenon" -> "consequences of this phenomenon"
Explanation: "Consequences" is a more precise term that directly refers to the effects of environmental degradation, aligning better with academic language.
"human and natural habitats" -> "human and environmental habitats"
Explanation: "Environmental habitats" is a more specific and academically appropriate term that encompasses both human and natural environments, enhancing clarity and precision.
"detrimentally affected" -> "adversely affected"
Explanation: "Adversely" is a more formal synonym for "detrimentally," which is commonly used in academic writing to describe negative impacts.
"exhaust emissions" -> "exhaust fumes"
Explanation: "Exhaust fumes" is the correct term for the gases emitted by vehicles, which is more specific and accurate in this context.
"megacities" -> "large cities"
Explanation: "Megacities" is a colloquial term; "large cities" is more neutral and appropriate for formal academic writing.
"push individuals to suffer" -> "lead individuals to suffer"
Explanation: "Lead" is a more formal verb that accurately conveys causality in academic writing, replacing the more informal "push."
"the demise of thousands of species" -> "the extinction of numerous species"
Explanation: "Extinction" is the correct term for the permanent loss of species, and "numerous" is more precise than "thousands," which can be vague and imprecise in academic contexts.
"highly dependent on" -> "critically dependent on"
Explanation: "Critically dependent on" emphasizes the severity of the dependence, which is more suitable for academic discourse.
"appeals to be fresher" -> "appears to be fresher"
Explanation: "Appears" is the correct verb form to use in this context, indicating a perceived change in air quality, rather than "appeals," which is incorrect.
"overall health" -> "general health"
Explanation: "General health" is a more formal and precise term in academic writing, replacing the more colloquial "overall health."
"introducing policies aiming at" -> "implementing policies aimed at"
Explanation: "Implementing" is more specific and active in this context, indicating the actual process of putting policies into effect, whereas "introducing" is more passive and vague.
"revocation of business licenses" -> "revocation of business permits"
Explanation: "Permits" is a more specific term in the context of environmental regulations, aligning better with formal and precise language.
"not only by the governmental bodies but also by individuals" -> "not only by governmental bodies but also by individuals"
Explanation: Removing "the" before "governmental bodies" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more formal and correct in academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying significant problems caused by environmental degradation, such as health issues due to air pollution and the extinction of species due to deforestation. The solutions proposed, including improving public transport and enforcing regulations against illegal logging, are relevant and practical. However, while the problems and solutions are clearly outlined, the essay could benefit from a more explicit connection between the problems and the proposed solutions, enhancing the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer could explicitly link each problem to its corresponding solution. For example, after discussing health issues from air pollution, the writer could directly state how improving public transport specifically addresses this problem.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that environmental degradation is a serious issue that requires immediate action. The introduction sets the tone, and the conclusion reiterates the need for action from both governments and individuals. However, the essay could strengthen its position by providing a more robust argument for why these solutions are necessary, perhaps by including statistics or expert opinions to reinforce the urgency of the issues.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should consider integrating more persuasive elements, such as data or case studies, that illustrate the effectiveness of the proposed solutions. This would not only clarify the stance but also enhance the overall argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, with each paragraph focusing on a specific problem or solution. The use of examples, such as the health effects of air pollution and the consequences of deforestation, effectively supports the claims made. However, some ideas could be further extended; for instance, the discussion of health impacts could include more specific diseases or statistics to bolster the argument.
- How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should aim to include more detailed examples and evidence. For instance, citing specific studies or statistics regarding air quality improvements from enhanced public transport could strengthen the argument for this solution.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, consistently addressing the problems and solutions related to environmental degradation. There are no significant deviations from the subject matter, and the structure supports a logical flow of ideas. However, the conclusion could be more impactful by summarizing the key points more explicitly, reinforcing the importance of the discussed solutions.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that the conclusion succinctly encapsulates the main arguments and reiterates the urgency of the solutions proposed. This could involve a brief summary of the problems and a call to action, emphasizing the collective responsibility in addressing environmental issues.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and presents a well-structured argument. By enhancing the connections between problems and solutions, incorporating more persuasive evidence, and refining the conclusion, the writer could further improve the effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure. It begins with an introduction that outlines the main problems and solutions, followed by two distinct sections addressing the problems and solutions respectively. For instance, the transition from discussing health impacts due to air pollution to the effects of deforestation is smooth, maintaining a coherent flow. Each paragraph effectively builds on the previous one, which enhances the overall clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider using more explicit linking phrases at the beginning of paragraphs. For example, instead of starting the second paragraph with "To combat this worrying issue," a phrase like "In response to these challenges," could provide a clearer transition from the problems to the solutions. Additionally, summarizing key points at the end of each section could reinforce the logical progression of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. The first paragraph addresses the problems, while the second outlines solutions. This clear separation aids readability and comprehension. However, the second paragraph could be further divided into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the first solution and another on the second solution, allowing for more detailed exploration of each.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones that each tackle a single idea or point. For instance, the second paragraph could be split after discussing the first solution, allowing for a more focused discussion on the second solution. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can help guide the reader through the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "moreover," and "consequently," which effectively link ideas and enhance the flow of the essay. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. For example, the use of synonyms or paraphrasing could help avoid repetition and maintain reader interest. The phrase "this could push individuals to suffer" could be rephrased to "this may lead to individuals suffering from" for variety.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "in addition," "furthermore," or "as a result" can help connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, consider using more complex cohesive devices, such as referring back to ideas previously mentioned (e.g., "the aforementioned health issues") to create a stronger connection between sentences and paragraphs.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, implementing these suggestions could enhance clarity and engagement, potentially raising the band score even further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of environmental degradation. Terms such as "environmental degradation," "exhaust emissions," "deforestation," and "biodiversity" are used effectively to convey complex ideas. However, the vocabulary could be further diversified. For instance, phrases like "serious diseases" and "worrying issue" could be replaced with more varied synonyms to enhance the richness of the language.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "serious," you might use "grave" or "critical." Additionally, using more varied adjectives and adverbs can help to create a more engaging narrative.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "the air quality appeals to be fresher" is awkward and imprecise. The intended meaning seems to be that air quality "appears" to improve, which is a more accurate choice of word.
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring that word choices accurately convey the intended meaning. Reviewing phrases for clarity and correctness can help. For instance, replacing "appeals to be fresher" with "is likely to improve" would enhance precision. Additionally, consider using more specific terms when discussing solutions, such as "implementing" instead of "introducing" when referring to policies.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words like "industrialization," "deforestation," and "biodiversity" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a strong command of spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and further enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to engage in regular reading and writing practices. Additionally, using tools such as spell checkers and proofreading can help catch any potential errors before submission. Practicing commonly misspelled words related to environmental topics can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 in Lexical Resource, focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy will help elevate the score further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "This essay attempts to shed light on the problems which have resulted from this phenomenon before outlining several viable solutions that should be adopted to tackle this problem" effectively convey multiple ideas in a single sentence. Additionally, the use of conditional structures in "This could push individuals to suffer from some serious diseases" showcases the writer’s ability to express hypothetical situations. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence openings and the inclusion of more compound and complex structures to enhance flow and engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider varying the introductory phrases and using more transitional phrases to connect ideas. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "This" or "Moreover," try using phrases like "In addition to this," or "Another significant issue is." Incorporating more varied conjunctions and relative clauses can also enhance complexity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits strong grammatical accuracy, with few errors. For example, the phrase "human health is detrimentally affected" is grammatically correct and effectively conveys the intended meaning. However, there are minor punctuation issues, such as the comma usage in "leading to population decline and, in severe cases, extinction," where the comma before "in severe cases" is unnecessary. Additionally, the phrase "the air quality appeals to be fresher" contains a slight awkwardness; it should be "the air quality appears to be fresher."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, review punctuation rules, particularly regarding commas and conjunctions. Practicing sentence diagramming can help clarify complex structures. Additionally, consider reading the essay aloud to identify any awkward phrasing or grammatical inconsistencies. Regularly revising common grammatical pitfalls, such as subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency, will also be beneficial.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical range and accuracy, but with targeted improvements in sentence variety and grammatical precision, it could achieve an even higher score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Environmental degradation is increasingly severe due to human activities. This essay aims to explore the problems that have arisen from this phenomenon before outlining several viable solutions that should be adopted to address this issue.

There are two major problems that both human and environmental habitats face as a result of environmental pollution. First and foremost, air pollution caused by excessive exhaust fumes adversely affects human health. In fact, due to industrialization and urbanization, the emissions from factories and vehicles have significantly increased, leading to air pollution, particularly in large cities. This could lead individuals to suffer from serious diseases, such as lung cancer or respiratory illnesses. Moreover, deforestation threatens the survival of thousands of species. To be more specific, many animals and plants are critically dependent on forest ecosystems for food, shelter, and reproduction. Consequently, when these habitats are destroyed, typically for agricultural, urban development, or industrial purposes, species struggle to survive, leading to population decline and, in severe cases, extinction.

To combat this worrying issue, several essential steps should be taken. One feasible measure is for governing bodies to encourage large cities to reduce greenhouse gases by improving traffic flow. This could be achieved by upgrading the public transport system and promoting carpooling among residents. When the number of private vehicles on the roads is limited, the air quality appears to be fresher, which in turn enhances general health. Another solution is for authorities to implement policies aimed at protecting forests from illegal logging. For instance, they could enforce strict regulations, including hefty fines, imprisonment, and revocation of business permits for individuals or companies involved in illegal logging. This would act as a strong deterrent to those intending to engage in such practices, thereby preserving habitats for various species and maintaining biodiversity.

In conclusion, there are serious consequences attributable to environmental degradation, and it is crucial that the aforementioned measures be implemented not only by governmental bodies but also by individuals to effectively address these issues.