In conclusion, although factors such as money and appearance may offer advantages in certain contexts, I firmly believe that success in life primarily comes from hard work and determination. While external elements may influence opportunities and perceptions, they do not guarantee sustained success or fulfilment. True success is rooted in the journey of self-discovery, continuous learning, and the relentless pursuit of one’s passions and goals

In conclusion, although factors such as money and appearance may offer advantages in certain contexts, I firmly believe that success in life primarily comes from hard work and determination. While external elements may influence opportunities and perceptions, they do not guarantee sustained success or fulfilment. True success is rooted in the journey of self-discovery, continuous learning, and the relentless pursuit of one's passions and goals

The question of what components contribute to one’s success in life is a multifaceted one. It is often argued by some that hard working and determination are one of the most factor comes from successful in life. Whereas others claim that money and appearance are important factors lead success. This essay will further discuss the two sides of the issue before giving my opinion.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that success is heavily influenced by factors such as wealth and appearance as they provide access to resources, networks, and opportunities that can accelerate one’s path to success. It is obvious that individuals born into affluent families or possessing certain physical attributes may have inherent advantages in society. Moreover, money and appearance are often associated with societal status and prestige. An illustration of this is that celebrities such as actresses and pop stars stand out due to the fact that they have appealing appearances, giving them opportunities to gain funding from companies and buil a reputation.

On the other hand, there are myriad ways supporting the statement that hard working and determination success. It is important to remember that success stems from personal development and self – improvement. In other words, by setting goals, working hard and persevering through challenges, individuals can achieve their desired outcomes. They believe that these qualities cultivate resilience, enabling individuals to bounce back from setbacks and failures. For instance, when they must face to face failed, they never give up but instead they learn from their experiences, adapt to changing circumstances, and continue to strive for success despite obstacles. Moreover, the journey of being hard – working and diligent fosters valuable character traits such as discipline, resilience, perseverance, and grit. In this case, these qualities are essential for long – term success and fulfilment invarious aspects of life that can be take into account.

In conclusion, although factors such as money and appearance may offer advantages in certain contexts, I firmly believe that success in life primarily comes from hard work and determination. While external elements may influence opportunities and perceptions, they do not guarantee sustained success or fulfilment. True success is rooted in the journey of self-discovery, continuous learning, and the relentless pursuit of one's passions and goals

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "hard working and determination are one of the most factor comes from successful in life" -> "hard work and determination are among the most significant factors contributing to success in life"
   Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkwardly constructed. The suggested correction provides a clearer and more grammatically accurate statement that fits academic writing standards.

2. "important factors lead success" -> "important factors leading to success"
   Explanation: The original phrase lacks the proper verb form to convey a complete idea. Adding "leading to" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence more coherent and formal.

3. "buil a reputation" -> "build a reputation"
   Explanation: This appears to be a typographical error. Correcting "buil" to "build" ensures proper spelling and maintains the professionalism of the text.

4. "hard working and determination success" -> "hard work and determination lead to success"
   Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The suggested correction provides a clearer connection between hard work, determination, and success, enhancing readability and formality.

5. "self – improvement" -> "self-improvement"
   Explanation: The original phrase incorrectly uses spaces around the hyphen. Removing these spaces corrects the compound noun’s formatting, aligning with standard English conventions.

6. "face to face failed" -> "face failure"
   Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and not grammatically correct. Simplifying it to "face failure" improves clarity and maintains a formal tone.

7. "never give up but instead they learn" -> "never give up; instead, they learn"
   Explanation: The original construction is a run-on sentence. Introducing a semicolon and a comma improves sentence structure, making the transition between ideas smoother and more formal.

8. "being hard – working and diligent" -> "being hardworking and diligent"
   Explanation: Similar to earlier, the incorrect use of spaces around the hyphen in "hard – working" is not standard. Correcting to "hardworking" adheres to proper compound adjective formatting.

9. "valuable character traits such as discipline, resilience, perseverance, and grit" -> "valuable character traits, including discipline, resilience, perseverance, and grit,"
   Explanation: Changing "such as" to "including" and adding commas before and after the list of traits slightly refines the sentence structure, enhancing the academic tone by providing a clearer enumeration of qualities.

10. "invarious aspects of life that can be take into account" -> "in various aspects of life that should be taken into account"
    Explanation: "Invarious" is not a word; it seems to be a typographical error for "in various." Additionally, changing "can be take" to "should be taken" corrects the verb tense and makes a stronger, more formal recommendation for consideration.

11. "True success is rooted in the journey of self-discovery, continuous learning, and the relentless pursuit of one’s passions and goals" -> "True success is fundamentally rooted in the journey of self-discovery, continuous learning, and the relentless pursuit of one’s passions and objectives."
    Explanation: Adding "fundamentally" emphasizes the depth of the statement, and replacing "goals" with "objectives" employs a more formal synonym, slightly elevating the academic tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt by discussing both sides of the issue (money and appearance vs. hard work and determination) before presenting the writer’s opinion in the conclusion. However, the introduction could be clearer and more concise in presenting the opposing views and the writer’s stance.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that the introduction succinctly introduces both perspectives and clearly states the writer’s position. Additionally, providing specific examples for each viewpoint would strengthen the analysis.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear stance throughout the essay, asserting that success primarily stems from hard work and determination. This position is consistently reiterated in each paragraph, including the introduction and conclusion.
  • How to improve: To further reinforce the clarity of the position, consider incorporating stronger transitions between paragraphs to enhance the coherence of the argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas related to both perspectives on success. Each paragraph contains relevant points and examples to elaborate on the arguments presented. However, some instances lack specificity or depth in supporting examples.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, ensure that each supporting example is thoroughly developed and directly related to the main argument. Additionally, consider providing more diverse and nuanced examples to enrich the analysis.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the factors contributing to success in life as outlined in the prompt. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing the attributes of celebrities.
  • How to improve: To maintain strict relevance to the topic, avoid tangential discussions and ensure that all examples and arguments directly contribute to the analysis of success factors.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear stance on the issue, there is room for improvement in terms of clarity, specificity of examples, coherence, and relevance to the topic. By refining these aspects, the essay can enhance its effectiveness in conveying the writer’s argument and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of ideas. It starts with an introduction that outlines the two sides of the argument and ends with a clear conclusion that restates the writer’s opinion. Each body paragraph discusses one side of the argument, providing examples and explanations.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, it’s advisable to ensure smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This can be achieved by using cohesive devices effectively to link ideas and create a seamless flow of information. Additionally, consider restructuring sentences for clarity and coherence, avoiding repetitive phrases or redundant wording.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into three paragraphs, each addressing a different aspect of the argument. However, there are instances where ideas within paragraphs could be more effectively grouped or separated to improve clarity and coherence.
  • How to improve: Aim for a clearer division of ideas within paragraphs to avoid confusion. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of the argument and maintain coherence throughout. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller, more focused ones to enhance readability and organization.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices such as transition words (e.g., "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "in conclusion") and pronouns to connect ideas. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the range of cohesive devices used.
  • How to improve: Incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices such as conjunctions, adverbs, and synonyms to enhance coherence. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices within sentences to ensure smooth transitions between ideas. Practice using cohesive devices effectively to create a cohesive and well-connected essay structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable effort in utilizing a diverse range of vocabulary. Synonyms and varied expressions are employed throughout, enhancing the richness of the content. For instance, phrases such as "multifaceted," "inherent advantages," "personal development," "resilience," and "continuous learning" contribute to a nuanced discussion on success.
  • How to improve: To further enrich the lexical resource, consider incorporating specialized terminology or idiomatic expressions relevant to the topic. Additionally, strive for more precision in word choice to avoid repetition or ambiguity.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, there are instances where certain terms could be used more accurately. For example, the phrase "the two sides of the issue" could be substituted with "the contrasting viewpoints," which would convey the idea more precisely. Conversely, phrases like "certain physical attributes" and "certain contexts" lack specificity and could benefit from more precise descriptors.
  • How to improve: Enhance precision by selecting vocabulary that precisely conveys the intended meaning. Consider consulting a thesaurus or conducting additional research to identify more specific terms relevant to the discussion. Additionally, ensure consistency in terminology usage throughout the essay to maintain clarity and coherence.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling, with few notable errors detracting from overall clarity. However, there are instances of misspelled words such as "sucessful" (successful), "buil" (build), "various" (various), "invarious" (in various), and "hard – working" (hardworking). While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, they do detract from the overall professionalism of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools or proofreading the essay thoroughly before submission. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words and practice employing correct spelling consistently. Reading aloud or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and correct spelling errors effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures. It includes simple, compound, and complex sentences, albeit with some repetition and lack of variety. There are instances of complex sentences, such as "Moreover, money and appearance are often associated with societal status and prestige," which add depth to the argument. However, there is a tendency to overuse certain sentence structures, leading to a lack of variety and fluency.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer should aim to incorporate more complex and varied sentence structures throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using subordinate clauses, relative clauses, and participial phrases to add complexity and depth to the writing. Additionally, varying sentence lengths and structures can improve the overall flow and readability of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair level of grammatical accuracy overall. However, there are several grammatical errors present throughout the essay, including subject-verb agreement errors (e.g., "factors comes from successful"), tense inconsistencies (e.g., "they must face to face failed"), and punctuation errors (e.g., missing commas in compound sentences). These errors occasionally impede comprehension and detract from the overall clarity of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and punctuation rules. Proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help identify and correct these errors. Additionally, seeking feedback from peers or tutors can provide valuable insights into areas for improvement. Finally, practicing writing exercises focused on specific grammar and punctuation rules can help reinforce understanding and mastery of these concepts.

Bài sửa mẫu

The question of what components contribute to one’s success in life is multifaceted. Some argue that hard work and determination are among the most important factors leading to success, while others claim that money and appearance play crucial roles. This essay will explore both perspectives before presenting my own viewpoint.

On one hand, it is undeniable that success can be influenced by factors such as wealth and appearance. These elements provide access to resources, networks, and opportunities that can expedite one’s path to success. It is evident that individuals born into affluent families or possessing certain physical attributes may have inherent advantages in society. Furthermore, money and appearance often correlate with societal status and prestige. For instance, celebrities such as actors and pop stars gain attention partly because of their appealing appearances, which opens doors for them to secure funding from companies and build a reputation.

On the other hand, there are numerous arguments supporting the notion that hard work and determination are key to success. It is crucial to recognize that success stems from personal development and self-improvement. By setting goals, exerting effort, and persevering through challenges, individuals can realize their aspirations. They believe that these qualities foster resilience, enabling individuals to rebound from setbacks and failures. When confronted with failure, they do not give up; instead, they learn from their experiences, adapt to changing circumstances, and persist in their pursuit of success despite obstacles. Moreover, the journey of being hardworking and diligent cultivates valuable character traits such as discipline, resilience, perseverance, and grit. These qualities are indispensable for long-term success and fulfillment in various aspects of life.

In conclusion, while factors such as money and appearance may confer advantages in certain contexts, I firmly believe that success in life primarily arises from hard work and determination. While external elements may impact opportunities and perceptions, they do not ensure sustained success or fulfillment. True success is fundamentally rooted in the journey of self-discovery, continuous learning, and the unwavering pursuit of one’s passions and goals.