In different countries, most shops and products become the same. Some people think it is positive development, while other think it is a negative development. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

It is widely recognized that the majority of shops and products have been increasingly identical in some parts of the world, showing divergent opinions associated with this tendency. While many assert that it is a positive development, others think the opposite. From my perspective, although acknowledging the benefits of globalization effects which offer people opportunities to access global brands, I’m convinced that this trend may reduce authenticity and increase competitiveness for the host countries.
On the one hand, the notion that customers can relish the advantage of similar shops and products many justifiable to some extent. Firstly, as a result of globalization, goods and commodities are able to be widespread and even ubiquitous, granting customers chances to access long-established brand names over the world. In essence, the prevalence of those shops and goods are tangible indicators for their business success. In additional, trust and loyalty in these brands will be substantially reinforced. This can be evidenced by the appearance of Mc Donals or Korean skincare products located in major cities, proving their growing business, and citizens would opt to widely-recognized products that less known ones.

Nevertheless, I am more convinced that when products or businesses become more comparable, they inadvertently reduce authenticity. One of the most severe consequences of this tendency would be the monotonous designs in cities where these shops are located. In other words, major metropolises will lose their unique characters since the omnipresence of those brands. For example, Shanghai and Singapore have been hard than ever to tell them apart due to the similar structures and stores on the majored streets. Additionally, the competitiveness for different-sized companies against the international ones would create an unfair flight for the host countries, which in turn threatens the profits of national’s enterprises.
In conclusion, while shops and products has been similar brings about opportunities to approach international items, I think this trend will deteriorate a country’s authenticity, and raise the competitiveness. Therefore, I am of the recommendation that governments should prioritize their choices.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is widely recognized" -> "It is widely acknowledged"
Explanation: "Acknowledged" is a more precise term in academic writing, emphasizing the acceptance or recognition of a fact or opinion, which is more suitable for formal essays.
"the majority of shops and products have been increasingly identical" -> "many shops and products have become increasingly similar"
Explanation: "Become" is more accurate in describing the process of change over time, and "similar" is a more precise term than "identical" when describing the degree of similarity.
"showing divergent opinions" -> "eliciting diverse opinions"
Explanation: "Eliciting" is a more formal verb that suggests the act of drawing out or evoking opinions, which is more appropriate in academic writing.
"many assert" -> "many argue"
Explanation: "Argue" is a more specific term that implies a reasoned presentation of a position, which is more suitable for academic discourse.
"globalization effects" -> "the effects of globalization"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "effects of globalization" clarifies that the effects are specific to the phenomenon of globalization, enhancing the sentence’s precision.
"I’m convinced" -> "I am convinced"
Explanation: Removing the contraction "I’m" aligns with the formal tone required in academic writing.
"many justifiable to some extent" -> "many justified to some extent"
Explanation: "Justified" is the correct form to use when describing something as being reasonable or defensible, which is more appropriate in this context.
"goods and commodities are able to be widespread" -> "goods and commodities can be widespread"
Explanation: "Can be" is a more natural and direct way to express possibility in formal English, avoiding the awkward construction "are able to be."
"In additional" -> "In addition"
Explanation: "In addition" is the correct phrase, correcting the typographical error.
"less known ones" -> "less well-known ones"
Explanation: "Less well-known" is the correct phrase to use when comparing the familiarity of products or brands.
"hard than ever to tell them apart" -> "more difficult than ever to distinguish"
Explanation: "More difficult than ever to distinguish" is a more formal and precise way to express the increasing similarity between cities.
"unfair flight for the host countries" -> "unfair competition for the host countries"
Explanation: "Unfair competition" is the correct term to describe the disadvantageous situation faced by local businesses, replacing the incorrect "flight."
"national’s enterprises" -> "national enterprises"
Explanation: Removing the possessive apostrophe in "national’s" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone.
"shops and products has been similar" -> "shops and products have become similar"
Explanation: Correcting "has been similar" to "have become similar" fixes the subject-verb agreement error and aligns with the context of ongoing change.
"I am of the recommendation that governments should prioritize their choices" -> "I recommend that governments prioritize their choices"
Explanation: "I recommend" is a more direct and formal way to express personal opinion in academic writing, replacing the awkward and unclear "I am of the recommendation."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the globalization of shops and products. The introduction clearly outlines the two perspectives, and the body paragraphs present arguments for both sides. The writer acknowledges the benefits of globalization, such as access to global brands, while also discussing the negative implications, including loss of authenticity and increased competition for local businesses. However, the conclusion could have more explicitly summarized the discussion of both views before stating the writer’s opinion.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that the conclusion succinctly reiterates the main points from both sides before presenting a final opinion. This will provide a more balanced closure and reinforce the discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that leans towards the negative aspects of globalization. The writer articulates their viewpoint effectively, especially in the second body paragraph, where they discuss the loss of authenticity and the challenges faced by local businesses. However, the transition between acknowledging the positive aspects and the writer’s opinion could be smoother to avoid any perceived ambiguity.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, use transitional phrases that clearly indicate a shift from discussing the benefits to emphasizing the drawbacks. For instance, phrases like "Despite these advantages, I believe…" can help maintain a consistent stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in the discussion of the negative impacts of globalization. The examples provided, such as the comparison of Shanghai and Singapore, effectively illustrate the loss of unique city identities. However, some points could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the mention of "trust and loyalty" in the first body paragraph could be expanded with more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, consider adding more detailed examples or data to support claims. Additionally, elaborating on the implications of these examples would provide a deeper understanding of the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the impact of globalization on shops and products. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For instance, the phrase "the competitiveness for different-sized companies against the international ones would create an unfair flight for the host countries" could be clarified to directly relate to how this competitiveness affects consumers and local culture.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each point directly ties back to the central theme of the essay. Regularly refer back to the prompt to ensure that all arguments remain relevant and contribute to the overall discussion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By refining the conclusion, enhancing transitions, providing more detailed examples, and ensuring tighter relevance to the prompt, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by outlining the differing opinions on the topic. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of globalization to the drawbacks could be smoother. The second body paragraph begins with "Nevertheless," which indicates a contrast but lacks a clear transition that ties back to the previous paragraph’s ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the benefits, you could use a phrase like "On the other hand, despite these advantages, there are significant drawbacks to consider." This would help guide the reader more clearly through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the discussion. The first body paragraph addresses the positive views, while the second tackles the negative perspectives. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that explicitly states the benefits of globalization before delving into specifics.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences of each paragraph to clearly indicate the main point being discussed. For example, revise the first body paragraph’s topic sentence to something like, "Proponents of globalization argue that the proliferation of similar shops and products offers numerous advantages to consumers." This sets a clear expectation for the content that follows.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "In essence," and "Nevertheless." However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can lead to a somewhat repetitive reading experience. For example, the phrase "as a result of" appears in both body paragraphs, which could be varied to enhance the essay’s cohesiveness.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "Firstly," consider alternatives like "To begin with," "In addition," or "Moreover." Additionally, you could use phrases like "Conversely" or "On the contrary" to introduce contrasting ideas more effectively.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially improving the overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "globalization," "authenticity," "monotonous designs," and "competitiveness." These words effectively convey the writer’s ideas and contribute to the overall clarity of the argument. However, some phrases, such as "the majority of shops and products have been increasingly identical," could be expressed with more variety to avoid repetition and enhance engagement.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "similar" or "identical," alternatives like "homogeneous," "uniform," or "congruent" could be employed. Additionally, using idiomatic expressions or more sophisticated vocabulary could elevate the essay further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the notion that customers can relish the advantage of similar shops and products many justifiable to some extent" is awkward and unclear. The word "relish" may not be the best choice here, as it typically conveys enjoyment rather than a more neutral acceptance of advantages. Moreover, "many justifiable to some extent" lacks clarity and could be better articulated.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choice. Replacing "relish" with "benefit from" or "enjoy the advantages of" would provide clearer meaning. Additionally, restructuring the phrase to "the notion that customers can benefit from the advantages of similar shops and products is justifiable to some extent" would improve clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Mc Donals" (should be "McDonald’s") and "national’s enterprises" (should be "national enterprises"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can enhance overall spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary and ideas, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and varied clauses. For example, phrases like "while many assert that it is a positive development" and "from my perspective, although acknowledging the benefits of globalization effects" showcase the use of subordinating clauses effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as "the notion that customers can relish the advantage of similar shops and products" and "this trend may reduce authenticity and increase competitiveness," which could be expressed in more varied ways.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and using different introductory phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly starting with "the notion that," you could use phrases like "It is important to note that" or "One significant aspect is." Additionally, varying the placement of clauses can create more dynamic sentence flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally good command of grammar, but there are several errors that detract from clarity. For example, "the prevalence of those shops and goods are tangible indicators" should be "is" instead of "are" to agree with the singular subject "prevalence." Additionally, phrases like "In additional" should be corrected to "Additionally." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are some missing commas that could enhance readability, such as before "which in turn threatens the profits of national’s enterprises."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review subject-verb agreement and ensure that plural and singular forms are used correctly. Furthermore, proofreading for common errors, such as incorrect prepositions or conjunctions, can help. To enhance punctuation skills, practice identifying where natural pauses occur in sentences to determine where commas or other punctuation marks are needed. Reading essays aloud can also help in recognizing areas that require punctuation adjustments.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely acknowledged that the majority of shops and products have become increasingly similar in various parts of the world, eliciting diverse opinions regarding this trend. While many argue that it is a positive development, others believe the opposite. From my perspective, although I recognize the benefits of globalization, which offer people opportunities to access global brands, I am convinced that this trend may reduce authenticity and increase unfair competition for the host countries.

On the one hand, the notion that customers can enjoy the advantages of similar shops and products is justified to some extent. Firstly, as a result of globalization, goods and commodities can be widespread and even ubiquitous, granting customers the chance to access well-established brand names from around the world. In essence, the prevalence of these shops and products serves as tangible indicators of their business success. In addition, trust and loyalty in these brands are substantially reinforced. This can be evidenced by the presence of McDonald’s or Korean skincare products in major cities, demonstrating their growing popularity, as citizens tend to opt for widely recognized products over less well-known ones.

Nevertheless, I am more convinced that when products or businesses become more comparable, they inadvertently reduce authenticity. One of the most severe consequences of this tendency is the monotonous designs in cities where these shops are located. In other words, major metropolises risk losing their unique character due to the omnipresence of these brands. For example, Shanghai and Singapore have become more difficult than ever to distinguish from one another due to the similar structures and stores on their main streets. Additionally, the competition faced by local companies against international ones creates an unfair environment for the host countries, which in turn threatens the profits of national enterprises.

In conclusion, while the similarity of shops and products brings about opportunities to access international items, I believe this trend will deteriorate a country’s authenticity and increase competitiveness. Therefore, I recommend that governments prioritize their choices to protect local culture and businesses.