In many cities the use of video cameras in public places is being increased in order to reduce crimes, but some people believe that these measures restrict our individual freedom. Do the benefits of increased security outweigh the drawbacks?

It is undisputable fact that in many cites the use of video cameras in public places is being event up in order to degrade crime. This essay will give in-depth analysis on both benefits and drawbacks of the mention solution the mention solution. Firstly, I believe that using video games not only reduce traffic congestion but also give a hand to police in finding crime. Secondly, owing to cameras, we gradual restrict of determental city such as conflict, kill,…
On the other hands, there are several reasons of the above statement. It is explanation that it can publish video innocent or even they still accept something can stress. Another convincing points is citizens lost their freedom like daily life activities. Their behaviour will follow and copy from that will make individuals vanish natural work.
In conclusion, although using video cameras is extremely advantageous impact, it still has adverse effect bring annoyed of people. Either government and residents should have ways to tackle this issues.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is undisputable fact" -> "It is an indisputable fact"
Explanation: Replacing "undisputable" with "indisputable" corrects the spelling error and enhances the formality of the statement.
"being event up" -> "being set up"
Explanation: "Being event up" is not a standard phrase. "Being set up" is a more appropriate term to describe the installation of video cameras.
"degrade crime" -> "reduce crime"
Explanation: "Degrade crime" has a negative connotation, while "reduce crime" is a more accurate and formal term to describe the intended outcome.
"give in-depth analysis" -> "provide an in-depth analysis"
Explanation: "Give in-depth analysis" should be replaced with "provide an in-depth analysis" for a more formal and precise expression.
"mention solution the mention solution" -> "mentioned solution"
Explanation: "Mention solution the mention solution" is redundant and unclear. "Mentioned solution" is a more concise and appropriate term.
"using video games" -> "utilizing video surveillance"
Explanation: "Using video games" is incorrect in this context. "Utilizing video surveillance" is a more suitable and formal term.
"reduce of determental city such as conflict, kill" -> "reduce detrimental aspects in the city such as conflicts and crime"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and lacks proper grammar. The suggested alternative provides a clearer and more formal expression.
"On the other hands" -> "On the other hand"
Explanation: "On the other hands" is grammatically incorrect. "On the other hand" is the correct phrase to introduce an opposing viewpoint.
"It is explanation that it can publish video innocent" -> "It is evident that it can capture innocent individuals on video"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and lacks proper grammar. The suggested alternative provides a clearer and more formal expression.
"citizens lost their freedom like daily life activities" -> "citizens feel a loss of freedom in their daily activities"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative provides a more precise and formal expression.
"individuals vanish natural work" -> "individuals deviate from their natural behavior"
Explanation: "Vanish natural work" is unclear and does not convey the intended meaning effectively. "Deviate from their natural behavior" is a more appropriate and formal phrase.
"bring annoyed of people" -> "cause annoyance among people"
Explanation: "Bring annoyed of people" is grammatically incorrect. "Cause annoyance among people" is a more precise and formal expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both the benefits and drawbacks of increased security measures using video cameras in public places. However, the response lacks depth and clarity in discussing these aspects. The benefits are briefly mentioned, but the drawbacks are not fully explored or supported with relevant examples.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure that each part of the question is thoroughly addressed. Provide specific examples and detailed explanations to support your points on both the benefits and drawbacks of increased security measures.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to maintain a clear and consistent position on whether the benefits of increased security outweigh the drawbacks. The stance is somewhat ambiguous, with a lack of strong arguments or a clear thesis statement to guide the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, establish a strong thesis statement at the beginning of the essay that clearly states your position. Throughout the essay, make sure to present arguments that support your position and provide evidence to strengthen your stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks coherence and organization in presenting, extending, and supporting ideas. Ideas are presented in a disjointed manner, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. Additionally, the lack of development and support for the ideas weakens the overall effectiveness of the essay.
- How to improve: Work on structuring your essay in a logical and coherent manner. Use topic sentences to introduce each paragraph and ensure that ideas are connected and flow smoothly. Provide examples, evidence, and explanations to support your ideas and strengthen your arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to stay on topic, as it veers off into unrelated points and fails to maintain a clear focus on the prompt. The discussion of traffic congestion and detrimental city issues is not directly relevant to the question of whether the benefits of increased security outweigh the drawbacks.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, always refer back to the prompt and ensure that each point made directly relates to the main question. Avoid introducing irrelevant information or tangents that distract from the central theme of the essay. Focus on addressing the specific issues raised in the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear and logical organization of information. The introduction does not clearly state the main points that will be discussed, leading to a confusing presentation of ideas. The body paragraphs jump between benefits and drawbacks without a smooth transition or clear structure. The conclusion also does not effectively summarize the main points discussed in the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow and structure of the essay, start with a clear introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. Then, in the body paragraphs, separate the discussion of benefits and drawbacks into distinct sections to provide a more coherent argument. Finally, ensure the conclusion summarizes the key points made in the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective paragraphing. The paragraphs are not well-structured and do not focus on a single main idea. This leads to a lack of coherence and makes it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. Additionally, there are run-on sentences that should be separated into distinct paragraphs for clarity.
- How to improve: Improve paragraphing by focusing each paragraph on a single main idea related to the topic. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the main point, followed by supporting details and examples. Ensure that there is a clear transition between paragraphs to maintain the flow of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay. There is a lack of transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the argument and show the relationships between different points. This results in a disjointed and choppy presentation of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion, incorporate a variety of cohesive devices such as transition words (e.g., firstly, secondly, in conclusion), pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, and linking words to show relationships between ideas (e.g., because, therefore, however). Use these devices strategically to create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with repetitive use of words like "solution," "benefits," "drawbacks," and "cameras." There is a lack of variety in vocabulary, which hinders the depth and sophistication of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve the range of vocabulary, consider using synonyms or exploring different ways to express ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly using "solution," you could use terms like "approach," "method," or "strategy." This will enhance the richness of your writing and make it more engaging for the reader.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks precision in vocabulary usage, leading to unclear or awkward expressions. For instance, the phrase "using video games not only reduce traffic congestion" should be revised to "utilizing video surveillance not only reduces traffic congestion." This shows a more precise choice of words.
- How to improve: To improve precision in vocabulary, carefully choose words that accurately convey your intended meaning. Avoid vague or generic terms and opt for specific and descriptive language. Utilize a thesaurus to find more precise synonyms for common words.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "cites" instead of "cities," "event up" instead of "being elevated," "determental" instead of "detrimental," and "annoyed of people" instead of "annoyance of people." These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider using spell-check tools or proofreading your work carefully before submission. Make a list of commonly misspelled words and review them regularly to avoid making the same mistakes. Additionally, practice writing with correct spelling to reinforce proper usage.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. There is a lack of complex sentences, and the majority of sentences are simple and repetitive. For example, "It is undisputable fact that in many cites the use of video cameras in public places is being event up in order to degrade crime." This sentence lacks complexity and variety, which can impact the overall coherence and sophistication of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, try incorporating a variety of sentence structures such as compound, complex, and compound-complex sentences. This can be achieved by using conjunctions, relative pronouns, and transitional phrases to connect ideas and create a more cohesive flow in the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes that hinder the clarity and coherence of the writing. For instance, "Firstly, I believe that using video games not only reduce traffic congestion but also give a hand to police in finding crime." The incorrect verb tense agreement ("reduce" instead of "reduces") and missing articles ("a hand" instead of "a hand") affect the accuracy of the sentence.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and article usage. Additionally, work on punctuation skills such as using commas to separate clauses, periods to end sentences, and apostrophes for possessives. Proofreading the essay carefully can help identify and correct these errors to enhance the overall quality of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is an indisputable fact that in many cities, the use of video cameras in public places is being set up in order to reduce crime. This essay will provide an in-depth analysis of both the benefits and drawbacks of this mentioned solution. Firstly, I believe that utilizing video surveillance not only helps in reducing crime but also aids the police in maintaining order. Secondly, thanks to cameras, we can gradually reduce detrimental aspects in the city such as conflicts and crime.

On the other hand, there are several reasons to consider the drawbacks of the above statement. It is evident that it can capture innocent individuals on video, causing stress. Another convincing point is that citizens feel a loss of freedom in their daily activities. Their behavior may deviate from their natural tendencies, leading to annoyance among people.

In conclusion, although using video cameras has an extremely advantageous impact, it still has adverse effects that can bring annoyance to people. Therefore, both the government and residents should find ways to address these issues.