In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing.
Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In this day and age, there is no doubt that the youth have a propensity of chasing modern and bustling lives in cities, leading to a drop in the population of the countryside. From my point of view, this statement results in both upward and downward implications for the following reasons.

On the one hand, it is true that there exist some negative effects on rural people’s life due to the declining population in the countryside. Since the majority of teenagers opt for continuing to stay in the city for their higher employment opportunities, causing the lack of labour source on the outskirts. In terms of education and health care, their quality may stay unchanged, even may not cater for the needs of citizens there. Therefore, the standard of living in the countryside is not ensured, resulting in the circulation of a decreasing population in these areas.

On the one hand, a number of positive implications of this development should be appreciated. Initially, the protection of the environment becomes more straightforward for the government and citizens. It is undeniable that decreasing the population of the countryside may reduce stress on the environment on the outskirts. A classical illustration of this point is that metropolises such as Ha Noi record a remarkably environmental pollution, which would be impossible to happen in the countryside. Hence, the inherent beauty of numerous ecological zones may be maintained, which can be improved to build a tourist area that people are nowadays looking for.

In conclusion, while the decreasing population in countryside may trigger some negative effects on human beings, i still believe the number of positive implication should be considered.

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Errors and Improvements:

"In this day and age" -> "In contemporary times"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression. "In contemporary times" is a more formal alternative, fitting better with academic writing.
"have a propensity of chasing" -> "tend to pursue"
Explanation: "Have a propensity of chasing" is awkward and informal. "Tend to pursue" is a more concise and appropriate alternative in formal writing.
"modern and bustling lives" -> "modern urban lifestyles"
Explanation: "Bustling lives" is overly informal. "Modern urban lifestyles" maintains clarity while sounding more academic.
"On the one hand" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "On the one hand" is repetitive and less precise. "Firstly" introduces the first point more clearly.
"negative effects" -> "adverse consequences"
Explanation: "Negative effects" is a bit vague. "Adverse consequences" is more precise and formal.
"opt for continuing to stay" -> "choose to remain"
Explanation: "Opt for continuing to stay" is wordy. "Choose to remain" is more concise and formal.
"higher employment opportunities" -> "greater job prospects"
Explanation: "Higher employment opportunities" is less precise. "Greater job prospects" is a more specific term suitable for formal writing.
"standard of living" -> "quality of life"
Explanation: "Standard of living" is slightly informal. "Quality of life" is a more formal and appropriate term in this context.
"may stay unchanged" -> "might remain unchanged"
Explanation: "May stay unchanged" is less formal. "Might remain unchanged" is more appropriate in academic writing.
"even may not cater for" -> "and may even fail to cater to"
Explanation: "Even may not cater for" is awkward. "And may even fail to cater to" is more precise and grammatically correct.
"On the one hand" (repeated) -> "Secondly"
Explanation: To avoid repetition, "Secondly" is used to introduce the second point.
"a number of positive implications" -> "Several positive implications"
Explanation: "A number of" is less precise. "Several" is a more specific term appropriate for academic writing.
"appreciated" -> "acknowledged"
Explanation: "Appreciated" is slightly informal. "Acknowledged" is more formal and fitting in academic writing.
"becomes more straightforward" -> "is facilitated"
Explanation: "Becomes more straightforward" is colloquial. "Is facilitated" is a more formal and precise alternative.
"remarkably environmental pollution" -> "significant environmental pollution"
Explanation: "Remarkably environmental pollution" is awkward. "Significant environmental pollution" is more concise and formal.
"which would be impossible to happen" -> "which would be unlikely to occur"
Explanation: "Impossible to happen" is redundant. "Unlikely to occur" is more concise and precise.
"numerous ecological zones" -> "various ecological areas"
Explanation: "Numerous ecological zones" is slightly informal. "Various ecological areas" maintains clarity while sounding more academic.
"In conclusion, while the decreasing population in countryside may trigger some negative effects on human beings, i still believe the number of positive implication should be considered." -> "In conclusion, while the declining rural population may lead to adverse effects, the positive implications should also be taken into account."
Explanation: The original conclusion lacks precision and has grammatical errors. The revised version is clearer and more grammatically correct.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the positive and negative aspects of rural depopulation, as requested by the prompt. It discusses the challenges faced by rural areas due to the migration of youth to cities, such as labor shortages and inadequate access to education and healthcare. Additionally, it acknowledges the potential benefits, such as environmental preservation and opportunities for tourism development.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, ensure that each aspect of the prompt is thoroughly explored. For instance, the essay could delve deeper into the specific negative impacts on rural communities, providing more nuanced examples and discussing potential solutions.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, indicating that the situation has both positive and negative implications. It effectively presents arguments for both sides without appearing indecisive.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, consider explicitly stating the author’s perspective in the introduction and conclusion to guide the reader’s understanding.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding both positive and negative aspects of rural depopulation, supported by examples such as labor shortages and environmental pollution. However, some points could be developed further to provide greater depth and analysis.
- How to improve: To extend ideas, provide additional evidence, statistics, or case studies to bolster arguments. Additionally, offer more elaboration on the potential consequences and benefits discussed to enrich the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by addressing the effects of rural depopulation as outlined in the prompt. However, there are minor instances where the focus could be tightened, such as the brief mention of environmental pollution in cities.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to the topic of rural depopulation. Avoid tangential discussions that may distract from the central theme.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and effectively addresses the positive and negative aspects of rural depopulation. To improve the score, consider enhancing the depth of analysis, explicitly stating the author’s position, and maintaining a tighter focus on the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a typical essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both positive and negative aspects, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct point, providing reasoning and examples to support the arguments. However, there are areas where the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing negative effects and positive implications could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that the flow between paragraphs is seamless. Use transition phrases or sentences to guide the reader through the progression of ideas. In this essay, a clearer transition between discussing negative effects and positive implications would strengthen coherence. Additionally, consider outlining the main points before writing to maintain a consistent structure throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, allowing for clarity and organization. However, some paragraphs could be more developed to provide further explanation and evidence. For instance, the paragraph discussing negative effects could delve deeper into the consequences of the declining rural population on education and healthcare.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph is sufficiently developed to provide comprehensive coverage of the topic. In this essay, expanding on the negative effects of population decline in the countryside, particularly in terms of education and healthcare, would strengthen the argument. Additionally, consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly introduce the main idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve coherence. Transition words and phrases such as "on the one hand," "initially," and "in conclusion" are used to indicate shifts between different aspects of the argument. Additionally, pronouns and referencing (e.g., "this development") help maintain cohesion within and between paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in the diversification of cohesive devices and their placement within the essay.
- How to improve: Diversify the range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay to enhance coherence. While transition words like "on the one hand" are effective, incorporating a broader range of transitions, such as "furthermore" or "however," can add depth to the essay’s structure. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas. In this essay, strategically integrating cohesive devices can strengthen the overall coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with varied word choices throughout. For instance, phrases like "propensity of chasing," "higher employment opportunities," "cater for the needs," "protection of the environment," and "ecological zones" showcase a reasonable attempt at employing diverse vocabulary.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating more nuanced vocabulary specific to the topic. For example, instead of using "propensity," opt for "tendency" or "inclination." Additionally, expanding upon domain-specific terms related to urbanization, environmental conservation, and socio-economic factors could enrich the vocabulary range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, there are instances where precision could be improved. For instance, phrases like "a number of positive implications" and "negative effects on human beings" are somewhat vague and could benefit from more specific language.
- How to improve: Aim for precision by using more specific terms that accurately convey your intended meaning. For instance, instead of "a number of positive implications," specify what these implications are, such as "environmental benefits" or "economic advantages." Similarly, replace "negative effects on human beings" with more precise descriptions of the consequences, such as "socio-economic challenges" or "adverse impacts on rural communities."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, spelling accuracy is adequate, with most words spelled correctly. However, there are a few instances where minor errors are present, such as "implication" spelled as "implecation" and "Ha Noi" instead of "Hanoi."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay carefully and using spell-checking tools to catch any errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common spelling patterns and practice spelling words that you frequently use in your writing to improve accuracy. Additionally, ensure consistency in capitalization and formatting, such as "Ha Noi" should be "Hanoi" for standardization.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt at utilizing a variety of sentence structures. Complex sentences are used effectively, such as in the introductory paragraph where a compound sentence is employed ("…the youth have a propensity of chasing modern and bustling lives in cities, leading to a drop in the population of the countryside.") and throughout the essay where complex structures aid in conveying ideas with clarity and depth.
- How to improve: While the essay exhibits a good range of sentence structures, further diversity could enhance its sophistication. Introducing more compound-complex sentences or utilizing rhetorical devices like parallelism and inversion could elevate the essay’s style and coherence.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances where errors detract from clarity and precision. For instance, in the phrase "On the one hand, a number of positive implications of this development should be appreciated," the lack of parallelism in the structure slightly weakens the sentence’s impact. Additionally, there are minor grammatical errors such as subject-verb agreement issues ("i still believe") and incorrect article usage ("a remarkably environmental pollution").
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, thorough proofreading focusing on subject-verb agreement, article usage, and parallel structure is recommended. Additionally, paying attention to punctuation, particularly in complex sentences, can improve readability and coherence. Consulting grammar resources and practicing sentence structure variations can also aid in refining writing skills.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates proficiency in grammatical range and accuracy, further refinement in sentence structure diversity and meticulous attention to grammatical details could lead to even stronger performance in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary times, it is evident that many young individuals are drawn to the allure of modern urban lifestyles, resulting in a decline in rural populations. This trend has both positive and negative implications.

On the one hand, there are adverse consequences for rural areas due to the migration of their inhabitants to cities. Firstly, this exodus leads to a shortage of labor in rural areas as the youth choose to remain in urban centers for greater job prospects. Consequently, essential services such as education and healthcare in the countryside might remain unchanged and may even fail to cater to the needs of the remaining residents. As a result, the overall quality of life in rural areas is compromised, contributing to a continuous decline in population.

On the other hand, several positive implications of this trend should be acknowledged. Firstly, the decreasing rural population facilitates the protection of the environment. It is evident that urban areas often face significant environmental pollution, which would be unlikely to occur in the countryside. This reduction in population pressure on various ecological areas helps maintain their inherent beauty, providing opportunities for the development of tourist attractions.

In conclusion, while the declining rural population may lead to adverse effects, the positive implications should also be taken into account.