In many countries, consumption of fast food has become prevalent in recent years. Some people argue that this trend has negative impacts on people’s health, while others believe that it provides convenience and economic benefits. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of consuming fast food and provide your opinion.

In many countries, consumption of fast food has become prevalent in recent years. Some people argue that this trend has negative impacts on people's health, while others believe that it provides convenience and economic benefits. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of consuming fast food and provide your opinion.

In this day and age, the popularity of fast food can be easily observed among many countries in the world as it brings a sense of convenience for human to use and prosperity of economic field. Despite posing a threat on people's health, I still believe that the merits can overweigh the demerits of fast food on consumers. 
On the one hand, buying instant food can be considered as a great option for busy people because of its time-saving feature. As having meals just by cashing at a convenient store helps workers have more time to complete their tasks instead of preparing ingredients and cooking. More and more people consuming fast food these days, thus, enhancing the revenues of production companies and facillitating the foundation of more modern and ideal enterprises related to this food type to meet the demands of food of the general public. This can totally boost the economic status of countries and broaden the cuisine trade around the world. 
On the other hand, although significantly beneficial for people, fast food has many detrimental effects to human's health. The overuse of instant food on a daily basis would make people be more prone to various diseases such as: obesity, metabolic disorder among others. However, some diseases would no longer create symptoms immediately but later, which makes people lose track of danger and promotes the potential health risks contributing to the decline the human's lifespan.
From my perspective, I am still of the opinion that fast food can create a multitude of advantages for users. For instance, parents who have so many children do not have enough time to take care and prepare meals for each of their offsprings can opt for fast food as breakfast for the children. This can save time for parents and provide a more diverse menu of dishes rich in nutrition and fit with each preference of the children, making them be more interested in eating. Nevertheless, eating fast food occasionally would ensure the balance health for people compared to eating them constantly.
In conclusion, in spite of detrimenting human's overall well-being, I believe eating fast food without daily consumption would bring the best advantage for consumers thanks to its convenience and economic prospects by far.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In this day and age" -> "Currently"
   Explanation: "In this day and age" is a somewhat clichéd and informal expression. "Currently" is more concise and maintains an academic tone.

2. "as it brings a sense of convenience for human to use and prosperity of economic field" -> "as it offers convenience and contributes to the prosperity of the economic sector"
   Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and informal. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.

3. "posing a threat on people’s health" -> "posing a threat to people’s health"
   Explanation: The preposition "on" is incorrect in this context; "to" is the correct preposition to use when referring to a threat affecting people’s health.

4. "the merits can overweigh the demerits" -> "the benefits outweigh the drawbacks"
   Explanation: "Overweigh" is not a standard term in English; "outweigh" is correct. Additionally, "benefits" and "drawbacks" are more precise and formal than "merits" and "demerits."

5. "buying instant food" -> "purchasing fast food"
   Explanation: "Instant food" is not typically used to describe fast food; "fast food" is the correct term. "Purchasing" is also more formal than "buying."

6. "As having meals just by cashing at a convenient store" -> "As purchasing meals at a convenience store"
   Explanation: "Cashing" is incorrect; "purchasing" is the correct verb. "Convenience store" is the correct term, not "convenient store."

7. "More and more people consuming fast food these days" -> "Increasingly, more people are consuming fast food"
   Explanation: "More and more people consuming" is informal and awkward. "Increasingly, more people are consuming" is more formal and flows better in academic writing.

8. "facillitating the foundation of more modern and ideal enterprises" -> "facilitating the establishment of more modern and ideal enterprises"
   Explanation: "Facillitating" is a typographical error; "facilitating" is the correct word. "Establishment" is more precise than "foundation" in this context.

9. "the cuisine trade around the world" -> "the global food industry"
   Explanation: "Cuisine trade" is not a standard term; "global food industry" is a more accurate and formal expression.

10. "The overuse of instant food on a daily basis would make people be more prone to various diseases" -> "The excessive consumption of fast food daily increases the risk of various diseases"
    Explanation: "The overuse of instant food" is awkward and incorrect; "the excessive consumption of fast food" is more precise. "Would make people be more prone" is grammatically incorrect; "increases the risk" is grammatically correct and clearer.

11. "which makes people lose track of danger and promotes the potential health risks" -> "which may lead individuals to overlook the risks and exacerbate potential health risks"
    Explanation: "Makes people lose track of danger" is informal and vague; "may lead individuals to overlook the risks" is more precise and formal. "Promotes the potential health risks" is redundant; "exacerbate potential health risks" is more accurate.

12. "the decline the human’s lifespan" -> "a decline in human lifespan"
    Explanation: "The decline the human’s lifespan" is grammatically incorrect; "a decline in human lifespan" corrects the grammatical error and improves readability.

13. "eating fast food occasionally would ensure the balance health for people" -> "occasional consumption of fast food can maintain a balance in people’s health"
    Explanation: "Eating fast food occasionally would ensure the balance health for people" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. The suggested revision corrects these issues and uses more formal language.

14. "eating them constantly" -> "constant consumption"
    Explanation: "Eating them constantly" is informal and vague; "constant consumption" is more precise and formal.

15. "by far" -> "significantly"
    Explanation: "By far" is informal and somewhat colloquial; "significantly" is more appropriate for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of fast food consumption, fulfilling the requirement to discuss both sides of the argument. The writer mentions convenience and economic benefits as advantages, while also acknowledging health risks as disadvantages. However, the discussion of advantages is more developed than that of disadvantages, which could lead to an imbalance in the argument. For instance, the mention of health risks is somewhat vague and lacks specific examples or elaboration.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim for a more balanced discussion by providing more detailed examples and explanations for both the advantages and disadvantages. Including specific statistics or studies related to health impacts could strengthen the argument against fast food, making it more compelling.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer expresses a clear opinion that the advantages of fast food outweigh the disadvantages. This position is stated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. However, the essay could benefit from clearer transitions and a more consistent reinforcement of this stance throughout the body paragraphs. For example, the transition between discussing the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother to maintain the reader’s understanding of the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should use transitional phrases that reinforce their viewpoint when shifting between discussing advantages and disadvantages. Additionally, reiterating the main argument at the beginning of each paragraph could help keep the reader focused on the overall stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the convenience and economic benefits of fast food, such as time-saving for busy individuals and its contribution to the economy. However, the support for these ideas is sometimes lacking in depth. For example, while the essay mentions that fast food can provide a diverse menu for children, it does not elaborate on how this diversity is achieved or its nutritional implications.
  • How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples, data, or anecdotes. For instance, discussing specific fast food chains that offer healthier options or mentioning studies that highlight the economic impact of fast food could provide stronger support for the claims made.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of fast food. However, there are moments where the argument strays slightly, such as when discussing the potential health risks without a clear connection back to the overall argument about the benefits of fast food. The phrase "eating fast food occasionally would ensure the balance health for people compared to eating them constantly" could be clearer in its relevance to the overall topic.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central argument of the essay. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each point back to the advantages or disadvantages of fast food and ensuring that every example provided supports the main thesis.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, it would benefit from more balanced development of ideas, clearer transitions, and stronger supporting evidence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow between ideas could be improved. For example, the transition from discussing the convenience of fast food to its economic benefits is somewhat abrupt. The essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph and how they relate to the overall argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In contrast," "Moreover") can help guide the reader through the argument and clarify how each point connects to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the discussion. However, some paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. For instance, the paragraph discussing the advantages of fast food is longer and more detailed than the one addressing its disadvantages, which may lead to an imbalance in the argument.
  • How to improve: Aim for more balanced paragraphs by ensuring that each side of the argument is explored with similar depth. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas. This will not only improve readability but also allow for a more thorough exploration of each point.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the transition between the discussion of health risks and the conclusion lacks a cohesive link, making it feel disjointed.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases throughout the essay. For instance, use "In addition," "Consequently," or "As a result" to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one, which will help create a smoother flow of ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph balance, and the use of cohesive devices could elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "popularity," "convenience," "detrimental effects," and "economic status." However, there are instances where vocabulary is repetitive or lacks variation, such as the repeated use of "fast food" and "people." This limits the overall lexical diversity and sophistication of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "fast food," alternatives like "junk food," "processed meals," or "convenience food" could be employed. Additionally, varying the term "people" with words like "individuals," "consumers," or "society" would enrich the language.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are notable imprecisions. For instance, the phrase "the merits can overweigh the demerits" is awkward; "outweigh" is the correct term. Additionally, "facillitating" is a misspelling of "facilitating," which affects clarity. The phrase "the decline the human’s lifespan" is also awkwardly constructed and could be clearer.
  • How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For example, instead of "the decline the human’s lifespan," a clearer phrase would be "the decline in human lifespan." Regularly consulting a thesaurus and practicing sentence restructuring can help improve precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "facillitating" (should be "facilitating") and "detrimenting" (should be "detrimental"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a systematic approach to proofreading their work. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors, using spell-check tools, and maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words. Additionally, practicing writing exercises focused on spelling can further reinforce correct usage.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary appropriate for the topic, improvements in range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For example, the author utilizes complex sentences such as, "Despite posing a threat on people’s health, I still believe that the merits can overweigh the demerits of fast food on consumers." This shows an ability to combine ideas effectively. However, there are instances of simpler structures that could be expanded. For instance, the sentence "More and more people consuming fast food these days, thus, enhancing the revenues of production companies…" lacks a main verb and could be restructured for clarity and grammatical correctness.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more compound-complex sentences and use a mix of active and passive voice. For example, instead of saying, "More and more people consuming fast food these days," the writer could say, "More and more people are consuming fast food these days, which enhances the revenues of production companies." This not only corrects the grammatical issue but also adds complexity to the sentence structure.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, the phrase "the prosperity of economic field" is awkward and should be "the prosperity of the economic field." Additionally, the phrase "the overuse of instant food on a daily basis would make people be more prone to various diseases such as: obesity, metabolic disorder among others" misuses the colon; it should be a comma instead. The use of "human’s health" is also incorrect; it should be "humans’ health" or "human health."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those that focus on common errors, could be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors, especially the use of commas and colons, would help enhance clarity and correctness. Reading more academic texts can also provide insight into proper grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and correcting grammatical and punctuation errors will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, the popularity of fast food can be easily observed in many countries around the world, as it brings a sense of convenience for humans and contributes to the prosperity of the economic sector. Despite posing a threat to people’s health, I still believe that the merits can outweigh the demerits of fast food for consumers.

On the one hand, purchasing instant food can be considered a great option for busy people because of its time-saving feature. Having meals just by cashing at a convenience store helps workers have more time to complete their tasks instead of preparing ingredients and cooking. Increasingly, more people are consuming fast food these days, thus enhancing the revenues of production companies and facilitating the establishment of more modern and ideal enterprises related to this food type to meet the demands of the general public. This can significantly boost the economic status of countries and broaden the cuisine trade around the world.

On the other hand, although fast food is significantly beneficial for people, it has many detrimental effects on human health. The excessive consumption of fast food daily makes people more prone to various diseases such as obesity and metabolic disorders, among others. Some diseases may not create symptoms immediately but later, which makes people lose track of danger and exacerbates potential health risks, contributing to a decline in human lifespan.

From my perspective, I am still of the opinion that fast food can create a multitude of advantages for users. For instance, parents who have many children and do not have enough time to take care of and prepare meals for each of their offspring can opt for fast food as breakfast for their children. This can save time for parents and provide a more diverse menu of dishes rich in nutrition that fit each child’s preference, making them more interested in eating. Nevertheless, occasional consumption of fast food can maintain a balance in people’s health compared to constant consumption.

In conclusion, in spite of detrimenting human overall well-being, I believe that eating fast food without daily consumption would bring the best advantages for consumers, thanks to its convenience and economic prospects.