In many countries, not enough students are choosing to study science subjects. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society?

It is observed that many students tend to choose subjects other than science. In my view, this phenomenon can be attributed to several factors and is more significant than commonly acknowledged, as it has negative implications for society.
There are three primary reasons behind students' tendency to neglect science subjects. Firstly, the rapid development of modern technology, especially AI, plays a crucial role in people’s lives. AI can assist in resolving a wide range of complex issues across various fields, including science. It responds more quickly than humans, thereby saving students considerable time in learning. Moreover, science subjects are among the most challenging in the curriculum. Mastering these subjects requires a complex process that demands significant time and effort from students, involving careful study and integration of diverse sources to achieve accurate results. Lastly, the career prospects for scientists, lab technicians, and engineers are undercompensated relative to the efforts required to attain these positions.
The shortage of students in science fields could have adverse effects on society. The primary concern is the lack of scientists capable of addressing numerous complex issues that may arise in the future. Furthermore, if fewer students choose science subjects, it may result in unemployment for science teachers who are passionate and skilled in this field. Despite the complexity of science education, many individuals are passionate about this field and aspire to become exceptional experts in science. However, the number of students enrolling in science subjects is insufficient compared to the available teaching positions, potentially leading to significant unemployment among qualified teachers.
In conclusion, the causes of the lack of students choosing science as a major vary, and this issue may bring several negative impacts on society.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is observed that" -> "It is noted that"
Explanation: "It is noted that" is a more formal and precise alternative, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"tend to choose" -> "prefer to select"
Explanation: "prefer to select" is more specific and formal, fitting better in an academic context than the more casual "tend to choose".
"more significant than commonly acknowledged" -> "more significant than is generally recognized"
Explanation: "more significant than is generally recognized" uses more formal language and avoids the colloquial "commonly acknowledged", aligning better with academic style.
"plays a crucial role" -> "plays a pivotal role"
Explanation: "plays a pivotal role" is a more precise and formal expression, emphasizing the importance of the factor in a more academic context.
"responds more quickly" -> "responds more rapidly"
Explanation: "responds more rapidly" is a more formal and precise term, suitable for academic writing.
"saving students considerable time in learning" -> "saving students considerable time in their studies"
Explanation: "in their studies" is more specific and formal, enhancing the clarity and formality of the sentence.
"Mastering these subjects requires" -> "Achieving mastery of these subjects necessitates"
Explanation: "Achieving mastery of these subjects necessitates" uses more formal vocabulary and structure, which is preferred in academic writing.
"involving careful study and integration of diverse sources" -> "requiring meticulous study and the integration of diverse sources"
Explanation: "requiring meticulous study and the integration of diverse sources" uses more precise and formal language, enhancing the academic tone.
"undercompensated relative to the efforts required" -> "undercompensated compared to the efforts required"
Explanation: "compared to" is a more formal and precise preposition than "relative to" in this context, aligning better with academic style.
"adverse effects on society" -> "adverse impacts on society"
Explanation: "impacts" is a more precise term in academic writing than "effects" when discussing the consequences of an action or situation.
"may result in unemployment" -> "may lead to unemployment"
Explanation: "may lead to" is a more formal and causally appropriate phrase than "may result in", fitting better in an academic context.
"passionate and skilled in this field" -> "passionate and highly skilled in this field"
Explanation: Adding "highly" before "skilled" emphasizes the level of expertise, which is more precise and formal in academic writing.
"the number of students enrolling in science subjects is insufficient" -> "the number of students enrolling in science subjects is insufficiently high"
Explanation: "insufficiently high" is a more precise and formal way to express the inadequacy of the number of students, aligning better with academic style.
"potentially leading to significant unemployment" -> "potentially resulting in significant unemployment"
Explanation: "resulting in" is a more formal and causally appropriate term than "leading to" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the causes for students not choosing science subjects and predicting the effects on society. It identifies reasons such as technological advancements, the difficulty of science subjects, and concerns over career prospects. The effects on society are mentioned, including potential unemployment among science teachers and the shortage of scientists.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more specific examples or data to support the causes and effects discussed. It would also benefit from a clearer structure that explicitly separates causes and effects for better clarity.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that the lack of students choosing science subjects is problematic due to its potential negative effects on society. This position is articulated in the introduction and maintained throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, the essay could use stronger transitions between paragraphs to reinforce the central argument. Additionally, ensuring each paragraph directly relates back to the thesis statement would enhance coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the causes and effects of students avoiding science subjects. It extends these ideas with some elaboration, such as discussing the impact of AI and career prospects. However, some ideas could benefit from deeper exploration or additional examples to enhance the depth of analysis.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should aim for more detailed examples or hypothetical scenarios to better illustrate the potential societal impacts. Additionally, stronger connections between ideas within paragraphs would enhance coherence and argument development.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by addressing the causes and effects related to students’ reluctance to study science subjects. However, there are moments where the discussion slightly veers off course, such as the brief mention of AI without a clear tie-back to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all examples and points directly contribute to the central thesis. Avoid tangential discussions that do not directly support the main argument, such as general statements about technology without specific relevance to the topic of science education.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable grasp of the topic and adequately addresses the task requirements, there is room for improvement in providing more specific examples, maintaining coherence throughout, and ensuring all points directly support the main argument. Strengthening these aspects would help elevate the essay to a higher band score by enhancing clarity, depth of analysis, and overall focus on the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally clear organization with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes and effects, and a brief conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect (causes or effects) as required by the prompt.
- The introduction introduces the topic and states the writer’s opinion clearly.
- Body paragraphs are logically structured to discuss causes (technology, difficulty, career prospects) and effects (lack of scientists, potential unemployment for teachers).
- The conclusion summarizes the main points without introducing new information.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider refining topic sentences in each body paragraph to more explicitly link to the thesis statement and ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs. Also, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on either causes or effects to avoid overlap and maintain coherence throughout.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea related to either causes or effects. Transitions between paragraphs are generally clear, though some could be more explicit to strengthen coherence.
- Introduction and conclusion are appropriately brief and serve their purpose.
- Body paragraphs each discuss a distinct cause or effect with supporting details.
- How to improve: To further enhance paragraph structure, consider ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea of the paragraph. This will aid in maintaining focus and coherence within each section of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices such as cohesive conjunctions (firstly, moreover, lastly), referencing (this phenomenon, these subjects), and cohesive devices within sentences (pronouns, lexical cohesion).
- Cohesive devices help in linking ideas within and between sentences.
- Overall, the use of cohesive devices contributes to the coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: While cohesive devices are generally used effectively, consider diversifying the types of devices used (e.g., more varied transition phrases, such as "in addition to" or "consequently") to enhance coherence further. Ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay to strengthen logical connections between ideas.

By refining these aspects—logical organization, paragraph structure, and the diversity and consistency of cohesive devices—the essay can further improve its coherence and cohesion, potentially achieving a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary with some attempts at varied word choice. For instance, it uses terms like "phenomenon," "undercompensated," "aspirations," and "significant unemployment." However, there is limited lexical diversity, with repetitive use of common words such as "students," "subjects," and "science."
- How to improve: To improve, aim for more nuanced vocabulary choices throughout the essay. Instead of repeating "students," consider using synonyms like "pupils," "learners," or specific terms like "aspiring scientists." Vary sentence structures and employ more precise adjectives and adverbs to enhance lexical richness.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary adequately but lacks precision at times. For example, it states "rapid development of modern technology, especially AI," which could be more precise by specifying the type of AI (e.g., machine learning, robotics). Conversely, terms like "significant unemployment" are appropriately used to convey specific meanings.
- How to improve: Work on specifying general terms with more precise language. Provide specific examples or types when discussing broad concepts like technology or career prospects. This will add depth and clarity to your arguments.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays generally accurate spelling with minimal errors observed (e.g., "undercompensated" is correctly spelled). However, there are a few instances where errors could impact readability (e.g., "responds" instead of "response").
- How to improve: Continue to practice careful proofreading to catch minor errors that may slip through, such as verb forms or singular/plural agreement. Utilize spell-check tools and allocate time specifically for proofreading to ensure accuracy in your writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competency in vocabulary usage and spelling, enhancing lexical variety, precision, and meticulous proofreading will contribute to achieving a higher band score for Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures. It utilizes complex sentences with dependent and independent clauses effectively. For instance, the sentence "Mastering these subjects requires a complex process that demands significant time and effort from students, involving careful study and integration of diverse sources to achieve accurate results" showcases a complex sentence structure that enhances the clarity and depth of the argument.
- How to improve: To further enhance variety, consider incorporating more conditional sentences (e.g., "If fewer students opt for science subjects, the implications for future technological advancements could be profound"), inverted sentences for emphasis (e.g., "Not only are science subjects challenging, but they also require extensive dedication"), or rhetorical questions to engage the reader ("Can society afford to neglect the study of sciences given the pace of technological evolution?").
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy with minimal errors. However, there are a few instances where sentence structure could be refined for clarity and precision. For example, the sentence "Despite the complexity of science education, many individuals are passionate about this field and aspire to become exceptional experts in science" could benefit from clearer separation of ideas to avoid potential ambiguity.
- How to improve: Focus on maintaining consistency in verb tense throughout paragraphs, particularly when discussing cause and effect relationships ("If students continue to avoid science subjects, society will face increasing challenges in technological innovation"). Additionally, pay close attention to comma usage to ensure clarity in complex sentence structures, such as ensuring commas are correctly placed in lists ("scientists, lab technicians, and engineers").

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a commendable variety of sentence structures, contributing to its Band Score of 7 in Grammatical Range and Accuracy. Continued practice in varying sentence structures and maintaining grammatical precision will further enhance the clarity and coherence of future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is noted that many students tend to prefer selecting subjects other than science. In my view, this phenomenon can be attributed to several factors and plays a more significant role than is generally recognized, with adverse impacts on society.

There are three primary reasons behind students’ tendency to neglect science subjects. Firstly, the rapid development of modern technology, especially AI, plays a pivotal role in people’s lives. AI can assist in resolving a wide range of complex issues across various fields, including science. It responds more rapidly than humans, saving students considerable time in their studies. Achieving mastery of these subjects necessitates meticulous study and the integration of diverse sources to achieve accurate results. Moreover, science subjects are among the most challenging in the curriculum, requiring considerable effort from students. Lastly, the career prospects for scientists, lab technicians, and engineers are undercompensated compared to the efforts required.

The shortage of students in science fields may lead to unemployment among passionate and highly skilled individuals in this field. This issue could have adverse impacts on society, primarily concerning the lack of scientists capable of addressing numerous complex issues that may arise in the future. Furthermore, if fewer students choose science subjects, it may result in unemployment for science teachers who are passionate and skilled in this field. Despite the complexity of science education, many individuals are passionate about this field and aspire to become exceptional experts in science. However, the number of students enrolling in science subjects is insufficiently high compared to the available teaching positions, potentially resulting in significant unemployment.

In conclusion, the causes of the lack of students choosing science as a major vary, and this issue may bring several negative impacts on society.