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In many countries, people decide to have children at a later age than in the past. Why? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In many countries, people decide to have children at a later age than in the past. Why?
Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In recent years, the trend of having children at a later age has become increasingly prevalent in many countries. This shift can be attributed to several factors, and while there are both advantages and disadvantages associated with this development, I believe that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
One reason why people are choosing to delay having children is the pursuit of higher education and career advancement. In today's competitive job market, individuals are often motivated to establish themselves professionally before starting a family. By delaying parenthood, they can focus on acquiring the necessary skills, gaining experience, and achieving financial stability, which can ultimately lead to a better quality of life for both parents and children.
Moreover, advancements in reproductive technology have provided individuals with the option to extend their childbearing years. In the past, women faced biological limitations and societal pressures to have children at a younger age. However, with the availability of assisted reproductive techniques such as in vitro fertilization, couples can now overcome fertility challenges and conceive later in life. This allows them to have children when they feel emotionally and financially ready, increasing the chances of a more fulfilling family life.
On the other hand, there are some disadvantages associated with delayed parenthood. One significant concern is the declining fertility rates and increased pregnancy complications that come with age, particularly for women. As women age, the likelihood of encountering difficulties in conceiving naturally and experiencing medical complications during pregnancy, such as gestational diabetes and high blood pressure, rises. Additionally, older parents may face challenges in keeping up with the energy levels required to raise young children, potentially impacting their ability to actively engage in their children's lives.
However, despite these potential drawbacks, I believe that the advantages of having children at a later age outweigh the disadvantages. Delaying parenthood allows individuals to establish themselves personally and professionally, providing a more stable environment for raising children. It also enables parents to be more emotionally mature, financially secure, and better equipped to handle the responsibilities and demands of raising a family.
In conclusion, the decision to have children at a later age is driven by various factors, including pursuing education and career goals and advancements in reproductive technology. While there are potential disadvantages associated with delayed parenthood, such as declining fertility rates and increased pregnancy complications, I believe that the benefits outweigh these drawbacks. Ultimately, the choice to have children at a later age should be based on individual circumstances and readiness, with careful consideration of the long-term implications for both parents and children.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "having children at a later age" -> "delaying parenthood"
    Explanation: The phrase "having children at a later age" is suitable but lacks a bit of academic formality. "Delaying parenthood" is a more concise and academically appropriate term that encapsulates the concept without losing clarity.

  2. "increasingly prevalent" -> "widespread"
    Explanation: While "increasingly prevalent" isn’t incorrect, "widespread" is a slightly more formal and fitting term in academic contexts, conveying the idea that this trend is widely observed across many countries.

  3. "shift" -> "transition"
    Explanation: "Shift" is slightly informal; "transition" is more formal and aligns better with an academic tone, conveying the change in the trend of parenthood age.

  4. "believes" -> "argues"
    Explanation: "Believes" is subjective; using "argues" maintains objectivity in academic writing, emphasizing the standpoint as a reasoned argument rather than a personal belief.

  5. "motivated to establish themselves" -> "driven to establish themselves"
    Explanation: "Motivated to establish themselves" is acceptable but using "driven" adds a more assertive and formal tone to the sentence in the context of career advancement.

  6. "acquiring the necessary skills" -> "developing the requisite skills"
    Explanation: "Acquiring the necessary skills" is suitable, but "developing the requisite skills" provides a more sophisticated alternative, maintaining the meaning in a more formal manner.

  7. "gaining experience" -> "accumulating experience"
    Explanation: "Gaining experience" is appropriate, but "accumulating experience" sounds slightly more formal and suitable for academic writing.

  8. "advancements in reproductive technology" -> "progress in reproductive technology"
    Explanation: While "advancements" is acceptable, "progress" is a more precise and slightly more formal term that fits well in an academic context.

  9. "couples can now overcome fertility challenges" -> "couples can now address fertility challenges"
    Explanation: "Overcome" is a suitable term, but "address" maintains a formal tone and conveys the idea without being overly casual.

  10. "fulfilling family life" -> "satisfactory family life"
    Explanation: "Fulfilling family life" is acceptable, but "satisfactory family life" adds a slightly more formal touch without altering the meaning significantly.

  11. "encountering difficulties in conceiving naturally" -> "experiencing challenges with natural conception"
    Explanation: While both phrases convey the same idea, the suggested alternative sounds slightly more formal and aligns better with academic language.

  12. "experiencing medical complications during pregnancy" -> "facing medical complications during pregnancy"
    Explanation: "Experiencing" is okay, but "facing" adds a nuanced formal tone, enhancing the academic style by portraying a more deliberate encounter with complications.

  13. "keeping up with the energy levels" -> "maintaining the required energy levels"
    Explanation: "Keeping up with" is a bit informal; "maintaining the required energy levels" presents a more formal expression in academic writing.

  14. "potentially impacting their ability" -> "potentially affecting their capacity"
    Explanation: "Impacting" is suitable, but "affecting their capacity" provides a more formal alternative, maintaining the sense within an academic context.

  15. "allows individuals to establish themselves personally and professionally" -> "enables individuals to establish themselves personally and professionally"
    Explanation: Both "allows" and "enables" are acceptable, but "enables" gives a slightly more formal tone, fitting better in academic writing.

  16. "long-term implications" -> "long-term consequences"
    Explanation: "Implications" is fine, but "consequences" is a more straightforward and common term in academic contexts, maintaining formality without altering meaning.

These alterations enhance the essay’s formality while ensuring the content’s clarity and coherence within an academic framework.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt. It discusses the reasons behind the trend of having children at a later age, explores both advantages and disadvantages, and provides reasons supporting the author’s viewpoint. Relevant examples are integrated into the discussion, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the prompt.

    • How to improve: To enhance the analysis, consider providing a more extensive discussion of potential disadvantages. While the essay mentions declining fertility rates and increased pregnancy complications, expanding on these points with additional examples or statistics could further strengthen the response.

  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently asserting that the benefits of having children at a later age outweigh the drawbacks. The stance is evident in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph contributes to reinforcing and supporting the central argument.

    • How to improve: To further enhance clarity, consider explicitly stating the author’s position in the introduction and conclusion. While the position is implicit in the essay, making it explicit at these key points can reinforce the overall coherence of the response.

  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It provides a detailed exploration of the reasons behind the trend of delayed parenthood, including education, career goals, and advancements in reproductive technology. Examples are well-integrated, and each idea is logically developed and connected to the main argument.

    • How to improve: To add depth, consider providing more nuanced examples or incorporating additional dimensions to the discussed ideas. This could involve exploring societal or cultural factors influencing the decision to have children at a later age.

  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout and does not deviate from the central theme of delayed parenthood. Each paragraph contributes to the overall discussion of why people are choosing to have children later in life and the associated advantages and disadvantages.

    • How to improve: Maintain a balance between the advantages and disadvantages. While the essay generally addresses both aspects, further emphasizing the potential drawbacks, especially with more specific examples, can enhance the overall depth of the response.

Overall Feedback:
The essay effectively addresses the given prompt, demonstrating a strong understanding of the topic. The response is well-structured, with clear organization and coherence. To improve, consider providing more extensive analysis and examples, especially when discussing potential disadvantages. Additionally, make the author’s position explicit in the introduction and conclusion for enhanced clarity. Overall, the essay is articulate, well-supported, and deserving of its Band Score of 8.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction clearly introduces the topic and the author’s stance. The body paragraphs follow a logical progression, presenting reasons for delayed parenthood and addressing advantages and disadvantages. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. However, there is room for improvement in the flow within paragraphs, as some transitions could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure that each paragraph’s topic sentence clearly introduces the main idea, and use transitional phrases to guide the reader from one point to the next. For instance, consider using words like "Furthermore" or "Moreover" to connect related ideas and improve the overall cohesion of the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to organize ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. However, some paragraphs could benefit from more nuanced structure, especially in the body where ideas can be further developed and elaborated.
    • How to improve: Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into more concise ones, each addressing a specific subtopic. This allows for clearer organization and makes it easier for readers to follow the argument. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and provides sufficient supporting details.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "Moreover," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"). However, there is room for improvement in the variety and strategic placement of these devices to create smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs.
    • How to improve: Aim for a more diverse use of cohesive devices. Introduce synonyms for commonly used transition words to add variety and sophistication. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of these devices to ensure a seamless connection between ideas. For example, consider using parallel structures to create a more balanced and cohesive argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion, attention to finer details such as sentence-level transitions and paragraph structure could further elevate the organization and flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating diverse terms such as "advancements," "competitive job market," "reproductive technology," "fulfilling family life," and more. The writer employs varied expressions to convey ideas effectively, contributing to a nuanced and sophisticated language use.
    • How to improve: While the essay generally excels in vocabulary diversity, occasional repetition of certain terms, such as "advantages" and "disadvantages," can be minimized. Consider employing synonyms or restructuring sentences to enhance lexical variety further.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates precise vocabulary usage, with terms like "reproductive technology," "gestational diabetes," and "financial stability" employed accurately. This contributes to the clarity and specificity of the writer’s arguments.
    • How to improve: Continue to prioritize precision in word choice. Avoid potential overuse of general terms like "advantages" and "disadvantages." Instead, opt for more specific terms or elaborate on the nature of the advantages and disadvantages to enhance precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling throughout the essay is accurate, reflecting a high level of language proficiency. There are no notable spelling errors that would detract from the overall coherence and professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: Maintain the current level of spelling accuracy by proofreading carefully and considering the use of spelling and grammar tools to catch any overlooked errors. Consistent attention to detail will ensure continued spelling precision.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resources, contributing significantly to the overall coherence and effectiveness of the communication. To enhance further, focus on minimizing vocabulary repetition, refining precision in language use, and maintaining the meticulous spelling exhibited in the current writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures. Complex sentences, compound sentences, and a variety of transitional phrases contribute to the essay’s overall coherence. For example, the use of conditional sentences in discussing potential disadvantages adds depth to the argument.
    • How to improve: While the essay showcases a good range, consider incorporating more advanced structures such as inversion or parallelism to elevate the sophistication of expression. Experimenting with different sentence lengths could also enhance the overall flow.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy throughout. There are minimal instances of grammatical errors, and the sentences are well-structured. For instance, the essay correctly uses verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and pronoun references.
    • How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy, pay meticulous attention to subject-verb agreement in complex sentences. Additionally, ensure consistent use of pronouns, especially when referring to entities such as "advancements in reproductive technology" to avoid potential confusion.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally well-handled in the essay. Commas, semicolons, and colons are used appropriately to guide the reader and separate ideas effectively. However, there are a few instances where a comma splice could be addressed.
    • How to improve: Review the use of commas in compound sentences to ensure they are appropriately placed. Consider using a conjunction or a semicolon to address any comma splices. Additionally, explore the nuanced use of dashes or parentheses to add emphasis or provide additional information where necessary.

Overall, the essay showcases a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy. To further elevate the writing, focus on experimenting with more complex sentence structures, ensuring meticulous subject-verb agreement, and refining punctuation use for greater precision and emphasis. These enhancements will contribute to a more nuanced and sophisticated expression of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, the inclination towards delaying parenthood has become widespread across many nations. This transition can be attributed to several factors, and while there are both advantages and disadvantages associated with this shift, I am of the opinion that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

One key reason behind the decision to postpone having children is the pursuit of higher education and career advancement. In today’s competitive job market, individuals are often driven to establish themselves professionally before starting a family. By delaying parenthood, they can focus on developing the requisite skills, accumulating experience, and achieving financial stability. This, in turn, can lead to a better quality of life for both parents and children.

Furthermore, progress in reproductive technology has provided couples with the opportunity to address fertility challenges and conceive later in life. In the past, societal pressures and biological limitations compelled women to have children at a younger age. However, with the availability of assisted reproductive techniques like in vitro fertilization, couples can now overcome fertility challenges and have children when they feel emotionally and financially prepared. This approach increases the likelihood of a more satisfactory family life.

Nevertheless, there are some disadvantages associated with delayed parenthood. A significant concern is the declining fertility rates and increased pregnancy complications that come with age, especially for women. As women age, the likelihood of encountering difficulties in conceiving naturally and facing medical complications during pregnancy, such as gestational diabetes and high blood pressure, rises. Additionally, older parents may experience challenges in maintaining the required energy levels to actively engage in their children’s lives, potentially affecting their capacity to parent effectively.

Despite these potential drawbacks, I maintain that the advantages of having children at a later age outweigh the disadvantages. Delaying parenthood enables individuals to establish themselves personally and professionally, creating a more stable environment for raising children. It also allows parents to be more emotionally mature, financially secure, and better equipped to handle the responsibilities and demands of raising a family.

In conclusion, the choice to have children at a later age is influenced by factors such as pursuing education and career goals and advancements in reproductive technology. While potential disadvantages exist, such as declining fertility rates and increased pregnancy complications, I argue that the benefits of delayed parenthood surpass these drawbacks. Ultimately, the decision to have children at a later age should be based on individual circumstances and readiness, with careful consideration of the long-term consequences for both parents and children.

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