In many countries, people now wear Western clothes such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this the case? Is this a positive or negative development?
In many countries, people now wear Western clothes such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this the case? Is this a positive or negative development?
In this day and age, people worldwide are inclined to pursue Western clothing including suits and jeans instead of traditional attire. From my perspective, globalization is a key factor in this transformation, and this trend is totally beneficial for human lives due to the comfort and economic development that it offers.
To begin with, one of the primary motives behind the widespread adoption of Western garments is globalization. With the rapid development of the Internet and social media, people have greater exposure to distinct styles of fashion from different countries around the world, with the Western style witnessing the most dramatic development. This is exemplified by the fact that a vast majority of people in Vietnam are unconsciously affected by Western media where actors and actresses from the West tend to wear jeans and suits in movies or music albums. As a result, Western clothing gradually spreads across the world and replaces the traditional one.
Furthermore, people can get certain benefits by adopting Western clothes in their daily lives. First and foremost, people can have a wide range of options for clothes that are suitable for their preferences and needs in comparison with the limited options of traditional fashion. Additionally, numerous clothing companies set up their factories in different countries to ensure the stock of garments to meet the increasing demands of Western clothes. Consequently, it creates more stable occupations for people in these countries and contributes to economic growth.
In summary, I consider that globalization is the main contributor to the prevalence of Western clothes, and this trend also brings advantages for humankind. It seems to me that although we wear Western clothes for daily outfits to get the comfort and modernity that they offer, we also preserve traditional ones since they hold the national heritage.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In this day and age" -> "Currently" or "Presently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression that may be perceived as too informal for academic writing. "Currently" or "Presently" maintains the temporal aspect without sacrificing formality. -
"instead of" -> "rather than"
Explanation: "Instead of" is commonly used in spoken language but can be replaced with "rather than" for a more formal tone in written discourse. -
"From my perspective" -> Omit
Explanation: Phrases like "From my perspective" are unnecessary in academic writing as the essay inherently reflects the author’s viewpoint. Omitting it streamlines the sentence without losing meaning. -
"totally beneficial" -> "highly advantageous"
Explanation: "Totally beneficial" is overly casual for an academic context. "Highly advantageous" maintains formality while conveying a similar meaning. -
"To begin with" -> "Firstly" or "Initially"
Explanation: "To begin with" is a bit informal for academic writing. "Firstly" or "Initially" serves the same purpose in a more formal manner. -
"widespread adoption" -> "ubiquitous acceptance"
Explanation: "Widespread adoption" is adequately formal, but "ubiquitous acceptance" adds sophistication to the language without sacrificing clarity. -
"distinct styles" -> "varied styles"
Explanation: "Distinct" is slightly informal in this context. "Varied" maintains formality while conveying the idea of diverse styles. -
"exemplified by the fact that" -> "illustrated by"
Explanation: "Exemplified by the fact that" is a bit wordy. "Illustrated by" is a concise alternative that retains clarity. -
"unconsciously affected" -> "subconsciously influenced"
Explanation: "Unconsciously affected" is less precise than "subconsciously influenced" in describing the impact of Western media on fashion choices. -
"in comparison with" -> "compared to"
Explanation: "In comparison with" is slightly less concise than "compared to" in this context, without any loss of meaning. -
"First and foremost" -> "Primarily"
Explanation: "First and foremost" is slightly informal. "Primarily" is a more formal alternative with the same meaning. -
"get certain benefits" -> "derive specific benefits"
Explanation: "Get certain benefits" is somewhat colloquial. "Derive specific benefits" is more formal and precise. -
"stock of garments" -> "inventory of apparel"
Explanation: "Stock of garments" is fine, but "inventory of apparel" adds a touch of formality to the language. -
"Consequently" -> "As a result"
Explanation: "Consequently" is a bit more formal than necessary. "As a result" is a slightly simpler alternative without sacrificing clarity. -
"In summary" -> "In conclusion"
Explanation: "In summary" is slightly less formal than "In conclusion," which is a standard phrase in academic writing. -
"It seems to me that" -> Omit
Explanation: "It seems to me that" is unnecessary in academic writing. Omitting it streamlines the sentence without losing meaning. -
"for daily outfits" -> "as everyday attire"
Explanation: "For daily outfits" is slightly informal. "As everyday attire" maintains formality while conveying the same meaning. -
"hold the national heritage" -> "preserve cultural heritage"
Explanation: "Hold the national heritage" is a bit awkward. "Preserve cultural heritage" is more concise and precise in this context.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt: why people wear Western clothing instead of traditional attire and whether this trend is positive or negative. It discusses globalization as the driving force behind the shift towards Western clothing and presents arguments supporting its benefits. Additionally, it acknowledges the preservation of traditional clothing despite the preference for Western attire.
- How to improve: While the essay provides a solid analysis, further elaboration on the negative aspects of this trend, as implied by the prompt, could enhance the depth of discussion. Considering potential drawbacks, such as cultural homogenization or loss of identity, would provide a more balanced perspective.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, asserting that the adoption of Western clothing is primarily driven by globalization and viewing this trend as beneficial. This position is evident in the thesis statement and consistently supported throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, ensuring that each paragraph reinforces the main position and avoids contradictory statements or ambiguity would be beneficial. Additionally, explicitly stating the stance in the conclusion can reinforce the essay’s coherence.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas related to globalization’s influence on clothing preferences and the benefits of adopting Western attire. It provides examples and explanations to support these ideas, such as referencing the impact of Western media and the economic advantages of clothing production.
- How to improve: To enhance the depth of discussion, incorporating additional examples or citing research findings could further substantiate the claims made in the essay. Additionally, exploring potential counterarguments and addressing them would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing why people wear Western clothing instead of traditional attire and evaluating whether this trend is positive or negative. However, there are instances where the focus shifts slightly, such as the brief mention of preserving traditional clothing at the end.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensuring that all points directly relate to the main topic and avoiding tangential discussions would improve coherence. If discussing additional topics, such as cultural preservation, it’s essential to tie them back to the main argument effectively.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively presents arguments supporting the preference for Western clothing. To improve further, incorporating a more balanced discussion of potential drawbacks and strengthening the coherence of ideas would elevate the essay’s quality.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a coherent organization of information, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph progresses logically from one point to the next, providing support for the author’s arguments. For example, the essay starts by introducing the topic of wearing Western clothes, then discusses globalization as a driving force, followed by the benefits of adopting Western clothing, and concludes by summarizing the main points.
- How to improve: While the overall organization is effective, the essay could benefit from stronger topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly signal the main idea. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph focuses on one main point and provides sufficient supporting evidence would enhance clarity and coherence.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure ideas and maintain coherence. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, such as globalization or the benefits of Western clothing, and develops it cohesively. Transitions between paragraphs are smooth, aiding the flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying the length and structure of paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Examples include transitional phrases such as "to begin with" and "furthermore," as well as pronouns and demonstratives to refer back to previously mentioned concepts. These devices help guide the reader through the essay and create a cohesive narrative.
- How to improve: While cohesive devices are used effectively, incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases could further enhance coherence. Additionally, paying attention to the placement and frequency of cohesive devices can help maintain a smooth flow of ideas throughout the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary by employing varied terminology throughout the response. For instance, the candidate uses phrases such as "pursue Western clothing," "distinct styles of fashion," "prevalence of Western clothes," and "traditional attire," showcasing a diversity of lexical choices.
- How to improve: To further enhance vocabulary diversity, consider incorporating more nuanced synonyms and expressions where appropriate. Expanding the range of descriptive terms and incorporating idiomatic expressions can enrich the language further. Additionally, integrating domain-specific vocabulary related to fashion and globalization could elevate the lexical richness of the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally utilizes vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning. For instance, phrases like "key factor," "primary motives," and "benefits by adopting Western clothes" demonstrate clarity and specificity in expression.
- How to improve: While the essay generally employs vocabulary precisely, occasional instances of repetition or vague language could be addressed. Consider refining ambiguous phrases or replacing repetitive terms with more precise alternatives to enhance clarity and impact. Additionally, incorporating domain-specific terminology related to globalization and cultural influence could strengthen the precision of expression.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally adequate, with no glaring errors detracting from comprehension. However, there are a few minor spelling issues, such as "comfot" instead of "comfort" and "ocuppations" instead of "occupations."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools or proofreading techniques to identify and correct minor errors. Developing a habit of reviewing written work systematically for spelling accuracy can help mitigate such issues in future compositions. Additionally, expanding familiarity with commonly misspelled words and practicing their correct usage can reinforce spelling proficiency.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, it effectively employs complex structures such as "With the rapid development of the Internet and social media, people have greater exposure to distinct styles of fashion from different countries around the world, with the Western style witnessing the most dramatic development." This sentence showcases subordination and elaboration, enhancing the complexity and coherence of the argument.
- How to improve: While the essay utilizes a variety of structures, there is room for further enhancement by incorporating more advanced syntactical patterns. Consider integrating more inversion structures, conditional sentences, and rhetorical devices like parallelism or antithesis to add depth and sophistication to the writing. Additionally, vary sentence lengths to maintain reader engagement and flow.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. Sentences are generally well-structured, and punctuation marks are appropriately used to convey meaning and aid comprehension. For instance, there are no glaring grammatical errors, and punctuation marks are consistently applied for clarity.
- How to improve: While the essay exhibits proficiency in grammar and punctuation, attention to detail can further enhance accuracy. Review instances where articles (‘a’, ‘an’, ‘the’) are used to ensure consistency and appropriateness. Additionally, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency to maintain grammatical precision throughout the essay. Consider utilizing more complex punctuation marks such as em dashes or semicolons to add variety and sophistication to sentence structures.
Overall, the essay effectively utilizes a diverse range of sentence structures and demonstrates strong grammatical accuracy. To improve further, continue expanding the repertoire of sentence structures while maintaining meticulous attention to grammatical precision and punctuation consistency. This will enhance the sophistication and coherence of the essay, contributing to even higher band scores in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criterion.
Bài sửa mẫu
In today’s world, there’s a noticeable inclination towards Western clothing, like suits and jeans, rather than traditional attire across many cultures. This shift can largely be attributed to globalization, which has made Western fashion highly accessible and appealing worldwide. From my perspective, this trend offers significant advantages in terms of comfort and economic opportunities, making it a positive development.
Firstly, the widespread adoption of Western clothing can be primarily attributed to globalization. The rapid expansion of the Internet and social media has exposed people to various fashion styles from different parts of the world, with Western fashion gaining widespread acceptance. This can be observed in places like Vietnam, where Western media featuring actors and actresses clad in Western attire influences local fashion choices subconsciously. Consequently, Western clothing becomes increasingly prevalent, gradually replacing traditional attire.
Moreover, embracing Western clothing brings specific benefits to individuals and economies alike. Firstly, it provides people with a diverse range of clothing options tailored to their preferences and needs, unlike the limited choices offered by traditional garments. Additionally, the establishment of clothing factories by numerous Western brands in various countries ensures a steady supply of garments, meeting the growing demand for Western fashion. This, in turn, creates stable job opportunities and contributes to economic development in these regions.
In conclusion, the widespread adoption of Western clothing is primarily driven by globalization, and this trend offers tangible benefits for humanity. While Western attire provides comfort and modernity for everyday wear, traditional clothing still holds significance in preserving cultural heritage. Therefore, the embrace of Western fashion represents a positive development, enriching lives and promoting economic growth while simultaneously preserving cultural diversity.
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