In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

It is widely acknowledged that in various nations, there are serious behavioral problems occurring among learners in schools. This state of affairs can be attributed to some factors and some proposals to remedy those problems will be delineated in this essay.
There are certain contributors being to blame for behavior-relating issues of students in schools. Chief of these is that schools’ bias for self-interest. Owing to the competition for fame, achievements and number of enrolled students, schools tend to please almost all parents and students’ demands so long as they pay larger amounts of money, even if they bribe to have high scores or break the schools’ rules. This can contribute to the thought of good-financial-statement students that they can do whatever they want regardless of whether it is righteous or not. Additionally, parents are too busy earning money, so that they do not have enough time to regularly follow and educate their children in time. Therefore, they just leave the educational responsibility for schools without knowing exactly how their children behave. This can result in pupils’ misbehavior towards their teachers and fellows. An example for this is that when students have inflicted violence towards someone, their parents just give school authority or the victims expense for compensation without teaching them the liability and consequences of what they have done. On top of that, a large number of educational institutions and parents only focus on academic performance and neglect moral values. This leads to the fact that students may ostracize and look down upon the one who studies not as well as them probably because they believe that purely wealth and academy ranking matters.
There are some viable ways proposed to address issues related to pupils’ behavior. Firstly, it is essential for each nation’s education authority to implement regulations of unprejudiced treatment towards students and administer it with the purpose of prohibiting bribes and insubordination. Secondly, an environment where there is balance between academic knowledge and ethics should be created by evaluating students’ progress and effort, not solely final scores and integrating teamwork, moral education, social-emotional learning into the curriculum with moral classes being added and charitable activities being carried out. By this way, students would learn to value cooperation, kindness, and respect others rather than just focusing on personal success.
To sum up, the causes of students’ severely disruptive behavior are the cultivating self-interests of schools, prejudice in favor of academic results and ignoring moralities. The solutions lie in enacted laws of fair treatment and academy-morality balanced environment creation.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"serious behavioral problems" -> "serious behavioral issues"
Explanation: "Issues" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "problems" in this context, as it implies a broader range of concerns beyond just problems.
"being to blame for" -> "attributed to"
Explanation: "Attributed to" is a more formal and precise phrase that accurately conveys causality in academic writing.
"schools’ bias for self-interest" -> "schools’ bias towards self-interest"
Explanation: Adding "towards" clarifies the direction of the bias, enhancing the sentence’s clarity and formality.
"please almost all parents and students’ demands" -> "meet the demands of almost all parents and students"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the subject performing the action and improves the grammatical structure.
"pay larger amounts of money, even if they bribe" -> "pay larger sums of money, even if they engage in bribery"
Explanation: "Engage in bribery" is a more precise and formal way to describe the act of bribing, avoiding the colloquial tone of "bribe."
"good-financial-statement students" -> "students who prioritize financial gain"
Explanation: "Students who prioritize financial gain" is a clearer and more formal expression than the awkward and unclear "good-financial-statement students."
"do whatever they want regardless of whether it is righteous or not" -> "act with impunity, regardless of ethical considerations"
Explanation: "Act with impunity, regardless of ethical considerations" is a more formal and precise way to convey the idea of acting without regard for ethics.
"leave the educational responsibility for schools" -> "delegate educational responsibilities to schools"
Explanation: "Delegate educational responsibilities" is a more formal and accurate term than "leave the educational responsibility."
"inflicted violence towards someone" -> "inflicted violence on someone"
Explanation: "On" is the correct preposition to use in this context, enhancing the grammatical accuracy.
"give school authority or the victims expense for compensation" -> "compensate the school or the victim"
Explanation: "Compensate" is a more direct and formal verb than "give expense," and it correctly implies payment for damages or losses.
"only focus on academic performance and neglect moral values" -> "prioritize academic performance over moral values"
Explanation: "Prioritize" is a more precise and formal term than "focus on," and it correctly indicates the relative importance given to academic performance over moral values.
"purely wealth and academy ranking matters" -> "solely wealth and academic ranking matter"
Explanation: "Solely" is more precise than "purely," and "academic ranking" is the correct term instead of "academy ranking."
"By this way" -> "By this approach"
Explanation: "By this approach" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "By this way."
"cultivating self-interests of schools" -> "cultivating self-interest within schools"
Explanation: "Within" is the correct preposition to use in this context, enhancing the grammatical accuracy.
"enacted laws of fair treatment" -> "enact laws ensuring fair treatment"
Explanation: "Enact laws ensuring fair treatment" is a more formal and precise way to express the implementation of laws that guarantee fairness.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying causes of student behavioral issues and suggesting solutions. The causes discussed include the self-interest of schools, parental neglect, and the focus on academic performance over moral values. Each of these points is relevant and contributes to a comprehensive understanding of the problem. The solutions proposed, such as implementing regulations against bribery and creating a balanced educational environment, are also pertinent. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit connection between the causes and the proposed solutions, as this would enhance the overall coherence of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should ensure that each cause is directly linked to its corresponding solution. For example, after discussing parental neglect, the essay could suggest specific parental involvement initiatives that schools could implement. This would create a clearer relationship between the identified problems and the proposed remedies.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the behavioral issues in schools stem from various systemic factors, and it consistently supports this stance throughout the text. The introduction sets the tone well, and the conclusion reiterates the main points effectively. However, there are moments where the phrasing could be more assertive, particularly in the solutions section, where the recommendations could be framed as necessary actions rather than suggestions.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and assertiveness, the writer could use stronger language when presenting solutions. Instead of "it is essential for each nation’s education authority to implement regulations," a more direct phrasing such as "education authorities must implement regulations" would convey a stronger position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas regarding the causes and solutions to student behavior issues. Each point is generally well-supported with explanations and examples, such as the discussion of parental neglect and its impact on student behavior. However, some ideas could be further developed. For instance, the mention of moral education is brief and could benefit from additional examples or explanations of how it could be integrated into the curriculum.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate more on each point. Providing specific examples of successful programs or initiatives that have addressed similar issues in other contexts could strengthen the argument and provide a clearer picture of how the proposed solutions could be implemented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, focusing on the causes and solutions to student behavioral issues. There are minor deviations, such as the somewhat vague reference to "good-financial-statement students," which could confuse readers. This phrase lacks clarity and could detract from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should avoid ambiguous phrases and ensure that all terminology used is clear and directly relevant to the topic. Additionally, reviewing the essay for any off-topic sentences or ideas that do not directly contribute to the main argument would help tighten the focus.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured response. By making the suggested improvements, the writer could enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument, potentially achieving an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing causes and solutions, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, while the body paragraphs are organized around specific themes related to student behavior. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the causes, such as the self-interest of schools and parental neglect, followed by a second paragraph that outlines potential solutions. However, the logical flow could be improved; some ideas, such as the impact of parental involvement, are introduced somewhat abruptly without clear transitions.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main idea. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition," "Conversely") can help guide the reader through the argument and connect ideas more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the topic, such as causes in the first body paragraph and solutions in the second. However, within the paragraphs, some sentences could be more cohesively linked to strengthen the overall argument. For example, the transition between discussing parental neglect and the consequences of that neglect could be more fluid.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, consider using concluding sentences that summarize the key point of the paragraph and link it to the next paragraph, reinforcing the overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and reference words (e.g., "this," "therefore"). However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases feel repetitive. For instance, the phrase "this can contribute to" appears multiple times, which detracts from the overall variety and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "this can contribute to," consider alternatives like "this results in," "this leads to," or "as a consequence." Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as conjunctive adverbs (e.g., "however," "moreover," "consequently"), can enhance the sophistication of the writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, focusing on improving logical flow, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use less common phrases such as "behavior-relating issues" and "cultivating self-interests." However, there are instances where the vocabulary choices are somewhat repetitive or overly simplistic. For example, phrases like "serious behavioral problems" and "students’ severely disruptive behavior" could be varied to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader array of synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "students" and "behavior," the writer could explore alternatives like "pupils," "learners," "conduct," or "misconduct." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises could also help expand their lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to use precise vocabulary, there are several instances of imprecise or awkward phrasing. For example, the phrase "good-financial-statement students" is unclear and does not effectively convey the intended meaning. Additionally, "bribe to have high scores" could be better articulated as "engaging in bribery to achieve higher scores." The use of "the one who studies not as well as them" is also awkward and could be simplified to "those who perform poorly academically."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and conciseness in their word choices. Practicing rephrasing sentences for clarity and seeking feedback on their use of vocabulary can help. Additionally, reviewing academic writing resources that emphasize precise language could be beneficial.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "academy-morality" (which should be "academic-moral") and "unprejudiced treatment" (which is correct but could be more effectively expressed as "fair treatment"). Overall, the spelling is generally accurate, but these minor errors detract from the overall quality.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should consider implementing a proofreading routine before finalizing their essays. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can enhance spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "Owing to the competition for fame, achievements and number of enrolled students" showcases an understanding of subordinate clauses. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and unclear sentence constructions, such as "This can contribute to the thought of good-financial-statement students that they can do whatever they want." This sentence is convoluted and could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer should practice using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Additionally, simplifying complex ideas into clearer sentences will improve readability. For example, instead of "This can contribute to the thought of good-financial-statement students that they can do whatever they want," the writer could say, "This can lead students with good financial backgrounds to believe they can act without consequences."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "behavior-relating issues of students in schools" should be "behavior-related issues among students in schools." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences, can confuse readers. The sentence "An example for this is that when students have inflicted violence towards someone, their parents just give school authority or the victims expense for compensation" lacks clarity and proper punctuation.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review common grammatical structures and their correct usage, particularly focusing on noun phrases and prepositions. Regular practice with punctuation, especially in complex sentences, will also help. For instance, breaking longer sentences into shorter ones can enhance clarity. Revising sentences for grammatical correctness, such as changing "the victims expense" to "the victim’s expenses," will also improve overall accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there are areas for improvement in sentence clarity and grammatical precision. Focusing on these aspects will help the writer achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely acknowledged that in various nations, there are serious behavioral problems occurring among learners in schools. This state of affairs can be attributed to several factors, and some proposals to remedy these issues will be delineated in this essay.

There are certain contributors to the behavior-related issues of students in schools. Chief among these is the schools’ bias towards self-interest. Owing to the competition for prestige, achievements, and the number of enrolled students, schools tend to meet the demands of almost all parents and students as long as they pay larger sums of money, even if they engage in bribery to secure high scores or break the schools’ rules. This can lead to the perception among financially privileged students that they can act with impunity, regardless of ethical considerations. Additionally, parents are often too busy earning money, which means they do not have enough time to regularly monitor and educate their children. Consequently, they delegate educational responsibilities to schools without fully understanding their children’s behavior. This can result in pupils’ misbehavior towards their teachers and peers. For instance, when students have inflicted violence on someone, their parents may simply compensate the school or the victim without teaching them about accountability and the consequences of their actions. Furthermore, many educational institutions and parents prioritize academic performance over moral values. This leads to a culture where students may ostracize and look down upon those who do not perform as well academically, believing that solely wealth and academic ranking matter.

There are several viable solutions proposed to address issues related to pupils’ behavior. Firstly, it is essential for each nation’s education authority to enact laws ensuring fair treatment towards students and to administer these laws with the aim of prohibiting bribery and insubordination. Secondly, an environment that balances academic knowledge and ethics should be created by evaluating students’ progress and effort, not solely final scores. This can be achieved by integrating teamwork, moral education, and social-emotional learning into the curriculum, along with introducing moral classes and charitable activities. By this approach, students would learn to value cooperation, kindness, and respect for others rather than just focusing on personal success.

To sum up, the causes of students’ severely disruptive behavior are the cultivation of self-interest within schools, a bias in favor of academic results, and the neglect of moral values. The solutions lie in enacting laws for fair treatment and creating an environment that balances academic performance with moral education.