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In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

It is true that school pupil behaviors have worsened in many parts of the world nowadays. This state of affairs can be attributed to several factors and this essay will suggest several viable solutions to remedy the situation.
In my opinion, there are several causes that result in bad student behaviors. Firstly, many modern parents are too permissive and spoil their children. Speaking from personal experience, a friend of mine can have whatever he wants by simply asking his parents, making it challenging for him to understand and adapt to the structure of a school environment. Secondly, overcrowded classrooms can put teacher in difficulty in managing all pupil and providing enough individualized attention. Finally, the influence of celebrities, mostly football players or singers, as one specific example, show that success can be achieved without education, which might affect children’s attitudes and motivation toward their studies.
To address this problems, each of these factors must take their action. The key solution here begins with parents, who should recognize their important in educating their child’s manner at home and be responsible for their behavior. For instance, they should set boundaries and discuss with their children about the importance of discipline and respect at both home and school. At the same time, school should improve their facilities such as adding more classes to reduce the student per classes, providing enough learning resources and ensuring an optimal environment for learning. Moreover, setting a range of rules and reasonable punishment for each of them, like assigning additional tasks or community service for disruptive students, can improve positive learning atmosphere. Also, famous influence must understand their impact on children and be good role models for young generation to follow.
In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons behind the bad behavior in students, and steps need to be taken to tackle this problem involving parents, educators, and celebrities.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "pupil behaviors" -> "student behaviors"
    Explanation: Replacing "pupil behaviors" with "student behaviors" is more appropriate in academic writing. "Student" is a formal term commonly used in educational contexts.

  2. "many parts of the world nowadays" -> "various regions globally today"
    Explanation: The phrase "many parts of the world nowadays" is too informal. "Various regions globally today" maintains formality and provides a more sophisticated expression.

  3. "This state of affairs" -> "This phenomenon"
    Explanation: "This state of affairs" is a bit informal. "This phenomenon" is a more formal alternative that better suits academic writing.

  4. "In my opinion" -> Omit
    Explanation: In academic writing, it’s generally understood that the essay reflects the author’s opinion. Omitting "In my opinion" maintains a more objective and formal tone.

  5. "Speaking from personal experience" -> Omit
    Explanation: Academic writing is expected to be objective and impersonal. Omitting "Speaking from personal experience" contributes to a more formal tone.

  6. "a friend of mine can have whatever he wants" -> "an acquaintance has access to whatever they desire"
    Explanation: Replacing "a friend of mine can have whatever he wants" with "an acquaintance has access to whatever they desire" introduces a more formal and neutral tone.

  7. "making it challenging" -> "rendering it difficult"
    Explanation: "Making it challenging" is a bit informal. "Rendering it difficult" is a more formal and precise alternative.

  8. "to understand and adapt" -> "to comprehend and adjust"
    Explanation: Substituting "to understand and adapt" with "to comprehend and adjust" maintains formality and introduces more precise vocabulary.

  9. "the structure of a school environment" -> "the structure of an educational setting"
    Explanation: "A school environment" can be made more formal by using "an educational setting."

  10. "overcrowded classrooms can put teacher in difficulty" -> "overcrowded classrooms can pose challenges for teachers"
    Explanation: "Put teacher in difficulty" is too informal. "Pose challenges for teachers" is a more formal and precise expression.

  11. "pupil" -> "student"
    Explanation: Consistency in terminology is important. Replacing "pupil" with "student" aligns with the academic style established earlier.

  12. "children’s attitudes" -> "children’s attitudes"
    Explanation: Correcting the apostrophe placement in "children’s attitudes" to "children’s attitudes" adheres to proper punctuation rules.

  13. "toward their studies" -> "toward their academic pursuits"
    Explanation: "Studies" can be replaced with "academic pursuits" for a more formal and encompassing term.

  14. "To address this problems" -> "To address these problems"
    Explanation: Correcting the singular "this" to the plural "these" ensures grammatical accuracy.

  15. "each of these factors must take their action" -> "each of these factors must play a role"
    Explanation: The phrase "take their action" is less formal. "Play a role" is a more appropriate and formal alternative.

  16. "recognize their important in educating" -> "recognize their importance in educating"
    Explanation: Correcting the grammar by changing "important" to "importance" ensures proper usage.

  17. "child’s manner" -> "child’s behavior"
    Explanation: Replacing "child’s manner" with "child’s behavior" is more specific and formal.

  18. "set boundaries and discuss with their children" -> "establish boundaries and engage in discussions with their children"
    Explanation: Using "establish boundaries" instead of "set boundaries" and "engage in discussions" instead of "discuss" contributes to a more formal tone.

  19. "the student per classes" -> "the number of students per class"
    Explanation: "Student per classes" is grammatically incorrect. "Number of students per class" is the correct and more formal expression.

  20. "providing enough learning resources and ensuring an optimal environment" -> "ensuring the availability of sufficient learning resources and maintaining an optimal environment"
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance formality and clarity by using more precise language.

  21. "setting a range of rules and reasonable punishment for each of them" -> "establishing a set of rules and implementing appropriate consequences for infractions"
    Explanation: The revised phrase is more formal and specifies the type of consequences more precisely.

  22. "famous influence" -> "influential figures"
    Explanation: "Famous influence" is informal. "Influential figures" is a more formal and precise term.

  23. "be good role models for young generation to follow" -> "serve as positive role models for the younger generation to emulate"
    Explanation: The suggested changes introduce more formal language and enhance clarity in expressing the idea of being good role models.

  24. "it is clear that" -> "clearly"
    Explanation: Replacing "it is clear that" with "clearly" results in a more concise and formal expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing the causes of worsening student behavior and suggesting solutions. The reasons presented include permissive parenting, overcrowded classrooms, and the influence of celebrities. Solutions involve parental responsibility, school improvements, and the role of celebrities as positive influences.

    • How to improve: While the essay addresses both parts, it could enhance its depth by providing more specific examples or real-life scenarios to illustrate the causes and solutions. Expanding on the discussion of each cause and solution would contribute to a more comprehensive analysis.

  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, identifying causes and proposing solutions to address the issue of deteriorating student behavior. The writer consistently advocates for a collaborative effort involving parents, educators, and celebrities to mitigate the problem.

    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, the essay could explicitly state the writer’s stance in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, reinforcing the connection between the causes and suggested solutions would contribute to a more coherent argument.

  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas on the causes and solutions, supported by relevant points. For instance, the influence of celebrities is supported by the example of football players and singers. The essay extends ideas by proposing concrete actions for parents, schools, and celebrities.

    • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the essay could provide more detailed examples or statistics to bolster the argument. Offering a more in-depth exploration of the consequences of bad behavior and the potential impact of suggested solutions would strengthen the overall argument.

  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the causes of deteriorating student behavior and suggesting solutions. However, some ideas, like the influence of celebrities, could be more directly linked to the school environment.

    • How to improve: To maintain a sharper focus, the essay could provide explicit connections between each cause and its impact on student behavior. This would ensure that the discussion remains tightly linked to the given prompt throughout the essay.


Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, offering a balanced discussion of causes and solutions related to the decline in student behavior. To improve, the writer can deepen the analysis with specific examples, reinforce the connection between causes and solutions, provide more supporting details, and ensure a more direct link between ideas and the given prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally logical organization. The introduction sets the stage by acknowledging the problem and proposing solutions. The body paragraphs discuss causes and potential solutions in a reasonable sequence. The conclusion appropriately summarizes the key points. However, there is room for improvement in the flow of ideas within paragraphs, as some points could be better connected.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure that each paragraph follows a clear structure with a topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas and create a seamless progression of thoughts. For instance, consider using transitional phrases like "Furthermore," or "In addition" to link sentences and ideas more explicitly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: Paragraphing is evident, but the structure within paragraphs is sometimes unclear. For instance, the second paragraph discusses causes, but the points could be more effectively organized. Additionally, the third paragraph combines solutions for both parents and schools, making it challenging to follow the distinct recommendations for each.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus on one main idea. In the second paragraph, consider separating the discussion of permissive parents and overcrowded classrooms into distinct paragraphs. Similarly, dedicate separate paragraphs to discuss solutions for parents and schools in the third paragraph. This will improve clarity and make it easier for the reader to follow the essay’s organization.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "firstly," "secondly," and "finally," to indicate the order of ideas. However, there is limited use of other cohesive devices, and the essay could benefit from a more diverse range to create smoother transitions.
    • How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices to guide the reader through the essay. Include transition words and phrases like "in contrast," "however," or "consequently" to demonstrate relationships between ideas. This will contribute to a more cohesive and well-connected essay. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition and add variety to the language.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion but would benefit from improvements in paragraph organization, logical flow, and the use of a more diverse range of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied vocabulary, such as "permissive," "adapt," "individualized attention," and "discipline." However, the range is somewhat limited, and the essay relies on general terms like "parents," "school," and "students" without introducing more nuanced or specialized vocabulary related to the topic. More precise and context-specific vocabulary could enhance the depth of expression.
    • How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, consider incorporating more specific terms related to education, parenting, and behavior. For example, instead of using generic terms like "problems" and "solutions," introduce more precise vocabulary such as "challenges" and "remedies." Additionally, explore subject-specific terminology like "pedagogy," "disciplinary measures," or "behavioral interventions" where applicable.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. While terms like "overcrowded classrooms" and "spoiling children" are fairly precise, there are instances of less precise language, such as "take their action" and "famous influence." These phrases could be more accurately expressed to enhance clarity and convey the intended meaning more precisely.
    • How to improve: Strive for clarity by avoiding vague expressions. Instead of "take their action," consider more explicit language like "address these issues." Replace "famous influence" with a more specific term, such as "celebrity influence." Precise vocabulary not only conveys meaning effectively but also showcases a more sophisticated command of the language.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally acceptable. However, there are some instances of errors, such as "manner" instead of "manners" and "in difficulty" instead of "in difficulties." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, attention to spelling details would enhance the overall presentation.
    • How to improve: Review and proofread the essay carefully to catch and correct spelling errors. Pay close attention to commonly misspelled words and homophones. Consider using spell-check tools or seeking feedback from peers to further improve spelling accuracy. Developing a habit of revising for spelling during the editing phase will contribute to a polished final product.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences are prevalent, and there is some use of complex structures. However, more sophisticated structures, such as conditional sentences and advanced clauses, could be incorporated to enhance variety and convey ideas more effectively.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating conditional sentences, relative clauses, and varied sentence lengths. For example, instead of relying heavily on simple sentences, experiment with compound-complex structures to convey ideas with greater nuance and complexity.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally accurate use of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "parents are too permissive") and awkward phrasing (e.g., "the key solution here begins with parents"). Punctuation is used reasonably well, but there are occasional errors, such as missing commas and awkward placement of periods.
    • How to improve: Review and revise sentences for grammatical accuracy, paying attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Utilize commas more effectively to enhance clarity and avoid awkward phrasing. Proofread the essay carefully to catch and correct punctuation errors, ensuring that each sentence flows smoothly.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammar and punctuation, but refinement in sentence structures and meticulous proofreading can elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is indeed true that student behaviors in schools have deteriorated in many regions globally today. This phenomenon can be attributed to various factors, and this essay will suggest several practical solutions to address the situation.

In my view, there are several causes contributing to undesirable student behaviors. Firstly, many modern parents tend to be too permissive and spoil their children. Drawing from personal experience, an acquaintance of mine has access to whatever they desire by simply asking their parents, rendering it difficult for them to comprehend and adjust to the structure of an educational setting. Secondly, overcrowded classrooms can pose challenges for teachers in managing all students and providing enough individualized attention. Finally, influential figures, particularly celebrities such as football players or singers, show that success can be achieved without education. This may affect children’s attitudes and motivation toward their academic pursuits.

To address these problems, each of these factors must play a role. The key solution starts with parents, who must recognize their importance in educating their child’s behavior at home and take responsibility for their conduct. For example, they should establish boundaries and engage in discussions with their children about the importance of discipline and respect both at home and school. Simultaneously, schools should enhance their facilities, such as reducing the number of students per class, ensuring the availability of sufficient learning resources, and maintaining an optimal environment for learning. Moreover, establishing a set of rules and implementing appropriate consequences for infractions, such as assigning additional tasks or community service for disruptive students, can contribute to a positive learning atmosphere. Additionally, influential figures must clearly understand their impact on children and serve as positive role models for the younger generation to emulate.

In conclusion, it is evident that various reasons contribute to the issue of bad behavior in students, and steps need to be taken to tackle this problem involving parents, educators, and influential figures.

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