In many countries, the education system focuses more on academic subjects rather than practical skills needed for the workforce. Some argue that schools should place more emphasis on teaching practical skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In many countries, the education system focuses more on academic subjects rather than
practical skills needed for the workforce. Some argue that schools should place more
emphasis on teaching practical skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this
opinion?

The teaching system in many nation’s schools prefer academic subjects to essential efficient skills. Other people argue that ministry of education should concentrate on lecturing practical skills. I completely agree with the first opinion. I will clearly explain why I have this view about this issue below.
On the one hand, teaching essential skills for the workforce has some disadvantages. When teaching work skills it seems to be very hard for good students as well as excellent students, it can also affect the future of our society. When choosing this route, pupils need to choose a job and try to learn it. While students realize that they do not like or not good at the field that they selected, it will make them feel bored. And when they decide to switch to studying a new field, it will waste their time and effort, and that frustration may return.
On the other hand, teaching academic subjects seems to be a serious problem in education. Students can easily understand and remember the advanced lectures necessary of university setting by studying basic subjects. Because it will help pupils master the cornerstone of knowledge which is a serious part of higher courses. Next, students can simply choose their favourite or best field of study and job. After they learnt all the school’s courses, they can find out the subjects that they are best at or like most. While studying in high school, they can also gain work experience such as teamwork and presentations through the assignments given by their teachers.
In conclusion, students do not usually use their knowledge of the remaining subject that they learnt at school, but they did not waste their effort and time. Although learning work skills seem to help students feel less stressed, it still has many drawbacks that have not been solved.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"many nation’s schools" -> "many schools in various nations"
Explanation: The phrase "many nation’s schools" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Many schools in various nations" corrects the grammatical error and enhances clarity and formality.
"prefer academic subjects to essential efficient skills" -> "prioritize academic subjects over essential skills"
Explanation: The original phrase "prefer academic subjects to essential efficient skills" is awkward and unclear. "Prioritize academic subjects over essential skills" is more precise and academically appropriate, clearly indicating a preference.
"ministry of education should concentrate on lecturing practical skills" -> "the Ministry of Education should focus on teaching practical skills"
Explanation: "Concentrate on lecturing" is an unnatural and somewhat informal expression. "Focus on teaching" is more natural and appropriate for academic writing, and "the Ministry of Education" should be capitalized as it refers to a specific government agency.
"I completely agree with the first opinion" -> "I strongly support the first perspective"
Explanation: "Completely agree" is somewhat informal and vague. "Strongly support" is more precise and formal, and "perspective" is a more academic term than "opinion."
"it seems to be very hard for good students as well as excellent students" -> "it can be challenging for both good and excellent students"
Explanation: "It seems to be very hard" is informal and imprecise. "It can be challenging" is more formal and avoids the subjective judgment implied by "very hard."
"it can also affect the future of our society" -> "it may also impact the future of society"
Explanation: "Affect" is less specific than "impact," which is more commonly used in academic contexts to describe the influence of actions or policies on larger systems.
"When choosing this route, pupils need to choose a job and try to learn it" -> "When pursuing this path, students must select a career and dedicate themselves to mastering it"
Explanation: "Pupils" is less formal than "students," and "try to learn" is vague and informal. "Dedicate themselves to mastering" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"not good at the field that they selected" -> "unsuited to the field they have chosen"
Explanation: "Not good at" is informal and vague. "Unsuited to" is more precise and formal, and "chosen" is grammatically correct compared to "selected."
"it will make them feel bored" -> "it may lead to boredom"
Explanation: "Make them feel bored" is informal and imprecise. "Lead to boredom" is more formal and avoids the emotional tone of "feel bored."
"teaching academic subjects seems to be a serious problem in education" -> "the emphasis on academic subjects appears to be a significant issue in education"
Explanation: "Seems to be a serious problem" is vague and informal. "Appears to be a significant issue" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"Students can easily understand and remember the advanced lectures necessary of university setting" -> "Students can readily comprehend and retain the advanced lectures required for university settings"
Explanation: "Easily understand and remember" is informal and lacks precision. "Readily comprehend and retain" are more formal and academically appropriate terms.
"Because it will help pupils master the cornerstone of knowledge which is a serious part of higher courses" -> "Because it enables students to master the fundamental knowledge that is essential for higher-level courses"
Explanation: "Pupils" is less formal than "students," and "cornerstone of knowledge" is somewhat vague. "Fundamental knowledge" is more precise and formal, and "essential for higher-level courses" clarifies the importance.
"After they learnt all the school’s courses" -> "After completing all the school’s courses"
Explanation: "Learnt" is less formal than "completed," and "school’s" should be "school’s" for possessive form.
"they can find out the subjects that they are best at or like most" -> "they can identify the subjects in which they excel or have a preference"
Explanation: "Find out" is informal and vague. "Identify" is more precise and formal, and "excel or have a preference" is more academically appropriate than "are best at or like most."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the emphasis on academic subjects versus practical skills. However, it primarily supports the view that academic subjects should be prioritized, which aligns with the prompt’s requirement to express a degree of agreement or disagreement. The response lacks a thorough exploration of the implications of teaching practical skills, which is a critical part of the question. For instance, while the essay mentions disadvantages of teaching practical skills, it does not sufficiently elaborate on the potential benefits, which could provide a more balanced view.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly outline the advantages of teaching practical skills alongside the disadvantages. This could involve discussing how practical skills can prepare students for the workforce and contribute to their overall development. A more nuanced approach would demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic and address all parts of the question more comprehensively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states a clear position in favor of prioritizing academic subjects, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. However, the body paragraphs sometimes present mixed messages. For example, while discussing the disadvantages of teaching practical skills, the language used is somewhat vague, which may confuse readers about the writer’s stance. Phrases like "it seems to be very hard for good students" lack clarity and specificity, making it difficult to understand the argument fully.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently reinforce their viewpoint throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using more definitive language and explicitly linking each point back to the main argument. Additionally, summarizing the position at the end of each paragraph can help to remind readers of the writer’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the importance of academic subjects and the challenges of teaching practical skills. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with concrete examples. For instance, the claim that "students can easily understand and remember the advanced lectures" lacks supporting evidence or examples that illustrate this point. The discussion of teamwork and presentations as skills gained through academic subjects is also underexplored.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate the benefits of academic subjects or the drawbacks of focusing solely on practical skills. Additionally, using data or research findings could lend credibility to the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the education system’s focus on academic subjects versus practical skills. However, there are moments where the relevance of certain points is questionable, such as the vague mention of students feeling bored or frustrated when switching fields. This distracts from the main argument and does not directly relate to the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the argument about the balance between academic subjects and practical skills. Avoiding tangential statements and ensuring that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument will help keep the essay on track. A clear outline before writing could assist in organizing thoughts and ensuring relevance throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with distinct sections for the writer’s views on both sides of the debate. The introduction sets up the discussion effectively, stating the writer’s agreement with the emphasis on academic subjects. However, the logical flow between points could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the disadvantages of teaching practical skills to the advantages of academic subjects lacks a clear connective statement, which can confuse readers about the relationship between the two arguments.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs. For example, explicitly stating how the disadvantages of practical skills lead to the necessity of focusing on academic subjects can strengthen the connection between ideas. Additionally, outlining the main points in the introduction can guide the reader through the essay’s structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a positive aspect. However, the paragraphs could be better developed. The first paragraph discusses the disadvantages of practical skills but lacks depth and examples. Similarly, the second paragraph addresses the advantages of academic subjects but could benefit from more detailed explanations and examples to support the claims made.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally start with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea with examples or explanations. For instance, in the paragraph discussing academic subjects, the writer could include specific examples of how academic knowledge translates into practical skills in the workforce.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," to contrast the two sides of the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, which affects the overall flow of the essay. For example, phrases like "because" and "next" are used, but the essay could benefit from a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance clarity and connection between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate more linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "consequently." These devices can help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can help maintain cohesion throughout the text.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some appropriate use of terms related to education and skills. Phrases like "essential skills," "academic subjects," and "workforce" are relevant and contextually appropriate. However, the range is limited, and the vocabulary tends to be repetitive, particularly in the use of "skills" and "subjects." For example, the phrase "teaching essential skills for the workforce" is repeated in various forms without introducing synonyms or alternative expressions.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "skills," the writer could use terms like "competencies," "abilities," or "practical knowledge." Additionally, exploring phrases like "vocational training" or "hands-on experience" could diversify the vocabulary used in the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the teaching system in many nation’s schools" contains a possessive error ("nation’s" should be "nations’") and could be more clearly expressed as "the education systems in many countries." Additionally, the phrase "good students as well as excellent students" is redundant; "good" and "excellent" convey similar meanings, which could be streamlined for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and conciseness. Instead of using vague terms, they should aim for specificity. For example, rather than saying "it seems to be very hard for good students," the writer could specify the challenges faced by students in practical skill training. This would enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For example, "nation’s" should be "nations’," "lecturing" should be "teaching," and "favourite" should be "favorite" (if following American English conventions). Additionally, "ministry of education" should be capitalized as "Ministry of Education" when referring to a specific entity.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Furthermore, practicing spelling through writing exercises and reading extensively can help reinforce correct spelling patterns. Keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and structure, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will contribute significantly to achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance the writing. For example, phrases such as "When teaching work skills it seems to be very hard for good students as well as excellent students" and "Students can easily understand and remember the advanced lectures necessary of university setting" are straightforward but do not incorporate more complex structures like relative clauses or conditional sentences that could add depth to the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, instead of saying "When teaching work skills it seems to be very hard for good students," the writer could say, "Although teaching work skills can be challenging for academically inclined students, it is essential for their future success." This not only introduces a complex structure but also clarifies the relationship between the ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, the phrase "the teaching system in many nation’s schools" incorrectly uses an apostrophe, suggesting possession rather than plurality. Additionally, sentences like "it can also affect the future of our society" lack clarity due to vague references. Punctuation errors are also present, such as the absence of commas in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, proper use of apostrophes, and sentence clarity. For example, "the teaching system in many nations’ schools" should be corrected to "the teaching systems in many countries." Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, particularly for compound sentences, will help avoid run-ons. For instance, "When teaching work skills it seems to be very hard for good students as well as excellent students, it can also affect the future of our society" could be revised to "Teaching work skills can be challenging for both good and excellent students; moreover, it may negatively impact the future of our society."

Overall, the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic but requires significant improvement in both grammatical range and accuracy to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence variety and grammatical correctness will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The teaching system in many countries’ schools prioritizes academic subjects over essential skills needed for the workforce. Other people argue that the Ministry of Education should concentrate on teaching practical skills. I completely agree with the first opinion. I will clearly explain why I have this view about this issue below.

On the one hand, teaching essential skills for the workforce has some disadvantages. When teaching work skills, it seems to be very hard for both good and excellent students, and it can also affect the future of our society. When choosing this route, pupils need to select a job and try to learn it. While students realize that they do not like or are not good at the field they have chosen, it will make them feel bored. When they decide to switch to studying a new field, it will waste their time and effort, and that frustration may return.

On the other hand, teaching academic subjects seems to be a serious problem in education. Students can easily understand and remember the advanced lectures necessary for a university setting by studying basic subjects. This will help pupils master the cornerstone of knowledge, which is a crucial part of higher courses. Next, students can simply choose their favorite or best field of study and job. After they have learned all the school’s courses, they can discover the subjects that they excel in or like the most. While studying in high school, they can also gain work experience, such as teamwork and presentations, through the assignments given by their teachers.

In conclusion, students do not usually use their knowledge of the remaining subjects that they learned at school, but they did not waste their effort and time. Although learning work skills seems to help students feel less stressed, it still has many drawbacks that have not been solved.