In many countries, the government spends a large amount of money on the arts. Some people agree with this. However, others think the government should spend more on healthcare and education. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

In this day and age, there is an existing tendency of spending much money for the arts in numerous nations. A myriad of inhabitants hold a favorable view for this trend, nevertheless, healthcare and education are also ubiquitous concerns. Personally, I am in favor of the second idea and in the framework of this essay, both of them will be fairly discussed.

Evidently, governmental massive investments for arts contain several plus points. Firstly, it can help preserve aesthetic and conventional values of countries with a diversity of traditions and customs. Possibly, if the national fragile properties are enriched and enhanced, dwellers can be put in an ideal ambience to broaden the horizons of their homelands. Secondly, due to appealing items such as picturesque paintings or classical artworks dating thousands of years, host communities can be facilitated to utilize their masterpieces and boost their earnings from tourist destinations.

However, expenditures for arts seem dispensable compared to that for health-services or educating systems. Undeniably, they take paramount importances in human life; moreover, the number of nations with prolonged culture is inferior to the rest. Thus, budgets for universal services are far more rational choices which are also able to avoid the risk of national disputes. In India, for example, from introducing the policy of concentrating on spiritual components and ignoring such contemporary social issues like poverty, illiteracy or unemployment, Indians became ever anxious and carried out protests everywhere.

To sum up, opinions still differ on whether more money for arts or healthcare and education is more advisable. From my perspective, I assume that the living standard should be ensured, thus, I am convinced by the second statement.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"spending much money for the arts" -> "allocating significant funds to the arts"
Explanation: "Spending much money" is informal and vague. "Allocating significant funds" is more precise and formal.
"A myriad of inhabitants" -> "Many residents"
Explanation: "A myriad of inhabitants" is overly formal and slightly awkward. "Many residents" is straightforward and maintains a formal tone.
"hold a favorable view for this trend" -> "support this trend"
Explanation: "Hold a favorable view for this trend" is verbose and awkward. "Support this trend" is concise and direct.
"ubiquitous concerns" -> "widespread concerns"
Explanation: "Ubiquitous" typically refers to something that is present everywhere at the same time, which is not the intended meaning here. "Widespread" is more appropriate for describing the prevalence of concerns.
"governmental massive investments" -> "substantial government investments"
Explanation: "Governmental massive investments" is awkward and redundant. "Substantial government investments" is clearer and more formal.
"contain several plus points" -> "have several advantages"
Explanation: "Contain several plus points" is informal and unclear. "Have several advantages" is straightforward and academically appropriate.
"fragile properties" -> "cultural heritage"
Explanation: "Fragile properties" is vague and imprecise. "Cultural heritage" specifically refers to the cultural and historical aspects of a nation.
"dwellers can be put in an ideal ambience" -> "residents can be placed in an ideal environment"
Explanation: "Dwellers" is less formal than "residents," and "ambience" is less precise than "environment" in this context.
"appealing items" -> "attractive attractions"
Explanation: "Appealing items" is vague and informal. "Attractive attractions" is more specific and formal.
"boost their earnings from tourist destinations" -> "enhance their revenue from tourist attractions"
Explanation: "Boost their earnings" is informal and slightly vague. "Enhance their revenue" is more precise and formal.
"expenditures for arts seem dispensable" -> "expenditures on the arts appear unnecessary"
Explanation: "Seem dispensable" is less formal and slightly awkward. "Appear unnecessary" is clearer and more formal.
"take paramount importances" -> "have paramount importance"
Explanation: "Take paramount importances" is grammatically incorrect. "Have paramount importance" is grammatically correct and maintains formality.
"the number of nations with prolonged culture" -> "the number of nations with a long cultural heritage"
Explanation: "Prolonged culture" is awkward and unclear. "A long cultural heritage" is more precise and formal.
"budgets for universal services are far more rational choices" -> "allocations for universal services are more rational choices"
Explanation: "Budgets for universal services are far more rational choices" is awkwardly phrased. "Allocations for universal services are more rational choices" is clearer and maintains formality.
"ever anxious" -> "increasingly anxious"
Explanation: "Ever anxious" is incorrect and unclear. "Increasingly anxious" correctly conveys the growing concern.
"carried out protests everywhere" -> "organized protests nationwide"
Explanation: "Carried out protests everywhere" is informal and vague. "Organized protests nationwide" is more precise and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding government spending on the arts versus healthcare and education. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of investing in the arts, highlighting cultural preservation and tourism. The second body paragraph presents the opposing view, emphasizing the importance of healthcare and education. However, while both perspectives are mentioned, the discussion could be more balanced, as the argument for healthcare and education is more developed than that for the arts.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that both sides are given equal weight. This could involve providing more specific examples or evidence to support the benefits of arts funding, such as mentioning successful arts programs or their impact on community well-being. Additionally, a clearer comparison between the two views could strengthen the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is stated clearly in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion, favoring increased spending on healthcare and education. However, the transition between discussing the two views could be smoother, and the position could be reinforced more consistently throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly link back to their opinion after discussing the opposing view. For instance, after detailing the benefits of the arts, a sentence could be added to contrast these benefits with the more pressing needs of healthcare and education, thereby reinforcing the writer’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the importance of healthcare and education is articulated well. However, the support for the arts is less robust, with fewer examples and less elaboration on the points made. The argument about tourism is relevant but could be expanded with more detail on how arts funding directly impacts local economies.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. For instance, discussing specific arts initiatives that have led to economic growth or cultural enrichment would strengthen the argument. Additionally, elaborating on how healthcare and education directly impact societal well-being could further support the writer’s position.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s requirements. However, some sentences, particularly in the introduction and the conclusion, could be more focused. For example, the phrase "the framework of this essay" is somewhat vague and does not add value to the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should avoid vague phrases and ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the argument. Clarifying the main points in the introduction and conclusion can help reinforce the essay’s relevance to the prompt. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main question will help maintain topic adherence throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents a coherent argument, there are areas for improvement in balance, clarity, and depth of support. Focusing on these aspects will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized to discuss the benefits of government spending on the arts first, followed by a counterargument emphasizing the importance of healthcare and education. This logical progression helps the reader follow the argument. However, the transition between the two main ideas could be smoother; for instance, the shift from discussing the arts to healthcare and education feels abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that signal a shift in focus, such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," at the beginning of the second body paragraph. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct idea. The first paragraph discusses the positive aspects of spending on the arts, while the second addresses the necessity of funding for healthcare and education. However, the conclusion could be more developed, as it merely restates the writer’s opinion without summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion not only states the writer’s opinion but also briefly summarizes the main arguments presented in the essay. This will reinforce the essay’s overall coherence and provide a satisfying closure for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "However," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some connections could be more explicit. For example, the phrase "Evidently" at the beginning of the second paragraph could be replaced with a more specific cohesive device that ties back to the previous paragraph’s discussion.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "In addition," "Furthermore," or "On the contrary." This will not only enhance the flow of ideas but also demonstrate a greater command of language. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help maintain cohesion throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, addressing the areas for improvement will elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with phrases like "existing tendency," "a myriad of inhabitants," and "paramount importances." These choices reflect an attempt to use varied and sophisticated language. However, some vocabulary choices could be more precise or appropriate. For instance, the phrase "governmental massive investments for arts" could be more naturally expressed as "government investment in the arts."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should consider incorporating more synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "arts," they could use "cultural initiatives" or "creative sectors." Additionally, the use of idiomatic expressions or collocations could further enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that detract from clarity. For example, the term "fragile properties" is vague; it would be clearer to specify what is meant, such as "cultural heritage" or "artistic heritage." The phrase "dwellers can be put in an ideal ambience" is somewhat awkward and could be better expressed as "residents can enjoy an enriching environment."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that directly conveys their intended meaning. They could benefit from reviewing synonyms and ensuring that the terms they choose accurately reflect the concepts they wish to express. Additionally, using contextually appropriate phrases will enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays good spelling, with only minor errors. However, the phrase "educating systems" should be corrected to "education systems," as "educating" is not the appropriate form in this context. Additionally, "importances" is not commonly used in English; "importance" would be the correct term.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly confused words and ensuring that they are using the correct forms. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can also help identify spelling errors before submission.

Overall, the essay shows a commendable level of lexical resource, but addressing the noted areas for improvement could elevate the score further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "Evidently, governmental massive investments for arts contain several plus points" and "In India, for example, from introducing the policy of concentrating on spiritual components and ignoring such contemporary social issues like poverty, illiteracy or unemployment" showcase the use of introductory phrases and clauses. However, the overall range could be improved as there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced and linked.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence beginnings and use different conjunctions to connect ideas. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Firstly" or "However," the writer could use phrases like "On one hand," "Conversely," or "In addition to this." Additionally, varying the length of sentences can create a more engaging rhythm in the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity and coherence. For example, the phrase "spending much money for the arts" should be "spending much money on the arts." Additionally, the use of "paramount importances" is incorrect; it should be "paramount importance." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "nevertheless" in the first sentence.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on common preposition errors and ensure that noun phrases are used correctly. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on prepositions and noun phrases can help. Furthermore, proofreading for punctuation errors and reading the essay aloud can aid in identifying areas where commas or other punctuation marks are needed for clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, there is a prevailing tendency to allocate significant funds to the arts in numerous nations. Many residents hold a favorable view of this trend; nevertheless, healthcare and education are also widespread concerns. Personally, I support the latter perspective, and within the framework of this essay, both viewpoints will be fairly discussed.

Evidently, substantial government investments in the arts have several advantages. Firstly, they can help preserve the aesthetic and cultural heritage of countries with a diversity of traditions and customs. If the national fragile properties are enriched and enhanced, residents can be placed in an ideal environment to broaden the horizons of their homelands. Secondly, due to attractive items such as picturesque paintings or classical artworks dating back thousands of years, host communities can utilize their masterpieces to enhance their revenue from tourist attractions.

However, expenditures on the arts appear unnecessary compared to those for healthcare services or educational systems. Undeniably, these sectors have paramount importance in human life; moreover, the number of nations with a long cultural heritage is inferior to the rest. Thus, allocations for universal services are more rational choices that can also help avoid the risk of national disputes. In India, for example, by introducing a policy that concentrated on spiritual components while ignoring contemporary social issues like poverty, illiteracy, and unemployment, many residents became increasingly anxious and organized protests nationwide.

To sum up, opinions still differ on whether more money should be allocated to the arts or to healthcare and education. From my perspective, I believe that ensuring a high living standard is essential; thus, I am convinced that the latter statement is more advisable.