In many countries, the governments like to spend more money on the arts. Some people agree with this. However, others think government should spend more on health education. Discuss both sides and give your opinions.

In the contemporary world, humanity has reached a point where the basic needs are fulfilled. Copious authorities invest a large amount of their funding on preserving arts. This choice of subsidizing is understandable to some people, however, several individuals believe that health and education should be prioritized more than intangible fields. This essay will first indicate some distinctions of both opinions before reaching the conclusion with a personal viewpoint.
Supplying for health and education has various tangible benefits. Today’s world is still laden with sorrows caused from starvation, disease or illiteracy. Nevertheless, with the monetary support from governments, these problems can easily be solved. Moreover, various fields of a nation can be escalated as survival is no longer a threat to civilians, they are more capable of focusing on enhancing mutual knowledge or studying to create innovations for their country. However, a nationality must have cultural and traditional values, if not that country will be facing catastrophic consequences when being targeted by intruders.
Funding artistic fields is pivotal as it contributes to cultural enrichment and national patriotism and attracts tourists worldwide. By having government’s aid, preservers are capable of having enough workforce to restore destroyed historic buildings or paintings, which means that the national art treasures would be more and more prosperous. Consequently, a feeling of pride and admiration would occur inside every individual and, apparently, civilians' patriotism is formed. Moreover, travelers are now drawn to countries whose culture and tradition is affluent. This would make a big progress to national income, and authority can use this money to take care of the other fields of the country. For example, China has been an appealing destination to foreigners due to its distinctive traditions. This smokeless industry has created jobs for the natives and has attributed thousands billion dollars to China. Not only can the Chinese conserve their own culture but they can also increase their finance from it.
In conclusion, every field has its own advantages to be subsidized by the authorities, nevertheless, I ally myself with the idea of investing more money for artistic areas as it is beneficial for both finance and culture aspects of a nation.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Copious authorities invest" -> "Numerous governments invest"
Explanation: "Copious" is typically used to describe abundance in terms of quantity, not authority. "Numerous governments" is more precise and appropriate for the context, referring to multiple governments investing in arts preservation.
"This choice of subsidizing" -> "This decision to subsidize"
Explanation: "This choice of subsidizing" is awkward and unclear. "This decision to subsidize" is more direct and formal, enhancing clarity and appropriateness for academic writing.
"is understandable to some people" -> "is justified by some"
Explanation: "Is understandable to some people" is vague and informal. "Is justified by some" is more specific and academically formal, indicating a rational basis for the opinion.
"intangible fields" -> "non-material fields"
Explanation: "Intangible" typically refers to things that cannot be perceived through the senses, whereas "non-material" is more precise in this context, referring to fields that are not related to physical goods or services.
"Today’s world is still laden with sorrows" -> "The contemporary world still faces numerous challenges"
Explanation: "Sorrows" is overly emotional and informal for academic writing. "Challenges" is a more neutral and appropriate term, and "numerous" specifies the extent of these challenges.
"easily be solved" -> "can be readily addressed"
Explanation: "Easily be solved" is informal and imprecise. "Can be readily addressed" is more formal and suggests a proactive approach to problem-solving.
"mutual knowledge" -> "mutual understanding"
Explanation: "Mutual knowledge" is not a standard term. "Mutual understanding" is the correct phrase, referring to shared comprehension between individuals or groups.
"catastrophic consequences" -> "severe consequences"
Explanation: "Catastrophic" is often used to describe extreme events or situations, but in this context, "severe" is more appropriate to describe the negative outcomes without exaggeration.
"Funding artistic fields is pivotal" -> "Funding artistic fields is crucial"
Explanation: "Pivotal" implies a turning point or a critical moment, which is not the intended meaning here. "Crucial" better conveys the importance of funding in this context.
"preservers are capable of having enough workforce" -> "conservators have sufficient personnel"
Explanation: "Preservers" is not a standard term in this context; "conservators" is the correct term for those who preserve cultural artifacts. "Workforce" is too broad and informal; "personnel" is more precise and formal.
"smokeless industry" -> "cultural industry"
Explanation: "Smokeless industry" is unclear and possibly incorrect. "Cultural industry" is a more appropriate term to describe industries related to culture and tourism.
"thousands billion dollars" -> "billions of dollars"
Explanation: "Thousands billion" is incorrect; "billions" is the correct term for large quantities of money.
"ally myself with the idea" -> "support the idea"
Explanation: "Ally myself with the idea" is informal and awkward. "Support the idea" is straightforward and maintains a formal tone suitable for academic writing.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding government spending on the arts versus health and education. The first paragraph introduces the debate, while subsequent paragraphs provide arguments for both perspectives. However, the discussion of health and education lacks depth compared to the arts, which could lead to an impression that the essay favors one side over the other. For instance, while the essay mentions tangible benefits of funding health and education, it does not provide specific examples or statistics to support these claims.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence for both sides. Incorporating specific statistics or case studies related to health and education would create a more balanced discussion and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in favor of investing in the arts, particularly in the conclusion. However, the transition from discussing both sides to stating a personal viewpoint could be smoother. The phrase "I ally myself with the idea of investing more money for artistic areas" could be more assertive and clearly delineated from the previous arguments.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint earlier in the essay and ensure that each paragraph ties back to this position. Using phrases like "In my opinion" or "I believe" at the beginning of the concluding paragraph can help reinforce the stance taken.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly regarding the benefits of funding the arts, such as cultural enrichment and economic benefits from tourism. However, the arguments for health and education are less developed. For example, while the essay mentions that funding can solve problems like starvation and disease, it does not elaborate on how this funding could be effectively utilized or the potential outcomes.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to extend and support ideas more thoroughly. This could involve providing specific examples of successful health and education programs funded by governments, discussing their impact, or even countering potential criticisms of arts funding with evidence of its benefits.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the merits of both sides of the argument. However, some sentences, particularly in the discussion of the arts, introduce ideas that could be seen as tangential, such as the concept of national pride and patriotism, which, while relevant, could be more focused on the direct benefits of arts funding.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the prompt. A clearer structure, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument, can help maintain relevance. Additionally, avoiding overly broad statements and focusing on specific examples will keep the discussion on track.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, enhancing the depth of analysis, providing more balanced support for both sides, and ensuring a consistent focus will help achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. Each paragraph addresses distinct aspects of the argument, with the first focusing on health and education and the second on the arts. However, the transition between the two main ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing health and education to the arts feels abrupt, which may confuse readers about the relationship between the two points.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two sides of the argument. For example, phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help signal a shift in focus. Additionally, summarizing the key points of one argument before transitioning to the next can reinforce the logical connection.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific argument. The introduction and conclusion are also clearly defined. However, the second paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate back to the main question of the essay, making it easier for readers to follow the argument.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, the second paragraph could start with a sentence like, "While health and education are crucial for immediate societal needs, investment in the arts also plays a vital role in cultural preservation and economic growth." This would provide a clearer framework for the discussion that follows.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "moreover," and "consequently," which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be made more explicit. For example, the phrase "this would make a big progress to national income" lacks a clear connection to the previous sentence, which may leave readers uncertain about how the ideas relate.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "furthermore," "for instance," and "as a result." Additionally, using pronouns effectively can help to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, creating a smoother flow. For example, instead of repeating "the arts," you could use "this sector" or "such initiatives" in subsequent sentences to maintain coherence.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "contemporary," "subsidizing," "tangible benefits," and "cultural enrichment." These choices reflect a solid understanding of the topic and the ability to express complex ideas. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "government" and "country" could be replaced with synonyms or paraphrased to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "government," you might use "authorities," "administration," or "state." Additionally, using phrases like "cultural heritage" instead of "cultural values" can add variety and depth.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a generally good command of vocabulary, but there are areas where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "the basic needs are fulfilled" could be more accurately expressed as "basic needs are being met." Additionally, the term "nationality" is used incorrectly; "nation" or "citizens" would be more appropriate in this context.
- How to improve: Focus on refining word choices for clarity. For example, replace "nationality" with "nation" or "citizens" to convey the intended meaning accurately. Additionally, consider using more specific terms when discussing concepts, such as "cultural investment" instead of "subsidizing" when referring to funding the arts.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "thousands billion dollars," which should be "thousands of billions of dollars." Such errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing. However, the majority of the vocabulary is spelled correctly, indicating a solid grasp of spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or writing software can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling commonly used academic vocabulary can further improve accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary suitable for a Band 7 score, there is room for improvement in lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their overall lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "Nevertheless, with the monetary support from governments, these problems can easily be solved" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "if not that country will be facing catastrophic consequences," adds depth to the argument. However, there is a tendency to rely on similar sentence patterns, particularly in the introductory and concluding sections, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Moreover," try beginning with an adverbial clause or using different transition phrases. This will not only diversify the sentence structures but also improve the overall flow of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a good level of grammatical accuracy overall, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "Copious authorities invest a large amount of their funding on preserving arts" should use "in" instead of "on" for correct prepositional usage. Additionally, the sentence "if not that country will be facing catastrophic consequences" lacks a comma after "not," which is necessary for clarity. There are also instances of awkward phrasing, such as "thousands billion dollars," which should be corrected to "thousands of billions of dollars."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully to catch prepositional errors and punctuation mistakes. Additionally, practicing common grammatical structures and their correct usage can help solidify understanding. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also provide insights into recurring mistakes that need addressing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary world, humanity has reached a point where basic needs are largely fulfilled. Numerous governments invest a significant portion of their funding in preserving the arts. This decision to subsidize is justified by some, while others argue that health and education should be prioritized over non-material fields. This essay will first outline the distinctions between both opinions before concluding with my personal viewpoint.

Investing in health and education offers various tangible benefits. Today’s world still faces numerous challenges caused by starvation, disease, and illiteracy. However, with monetary support from governments, these issues can be readily addressed. Moreover, as survival is no longer a threat to citizens, they are better equipped to focus on enhancing mutual understanding and pursuing innovations for their country. Nevertheless, a nation must uphold its cultural and traditional values; without this foundation, it may face severe consequences when targeted by external threats.

Funding artistic fields is crucial, as it contributes to cultural enrichment, national pride, and attracts tourists from around the globe. With government support, conservators have sufficient personnel to restore damaged historic buildings and artworks, ensuring that national treasures flourish. Consequently, a sense of pride and admiration develops within individuals, fostering patriotism among citizens. Furthermore, travelers are drawn to countries rich in culture and tradition, which can significantly boost national income. Authorities can then utilize this revenue to support other sectors of the country. For instance, China has become an appealing destination for foreigners due to its distinctive traditions. This smokeless industry has created jobs for locals and contributed billions of dollars to the Chinese economy. Not only can the Chinese preserve their own culture, but they can also enhance their financial standing through it.

In conclusion, every sector has its own merits for government funding. However, I support the idea of investing more money in the arts, as it benefits both the financial and cultural aspects of a nation.