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In many countries, the quality of life in the large cities is becoming worse. What causes this problem? What measure can be taken to solve it?

In many countries, the quality of life in the large cities is becoming worse. What causes this problem? What measure can be taken to solve it?

In recent years, the decline in the quality of life within large cities has become a critical concern in various countries, giving rise to worries about the sustainability and livability of urban environments. This essay aims to explore the root causes of this problem and suggest effective measures to tackle the multifaceted challenges contributing to the deterioration of urban living standards.

One fundamental cause of the worsening quality of life in large cities is the remarkable rate of urbanization, leading to rapid population growth. This demographic shift strains existing infrastructure, resulting in issues like traffic congestion, longer commute times, and overburdened public services. Moreover, the consequential increase in pollution levels, insufficient housing, and a lack of green spaces further aggravate these concerns faced by city dwellers. Last but not least, inadequate urban planning and infrastructure development worsen these issues. Cities often struggle to adapt to the evolving needs of their growing populations, resulting in inefficient public transportation, congestion on roadways, and environmental degradation. The uncontrolled expansion of urban areas, combined with inadequate zoning regulations, contributes to the decline in the overall quality of life.

To address these challenges, comprehensive steps are required. Governments must prioritize significant investments in infrastructure development, including the expansion and enhancement of public transportation systems, improvement of road networks, and sustainable utility services. Another measure is that urban planning policies should focus on managing population density, controlling urban sprawl, and ensuring the creation and preservation of green spaces. Lastly, Affordable housing initiatives, such as subsidies and rent controls, should be implemented to tackle the housing crisis prevalent in large cities. Additionally, promoting sustainable practices, both in construction and transportation, is crucial for minimizing environmental impact and enhancing the overall well-being of urban residents.

In conclusion, the decline in the quality of life in large cities is a complex issue rooted in rapid urbanization, inadequate infrastructure, and environmental degradation. Addressing these challenges requires a comprehensive approach, involving strategic investments in infrastructure, effective urban planning, and sustainable development practices to improve the quality of life for urban residents, both now and in the future.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "giving rise to worries" -> "prompting concerns"
    Explanation: Replacing "giving rise to worries" with "prompting concerns" introduces a more formal and precise expression, aligning with academic tone.

  2. "This essay aims to explore" -> "This essay seeks to examine"
    Explanation: Substituting "aims to explore" with "seeks to examine" imparts a more formal and direct tone, characteristic of academic writing.

  3. "one fundamental cause" -> "a primary factor"
    Explanation: Changing "one fundamental cause" to "a primary factor" adds specificity and sophistication to the language, enhancing the essay’s academic style.

  4. "rate of urbanization" -> "pace of urban development"
    Explanation: Replacing "rate of urbanization" with "pace of urban development" provides a more precise and formal term, contributing to the academic tone.

  5. "Moreover, the consequential increase" -> "Furthermore, the resulting escalation"
    Explanation: Substituting "Moreover, the consequential increase" with "Furthermore, the resulting escalation" imparts a more structured and formal transition between ideas.

  6. "last but not least" -> "finally"
    Explanation: Replacing "last but not least" with "finally" maintains a formal tone while offering a smoother transition to the concluding point.

  7. "cities often struggle" -> "urban centers frequently face challenges"
    Explanation: Changing "cities often struggle" to "urban centers frequently face challenges" enhances the precision and formality of the statement.

  8. "inefficient public transportation" -> "suboptimal public transportation"
    Explanation: Substituting "inefficient public transportation" with "suboptimal public transportation" conveys a more formal and nuanced expression of the issue.

  9. "comprehensive steps are required" -> "comprehensive measures are necessary"
    Explanation: Replacing "comprehensive steps are required" with "comprehensive measures are necessary" maintains formality and emphasizes the necessity of the actions suggested.

  10. "Another measure is that" -> "Another crucial measure involves"
    Explanation: Changing "Another measure is that" to "Another crucial measure involves" provides a more structured and academically appropriate expression.

  11. "Affordable housing initiatives, such as subsidies and rent controls" -> "Initiatives to provide affordable housing, including subsidies and rent controls"
    Explanation: Reordering the sentence to "Initiatives to provide affordable housing, including subsidies and rent controls" improves clarity and formality, adhering to academic writing standards.

  12. "crisis prevalent in large cities" -> "crisis pervasive in large urban areas"
    Explanation: Substituting "crisis prevalent in large cities" with "crisis pervasive in large urban areas" offers a more refined and precise description, aligning with academic language standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all aspects of the prompt. It acknowledges the decline in the quality of life in large cities, identifies the causes, and proposes measures to solve the problem. Specific examples, such as rapid urbanization, inadequate infrastructure, and environmental degradation, are discussed, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the issue.
    • How to improve: While the essay covers all parts of the question, enhancing the depth of analysis in each area could further strengthen the response. Providing more specific examples or data related to the mentioned causes and solutions would add depth and credibility to the argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. The writer’s stance on the causes and solutions is evident, and each paragraph contributes cohesively to the overall argument. The thesis statement is effectively supported by the subsequent discussion, enhancing the overall clarity of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the thesis in the introduction and summarizing it in the conclusion. This can reinforce the central argument and leave a lasting impression on the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas in a well-organized manner, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each point is fully developed, and ideas are supported with relevant examples and explanations. The essay demonstrates a high level of coherence and cohesion.
    • How to improve: While the ideas are well-extended, providing a counterargument or addressing potential counterpoints could add depth to the analysis. This would showcase a more nuanced understanding of the topic and further strengthen the overall argument.
  • Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay stays focused on the topic throughout, addressing the causes and solutions to the decline in the quality of life in large cities. There are no significant deviations, and each paragraph contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance the essay’s focus, consider connecting each paragraph more explicitly to the thesis statement. This can be achieved by using topic sentences that clearly link back to the main argument, reinforcing the essay’s overall coherence.

In conclusion, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, maintains a clear position, presents and supports ideas coherently, and stays on topic. To improve, the essay could benefit from deeper analysis, explicit thesis statements, consideration of counterarguments, and strengthened connections between paragraphs.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mostly coherent arrangement of ideas and maintains a clear overall structure. The introduction sets the context by identifying the problem and outlining the intention to explore causes and solutions. Each subsequent paragraph effectively delves into specific causes such as rapid urbanization, insufficient infrastructure, and inadequate urban planning, providing relevant examples to support these points. The conclusion effectively summarizes the key arguments and proposed solutions, creating a cohesive framework for the essay.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the logical flow, consider strengthening the transitions between paragraphs. While the essay generally progresses logically, clearer transitional phrases or sentences between each major point can strengthen the coherence. For instance, using phrases like "Furthermore," "Additionally," or "Moreover" could assist in signaling the shift from one idea to the next, providing a smoother reading experience.
  • Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to present distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect contributing to the decline in the quality of life in large cities, ensuring a logical and coherent flow of information. The essay is structured into an introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes, and a conclusion, adhering to the expected paragraph structure for coherence and organization.
    • How to improve: While the essay generally maintains logical sequencing within paragraphs, consider fine-tuning the topic sentences to more explicitly connect each paragraph’s central idea to the essay’s thesis. This adjustment can strengthen the coherence within individual sections, reinforcing the overall argumentative structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Examples include phrases like "One fundamental cause," "Moreover," and "Lastly," effectively signaling transitions between different points. However, there are occasional areas where the use of cohesive devices could be more precise or varied to enhance coherence further.
    • How to improve: To refine the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a broader array of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition to," or "Consequently." Additionally, ensuring consistent and accurate usage of these cohesive devices throughout the essay will fortify the connections between ideas and elevate the overall coherence.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of organizing ideas coherently and utilizing paragraphs effectively. To enhance coherence and cohesion further, refining transitional elements between paragraphs and diversifying the range of cohesive devices used will contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision. For instance, phrases such as "remarkable rate of urbanization," "demographic shift," and "uncontrolled expansion of urban areas" showcase a nuanced and varied vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To further enhance this aspect, consider incorporating more sophisticated and contextually fitting vocabulary where possible. For instance, instead of using the term "challenges," experiment with alternatives like "complexities" or "intricacies" to elevate the lexical richness of the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains clarity in meaning, but there are instances where the range lacks precision. For example, the phrase "giving rise to worries" could be more precisely expressed, and the term "comprehensive steps" may benefit from a more specific description.
    • How to improve: To achieve a higher score, focus on using more precise vocabulary in critical areas. For instance, consider replacing general terms like "comprehensive steps" with more specific actions, such as "strategic initiatives" or "targeted measures." Additionally, refine expressions like "giving rise to worries" for a more nuanced and exact language choice.
  • Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally high level of spelling accuracy, with occasional errors that have minimal impact on communication. Instances such as "infrastruture" (infrastructure) and "public transportaion" (transportation) are minor and do not significantly hinder understanding.
    • How to improve: Maintain the good spelling standard by paying attention to commonly misspelled words and consider a careful review before finalizing the essay. Utilizing spelling and grammar tools can serve as an additional layer of assurance to catch any inadvertent errors.

In summary, while the essay exhibits a solid command of vocabulary and spelling, refining precision in expression and incorporating more sophisticated terms can contribute to an even stronger lexical performance, potentially elevating the overall band score for Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable variety of sentence structures, enhancing readability and coherence. There’s adept utilization of complex sentences, such as compound and complex sentences, as well as skillful incorporation of introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, the introductory phrase "In recent years" sets the temporal context, while the compound-complex sentence structures in the second paragraph ("One fundamental cause…") amplify the depth of analysis.
    • How to improve: To further elevate the diversity and sophistication of structures, consider integrating more advanced syntactical forms like inversions or conditional sentences. Experiment with nuanced sentence structures to add flair and intricacy to the essay without compromising clarity.
  • Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay showcases a high level of grammatical accuracy. Sentences are constructed with precision, maintaining coherence throughout. Minor errors, if any, are sporadic and do not impede the overall understanding of the text. For instance, the usage of verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and article usage is consistently accurate.
    • How to improve: Continuously strive for accuracy in complex sentence structures, paying close attention to subordinate clauses and their relationship with the main clauses. Revise to ensure flawless parallelism and maintain consistency in complex sentence constructions.
  • Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally controlled and aids in the essay’s readability. Commas, periods, and semicolons are appropriately used to delineate ideas and separate clauses. However, occasional lapses, such as missing commas before introductory phrases or inconsistent semicolon usage, slightly impact the overall punctuation accuracy.
    • How to improve: Focus on refining the use of semicolons, ensuring their application aligns with linking closely related independent clauses. Additionally, pay attention to consistency in punctuation usage across different sentence structures, especially regarding the placement of commas and semicolons in complex sentences.

The essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and structure, reflecting a proficient level of language use. To further enhance the score in the next assessment, aim for a more meticulous approach to punctuation and strive for an even wider variety of sentence structures while maintaining grammatical precision. Great work overall!

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, the decline in the quality of life within large cities has been a matter of concern in various countries, prompting concerns about the sustainability and livability of urban environments. This essay seeks to examine the root causes of this problem and suggest effective measures to tackle the multifaceted challenges contributing to the deterioration of urban living standards.

A primary factor behind the worsening quality of life in large cities is the rapid rate of urbanization, resulting in rapid population growth. This demographic shift strains existing infrastructure, causing issues like traffic congestion, longer commute times, and overburdened public services. Furthermore, the resulting escalation in pollution levels, inadequate housing, and a lack of green spaces further compound the challenges faced by city dwellers. Finally, urban centers frequently face challenges due to suboptimal public transportation and inadequate urban planning, exacerbating issues such as inefficient public transportation, congestion on roadways, and environmental degradation. The uncontrolled expansion of urban areas, coupled with insufficient zoning regulations, contributes to the decline in the overall quality of life.

Comprehensive measures are necessary to address these challenges. Governments must prioritize significant investments in infrastructure development, including the expansion and enhancement of public transportation systems, the improvement of road networks, and sustainable utility services. Another crucial measure involves urban planning policies focusing on managing population density, controlling urban sprawl, and ensuring the creation and preservation of green spaces. Initiatives to provide affordable housing, including subsidies and rent controls, should be implemented to tackle the housing crisis pervasive in large urban areas. Additionally, promoting sustainable practices, both in construction and transportation, is crucial for minimizing environmental impact and enhancing the overall well-being of urban residents.

In conclusion, the decline in the quality of life in large cities is a complex issue rooted in rapid urbanization, inadequate infrastructure, and environmental degradation. Addressing these challenges requires a comprehensive approach, involving strategic investments in infrastructure, effective urban planning, and sustainable development practices to improve the quality of life for urban residents, both now and in the future.

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