In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their families and friends. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Decree 32 highlighted that the IC is the difficult socio-economic conditions location, as such, the investment in construction of technical infrastructure of the IC would be subject to investment incentives.

Accordingly, investment incentives would be subject to relevant provisions, such as land law, tax law, credit law, etc., and in case of different incentive levels under different provisions, the highest incentive level will apply.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Decree 32 highlighted that the IC is the difficult socio-economic conditions location" -> "Decree 32 underscored that the IC is situated in an area characterized by challenging socio-economic conditions"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity. The suggested revision rephrases it for better readability and formality, using "underscored" for emphasis and providing a clearer description of the IC’s location.
"as such, the investment in construction of technical infrastructure of the IC" -> "consequently, investments in the construction of the IC’s technical infrastructure"
Explanation: "As such" is somewhat informal and vague. "Consequently" is more precise and formal. Additionally, rephrasing "the investment in construction of technical infrastructure of the IC" to "investments in the construction of the IC’s technical infrastructure" improves the sentence structure and clarity.
"would be subject to investment incentives" -> "would qualify for investment incentives"
Explanation: "Would be subject to" is a passive and less direct way of stating eligibility for incentives. "Would qualify for" is more direct and active, making the statement clearer and more assertive in an academic context.
"relevant provisions, such as land law, tax law, credit law, etc." -> "relevant statutes, including land, tax, and credit laws"
Explanation: "Provisions" is not incorrect but can be vague; "statutes" is more specific to laws. Removing "etc." and using "including" makes the list more definitive and formal, which is preferred in academic writing.
"in case of different incentive levels under different provisions" -> "should there be varying incentive levels under these statutes"
Explanation: "In case of" is informal and imprecise. "Should there be" is a more formal hypothetical construction. Also, replacing "different provisions" with "these statutes" refers back more specifically to the laws mentioned earlier, improving clarity and coherence.
"the highest incentive level will apply." -> "the most favorable incentive level shall be applied."
Explanation: "Will apply" is straightforward but lacks the formality and specificity of "shall be applied." Additionally, "the most favorable incentive level" is a more precise and formal way of describing the "highest incentive level," aligning better with academic and legal contexts.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 2

Band Score for Task Response: 2 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does not adequately address all parts of the question. The prompt asks whether the advantages of people moving away from their families and friends for work outweigh the disadvantages. However, the essay does not discuss this aspect at all. Instead, it seems to delve into a discussion about investment incentives and related laws, which is not relevant to the prompt.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay needs to focus on the prompt and ensure that it directly addresses the advantages and disadvantages of people moving away from their families and friends for work. It should provide arguments supporting both sides of the issue and offer a balanced analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: As the essay does not engage with the prompt’s topic, it fails to present a clear position throughout. There is no discernible stance or argument because the content is unrelated to the prompt.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the essay needs to establish a clear position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or vice versa. This position should be evident from the introduction through to the conclusion, with supporting arguments and examples provided.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks coherent presentation, extension, and support of ideas. The discussion on investment incentives and related laws is disconnected from the prompt’s topic and does not extend or support any relevant arguments.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation of ideas, the essay should focus on relevant arguments related to the advantages and disadvantages of people moving away from their families and friends for work. Each idea should be elaborated upon and supported with examples or evidence to strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay significantly deviates from the topic provided in the prompt. Instead of discussing the advantages and disadvantages of moving away from families and friends for work, it delves into a discussion about investment incentives and laws.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the essay needs to maintain a clear focus on the subject matter presented in the prompt. This involves avoiding tangential discussions and ensuring that all content directly relates to the given topic.

Overall, to improve the essay’s score, it is crucial to address the prompt directly, present a clear position, extend and support ideas relevant to the topic, and ensure consistency and coherence throughout the essay. Additionally, paying close attention to word count limitations is essential to avoid being penalized for being under the required word count.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 3

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 3

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks logical organization as it seems to veer off-topic and does not effectively address the given prompt. The introduction provided appears to reference a decree and discusses investment incentives, which are unrelated to the topic of whether the advantages of moving away from family and friends outweigh the disadvantages. This lack of coherence makes it difficult for the reader to follow the argument and understand the essay’s main points.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the essay prompt and contributes to the overall argument. Begin with a clear introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed in the essay. Each subsequent paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of the argument and provide evidence or examples to support it. Avoid introducing unrelated information or concepts that do not contribute to answering the prompt.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does not effectively use paragraphs to structure the content. Instead, it presents a single block of text that makes it challenging for the reader to identify distinct ideas or arguments. Without clear paragraph breaks, the essay appears disjointed and lacks coherence.
- How to improve: Break the essay into paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a single idea or aspect of the argument. Begin each paragraph with a topic sentence that clearly states the main point to be discussed. Provide supporting evidence or examples within the paragraph to strengthen the argument. Ensure that there is a logical flow between paragraphs to maintain coherence and cohesion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks cohesive devices that would help connect ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay. Cohesive devices such as transitional phrases, pronouns, and conjunctions are not effectively used to guide the reader through the essay and demonstrate the relationships between different parts of the argument.
- How to improve: Incorporate a variety of cohesive devices throughout the essay to improve clarity and coherence. Use transition words and phrases (e.g., however, furthermore, therefore) to indicate shifts between ideas or to show cause and effect relationships. Additionally, make effective use of pronouns and demonstratives to refer back to previously mentioned ideas or to introduce new ones. Ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately to maintain coherence and cohesion in the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, primarily focusing on technical terms related to economic policy and legislation. However, the vocabulary lacks diversity and sophistication, with repetitive use of terms such as "investment incentives," "provisions," and "law." The essay would benefit from incorporating a broader spectrum of vocabulary to enhance clarity and richness of expression.
- How to improve: To improve the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions related to the topic. Instead of repeatedly using terms like "investment incentives," they could diversify with phrases like "economic stimuli," "financial enticements," or "fiscal benefits." Additionally, integrating terminology related to socio-economic development, employment, and societal impacts would enrich the vocabulary and provide depth to the argument.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The vocabulary usage in the essay lacks precision, leading to ambiguity and potential misunderstanding. For instance, the phrase "Decree 32 highlighted that the IC is the difficult socio-economic conditions location" is unclear and could be more precisely articulated. Similarly, the term "investment incentives" is used repeatedly without clear delineation or specificity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should strive for clarity and specificity in their word choice. Instead of vague references, they should provide explicit details and explanations. For example, rather than stating "Decree 32 highlighted," they could specify the key points or findings emphasized in the decree. Likewise, when discussing "investment incentives," they should elaborate on the types of incentives and their specific implications for individuals and businesses. This precision will strengthen the argument and facilitate better understanding for the reader.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors, such as "Decree 32" instead of "Decree 32nd," and "socio-economic" instead of "socioeconomic." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, they detract from the overall professionalism and clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should prioritize proofreading and editing to identify and correct errors. Utilizing spelling and grammar check tools can aid in detecting and rectifying mistakes. Additionally, developing a habit of reviewing written work meticulously before submission will help minimize spelling errors and uphold the quality of the writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a proficient level of language proficiency, there are opportunities for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precision in expression, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can elevate the quality and effectiveness of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 3

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 3

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a wide range of sentence structures. Most of the sentences are short and lack complexity. For example, the essay predominantly uses simple declarative sentences, such as "Decree 32 highlighted that the IC is the difficult socio-economic conditions location," without incorporating more complex structures like compound or complex sentences. This lack of variety makes the essay monotonous and limits its expressiveness.
- How to improve: To improve the range of structures, incorporate a variety of sentence types such as compound sentences (e.g., combining two related ideas into one sentence), complex sentences (e.g., using subordinate clauses to add depth and complexity), and varied sentence beginnings (e.g., starting sentences with adverbs, prepositional phrases, or participial phrases). For instance, instead of only using simple sentences, try combining ideas to form compound or complex sentences. This will enhance the overall sophistication and coherence of your essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates significant issues with grammar and punctuation accuracy. There are several grammatical errors throughout the text, such as the misuse of articles ("the IC is the difficult socio-economic conditions location"), incorrect subject-verb agreement ("the investment…would be subject"), and unclear phrasing ("the IC is the difficult socio-economic conditions location"). Additionally, punctuation is inconsistently used, with missing commas and periods disrupting the flow of the text.
- How to improve: To address these issues, it’s important to review basic grammar rules, particularly regarding articles, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Pay close attention to singular and plural forms, ensuring that subjects and verbs agree in number. Additionally, practice using punctuation marks correctly, including commas for clarity and sentence boundaries. Consider revising sentences for clarity and coherence, ensuring that each sentence conveys a clear and complete thought. Proofread your work carefully to catch and correct errors before submitting it.

Bài sửa mẫu

Decree 32 emphasized that the Industrial Complex (IC) is situated in an area marked by challenging socio-economic conditions. Therefore, investments in the technical infrastructure of the IC would be eligible for investment incentives.

Consequently, these investment incentives would be determined by relevant statutes, including land, tax, and credit laws. Should there be varying levels of incentives under these statutes, the most favorable incentive level shall be applied.