In many countries today, major cities have become too big and overcrowded. Why is this? What measures could be taken to reduce this problem?
Major cities have become extremely gigantic and overpopulated in many nations around the world. In this essay, I will discuss the main reason leading to this phenomenon and propose some measures to deal with it.
The situation that a large number of cities are growing excessively in both their sizes and populations is mostly attributed to urbanization. This can be further explained as there are some regions urbanized earlier than others for their geological or political advantages, which has created huge occupational prospects. As a result, the enormous number of workers migrating from underprivileged areas to urbanized cities has led to a mass exodus, putting more and more pressure on metropolitan cities. The effect of this phenomenon is obvious, for instance, Hanoi, the capital city of Vietnam, experienced a surge in its population from 2.5 million to roughly 20 million in only 20 years, from 1990 to 2010, when urbanization took place actively in this country.
As the enormous effect of uncontrolled urban sprawl, the governments of each country should take immediate action to deal with it. The most common measure is to bring in policies and legislation that prioritize the development of other areas across the country. Such a measure would create more job opportunities for the local residents, so that their migrating demand to seek for decent jobs will reduce considerably. For example, giving attractive incentives for businesses to put their headquarters in less developed areas would be an effective move that the governments should consider.
In conclusion, the overwhelmingly-paced growth in both sizes and populations of many big cities is the result of the unbalanced urbanizing process. To better address and alleviate the effect of such a problem, it is necessary to have proper policies to control and manage metropolitan expansion on a large scale.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"extremely gigantic" -> "excessively large"
Explanation: Replacing "extremely gigantic" with "excessively large" provides a more formal and precise expression, avoiding colloquial language.
"In this essay, I will discuss" -> "This essay examines"
Explanation: The phrase "In this essay, I will discuss" is a more informal way of introducing the topic. "This essay examines" is a more academically appropriate alternative that maintains formality.
"leading to this phenomenon" -> "contributing to this trend"
Explanation: "Leading to this phenomenon" is somewhat vague. "Contributing to this trend" is a more precise and academic phrase that conveys the idea of urban growth more accurately.
"growing excessively" -> "expanding disproportionately"
Explanation: "Growing excessively" is less formal. "Expanding disproportionately" is a more sophisticated alternative that fits better with academic style.
"huge occupational prospects" -> "significant employment opportunities"
Explanation: "Huge occupational prospects" is too informal. "Significant employment opportunities" is a more formal and specific term that enhances the academic tone.
"mass exodus" -> "large-scale migration"
Explanation: "Mass exodus" is a more dramatic and informal term. "Large-scale migration" is a more neutral and academic alternative.
"migrating demand" -> "demand for migration"
Explanation: "Migrating demand" is not idiomatic. "Demand for migration" is a more natural and academically appropriate phrasing.
"better address and alleviate" -> "effectively address and mitigate"
Explanation: "Better address and alleviate" is less formal. "Effectively address and mitigate" is a more precise and academic expression.
"have proper policies" -> "implement appropriate policies"
Explanation: "Have proper policies" is a bit informal. "Implement appropriate policies" is a more formal and action-oriented alternative.
"metropolitan expansion on a large scale" -> "large-scale urban expansion"
Explanation: "Metropolitan expansion on a large scale" is slightly awkward. "Large-scale urban expansion" is a more streamlined and formal phrasing.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay covers both aspects of the prompt by discussing the reasons behind the growth of major cities and suggesting measures to mitigate this issue. It analyzes the effects of urbanization on city sizes and populations, exemplifying with Hanoi’s case, and proposes policies to address this problem.
- How to improve: While the essay provides a good overview, it could enhance depth by exploring diverse causes contributing to urbanization in different countries or regions.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position on the causes of urban expansion and the proposed measures to curb this issue. It advocates for governmental intervention to control urban sprawl and suggests specific policies to achieve this.
- How to improve: Strengthen the thesis statement to explicitly outline the proposed solutions, aligning it more closely with the subsequent discussion of policies to control urban growth.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas coherently, discussing the impact of urbanization on city growth and supporting the argument with the case of Hanoi. It suggests measures like developing other regions to reduce migration to cities.
- How to improve: Elaborate further on the potential consequences of unchecked urbanization and delve deeper into the effectiveness of proposed measures. Providing additional examples or studies could reinforce the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, focusing on the reasons behind city expansion and measures to counteract it. However, there’s a slight deviation when discussing Hanoi’s population surge, as the emphasis momentarily shifts from the broader issue to a specific city.
- How to improve: Maintain a balance between discussing specific instances and addressing the broader problem of urbanization to ensure comprehensive coverage.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Depth and Diversity of Causes: Explore a wider range of factors contributing to urbanization, such as economic opportunities, social factors, or technological advancements, to offer a more comprehensive understanding.
Refinement of Thesis Statement: Strengthen the thesis to clearly articulate proposed measures for controlling city expansion, aligning it closely with subsequent discussions.
Elaboration and Evidence: Expand on the consequences of uncontrolled urbanization and provide additional evidence, examples, or statistical data to support the argument effectively.
Maintain Balance in Specific Examples: While using specific cases like Hanoi, ensure the discussion remains aligned with the broader context of urban expansion and doesn’t overly emphasize singular instances.
By addressing these points, the essay can elevate its analysis, providing a more nuanced understanding of urbanization issues and proposing comprehensive measures to alleviate the problem.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. It begins by defining the issue and its causes, followed by proposed solutions. The logical progression allows readers to follow the argument coherently.
- How to improve: While the essay has a logical flow, enhancing transitions between sentences and paragraphs can further improve coherence. Ensure each paragraph smoothly connects to the preceding one, reinforcing the overall argument’s progression.
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs adequate paragraphing, each focused on a distinct aspect: causes of urbanization, its effects, and proposed solutions. However, some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences to guide the reader.
- How to improve: Strengthen topic sentences in each paragraph to explicitly introduce the main idea. Additionally, consider refining the balance between discussing causes, effects, and solutions within each paragraph for better cohesion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices such as transitional phrases ("in conclusion," "for instance," "as a result") effectively to connect ideas within and between sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance coherence further, diversify the range of cohesive devices used. Incorporate a wider array of linking words and phrases ("moreover," "however," "consequently") to create smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs.
Overall, this essay presents a well-structured argument with logical coherence and appropriate paragraphing. To elevate coherence and cohesion, focus on refining transitions, reinforcing topic sentences, and broadening the repertoire of cohesive devices for smoother connectivity.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly good range of vocabulary, utilizing words such as "urbanization," "sprawl," "occupational prospects," and "exodus." However, there is room for improvement in the diversity and complexity of vocabulary. For instance, synonyms or alternative expressions could be employed to enhance variety further.
- How to improve: Consider incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary to convey ideas. Instead of using commonplace terms, explore synonyms or more nuanced expressions to add depth to the content. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "enormous" or "huge," experiment with synonyms like "substantial" or "profound."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the term "occupational prospects" might be clarified for a more precise meaning. Additionally, there is a bit of repetition with phrases like "enormous number" and "enormously-paced growth," which could be refined for greater precision.
- How to improve: Aim for more clarity and specificity in word choice. Define terms like "occupational prospects" to avoid ambiguity. Furthermore, strive to avoid repetitive expressions. Instead of using "enormous number," consider alternatives such as "a substantial influx" or "a considerable volume" to diversify language and convey the idea more precisely.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout. However, there are a few errors, such as "urbanized" instead of "urbanizing" in the sentence, "when urbanization took place actively in this country." Attention to such details is crucial for a polished presentation.
- How to improve: Carefully proofread the essay to catch and rectify spelling errors. Additionally, pay close attention to verb forms to ensure consistency and accuracy. Consider revising the mentioned sentence to "when urbanization actively took place in this country" for grammatical precision.
In summary, while the essay exhibits a commendable use of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and meticulous spelling. By incorporating more diverse and nuanced language, refining imprecise expressions, and ensuring meticulous spelling, the essay can elevate its lexical resource score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a fair variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. There is a mix of simple and complex ideas presented, contributing to overall coherence. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity of sentence structures. A majority of sentences are of moderate complexity, and more sophisticated structures could be incorporated for a higher band score.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, consider incorporating a greater variety of sentence structures, such as compound-complex sentences, inverted sentences, or conditional constructions. This will not only elevate the essay’s sophistication but also showcase a more advanced command of English grammar.
Use Grammar Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally accurate use of grammar, with only a few instances of minor errors. For instance, in the phrase "urbanized earlier than others for their geological or political advantages," the preposition "for" may be better replaced with "due to" for greater precision. Additionally, the sentence "This can be further explained as there are some regions urbanized earlier than others for their geological or political advantages" could benefit from rephrasing to improve clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, carefully proofread the essay, paying attention to prepositions and sentence structures. In the mentioned examples, consider using more precise language and refining sentence construction to eliminate potential ambiguity and enhance overall clarity.
Use Correct Punctuation:
- Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally used accurately throughout the essay. Commas, periods, and other punctuation marks are appropriately placed. However, there is a missed opportunity to use a semicolon in the sentence "In conclusion, the overwhelmingly-paced growth in both sizes and populations of many big cities is the result of the unbalanced urbanizing process." The semicolon could enhance the connection between the two related clauses.
- How to improve: To refine punctuation skills, continue to use punctuation marks correctly. Specifically, consider incorporating semicolons where appropriate to vary punctuation usage and to connect closely related ideas within a sentence. This will contribute to a more nuanced and polished writing style.
Bài sửa mẫu
Major cities have become excessively large and overcrowded in numerous nations worldwide. This essay examines the primary reasons contributing to this trend and proposes measures to address it.
The situation of cities expanding disproportionately in both size and population can be largely attributed to urbanization. Some regions urbanize earlier due to geological or political advantages, creating significant employment opportunities. Consequently, a substantial number of workers migrate from underprivileged areas to urbanized cities, resulting in large-scale migration and exerting immense pressure on metropolitan areas. For instance, Hanoi, the capital city of Vietnam, witnessed a surge in population from 2.5 million to approximately 20 million within 20 years, from 1990 to 2010, during active urbanization in the country.
To effectively address and mitigate the effects of uncontrolled urban sprawl, governments should implement appropriate policies. One common measure involves prioritizing the development of other areas across the country through policies and legislation. This approach aims to create significant employment opportunities in non-urban regions, reducing the demand for migration in search of decent jobs. For example, governments could offer attractive incentives for businesses to establish their headquarters in less developed areas, a move that would effectively curb the trend of mass migration.
In conclusion, the excessively rapid growth in both size and population of many big cities stems from the unbalanced process of urbanization. To tackle and alleviate this issue, it is crucial to implement proper policies that control and manage large-scale urban expansion.