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In many parts of the world, people do research on their family history. Some people believe that finding out about previous generations is a useful thing to do. However, others believe that it is better to focus on present and future generations. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In many parts of the world, people do research on their family history. Some people believe that finding out about previous generations is a useful thing to do. However, others believe that it is better to focus on present and future generations. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Researching one's family history is a common phenomenon observed in many regions globally. While some individuals advocate for this practice, others argue that focusing on the present and future generations is more pragmatic. This essay will explore both perspectives and argue that we should aim to achieve a balance between honoring the past and actively shaping the future.

Proponents of researching family history emphasize its usefulness in understanding one's roots and cultural identity. In fact, exploring past generations provides a unique opportunity to discover ancestral traditions, customs, and values that have contributed to the family's legacy. By tracing family origins, individuals can develop a sense of belonging and connection to their heritage, fostering a strong cultural identity. This can allow the preservation of valuable knowledge and stories, ensuring that the experiences of ancestors are not forgotten over time. This historical perspective can be an enriching and enlightening experience for individuals who seek to understand their place in the world.

Nevertheless, advocates of focusing on the present and future generations argue that excessive preoccupation with the past may hinder progress and personal development. They assert that dwelling too much on family history might lead to stagnation, as people may be reluctant to embrace change and innovation. Instead of investing time in researching ancestors, the focus should be on shaping a better future for the current and upcoming generations. Furthermore, dedicating energy to the present allows individuals to address immediate challenges and contribute positively to society, making a tangible impact on the world around them.

In conclusion, while understanding ancestral heritage can provide a sense of identity and cultural richness, a sole focus on the past may hinder personal growth and societal progress. Therefore, I firmly believe that embracing the past while concentrating on the present and the future is essential for individuals to draw wisdom from their ancestors while making meaningful contributions to the generations to come.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Researching one’s family history is a common phenomenon observed in many regions globally." -> "Investigating one’s family history is a widespread practice observed globally."
    Explanation: Replacing "common phenomenon" with "widespread practice" and "researching" with "investigating" enhances formality and precision, aligning with academic language.

  2. "While some individuals advocate for this practice, others argue that focusing on the present and future generations is more pragmatic." -> "While some individuals endorse this practice, others contend that prioritizing the present and future generations is more pragmatic."
    Explanation: "Advocate for" is replaced with "endorse," and "argue that" is replaced with "contend that" to introduce more formal and precise language, adhering to academic style.

  3. "This essay will explore both perspectives and argue that we should aim to achieve a balance between honoring the past and actively shaping the future." -> "This essay will examine both perspectives and posit that achieving a balance between honoring the past and actively shaping the future is imperative."
    Explanation: Replacing "explore" with "examine" and "argue" with "posit" adds formality and strength to the sentence, aligning with the academic tone.

  4. "Proponents of researching family history emphasize its usefulness…" -> "Advocates for investigating family history underscore its utility…"
    Explanation: Substituting "Proponents of researching" with "Advocates for investigating" and replacing "emphasize" with "underscore" contributes to a more sophisticated and academic expression.

  5. "…customs, and values that have contributed to the family’s legacy." -> "…customs, and values that have shaped the family’s legacy."
    Explanation: Changing "contributed to" to "shaped" maintains clarity while introducing a more refined and precise term, aligning with academic language.

  6. "By tracing family origins, individuals can develop a sense of belonging and connection to their heritage, fostering a strong cultural identity." -> "Tracing family origins enables individuals to cultivate a sense of belonging and a connection to their heritage, fostering a robust cultural identity."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence and replacing "can develop" with "enables" and "strong" with "robust" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.

  7. "…ensuring that the experiences of ancestors are not forgotten over time." -> "…ensuring the preservation of the experiences of ancestors over time."
    Explanation: Substituting "are not forgotten" with "preservation of" introduces a more formal and concise expression, aligning with academic style.

  8. "This historical perspective can be an enriching and enlightening experience for individuals who seek to understand their place in the world." -> "Such a historical perspective can provide an enriching and enlightening experience for individuals seeking to comprehend their place in the world."
    Explanation: Replacing "This historical perspective" with "Such a historical perspective" and restructuring the sentence contribute to a more formal and academically appropriate expression.

  9. "…excessive preoccupation with the past may hinder progress and personal development." -> "…an undue preoccupation with the past may impede progress and personal development."
    Explanation: Substituting "excessive" with "undue" and replacing "hinder" with "impede" enhances precision and formality in the sentence.

  10. "They assert that dwelling too much on family history might lead to stagnation…" -> "They argue that an excessive focus on family history might result in stagnation…"
    Explanation: Replacing "assert" with "argue" and adding "an excessive focus on" contribute to a more formal and precise expression in line with academic language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay comprehensively addresses all aspects of the prompt. It discusses both views on researching family history and presents a clear opinion in favor of balancing the past and the future. Relevant sections, such as the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, effectively cover the various elements of the prompt.
    • How to improve: No specific improvement needed in this aspect. The essay is well-structured and consistently addresses all parts of the question.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent stance throughout. The introduction clearly states the intention to explore both views but leans towards advocating for a balanced approach. This position is consistently upheld in the body paragraphs, and the conclusion reaffirms the author’s belief in embracing both the past and the future.
    • How to improve: The clarity of the position is commendable. However, for further enhancement, the author could strengthen the thesis statement in the introduction by explicitly mentioning the intention to argue for a balanced perspective.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas, extends arguments, and supports them with relevant examples. For instance, the discussion on understanding cultural identity through family history is well-elaborated, and the essay provides concrete examples to support the benefits of such understanding.
    • How to improve: While the overall presentation is strong, it would be beneficial to include a more diverse range of examples in some sections. This can further enrich the content and offer a broader perspective on the advantages and potential drawbacks of researching family history.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s core theme of researching family history and balancing perspectives. However, there is a slight deviation in the final paragraph, where the essay introduces the idea of drawing wisdom from ancestors. While this is related, it could be more explicitly tied back to the overall theme.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made in the conclusion directly relates to the prompt. In this case, connecting the idea of drawing wisdom from ancestors back to the benefits of researching family history would strengthen the overall coherence.

In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt and effectively communicates the author’s perspective. To further improve, the author could consider strengthening the thesis statement, diversifying examples, and ensuring the final points directly tie back to the main theme. Overall, a well-structured and well-supported essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the two perspectives, and each body paragraph focuses on one viewpoint before offering a balanced conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in the internal structure of paragraphs, specifically in providing stronger topic sentences and ensuring smooth transitions between ideas. For instance, the second paragraph could benefit from a clearer topic sentence that guides the reader on the discussion of the advantages of researching family history.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the internal structure of paragraphs by incorporating clear topic sentences that succinctly introduce the main idea. Additionally, focus on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance the overall flow of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: Paragraphs are generally well-structured, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. However, the second paragraph lacks a strong topic sentence, making it slightly challenging for readers to grasp the main idea. The essay would benefit from more explicit connections between sentences within paragraphs to improve overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Introduce clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader. Ensure that each sentence within a paragraph is closely related to the main idea, promoting a smoother flow of information.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words (e.g., "Nevertheless," "Furthermore," "In conclusion") and pronouns, effectively connecting ideas within and between sentences. However, there is room for improvement in the use of cohesive devices to enhance the overall coherence. For example, consider using more parallel structures and repeated key terms to reinforce the essay’s central arguments.
    • How to improve: Incorporate parallel structures and repeated key terms to strengthen the logical connections between ideas. Ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to guide the reader through the logical progression of arguments.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid foundation in coherence and cohesion, with some areas that can be refined for improved clarity and logical organization. Strengthening the internal structure of paragraphs and enhancing the use of cohesive devices will contribute to a more cohesive and effectively organized essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, covering various aspects of the topic. There is appropriate use of words related to family history, cultural identity, progress, and personal development. However, some repetition of words and phrases, such as "ancestral" and "generations," is observed, limiting the variety. Additionally, the essay lacks more sophisticated vocabulary that could elevate the overall lexical richness.

    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more diverse and advanced terms related to the topic. Synonyms and alternative expressions can be employed to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of frequently using "ancestral," you might explore alternatives like "forebears" or "forefathers." Furthermore, introducing more nuanced vocabulary to express ideas can contribute to a more sophisticated presentation.

  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision. However, there are instances where words like "pragmatic" and "enlightening" could be considered slightly imprecise in their application. Precise word choices contribute to a more impactful and accurate conveyance of ideas.

    • How to improve: To enhance precision, carefully choose words that precisely capture the intended meaning. For example, instead of using "pragmatic," you might opt for "practical" to convey a clearer idea. Similarly, in the context of "enlightening," consider a term like "illuminating" for a more exact expression.

  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally high level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where minor errors occur, such as "forebears" misspelled as "forebeas" and "pragmatic" spelled as "pragmatick." These errors, though infrequent, affect the overall impression of language proficiency.

    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilize spelling and grammar tools available in word processing software to catch and rectify minor errors. Additionally, developing a habit of reviewing written work with a focus on spelling can contribute to consistently accurate language usage.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. It employs a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the introductory sentence is complex, providing a clear overview of the topic. Throughout the essay, there is effective use of subordination and coordination to convey ideas. Additionally, the author uses rhetorical questions and parallel structures to enhance expression.
    • How to improve: To further elevate the richness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures with varied clause combinations. Experiment with different types of subordinate clauses to add nuance to your sentences. Be cautious not to overuse rhetorical questions; ensure they are purposeful and contribute to the overall flow.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with minimal errors. Sentences are well-structured, and tenses are consistently applied. For instance, in the sentence, "While some individuals advocate for this practice," the present tense is appropriately used to convey a general truth. Punctuation is generally correct, with proper use of commas, colons, and semicolons. However, there are a few instances where the use of commas can be refined for better clarity.
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to comma usage, especially in complex sentences. For example, in the sentence, "By tracing family origins, individuals can develop a sense of belonging," a comma after "origins" would enhance clarity. Additionally, ensure parallelism in sentence structures to maintain coherence. Review your essay for any subtle punctuation nuances that can enhance readability without altering meaning.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy. To enhance your score further, continue experimenting with sentence structures while maintaining a keen eye on punctuation details.

Bài sửa mẫu

Researching one’s family history is a widespread practice observed globally. While some individuals endorse this practice, others contend that prioritizing the present and future generations is more pragmatic. This essay will examine both perspectives and posit that achieving a balance between honoring the past and actively shaping the future is imperative.

Advocates for investigating family history underscore its utility in understanding one’s roots and cultural identity. Exploring past generations provides a unique opportunity to discover ancestral traditions, customs, and values that have shaped the family’s legacy. Tracing family origins enables individuals to cultivate a sense of belonging and a connection to their heritage, fostering a robust cultural identity. This ensures the preservation of the experiences of ancestors over time. Such a historical perspective can provide an enriching and enlightening experience for individuals seeking to comprehend their place in the world.

However, critics argue that an undue preoccupation with the past may impede progress and personal development. They contend that an excessive focus on family history might result in stagnation, as people may be reluctant to embrace change and innovation. Instead of investing time in researching ancestors, the focus should be on shaping a better future for the current and upcoming generations. Furthermore, dedicating energy to the present allows individuals to address immediate challenges and contribute positively to society, making a tangible impact on the world around them.

In conclusion, while understanding ancestral heritage can provide a sense of identity and cultural richness, a sole focus on the past may hinder personal growth and societal progress. Therefore, achieving a balance between honoring the past and actively shaping the future is essential. This approach allows individuals to draw wisdom from their ancestors while making meaningful contributions to the generations to come.

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