In many societies, it is becoming increasingly common for young adults to delay marriage and remain single. Is it a positive or negative development?

Over the years, the phenomenon of marital postponement and living alone is clearly a heated topic which is often discussed all over the world. Although this development of this trend seems negative, I fully think that it is a positive one.

On the one hand, this action of postponing marriage and alone has some unbeneficial sides.
The first reason is that the trend of delaying marriage and remaining single can have demographic implications, such as declining birth rate and an aging population. This can facilitate the workforce, social welfare systems and the overall stability of society. For instance, in Korea, due to the low birth rate, this country has to find numerous professional employees in other nations.Furthermore, there is a fact that social may be have a pressure and stigma associated with remaining single and delaying marriage which can lead to sense of isolated and judgment.

Despite some aforementioned negatives, I am inclined to think extending the age of getting married and staying alone is a positive tendency for various reasons. First and foremost, delaying marriage allows individuals to focus on their career, personal growth and self- discovery. It provides an opportunity for young adults to explore their own interests, passions and goals without the added responsibilities and commitments of marriage. For example young adults with the freedom can allow the youth to have time to relax and raise their time to do exercise which can improve their health. Moreover, This trend can be seen as a positive outcome of progress towards gender equality. It provides women, in particular, with more opportunities to pursue education,careers and personal aspirations on an equal footing with men.

It is important to note that these positive views do not undermine the significance of marriage or committed relationships. Instead, they highlight the potential benefits and opportunities that can arise from delaying marriage and remaining single. It is crucial to respect and support individuals' choices, providing them with the freedom and acceptance to navigate their own paths to personal happiness and fulfillment.

In conclusion, getting married or staying alone has both good and bad sides. While I recognise the negative of this trend, I consider it to be a positive development overall.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Over the years, the phenomenon of marital postponement and living alone is clearly a heated topic" -> "Over the years, the phenomenon of marital postponement and living alone has emerged as a widely debated topic"
Explanation: Replacing "clearly a heated topic" with "a widely debated topic" maintains an academic tone by avoiding colloquial expressions and providing a more precise description.
"often discussed all over the world" -> "frequently debated globally"
Explanation: Changing "often discussed all over the world" to "frequently debated globally" streamlines the language and employs more formal terminology.
"I fully think that" -> "I firmly believe that"
Explanation: "I fully think that" is replaced with "I firmly believe that" to enhance the formality and assertiveness of the statement.
"this action of postponing marriage and alone" -> "the decision to postpone marriage and live alone"
Explanation: "This action of postponing marriage and alone" is awkwardly phrased and unclear. "The decision to postpone marriage and live alone" is more precise and academically appropriate.
"unbeneficial sides" -> "disadvantages"
Explanation: "Unbeneficial sides" is not a standard phrase and sounds unnatural. "Disadvantages" is the correct term to use in an academic context.
"This can facilitate the workforce, social welfare systems and the overall stability of society." -> "This could undermine workforce sustainability, social welfare systems, and the overall stability of society."
Explanation: The original sentence incorrectly uses "facilitate" which means to make easier, instead of a term that conveys the negative impact implied by the context. "Undermine" correctly reflects the negative consequences mentioned.
"social may be have a pressure" -> "society may exert pressure"
Explanation: "Social may be have a pressure" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Society may exert pressure" corrects these issues and is academically appropriate.
"sense of isolated and judgment" -> "feelings of isolation and judgment"
Explanation: "Sense of isolated and judgment" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Feelings of isolation and judgment" is grammatically correct and more natural.
"extending the age of getting married and staying alone" -> "postponing marriage and choosing solitude"
Explanation: "Extending the age of getting married and staying alone" is verbose and unclear. "Postponing marriage and choosing solitude" is concise and clearer.
"For example young adults with the freedom can allow the youth to have time to relax and raise their time to do exercise which can improve their health." -> "For instance, this freedom enables young adults to allocate more time for relaxation and physical exercise, thereby enhancing their health."
Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and informal. The revised sentence is more structured, formal, and eliminates redundancy.
"This trend can be seen as a positive outcome of progress towards gender equality." -> "Moreover, this trend may be interpreted as a favorable consequence of advancements in gender equality."
Explanation: The revision provides a more formal phrasing and uses "may be interpreted" to introduce a degree of academic caution.
"getting married or staying alone has both good and bad sides" -> "choosing to marry or remain single presents both advantages and disadvantages"
Explanation: "Getting married or staying alone has both good and bad sides" is informal and simplistic. "Choosing to marry or remain single presents both advantages and disadvantages" is more formal and precise.
"While I recognise the negative of this trend" -> "While I acknowledge the drawbacks associated with this trend"
Explanation: "Recognise the negative of this trend" is awkward and imprecise. "Acknowledge the drawbacks associated with this trend" is clearer and more formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument regarding the trend of delaying marriage and remaining single. It acknowledges potential negative implications such as demographic shifts and societal pressures, while also presenting arguments supporting the positive aspects of this trend, such as personal growth opportunities and progress towards gender equality.
- How to improve: To further enhance the response, ensure that each aspect of the question is thoroughly explored. Provide more specific examples or data to support the points made, especially when discussing demographic implications and societal pressures.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position favoring the idea that delaying marriage and remaining single is a positive development. This stance is consistently supported throughout the essay with arguments centered on personal growth, gender equality, and individual freedom.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the author’s stance in the introduction and conclusion. Additionally, reinforce the position with stronger language and deeper analysis throughout the body paragraphs.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and extends ideas, providing arguments supported by examples and reasoning. Each paragraph introduces a new aspect of the topic and elaborates on it with relevant details.
- How to improve: To further enhance idea development, strive for deeper analysis and engagement with the topic. Provide more specific examples or anecdotes to illustrate the points made and strengthen the argument’s coherence and persuasiveness.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by addressing the prompt’s central question about the positive or negative development of delaying marriage and remaining single. However, there are moments where the focus slightly drifts, such as the brief mention of exercise and health without clear relevance to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain better focus, ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to the central theme of the essay. Avoid introducing tangential points that do not contribute directly to the main argument, maintaining a clear and concise discussion throughout.

Overall, the essay effectively responds to the prompt with a well-structured argument supported by relevant examples and reasoning. To further improve, focus on providing more depth and specificity in addressing each aspect of the question while maintaining a consistent and focused argumentative approach.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization by presenting arguments both for and against the trend of delaying marriage and remaining single. The introduction sets the stage by introducing the topic and the writer’s stance. Each body paragraph focuses on either the negative or positive aspects, offering examples and explanations to support the points. The conclusion neatly summarizes the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining the structure further. Start each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea. Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to improve coherence and maintain the logical flow of ideas throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, there is room for improvement in paragraph structure. Some paragraphs could be more cohesive internally, with clearer topic sentences and supporting details.
- How to improve: Work on strengthening paragraph coherence by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the essay prompt. Provide supporting evidence and examples within each paragraph to reinforce the main argument. Aim for consistency in paragraph length to maintain readability and cohesion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences. Examples include transition words and phrases like "although," "despite," "for instance," "moreover," and "in conclusion." These cohesive devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Continue to incorporate a diverse range of cohesive devices to enhance coherence further. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of these devices to ensure they effectively connect ideas and improve the flow of the essay. Vary the types of cohesive devices used to maintain reader engagement and interest.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating varied terminology to convey ideas effectively. For instance, phrases like "marital postponement," "heated topic," "unbeneficial sides," "demographic implications," "social welfare systems," "gender equality," and "personal happiness and fulfillment" showcase lexical diversity. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of formal and informal language appropriately, enhancing its overall richness.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases a strong vocabulary, consider incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary where appropriate to elevate the complexity and precision of expression. For instance, instead of "negative development," phrases like "adverse societal trend" or "detrimental phenomenon" could be utilized to convey a nuanced understanding.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision, effectively conveying the intended meanings. For instance, terms like "demographic implications," "gender equality," and "personal growth" are used accurately to express specific concepts. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, using "unbeneficial" instead of "detrimental" may be considered less precise.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, consider utilizing vocabulary with exact connotations that align closely with the intended meanings. Avoid using ambiguous or colloquial terms where clarity and specificity are required. For instance, instead of "unbeneficial," opt for terms like "harmful" or "negative," depending on the context.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling throughout, with only minor errors observed. Examples such as "beneficial" instead of "unbeneficial" and "may be have" instead of "may have" are notable. However, these errors do not significantly impede comprehension or detract from the overall quality of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay thoroughly to identify and rectify any minor spelling errors. Additionally, utilizing spell-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can help in identifying and correcting spelling mistakes effectively. Developing a habit of reviewing written work attentively before submission can contribute to improved spelling proficiency over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the structures further to enhance coherence and sophistication. For instance, there’s consistent use of introductory phrases such as "On the one hand" and "Despite," but varying these transitions could add richness to the essay’s structure. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more complex sentence constructions, incorporating subordinate clauses and participial phrases to add depth and complexity to the arguments.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating a wider range of transition words and phrases to connect ideas more fluidly. Experiment with complex sentence structures by integrating dependent clauses and modifying phrases to provide nuanced explanations and add layers to the arguments. Furthermore, vary the lengths of sentences to maintain reader engagement and create a more dynamic rhythm throughout the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with few errors that do not significantly impede comprehension. However, there are instances of grammatical mistakes and punctuation errors that affect the clarity and precision of the writing. For example, the phrase "this development of this trend" could be revised for clarity, and there are several instances of missing or misused commas throughout the essay. Additionally, there are minor tense inconsistencies, such as switching between present and past tense, which disrupt the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and the proper use of articles and prepositions. Proofreading the essay carefully to identify and correct punctuation errors, including comma splices and missing commas, will enhance the clarity and coherence of the writing. Additionally, consider using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to address specific areas of improvement in grammar and punctuation.

Bài sửa mẫu

Over the years, the phenomenon of marital postponement and living alone has emerged as a widely debated topic, frequently discussed globally. I firmly believe that the decision to postpone marriage and live alone presents both advantages and disadvantages.

On the one hand, this trend of delaying marriage and remaining single can have some disadvantages. The first reason is that it can have demographic implications, such as a declining birth rate and an aging population. This could undermine workforce sustainability, social welfare systems, and the overall stability of society. For instance, in countries like Korea, due to the low birth rate, there is a need to seek numerous professional employees from other nations. Furthermore, society may exert pressure and stigma associated with remaining single and delaying marriage, leading to feelings of isolation and judgment.

Despite these drawbacks, I am inclined to think that extending the age of marriage and choosing solitude is a positive tendency for various reasons. First and foremost, delaying marriage allows individuals to focus on their career, personal growth, and self-discovery. It provides an opportunity for young adults to explore their own interests, passions, and goals without the added responsibilities and commitments of marriage. For example, this freedom enables young adults to allocate more time for relaxation and physical exercise, thereby enhancing their health. Moreover, this trend may be interpreted as a favorable consequence of advancements in gender equality. It provides women, in particular, with more opportunities to pursue education, careers, and personal aspirations on an equal footing with men.

It is important to note that choosing to marry or remain single presents both advantages and disadvantages. While I acknowledge the drawbacks associated with this trend, it is crucial to respect and support individuals’ choices, providing them with the freedom and acceptance to navigate their own paths to personal happiness and fulfillment.

In conclusion, the decision to get married or stay alone has both positive and negative aspects. While recognizing the drawbacks of this trend, I consider it to be a positive development overall.