In many societies, there is a growing emphasis on sustainable living and reducing environmental impact. What are the challenges of adopting a sustainable lifestyle? What practical actions can individuals take to contribute to sustainability?

In many societies, there is a growing emphasis on sustainable living and reducing environmental impact.

What are the challenges of adopting a sustainable lifestyle?

What practical actions can individuals take to contribute to sustainability?

In recent decades, there is a matter of great concern today is the sustainable living and alleviating the negative influences on environment becom prevalent. People have to struggle with several challenges of adopting a sustainable lifestyle which will be outlined in this essay and recommended some feasible actions to people in order to develop a sustainability in the society.

First, some challenges can be considered as obstacles to the developing process of sustainable lifestyle. With the desire to develop industry in some developing and developed countries, more and more factories and companies are advented to accommodate the costumers’ need. Some of those consume a large amount of fossil fuels and moreover, release toxic wastes or gases which are devastating into ocean and air, leading to air and water pollution. Therefore, people cannot adopt a sustainable and green lifestyle easily. Another challenges often encountered with is fast lifestyle which people adopt because it is convenient such as using plastic products, fast-fashion or using fossil fuel in their daily basis. In Vietnam, for example, environment institutions make efforts in raising awareness of sustainable living and the benefits of reducing environment impacts, 70% of cities inhabitants and 75% of people in rural areas still use plastic products and dump litter to some street nearby their region. Leading to the negative impacts on the environment and slow down the developing process of adopting sustainable lifestyle.

However, inhabitants can co-oporate with governments and take actions to remedy those challenges. First, governments should allocate public budget to assist factories to improve their recycling systems, alleviatting the potential risk of dumping toxic wastes into the environment. This action can be effective because industrial companies may take active roles in protecting the environment and save wide range of natural resources. Additionally, another feasible action can be considered is raising awareness among the public in different regions. Many people can be concern about the impacts of wastes and plastic bottles, plastic bags through some education programns which emergent on internet and social media. As a result, in some part of both rural and urban areas, by raising the collective efforts through those social platforms, residents may contribute significantly in reducing negative impacts on environment and adopting a sustainable lifestyle.

In conclusion, although some challenges from the industrial development and fast-lifestyle, many practical actions can pave the way for the enhancement of sustainability living and the decrease in pessimistically environment impacts.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "there is a matter of great concern today is the sustainable living and alleviating the negative influences on environment becom prevalent" -> "a pressing concern today is sustainable living and mitigating environmental impacts"
   Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the grammar and uses more precise language, enhancing clarity and formality.

2. "People have to struggle with several challenges of adopting a sustainable lifestyle" -> "Individuals face several challenges in adopting sustainable lifestyles"
   Explanation: "Individuals face" is more formal than "People have to struggle with," and "challenges in adopting sustainable lifestyles" is more precise and natural than "challenges of adopting a sustainable lifestyle."

3. "recommended some feasible actions to people in order to develop a sustainability in the society" -> "recommend several feasible actions to promote sustainability in society"
   Explanation: "Recommend" is more direct and formal than "recommended," and "promote sustainability in society" is more concise and academically appropriate than "develop a sustainability in the society."

4. "With the desire to develop industry in some developing and developed countries, more and more factories and companies are advented to accommodate the costumers’ need." -> "As industries expand in both developed and developing countries, more factories and companies are established to meet consumer demand."
   Explanation: "As industries expand" is clearer and more formal than "With the desire to develop industry," and "established to meet consumer demand" is more precise and formal than "advented to accommodate the costumers’ need."

5. "Some of those consume a large amount of fossil fuels and moreover, release toxic wastes or gases which are devastating into ocean and air" -> "These industries consume large amounts of fossil fuels and release toxic waste and gases that devastate the ocean and air"
   Explanation: "These industries" is more specific and formal than "Some of those," and "devastate the ocean and air" is more direct and impactful than "are devastating into ocean and air."

6. "Another challenges often encountered with is fast lifestyle" -> "Another challenge often encountered is fast-paced lifestyles"
   Explanation: "Another challenge" is grammatically correct, and "fast-paced lifestyles" is a more precise and formal term than "fast lifestyle."

7. "using fossil fuel in their daily basis" -> "using fossil fuels in their daily lives"
   Explanation: "Fossil fuels" is the correct plural form, and "daily lives" is more formal and appropriate than "daily basis."

8. "environment institutions make efforts in raising awareness of sustainable living" -> "environmental institutions make efforts to raise awareness about sustainable living"
   Explanation: "Environmental institutions" is the correct term, and "to raise awareness about" is more formal and precise than "make efforts in raising awareness of."

9. "70% of cities inhabitants and 75% of people in rural areas still use plastic products and dump litter to some street nearby their region" -> "70% of urban residents and 75% of rural residents still use plastic products and litter nearby their regions"
   Explanation: "Urban residents" and "rural residents" are more specific and formal than "cities inhabitants" and "people in rural areas," and "litter nearby their regions" is more precise and formal than "dump litter to some street nearby their region."

10. "co-oporate with governments" -> "collaborate with governments"
    Explanation: "Collaborate" is the correct verb for working together, whereas "co-oporate" is a typographical error.

11. "alleviatting the potential risk of dumping toxic wastes into the environment" -> "alleviating the potential risk of dumping toxic waste into the environment"
    Explanation: "Alleviating" is the correct form of the verb, and "toxic waste" is the correct noun form.

12. "emergent on internet and social media" -> "emerging on the internet and social media"
    Explanation: "Emerging" is the correct form of the verb, and "the internet" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun.

13. "in some part of both rural and urban areas" -> "in both rural and urban areas"
    Explanation: The phrase "in some part of" is redundant and less formal; "in both" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing.

14. "pessimistically environment impacts" -> "pessimistic environmental impacts"
    Explanation: "Pessimistic environmental impacts" is grammatically correct and more formal than "pessimistically environment impacts."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the challenges of adopting a sustainable lifestyle and suggesting practical actions individuals can take. The challenges mentioned include industrial development and fast lifestyles, while the proposed actions involve government cooperation and raising public awareness. However, the essay could benefit from a more structured approach to ensure that each part of the question is fully explored. For instance, while the challenges are outlined, the discussion on practical actions is somewhat less detailed and could be expanded.
  • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should ensure that each challenge is matched with a corresponding practical action. A clearer structure, such as separate paragraphs for challenges and actions, would enhance clarity and completeness.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position on the importance of sustainable living and acknowledges the challenges faced. However, the clarity of the position could be improved. Phrases like "some challenges can be considered as obstacles" introduce ambiguity. The conclusion reiterates the importance of actions but lacks a strong, definitive statement that ties back to the essay’s main argument.
  • How to improve: The writer should strive for more definitive language throughout the essay. Using assertive statements rather than tentative phrases will strengthen the position. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument in the conclusion with a clear and impactful statement would enhance the overall coherence.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the challenges and actions related to sustainable living. However, some ideas lack sufficient development and support. For example, while the mention of industrial pollution is relevant, it could be further elaborated with specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. Similarly, the actions suggested could be more detailed, explaining how individuals can specifically contribute to raising awareness.
  • How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should provide specific examples, statistics, or case studies that illustrate the challenges and actions discussed. This could involve citing successful sustainability initiatives or providing data on the impact of certain behaviors on the environment.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on sustainable living and its challenges. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the discussion of fast lifestyles, which could be more directly tied back to sustainability. The mention of Vietnam’s statistics is relevant but could be better integrated into the overall argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the main topic of sustainable living. This could involve explicitly linking examples back to the challenges or actions being discussed, ensuring that all content contributes to the central argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, enhancing the structure, clarity, and depth of the arguments will help achieve a higher band score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the main challenges and actions related to sustainable living. The body paragraphs are organized to first discuss the challenges before moving on to potential solutions. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear transitions. For example, the transition from discussing challenges to solutions could be smoother, as the connection between the two sections is not explicitly stated, which may leave the reader momentarily confused about the relationship between the challenges and the proposed actions.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines its main idea. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "In contrast" or "On the other hand" can help clarify the relationship between challenges and solutions. A brief summary sentence at the end of the challenge section could also effectively link to the solutions that follow.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, contributing to overall clarity. However, some paragraphs could be better structured. For instance, the first body paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on industrial challenges and another on lifestyle challenges. This would allow for more detailed exploration of each point.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should aim for a clear distinction between different ideas. Each paragraph should ideally contain a single main idea supported by examples or explanations. The use of linking sentences at the end of each paragraph can also help to guide the reader through the argument and maintain coherence.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first," "however," and "additionally," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and some phrases are used repetitively. For example, the phrase "sustainable lifestyle" appears frequently, which can detract from the overall fluency of the text. Additionally, there are instances where cohesive devices are misused or awkwardly placed, leading to confusion (e.g., "Another challenges often encountered with is fast lifestyle" is grammatically incorrect and unclear).
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "for instance." It is also important to ensure that cohesive devices are grammatically correct and contextually appropriate. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and improve overall fluency.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, focusing on enhancing logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a higher band score in coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "sustainable living," "toxic wastes," and "environmental impact." However, there are instances of repetition and a lack of variety in word choice, particularly in phrases like "sustainable lifestyle" and "environment." The use of "advented" is also incorrect in context, as the correct term should be "introduced" or "established."
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "sustainable lifestyle," alternatives like "eco-friendly practices" or "sustainable habits" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to environmental issues, such as "ecological footprint" or "renewable resources," would enrich the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are notable inaccuracies that hinder clarity. For instance, the phrase "advented to accommodate the customers’ need" is vague and misuses "advented." Furthermore, "alleviating the negative influences on environment" lacks specificity; it would be clearer to say "alleviating the negative impacts on the environment." The phrase "fast lifestyle" is also somewhat ambiguous and could be better articulated.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For example, instead of "fast lifestyle," they could specify "fast-paced consumer culture." Additionally, reviewing and revising sentences for clarity and precision will help ensure that the vocabulary aligns with the concepts being discussed.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "co-oporate" (should be "cooperate"), "programns" (should be "programs"), and "pessimistically" (which is not the correct form in this context; "negative" would be more appropriate). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse readers.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should make use of spell-check tools and carefully proofread their work before submission. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary and terms related to the essay topic can help improve overall spelling skills. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly could also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary related to sustainable living, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "which will be outlined in this essay" and "leading to air and water pollution" shows an attempt to incorporate relative clauses. However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are either overly complex or awkwardly constructed, which detracts from clarity. For example, the phrase "the sustainable living and alleviating the negative influences on environment becom prevalent" is convoluted and contains grammatical errors that hinder understanding.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice using different forms of sentences, such as starting some sentences with adverbial clauses (e.g., "Although many people face challenges, they can still adopt sustainable practices"). Additionally, breaking down overly complex sentences into simpler, clearer ones can improve readability. Engaging with a variety of sentence types, such as using more conditional sentences (e.g., "If individuals reduce plastic use, they can help the environment") can also diversify the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity and coherence. For example, the phrase "there is a matter of great concern today is the sustainable living" is grammatically incorrect and should be restructured for clarity. Additionally, the use of "another challenges" should be corrected to "another challenge" to maintain subject-verb agreement. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect conjunctions, further complicate the reading experience. For instance, "leading to the negative impacts on the environment and slow down the developing process of adopting sustainable lifestyle" lacks proper punctuation, making it difficult to follow the intended meaning.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles (e.g., "the environment" instead of "environment"). Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can help. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that each sentence is clear and concise will enhance overall accuracy. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also provide immediate feedback on errors, allowing for more effective revisions.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an attempt to engage with the topic and present ideas, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are needed to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision will contribute to clearer and more effective writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent decades, a pressing concern today is sustainable living and alleviating the negative influences on the environment that have become prevalent. People face several challenges in adopting a sustainable lifestyle, which will be outlined in this essay, along with some feasible actions that individuals can take to promote sustainability in society.

First, some challenges can be considered obstacles to the development of a sustainable lifestyle. With the desire to develop industry in both developing and developed countries, more and more factories and companies are established to accommodate consumers’ needs. Some of these consume large amounts of fossil fuels and, moreover, release toxic waste or gases that devastate the ocean and air, leading to air and water pollution. Therefore, people cannot easily adopt a sustainable and green lifestyle. Another challenge often encountered is the fast-paced lifestyle that people adopt because it is convenient, such as using plastic products, fast fashion, or using fossil fuels in their daily lives. In Vietnam, for example, environmental institutions make efforts to raise awareness about sustainable living and the benefits of reducing environmental impacts; however, 70% of urban residents and 75% of people in rural areas still use plastic products and litter nearby their regions. This leads to negative impacts on the environment and slows down the development of adopting a sustainable lifestyle.

However, individuals can collaborate with governments and take actions to remedy these challenges. First, governments should allocate public budgets to assist factories in improving their recycling systems, alleviating the potential risk of dumping toxic waste into the environment. This action can be effective because industrial companies may take active roles in protecting the environment and saving a wide range of natural resources. Additionally, another feasible action to consider is raising awareness among the public in different regions. Many people can be concerned about the impacts of waste, such as plastic bottles and plastic bags, through some educational programs that are emerging on the internet and social media. As a result, in some parts of both rural and urban areas, by raising collective efforts through these social platforms, residents may contribute significantly to reducing negative impacts on the environment and adopting a sustainable lifestyle.

In conclusion, although there are challenges from industrial development and fast-paced lifestyles, many practical actions can pave the way for the enhancement of sustainable living and the decrease in pessimistic environmental impacts.