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In most countries, fast food is becoming cheaper and more available. Do the advantages of this development out weigh the disadvantages

In most countries, fast food is becoming cheaper and more available. Do the advantages of this development out weigh the disadvantages

The availability of fast foods has been existed in various countries. While I acknowledge the benefits of this phenomenon, they are outweigted by its problems.
Admittedly, the convenience of fast foods are dives originated from its price. For example, homeless people may easily access to this dishes through money that received from the government or ordinary people. Therefore, they can survive for many days without hunger. Similarity is seen in the teenager, since there is an increase in the number of teenager doing some part-time jobs, they are likely to choose a dish that is affordable for them to enhance their energy after long shifts. Thus, there is nothing more wonderful than fast foods for teenage, the more time have they have to work, the more they consume fast foods. Despite the positives mentioned above, the war negative of fast foods are more significant. Eating fast foods may lead to health problems, such as obesity, lack of nutrition,… In other words, homeless people tend to face dying out or early passing away, which is a sad consequence. Similar challenges are seen in the teenagers, who are difficult to thrive fully healthy without needed nutrition. On a society level, not only fast foods harm on people's health, it also create an unhealthy lifestyle for inhabitants.

In conclusion, consuming fast foods might be beneficial since it convenience and price, for with example homeless people and teenagers. However, it shows various negative aspects about health, so these potential problems disadvantages. can not ox outweigh disadvantages.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "has been existed" -> "has existed"
    Explanation: The verb "has been existed" is grammatically incorrect. The correct form is "has existed," which is the correct past participle form of "exist" used with the auxiliary verb "has" to form the present perfect tense.

  2. "outweigted" -> "outweighed"
    Explanation: The correct spelling is "outweighed," which is the past participle form of "outweigh," meaning to surpass in importance or significance.

  3. "the convenience of fast foods are dives originated from its price" -> "the convenience of fast foods originates from its affordability"
    Explanation: "are dives originated from its price" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Originate from its affordability" is more precise and appropriate, as it correctly uses the singular form "originates" and the noun "affordability."

  4. "money that received from the government or ordinary people" -> "funds received from the government or from ordinary individuals"
    Explanation: "Money that received" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Funds received from the government or from ordinary individuals" is more formal and precise.

  5. "Similarity is seen in the teenager" -> "Similarly, teenagers"
    Explanation: "Similarity is seen in the teenager" is awkward and incorrect. "Similarly, teenagers" is grammatically correct and maintains the formal tone.

  6. "doing some part-time jobs" -> "engaging in part-time employment"
    Explanation: "Doing some part-time jobs" is informal and vague. "Engaging in part-time employment" is more formal and specific.

  7. "there is nothing more wonderful than fast foods" -> "fast foods are particularly appealing"
    Explanation: "There is nothing more wonderful than fast foods" is overly emotional and informal. "Fast foods are particularly appealing" is more objective and formal.

  8. "the more time have they have to work, the more they consume fast foods" -> "the longer they work, the more they consume fast foods"
    Explanation: "The more time have they have to work" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "The longer they work" is grammatically correct and clearer.

  9. "the war negative of fast foods are more significant" -> "the negative effects of fast foods are more significant"
    Explanation: "The war negative of fast foods" is incorrect and unclear. "The negative effects of fast foods" is clear and appropriate.

  10. "lack of nutrition,… In other words, homeless people tend to face dying out or early passing away" -> "lack of nutrition, which can lead to premature mortality"
    Explanation: "In other words, homeless people tend to face dying out or early passing away" is verbose and informal. "Lack of nutrition, which can lead to premature mortality" is concise and maintains a formal tone.

  11. "not only fast foods harm on people’s health, it also create an unhealthy lifestyle for inhabitants" -> "not only do fast foods harm people’s health, but they also create an unhealthy lifestyle for inhabitants"
    Explanation: "Harm on people’s health" is grammatically incorrect. "Do fast foods harm people’s health" corrects this and adds clarity. "But they also create" is more formal than "it also create."

  12. "these potential problems disadvantages. can not ox outweigh disadvantages" -> "these potential disadvantages cannot be outweighed by the disadvantages"
    Explanation: "Disadvantages. can not ox outweigh disadvantages" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "These potential disadvantages cannot be outweighed by the disadvantages" corrects these issues and clarifies the meaning.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of fast food. However, it does not fully explore the implications of these points. For instance, while the essay mentions the convenience and affordability of fast food for homeless individuals and teenagers, it fails to elaborate on how these advantages might be weighed against the broader societal impacts or the long-term effects on health. The conclusion also lacks a clear summary of the arguments presented, which diminishes the overall response to the prompt.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each part of the question is thoroughly addressed. This could involve providing more detailed examples and explanations for both the advantages and disadvantages, as well as discussing the broader implications of these points. A clearer structure that explicitly outlines the pros and cons would also help.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay states a position that the disadvantages of fast food outweigh the advantages, but this stance is not consistently maintained throughout the text. The introduction suggests a balanced view, while the body paragraphs contain mixed messages about the benefits of fast food. For example, the phrase "there is nothing more wonderful than fast foods" contradicts the later assertion that the negatives are more significant.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently affirm their stance throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using clear topic sentences that reflect the main argument of each paragraph and ensuring that all points made support the overall thesis. The conclusion should also reinforce the position taken in the introduction.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the advantages and disadvantages of fast food, but these ideas are not well-developed or supported. For instance, the mention of health problems related to fast food is vague and lacks specific examples or statistics that could strengthen the argument. Additionally, the connection between fast food consumption and the health of teenagers and homeless individuals is not clearly articulated.
    • How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples, data, or studies that support their claims. This could involve discussing statistics on obesity rates linked to fast food consumption or citing research on the nutritional deficiencies associated with a fast food diet. Each idea should be clearly connected back to the thesis to ensure coherence.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic, particularly in the discussion of fast food’s impact on health. While health is relevant, the connection to the advantages and disadvantages of fast food is not always clear. For example, the mention of "dying out or early passing away" feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument about the advantages of fast food.
    • How to improve: To stay on topic, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the advantages or disadvantages of fast food as outlined in the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that all content remains relevant and focused. Additionally, using clear transitions between points can help maintain the flow and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the advantages and disadvantages of fast food, but the overall organization lacks clarity. The introduction states that the advantages are outweighed by the disadvantages, but the body paragraphs do not consistently follow this structure. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses advantages but does not clearly separate them from the disadvantages, leading to confusion. The transition between discussing the benefits for homeless people and teenagers is abrupt and lacks a clear logical connection.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer should explicitly outline the structure in the introduction, indicating that the essay will first discuss advantages and then disadvantages. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea, followed by supporting details. For example, the writer could start the first body paragraph with a sentence like, "One significant advantage of fast food is its affordability, particularly for low-income individuals."
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but the paragraphing is ineffective. The first body paragraph mixes advantages for different groups without clear separation, and the second body paragraph discusses disadvantages but lacks a clear focus. The conclusion also introduces new phrases that confuse the reader instead of summarizing the main points.
    • How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. The writer could create two distinct paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, ensuring that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument. For example, the advantages could be discussed in one paragraph, followed by a separate paragraph that clearly outlines the disadvantages.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "for example" and "despite," but these are limited and sometimes incorrectly applied. For instance, the phrase "the war negative of fast foods" is unclear and does not effectively connect ideas. Additionally, the use of "similarity" is incorrect in context, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. For example, using "firstly," "in addition," "however," and "on the other hand" can help clarify the relationships between ideas. The writer should also ensure that cohesive devices are used correctly and appropriately within the context of the sentences.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score for coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing information logically, improving paragraph structure, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. By implementing these strategies, the essay will present a clearer argument and enhance overall readability.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to the topic of fast food. Terms such as "availability," "convenience," "obesity," and "nutrition" are relevant and appropriate. However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances where synonyms or more varied expressions could enhance the depth of the essay. For example, instead of repeatedly using "fast foods," the writer could incorporate terms like "junk food," "processed food," or "quick meals" to diversify the vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should practice using synonyms and related terms. Reading articles or essays on similar topics can expose them to different expressions. Additionally, keeping a vocabulary journal to note down new words and their contexts can be beneficial.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "the convenience of fast foods are dives originated from its price" is unclear and seems to misuse "dives." The term "wonderful" in "there is nothing more wonderful than fast foods for teenage" is also vague and does not convey a strong argument. Furthermore, the phrase "the war negative of fast foods" is confusing and likely intended to mean "the negative aspects of fast foods."
    • How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects their intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing definitions and contexts of words before using them. Additionally, practicing paraphrasing sentences can help in finding more precise vocabulary that conveys the intended message clearly.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, "outweigted" should be "outweighed," "dives" should be "drives," "teenager" should be pluralized to "teenagers," and "ox outweigh" is incorrect and should be "outweigh." These errors can confuse the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should make a habit of proofreading their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools can be helpful, but it is also important to manually review the text for context-specific errors. Regular practice with spelling exercises and reading more can also reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to use relevant vocabulary, improvements in the range, precision, and spelling of vocabulary are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at using varied sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the sentence "While I acknowledge the benefits of this phenomenon, they are outweighed by its problems" shows a complex structure. However, there is a noticeable reliance on simpler structures, which limits the overall range. For example, many sentences are constructed in a straightforward subject-verb-object format, such as "Eating fast foods may lead to health problems." This lack of variety can make the writing feel repetitive and less engaging.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences and varied clauses. For instance, using subordinate clauses to add depth (e.g., "Although fast food is convenient, it poses significant health risks") or employing different sentence openings (e.g., starting with an adverbial phrase) can enrich the text. Additionally, practicing the use of conditional sentences and participial phrases can help diversify the writing style.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, phrases like "has been existed" should be corrected to "has existed," and "are dives originated from its price" is unclear and grammatically incorrect. Furthermore, the use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in complex sentences where they are needed to separate clauses (e.g., "Despite the positives mentioned above, the war negative of fast foods are more significant" lacks clarity and correct punctuation). The phrase "the more time have they have to work" is also awkwardly constructed and should be revised for grammatical correctness.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and verb tenses. Regular practice with grammar exercises, especially those targeting common mistakes, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors, particularly in complex sentences, can help ensure clarity. Reading more academic texts can also provide insight into proper grammar and punctuation usage, which can be applied in their writing.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant argument regarding the advantages and disadvantages of fast food, addressing these grammatical and structural issues will significantly enhance the quality of the writing and potentially improve the band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The availability of fast foods has existed in various countries. While I acknowledge the benefits of this phenomenon, they are outweighed by its problems.

Admittedly, the convenience of fast foods originates from its affordability. For example, homeless people may easily access these dishes through funds received from the government or from ordinary individuals. Therefore, they can survive for many days without hunger. Similarly, teenagers, due to an increase in the number of them engaging in part-time employment, are likely to choose meals that are affordable to enhance their energy after long shifts. Thus, there is nothing more appealing than fast foods for teenagers; the longer they work, the more they consume fast foods. Despite the positives mentioned above, the negative effects of fast foods are more significant. Eating fast foods may lead to health problems, such as obesity and lack of nutrition, which can lead to premature mortality. In other words, homeless people tend to face serious health risks, which is a sad consequence. Similar challenges are seen in teenagers, who find it difficult to thrive fully healthy without the necessary nutrition. On a societal level, not only do fast foods harm people’s health, but they also create an unhealthy lifestyle for inhabitants.

In conclusion, consuming fast foods might be beneficial due to their convenience and price, as seen in the examples of homeless people and teenagers. However, the various negative aspects concerning health indicate that these potential disadvantages cannot be outweighed by the advantages.

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