In most parts of the world, cities are becoming larger because people are moving there from the countryside Describe the advantages and disadvantages of living in cities

It is undeniable that increasing the population of all nation’s cities because of the rural region’s inhabitants are migrated to capital cities. In my opinion, this can be viewed as a both positive and negative development with various consequences and benefits for both rural and urban communities
One evident disadvantage of living in a city that is associated with environmental pollution. To begin with, urban areas where many factories and industries released toxic gas caused a negative impact on air quality. For instance, people living in that place will have a high chance of suffering from respiratory diíeases. Another key point is the cost of living in the city is higher than in the countryside due to overcrowding and increased pressure on existing facilities. To illustrate, with that amount of money you can buy a smaller piece of land in the countryside,especially you will likely find more affordable housing with larger gardens or land in rural areas than in cities.
On the other hand, there are obvious advantages to living in a city that would be beneficial owing to the high quality of life. For example, major education and healthcare systems are located in large city centers, causing people to leave rural areas and migrate to cities. Secondly, there are plenty of job opportunities available in a city compared to living in the countryside. In other words, job markets are usually more developed in urban areas, where large companies offer career opportunities, often higher salaries.
To sum up, although living in the city offers a better quality of life, it causes overcrowding and negatively affects air quality

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"increasing the population of all nation’s cities" -> "the increasing population of cities across nations"
Explanation: The phrase "all nation’s cities" is awkward and unclear. "Cities across nations" is more precise and grammatically correct, enhancing clarity and formality.
"because of the rural region’s inhabitants are migrated to capital cities" -> "due to the migration of inhabitants from rural regions to capital cities"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The suggested revision clarifies the cause and effect, improving the sentence structure and formality.
"this can be viewed as a both positive and negative development" -> "this development can be viewed as both positive and negative"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. The correction removes the redundancy and improves the flow of the sentence.
"living in a city that is associated with environmental pollution" -> "living in cities associated with environmental pollution"
Explanation: The original phrase is vague and imprecise. The revision clarifies that the cities are the subject of the pollution, enhancing specificity and formality.
"released toxic gas" -> "release toxic gases"
Explanation: "Released" should be in the present tense to match the ongoing nature of the action, and "gas" should be plural to reflect the generalization implied by "many factories and industries."
"people living in that place will have a high chance of suffering from respiratory diíeases" -> "residents of such areas are likely to suffer from respiratory diseases"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and contains a typographical error. The revision corrects the spelling and uses a more formal and precise expression.
"the cost of living in the city is higher than in the countryside" -> "the cost of living in cities is higher than in rural areas"
Explanation: The original phrase is too simplistic and lacks precision. The revision broadens the scope to include all cities and rural areas, enhancing the generalizability and formality of the statement.
"with that amount of money you can buy a smaller piece of land in the countryside,especially you will likely find more affordable housing with larger gardens or land in rural areas than in cities" -> "with that amount of money, one can purchase smaller plots of land in rural areas, where one is likely to find more affordable housing with larger gardens or land"
Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and informal. The revision simplifies and clarifies the structure, removing the awkward repetition and enhancing the formality.
"there are obvious advantages to living in a city that would be beneficial owing to the high quality of life" -> "living in cities offers numerous benefits due to the high quality of life"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and verbose. The revision simplifies and clarifies the statement, making it more direct and formal.
"major education and healthcare systems are located in large city centers" -> "major educational and healthcare institutions are concentrated in urban centers"
Explanation: The original phrase is vague and imprecise. The revision specifies the type of institutions and uses more formal language, enhancing the academic tone.
"causing people to leave rural areas and migrate to cities" -> "prompting individuals to migrate from rural areas to cities"
Explanation: The original phrase is informal and lacks precision. The revision uses more formal language and clarifies the direction of migration.
"there are plenty of job opportunities available in a city" -> "there are numerous job opportunities available in cities"
Explanation: The original phrase is informal and imprecise. The revision broadens the scope to include all cities and uses more formal vocabulary.

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and structure of the essay to better align with academic standards, enhancing clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of living in cities, which is a key requirement of the prompt. The disadvantages mentioned include environmental pollution and high cost of living, while the advantages discussed are access to quality education, healthcare, and job opportunities. However, the discussion of advantages is less detailed compared to the disadvantages, which could lead to an unbalanced view.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide a more equal depth of analysis for both sides. This could involve elaborating on the advantages with specific examples and statistics, and perhaps discussing how these advantages can mitigate some of the disadvantages mentioned.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that living in cities has both positive and negative aspects. However, the phrase "this can be viewed as a both positive and negative development" is somewhat vague and could be interpreted as indecisive. The conclusion reiterates this duality but does not strongly emphasize a personal stance or a preference.
- How to improve: The writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. For instance, they could indicate whether they believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or vice versa, and provide reasoning for that stance. This would help to maintain a consistent and clear position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as pollution and job opportunities, but the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, the mention of respiratory diseases due to pollution is a strong point, but it could be further supported with more data or examples. Similarly, while the job market is mentioned, there is little elaboration on how this impacts individuals or families.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to extend their ideas with more detailed examples and explanations. This could include statistics on pollution levels in cities, specific examples of job sectors that thrive in urban areas, or personal anecdotes that illustrate the points being made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of city living. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For instance, the transition between discussing pollution and cost of living could be smoother, and the connection between these points could be more explicitly stated.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main topic. Using topic sentences that directly address the advantages or disadvantages can help guide the reader. Additionally, ensuring that each point made is relevant to the overall argument will help keep the essay cohesive.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in depth, clarity, and balance. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing disadvantages and advantages, and a conclusion. However, the transition between the disadvantages and advantages could be more fluid. For instance, the shift from discussing environmental pollution to the benefits of urban living feels abrupt. The points made are relevant and support the thesis, but the overall flow could be improved by connecting the ideas more explicitly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the disadvantages to the advantages. For example, after discussing the negative aspects of city living, you could introduce the advantages by saying, "Despite these challenges, living in a city also brings significant benefits." This would create a smoother transition and reinforce the relationship between the two sides of the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic. However, the first paragraph could be more clearly defined as an introduction, as it currently mixes the thesis statement with background information. The body paragraphs are distinct but could benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph.
- How to improve: Ensure that the introduction is concise and clearly states the main argument without delving into details. Each body paragraph should start with a strong topic sentence that summarizes the main point. For example, the paragraph discussing disadvantages could begin with, "One significant disadvantage of urban living is the environmental pollution caused by industrial activities." This would provide clarity and focus for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for instance," "to illustrate," and "on the other hand," which help in linking ideas and providing examples. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "causing people to leave rural areas and migrate to cities" could be better connected to the previous sentence to enhance cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, you could use "furthermore," "in addition," or "conversely" to introduce new ideas or counterpoints. Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one, using phrases such as "as a result," "therefore," or "this means that" to clarify relationships between ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, focusing on improving transitions, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to the topic of urbanization and its effects. Terms such as "environmental pollution," "toxic gas," "overcrowding," and "job opportunities" indicate a basic range of vocabulary. However, the essay lacks more sophisticated or varied expressions that could enhance the argument. For example, phrases like "high chance of suffering" could be replaced with "increased risk of developing," which would show a more advanced command of language.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "living in a city," alternatives like "urban residency" or "city dwelling" could be used. Additionally, using academic or formal vocabulary, such as "urbanization" instead of "moving to cities," would elevate the essay’s lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "increasing the population of all nation’s cities" could be more accurately expressed as "the increasing urban population across nations." Additionally, the term "released toxic gas" lacks specificity; it would be clearer to say "emitted harmful pollutants." Such imprecision can lead to misunderstandings or a lack of clarity in the argument.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. This includes selecting terms that are specific and contextually appropriate. For example, instead of "caused a negative impact," the writer could say "has detrimental effects." Regular practice with academic texts can help the writer become more familiar with precise vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "diíeases" (should be "diseases") and "especially" (missing a space before it). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse readers. While the majority of the words are spelled correctly, these mistakes indicate a lack of attention to detail.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should make a habit of proofreading their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Engaging in regular writing practice will also improve spelling over time.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and employs some relevant vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "One evident disadvantage of living in a city that is associated with environmental pollution" shows an attempt to convey more nuanced ideas. However, the variety is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the population of all nation’s cities because of the rural region’s inhabitants are migrated." This sentence could be more effectively structured to enhance clarity and flow.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, using participial phrases or conditional clauses could add complexity. Additionally, varying the length and rhythm of sentences can create a more engaging writing style. Practicing sentence transformation exercises and reading a wider range of academic texts can help in this regard.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "because of the rural region’s inhabitants are migrated" is grammatically incorrect; it should be rephrased to "because rural inhabitants are migrating." There are also punctuation errors, such as the missing comma before "especially" in "with that amount of money you can buy a smaller piece of land in the countryside,especially you will likely find more affordable housing." This oversight affects the readability of the sentence.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common errors can be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading for punctuation errors, especially with commas and conjunctions, can help improve clarity. Reading the essay aloud can also assist in identifying awkward phrasing and punctuation mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant arguments, there is room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and grammatical accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is undeniable that the increasing population of all nations’ cities is due to the migration of inhabitants from rural regions to capital cities. In my opinion, this development can be viewed as both positive and negative, with various consequences and benefits for both rural and urban communities.

One evident disadvantage of living in a city is that it is associated with environmental pollution. To begin with, urban areas, where many factories and industries release toxic gases, have a negative impact on air quality. For instance, people living in these places will have a high chance of suffering from respiratory diseases. Another key point is that the cost of living in the city is higher than in the countryside due to overcrowding and increased pressure on existing facilities. To illustrate, with that amount of money, you can buy a smaller piece of land in the countryside. Especially, you will likely find more affordable housing with larger gardens or land in rural areas than in cities.

On the other hand, there are obvious advantages to living in a city that can be beneficial owing to the high quality of life. For example, major education and healthcare systems are located in large city centers, causing people to leave rural areas and migrate to cities. Secondly, there are plenty of job opportunities available in a city compared to living in the countryside. In other words, job markets are usually more developed in urban areas, where large companies offer career opportunities and often higher salaries.

To sum up, although living in the city offers a better quality of life, it causes overcrowding and negatively affects air quality.