In order to solve traffic problems, Vietnamese government should tax private car owners heavily an use the money to improve public transportation. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a solution?

In order to solve traffic problems, Vietnamese government should tax private car owners heavily an use the money to improve public transportation.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a solution?

It is true that solving traffic problems is a considerable concern of the Vietnamese government. Some believe that one possible solution to this problem is to impose heavy taxes on car drivers and spend this money on making public transport better. This trend would create certain benefits but there will also be some drawbacks. This essay will discuss both of them.
On the one hand, there are several reasons why imposing heavy taxes is beneficial. Firstly, this policy would discourage drivers from using their own transportations because it would become expensive to drive. This may result in the rise of using public transports instead. Another good point is it would lessen the traffic jam at peak hours which would make the cities’ environment become fresher. It could bring about more and more people using community transport and it would be extremely developed.This can be seen in Hong Kong, the government uses this policy and their traffic problems are solved.
On the other hand, there are some drawbacks of such measures. In modern society, the traveling demand is increasing day by day, for example people who have to work far away from their home usually need it for themselves. Thus, there are more and more people who desire to own a car in order to support it more conveniently. If high tax is imposed on car drivers, which may be an obstacle and restrict the real demand of users and unintentionally limit the development of society. Moreover, only the rich can possess a private car and others will never have the opportunity to touch it.
In conclusion, there are pros and cons of this solution. However, this can become more effective if the Vietnamese government knows how to tally.

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Errors and Improvements:

"considerable concern" -> "significant concern"
Explanation: "Considerable concern" is somewhat informal. "Significant concern" maintains the same meaning while sounding more formal and academic.
"Some believe" -> "Some argue"
Explanation: "Believe" is somewhat casual in this context. "Argue" is more appropriate in academic writing as it suggests a reasoned position rather than a simple belief.
"making public transport better" -> "improving public transportation"
Explanation: "Making public transport better" is a bit vague. "Improving public transportation" is more precise and formal.
"This trend would create certain benefits" -> "This approach would yield certain benefits"
Explanation: "Trend" is not the most suitable term here. "Approach" is more precise and formal. Additionally, "yield" conveys a sense of outcomes more effectively than "create."
"there will also be some drawbacks" -> "there would also be drawbacks"
Explanation: Using "will" implies a level of certainty that is too strong for academic writing. "Would" is more appropriate as it denotes a hypothetical scenario.
"Firstly" -> "First and foremost"
Explanation: "Firstly" is a bit informal. "First and foremost" is more suitable for academic writing.
"This policy would discourage drivers from using their own transportations" -> "This policy would discourage private vehicle usage"
Explanation: "Own transportations" is awkward phrasing. "Private vehicle usage" is more concise and formal.
"because it would become expensive to drive" -> "due to the increased cost of driving"
Explanation: Rewording for clarity and formality.
"This may result in the rise of using public transports instead." -> "This may lead to increased use of public transportation."
Explanation: Rewording for clarity and formality.
"It could bring about more and more people using community transport and it would be extremely developed." -> "This could lead to a significant increase in public transportation usage and its further development."
Explanation: The original sentence is unclear and informal. The revised version clarifies the point and maintains formality.
"This can be seen in Hong Kong, the government uses this policy and their traffic problems are solved." -> "Hong Kong serves as an example where this policy has been implemented by the government resulting in the resolution of their traffic issues."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and is informal. The revised version clarifies the point and maintains formality.
"In modern society, the traveling demand is increasing day by day" -> "In contemporary society, the demand for travel is increasing steadily."
Explanation: "Traveling demand" is awkward phrasing. "Demand for travel" is more concise and formal. Additionally, "day by day" is colloquial and can be replaced with "steadily."
"for example people who have to work far away from their home usually need it for themselves" -> "for example, individuals who commute long distances for work often find it necessary to have personal transportation."
Explanation: Rewording for clarity and formality.
"If high tax is imposed on car drivers" -> "If a high tax is imposed on car owners"
Explanation: "Tax" should be singular to match the singular noun "a high tax." Additionally, "car drivers" can be replaced with "car owners" for clarity.
"which may be an obstacle and restrict the real demand of users" -> "which may act as an obstacle and impede the genuine demand for personal transportation"
Explanation: Rewording for clarity and formality.
"only the rich can possess a private car and others will never have the opportunity to touch it." -> "This could result in private car ownership being limited to the affluent, while others may never have the chance to own one."
Explanation: Rewording for clarity and formality.
"there are pros and cons of this solution" -> "there are advantages and disadvantages to this proposal"
Explanation: "Pros and cons" is slightly informal. "Advantages and disadvantages" is a more formal alternative.
"if the Vietnamese government knows how to tally" -> "if the Vietnamese government knows how to strike a balance"
Explanation: "Knows how to tally" is informal and unclear. "Knows how to strike a balance" is more precise and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay makes a genuine attempt to address both parts of the prompt, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of imposing heavy taxes on car owners to fund public transportation improvements. However, the discussion is somewhat general and could benefit from more specific examples and deeper analysis. While the essay mentions Hong Kong as a case study, it lacks a direct comparison or detailed explanation of how similar measures could be applied effectively in Vietnam.
- How to improve: To strengthen the response, the writer should provide more detailed examples and analysis, particularly focusing on how the proposed solution could be specifically applied in the Vietnamese context. Including statistics, expert opinions, or more detailed case studies could also enhance the credibility and depth of the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a neutral and balanced view throughout, presenting both sides of the argument. However, the conclusion could be more decisive. The statement "this can become more effective if the Vietnamese government knows how to tally" is vague and does not strongly affirm the writer’s stance on whether the proposed solution is advisable or not.
- How to improve: The writer should work on crafting a stronger, more assertive conclusion that clearly summarizes their position based on the arguments presented. This might involve explicitly stating whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or vice versa, and suggesting specific modifications to the policy to make it more effective.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does well to present initial ideas about the benefits and drawbacks of the policy. For instance, it mentions the deterrent effect of high taxes on private car usage and the potential societal impacts. However, the development of these ideas is limited and lacks depth. The support provided, such as the reference to Hong Kong, is too brief and lacks the detail necessary to fully understand its relevance or effectiveness.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect of the essay, the writer should extend each point with more detailed explanations, examples, and evidence. For example, discussing the economic, environmental, and social impacts of similar policies in other countries with contextual similarities to Vietnam could provide a stronger basis for the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a good focus on the proposed solution of taxing private car owners to fund public transportation improvements and discusses related advantages and disadvantages. However, some parts, such as the implications for societal development and equity, are touched upon lightly and could be explored in greater detail.
- How to improve: The essay would benefit from a more focused exploration of how the policy affects different segments of society, including economic implications for low-income families. Additionally, sticking more closely to how these factors are specifically relevant to Vietnam would help maintain a stronger focus and relevance to the prompt.

Overall, the essay fulfills the requirements of a Band 6 by addressing the task and presenting a balanced view, but to achieve a higher band score, it would need more depth, detailed examples, and a clearer, stronger position.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct idea, starting with an introduction of the main point and followed by supporting details. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of imposing heavy taxes on car owners, while the second paragraph addresses the drawbacks of such measures. However, there are instances where the flow of ideas could be smoother, such as the transition between discussing the advantages and disadvantages.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transition words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively. For instance, using transitional phrases like "Moreover" or "On the other hand" can signal shifts between points of view and improve coherence. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and supports it with relevant examples and details to maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, which is essential for organizing ideas and improving readability. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, starting with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea. However, some paragraphs could be more developed to provide deeper analysis and discussion. For instance, the second body paragraph briefly mentions the drawbacks of heavy taxation on car owners but could benefit from additional examples or explanations to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: Strengthen the paragraph structure by ensuring that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples. Consider expanding on ideas by providing more thorough explanations or offering additional examples to reinforce arguments and enhance the depth of analysis. This will help maintain coherence within paragraphs and improve the overall cohesion of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," to signal shifts between ideas. Additionally, pronouns like "this" and "it" are used to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, enhancing cohesion within sentences. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. More varied connectors and cohesive devices could be incorporated to strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices to include a wider range of connectors, such as conjunctions (e.g., "furthermore," "however," "in addition") and transitional phrases (e.g., "as a result," "consequently," "in contrast"). Incorporating these devices will help establish clearer relationships between ideas and improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay. Additionally, pay attention to pronoun reference consistency to ensure clarity and coherence within sentences.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. There is some variety in word choice, such as "considerable concern," "impose heavy taxes," "discourage," "peak hours," "conveniently," and "possess." However, there is also repetition of certain terms and phrases throughout the essay, such as "traffic problems," "public transport," and "imposing heavy taxes," which could be diversified for a richer lexical resource.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider array of vocabulary, particularly synonyms and related terms, to avoid repetition. Additionally, using more specific and nuanced vocabulary related to transportation, urban planning, and socioeconomic factors would enrich the essay’s lexical variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision. For instance, terms like "imposing heavy taxes," "discourage," and "peak hours" are used appropriately in context. However, there are instances of less precise language, such as "this trend," "good point," and "solved," which could be replaced with more precise alternatives for clearer communication.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should strive to use vocabulary that precisely conveys the intended meaning. This can be achieved by selecting words that accurately capture the nuances of the concepts being discussed. Consulting a thesaurus or conducting research on specific terms related to traffic management and public policy could aid in finding more precise vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally adequate, with only minor errors observed. Examples of correctly spelled words include "beneficial," "imposed," and "society." However, there are a few instances of misspelled words, such as "transportations" (should be "transportation"), "tally" (possibly intended to be "take into account" or "balance"), and "Hong Kong" (should be capitalized). These errors, while not pervasive, slightly detract from the overall impression of linguistic competence.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully or consider using spell-checking tools to catch and correct errors before submission. Additionally, reviewing common spelling patterns and practicing spelling words in context may help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate variety of sentence structures. It includes simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, simple sentences such as "It is true that solving traffic problems is a considerable concern of the Vietnamese government" are present alongside compound sentences like "Some believe that one possible solution to this problem is to impose heavy taxes on car drivers and spend this money on making public transport better." Additionally, there are instances of complex sentences like "If high tax is imposed on car drivers, which may be an obstacle and restrict the real demand of users and unintentionally limit the development of society." However, further diversification could enhance the essay’s overall sophistication.
- How to improve: To enrich the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses or participial phrases. This can be achieved by combining shorter sentences or by introducing more complex syntactical structures. For example, instead of using a series of simple sentences to convey ideas, merge them into compound or complex sentences to add depth and coherence to the discussion.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally sound command of grammar and punctuation, with few errors. However, some instances of grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors are noticeable. For example, there is a subject-verb agreement issue in the sentence "Another good point is it would lessen the traffic jam at peak hours which would make the cities’ environment become fresher." Here, "it" does not agree in number with the verb "would lessen." Additionally, there are punctuation errors such as missing commas in compound sentences, as seen in "Moreover, only the rich can possess a private car and others will never have the opportunity to touch it."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement, particularly in complex sentences. Review the use of commas in compound sentences to ensure clarity and coherence. Proofreading the essay carefully, paying attention to grammatical structures and punctuation usage, can help in identifying and correcting such errors. Additionally, consulting grammar resources or seeking feedback from peers or educators can aid in refining grammatical skills and punctuation accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical structures and punctuation conventions, further refinement in both sentence structure variety and grammatical accuracy could elevate the quality of writing and potentially result in a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is indeed a significant concern for the Vietnamese government to address traffic issues. Some argue that one potential solution is to impose heavy taxes on private car owners and allocate the funds to enhance public transportation. While this approach offers certain advantages, it also presents drawbacks. This essay will examine both perspectives.

On the positive side, there are several reasons why implementing heavy taxes could be advantageous. Firstly, such a policy would deter individuals from relying on private vehicles due to increased costs associated with driving. This could lead to a greater utilization of public transportation systems. Additionally, reducing traffic congestion during peak hours would result in a fresher urban environment. Increased usage of communal transportation could lead to its significant development, as exemplified by the success of this approach in Hong Kong.

Conversely, there are drawbacks to consider. In contemporary society, the demand for travel continues to rise, particularly among individuals who commute long distances for work. Consequently, there is a growing desire for car ownership to meet these transportation needs conveniently. Imposing high taxes on car owners may act as a barrier, stifling genuine transportation demands and inadvertently impeding societal progress. Furthermore, restricting car ownership to only the wealthy segments of society deprives others of the opportunity to access private transportation.

In conclusion, while there are both advantages and disadvantages to this proposed solution, its effectiveness hinges on the Vietnamese government’s ability to strike a balance.