In order to solve traffic problems, Vietnamese government should tax private car owners heavily and use the money to improve public transportation. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a solution? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

In order to solve traffic problems, Vietnamese government should tax private car owners heavily and use the money to improve public transportation.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a solution?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

In the fast-paced world, traffic affairs are common issues that a big number of countries are facing. Vietnamese authority are supposed to tax owners of private cars to deal with traffic troubles and allocated the tax money to improve public transportation. From my perspective, the potential benefits of the act overweighs the drawbacks basing on the following factors.
On the one hand, the more expense citizens spend on automobiles, the less likely they are to purchase ones. As a result, the number of motored vehicles is gradually decreasing and people tend to use motorbikes or public transports instead. The matter of pollutions is no longer the burden of our community. Moreover, when our public transportation systems are developed, city dwellers prioritize communal means of transports like electric buses or trains. Therefore, our daily lives are more convenient and comfortable.
One the other hand, inhabitants are taking multiple national taxes into great consideration. The lower income employments hinder them from owning their own cars, which can result in job quitting and especially the unemployment. Hence, there are social issues on the rise when people opt for new profession opportunities. In addition, it is our developing economy that have been negatively impacted when there have been numerous taxes on the industry of individual transportation. Vietnam is no longer a truly partner of the nations that import automobiles.
In conclusion, Vietnamese government is advised to clarify the detrimental influences on the whole country economy when mentioning car taxes on personal vehicles. However, these regulations are effectively implemented to reduce the huge effect of traffic problems.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In the fast-paced world" -> "In the rapidly evolving world"
   Explanation: "Rapidly evolving" is a more precise and formal term that better captures the dynamic nature of the world, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.

2. "traffic affairs" -> "traffic issues"
   Explanation: "Traffic issues" is a more commonly accepted and precise term in formal writing, replacing the less specific and somewhat informal "traffic affairs."

3. "a big number of countries" -> "many countries"
   Explanation: "Many countries" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea, avoiding the colloquial "a big number of."

4. "Vietnamese authority" -> "the Vietnamese authorities"
   Explanation: "The Vietnamese authorities" is grammatically correct and more formal, aligning better with academic style.

5. "tax owners of private cars" -> "impose taxes on private car owners"
   Explanation: "Impose taxes on private car owners" is a more direct and formal way to express the action, improving clarity and formality.

6. "the potential benefits of the act overweighs" -> "the potential benefits of this measure outweigh"
   Explanation: "Outweigh" is the correct form of the verb, and "measure" is a more precise term than "act" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.

7. "basing on the following factors" -> "based on the following factors"
   Explanation: "Based on" is the correct form of the prepositional phrase, correcting a grammatical error.

8. "the more expense citizens spend" -> "the more citizens spend"
   Explanation: Removing "expense" corrects a redundancy, as "expense" is implied by "spend." This simplifies the sentence without losing meaning.

9. "the less likely they are to purchase ones" -> "the less likely they are to buy cars"
   Explanation: "Buy cars" is more specific and direct than "purchase ones," which is vague and informal.

10. "motored vehicles" -> "motor vehicles"
    Explanation: "Motor vehicles" is the correct term, avoiding the unnecessary "motored," which is not commonly used in formal writing.

11. "The matter of pollutions" -> "the issue of pollution"
    Explanation: "The issue of pollution" is grammatically correct and more formal, replacing the awkward and incorrect "the matter of pollutions."

12. "our community" -> "society"
    Explanation: "Society" is a more formal and encompassing term than "community," fitting better in an academic context.

13. "One the other hand" -> "On the other hand"
    Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring proper punctuation and grammatical structure.

14. "inhabitants are taking multiple national taxes into great consideration" -> "citizens consider multiple national taxes"
    Explanation: "Citizens consider" is more direct and formal, avoiding the awkward and passive construction of "inhabitants are taking."

15. "lower income employments" -> "lower-income employment"
    Explanation: "Lower-income employment" is grammatically correct and more precise, addressing the issue of income level in employment.

16. "which can result in job quitting and especially the unemployment" -> "which may lead to job loss and increased unemployment"
    Explanation: "May lead to job loss and increased unemployment" is more precise and formal, avoiding the awkward and incorrect "job quitting and especially the unemployment."

17. "it is our developing economy that have been negatively impacted" -> "our developing economy has been negatively impacted"
    Explanation: Corrects the subject-verb agreement and removes the unnecessary "it," making the sentence more direct and formal.

18. "Vietnam is no longer a truly partner of the nations" -> "Vietnam is no longer a major trading partner of other nations"
    Explanation: "Major trading partner" is a more specific and formal term than "truly partner," and "other nations" is more appropriate than "the nations," which is vague and less formal.

19. "these regulations are effectively implemented" -> "these regulations should be effectively implemented"
    Explanation: Adding "should" suggests a recommendation, which is more appropriate in an academic context, indicating that the author is suggesting a course of action rather than stating a fact.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taxing private car owners to improve public transportation. The advantages are presented through the reduction of traffic and pollution, while the disadvantages focus on the economic impact on low-income individuals and the automobile industry. However, the discussion could be more balanced, as the advantages are elaborated upon more thoroughly than the disadvantages, which are somewhat vague and less developed.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should provide a more equal treatment of both sides. This could involve elaborating on the disadvantages with specific examples or statistics, and discussing potential solutions to mitigate these drawbacks. For instance, mentioning how the government could support low-income families or the automobile industry during the transition could provide a more nuanced view.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer states a clear position that the benefits of taxing private car owners outweigh the drawbacks. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The phrase "the potential benefits of the act overweighs the drawbacks" is somewhat undermined by the lack of strong supporting arguments for the disadvantages, which may confuse the reader about the writer’s true stance.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to the thesis statement throughout the essay. Each paragraph should relate back to the central argument, possibly by summarizing how each point contributes to the overall assessment of the proposed solution. Additionally, using transitional phrases to link back to the main argument can help reinforce the position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some valid ideas, such as the reduction of pollution and increased use of public transport as advantages. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat lacking. For example, the statement about pollution reduction is made but not backed by any data or examples. The disadvantages are also mentioned but not sufficiently explored, leading to a lack of depth in the argumentation.
  • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include specific examples, statistics, or studies that illustrate the points being made. For instance, citing a successful case from another country that implemented similar taxation could strengthen the argument. Additionally, expanding on the disadvantages with real-world implications or potential counterarguments would provide a more comprehensive discussion.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the taxation of private car owners and its implications for traffic problems in Vietnam. However, there are moments where the discussion veers slightly off course, such as the mention of job quitting and unemployment without a clear connection to the main argument about traffic and public transportation.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph serves a clear purpose in supporting the overall argument. Additionally, avoiding tangential issues that do not directly relate to the advantages or disadvantages of the proposed solution will help keep the essay on track.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents a relevant argument, it would benefit from more balanced coverage of the advantages and disadvantages, clearer support for ideas, and a more consistent reinforcement of the central position.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be enhanced. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of taxing private car owners to the drawbacks is somewhat abrupt. The first body paragraph effectively outlines the benefits, but the second paragraph lacks a clear connection to the previous one, making the argument feel disjointed.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that signal the shift from one idea to another. For example, phrases like "On the contrary" or "Conversely" can help clarify that you are moving to a contrasting viewpoint. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of that section.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with distinct sections for advantages and disadvantages. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. The first paragraph discusses multiple benefits but could be split into two separate paragraphs to allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point. The second paragraph also combines several ideas, which could lead to confusion for the reader.
  • How to improve: Aim for a clearer structure within paragraphs. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea. For instance, the first body paragraph could be divided into two: one focusing on the reduction of private car ownership and its environmental benefits, and the other on the improvement of public transportation and its impact on daily life. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Moreover" and "In addition," to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "the more expense citizens spend on automobiles" could be better linked to the subsequent sentence discussing the decrease in the number of vehicles.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Furthermore," "Consequently," or "As a result" to show cause and effect, and "Nevertheless" or "Despite this" to introduce contrasting ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence in your writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on improving logical transitions, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "traffic affairs," "motored vehicles," and "communal means of transports." However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances of repetition (e.g., "public transportation" is used multiple times without variation). Additionally, phrases like "the more expense citizens spend on automobiles" could be expressed more naturally as "the more money citizens spend on automobiles."
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "public transportation," alternatives such as "public transit" or "mass transit systems" could be used. Additionally, using more sophisticated vocabulary related to economics and transportation could elevate the essay’s overall quality.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the more expense citizens spend" which is awkwardly phrased and could confuse readers. The phrase "the number of motored vehicles is gradually decreasing" lacks clarity; it would be more precise to say "the number of private vehicles is likely to decrease." Furthermore, "the matter of pollutions" should be corrected to "the issue of pollution."
  • How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. Practicing paraphrasing and using contextually appropriate terms will help. For example, instead of "job quitting," a more precise term would be "job loss." Engaging with vocabulary exercises that emphasize context can also aid in improving precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "allocated" (should be "allocate"), "pollutions" (should be "pollution"), and "inhabitants" (should be "inhabitants"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help improve overall spelling skills. Regular writing practice with a focus on spelling can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Engaging in targeted vocabulary exercises, practicing precise language use, and implementing effective proofreading strategies will significantly enhance the quality of future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Vietnamese authority are supposed to tax owners of private cars") and compound sentences ("As a result, the number of motored vehicles is gradually decreasing and people tend to use motorbikes or public transports instead"). However, the range is limited, with many sentences following a similar structure. For example, the use of "On the one hand" and "One the other hand" introduces contrasting points but does not lead to more complex sentence forms that could enhance clarity and engagement.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as those using subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "the more expense citizens spend on automobiles, the less likely they are to purchase ones," the writer could rephrase it to include a subordinate clause: "Although citizens may spend more on automobiles, they are less likely to purchase them." Additionally, varying the use of introductory phrases and integrating relative clauses can enhance the complexity and fluidity of the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "Vietnamese authority are supposed" should be "Vietnamese authorities are supposed," indicating a subject-verb agreement error. Additionally, phrases like "the potential benefits of the act overweighs the drawbacks" should use "outweigh" to match the plural subject "benefits." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences, also hinder readability. For instance, "the number of motored vehicles is gradually decreasing and people tend to use motorbikes or public transports instead" would benefit from a comma before "and."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, ensuring that singular subjects match singular verbs and plural subjects match plural verbs. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing common grammatical rules can help. For punctuation, the writer should familiarize themselves with the rules governing the use of commas, particularly in compound sentences. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify areas where pauses (and thus commas) are needed for clarity.

In summary, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation will significantly elevate the overall quality of the writing. Regular practice and revision will aid in achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the rapidly evolving world, traffic issues are common problems that many countries are facing. The Vietnamese authorities are supposed to tax owners of private cars to deal with traffic troubles and allocate the tax money to improve public transportation. From my perspective, the potential benefits of this action outweigh the drawbacks based on the following factors.

On the one hand, the more expenses citizens incur for automobiles, the less likely they are to purchase them. As a result, the number of motor vehicles is gradually decreasing, and people tend to use motorbikes or public transport instead. The issue of pollution is no longer a burden for our community. Moreover, when our public transportation systems are developed, city dwellers prioritize communal means of transport like electric buses or trains. Therefore, our daily lives become more convenient and comfortable.

On the other hand, inhabitants are taking multiple national taxes into great consideration. The lower income jobs hinder them from owning their own cars, which can result in job quitting and especially unemployment. Hence, there are social issues on the rise when people opt for new professional opportunities. In addition, it is our developing economy that has been negatively impacted by the numerous taxes on the industry of individual transportation. Vietnam is no longer a true partner of the nations that import automobiles.

In conclusion, the Vietnamese government is advised to clarify the detrimental influences on the whole country’s economy when discussing car taxes on personal vehicles. However, these regulations can be effectively implemented to reduce the significant impact of traffic problems.