In recent times, many people are making the decision to live alone. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?
In recent times, many people are making the decision to live alone. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?
The increment in living alone people has sparked considerable public debate. Although this issue can exert detrimental effects, some feasible solutions can be utilized to address it.
There are some problems inherent in the reasons why some people prefer this common trend, especially young individuals who usually tend to refuse to have lovers or get married late. One of the most pressing issues facing society today is that living alone supplies wonderful freedom and extensive independence, which many cannot attain if they choose to stay with their partner or families. Living by themselves also means that people are offered to direct completely their own lives, not only managing time and selecting a favorite future career but also decorating habitat based on their flexibility. Individuals are not affected by some others' various ideas, and there are no common family rules that restrict their personal lifestyles. Another argument for this challenging phenomenon is that conflicts lead to a part of society vote for alone, especially by virtue of family and romantic relationships. A profusion of youth pursue this familiar trend to avoid unworthy struggle with parents and relatives about perspectives, lifestyles, and other aspects, while there is a tendency for some people broken in love to spend time to calm down, heal their venerable hearts before getting into a new gorgeous one.
Nevertheless, this situation can be remedied, provided that some reasonable steps are taken. One possible solution to this issue is that the government should not only build the improvement of the communities through some practical programs but also boost the enhancement of public spaces. Organizing community events, encouraging voluntaries not only contribute to the beneficial merits to society but also provide opportunities to make friends, share and connect mentally. Erecting spaces for publicity, which often include academic libraries, green parks, attractive coffee shops, etc., offer many to chill out and happily interact. In terms of personal ones, people should be concerned about their mental well-being and overcome their terrible fear about troubles if they live with someone else. Investing and strengthening mental health services and raising awareness of mental health issues through psychology programs direct people to understand obviously alone-related issues and the fascinating power of social unity.
In conclusion, based on above discussion an ascending solo living is set to make the society in grave trouble. Tackling this problem depends not only on government ‘s effort but also on individual ‘s effort to make communities and lives easier than ever.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"increment in living alone people" -> "increase in the number of people living alone"
Explanation: "Increment" is not typically used with "people living alone," and "increase" is more precise and commonly used in academic contexts to describe numerical growth. Additionally, specifying "the number of people" clarifies the subject of the increase. -
"some feasible solutions can be utilized" -> "some feasible solutions can be implemented"
Explanation: "Utilized" is somewhat vague and less formal in this context. "Implemented" is more specific and appropriate for discussing the application of solutions in a practical manner. -
"young individuals who usually tend to refuse to have lovers or get married late" -> "young individuals who often choose not to form romantic relationships or delay marriage"
Explanation: "Refuse" can imply a negative connotation and is less formal. "Choose not to" is neutral and more academically appropriate. "Form romantic relationships" is a more precise term than "have lovers," and "delay marriage" is clearer than "get married late." -
"living alone supplies wonderful freedom and extensive independence" -> "living alone provides significant freedom and extensive independence"
Explanation: "Supplies" is less formal and can be replaced with "provides," which is more commonly used in academic writing. "Significant" is a more precise adjective than "wonderful," which is subjective and less formal. -
"people are offered to direct completely their own lives" -> "people are able to direct their own lives completely"
Explanation: "Are offered to" is awkward and incorrect; "are able to" correctly conveys the ability to do something. Also, the placement of "completely" is corrected for grammatical accuracy. -
"not only managing time and selecting a favorite future career but also decorating habitat based on their flexibility" -> "not only managing their time and selecting their preferred career paths but also customizing their living spaces according to their preferences"
Explanation: "Decorating habitat" is an incorrect and unnatural phrase. "Customizing their living spaces" is more precise and appropriate. "Preferred career paths" is more formal than "favorite future career," and "according to their preferences" is clearer than "based on their flexibility," which is vague and incorrect in this context. -
"conflicts lead to a part of society vote for alone" -> "conflicts lead to a portion of society opting for solitude"
Explanation: "Vote for alone" is incorrect and unclear. "Opting for solitude" is a more precise and formal way to express the choice of living alone. -
"A profusion of youth pursue this familiar trend" -> "A significant number of young people adopt this trend"
Explanation: "A profusion" is an overly poetic and less precise term. "A significant number of young people" is clearer and more formal. "Adopt" is more appropriate than "pursue" in this context, as it implies a more deliberate choice. -
"broken in love" -> "broken-hearted"
Explanation: "Broken in love" is an idiomatic expression that is too informal for academic writing. "Broken-hearted" is the correct idiomatic expression and is more suitable for formal contexts. -
"spend time to calm down, heal their venerable hearts" -> "take time to calm down and heal their broken hearts"
Explanation: "Venerable hearts" is an incorrect and awkward phrase. "Broken hearts" is the correct idiomatic expression, and "take time" is more natural than "spend time to." -
"government should not only build the improvement of the communities" -> "government should not only improve the communities"
Explanation: "Build the improvement of the communities" is awkward and redundant. "Improve the communities" is straightforward and more formal. -
"boost the enhancement of public spaces" -> "enhance public spaces"
Explanation: "Boost the enhancement" is redundant. "Enhance" is sufficient and more direct. -
"Erecting spaces for publicity" -> "Creating public spaces"
Explanation: "Erecting spaces for publicity" is incorrect and unclear. "Creating public spaces" is the correct term and is more formal and clear. -
"Investing and strengthening mental health services" -> "Investing in and strengthening mental health services"
Explanation: "Investing and strengthening" should be "Investing in and strengthening" to correctly use the preposition "in" before "mental health services." -
"raising awareness of mental health issues through psychology programs" -> "raising awareness about mental health issues through psychology programs"
Explanation: "Of" is incorrect before "mental health issues." "About" is the correct preposition to use before "mental health issues" in this context. -
"direct people to understand obviously alone-related issues" -> "direct people to understand the obvious issues related to living alone"
Explanation: "Obviously alone-related issues" is awkward and unclear. "The obvious issues related to living alone" is clearer and more formal. -
"the fascinating power of social unity" -> "the power of social unity"
Explanation: "Fascinating" is too subjective and informal for academic writing. "Power" is sufficient and maintains a neutral tone suitable for academic discourse. -
"Tackling this problem depends not only on government ‘s effort but also on individual ‘s effort" -> "Addressing this issue depends not only on government efforts but also on individual efforts"
Explanation: "Tackling" is less formal than "addressing," and "government ‘s effort" and "individual ‘s effort" should be "government efforts" and "individual efforts" for grammatical correctness and formality.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt: the causes of the trend of living alone and potential solutions to this issue. The first paragraph discusses reasons such as the desire for independence and the avoidance of conflicts in relationships, which are relevant to the causes of living alone. However, the discussion could be more comprehensive. For instance, the essay could have explored additional factors such as economic considerations or societal changes that encourage this trend. The second part of the essay presents solutions, including government initiatives and personal responsibility, which are relevant but could be elaborated further.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to identify a broader range of causes, such as economic independence or cultural shifts. Additionally, providing more specific examples or statistics to support these causes would strengthen the argument. For the solutions, detailing how government programs could be implemented or providing examples of successful community initiatives would add depth.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position regarding the negative implications of living alone and the need for solutions. However, the phrasing in some sections, such as "this situation can be remedied," could be more assertive. The conclusion reiterates the need for both governmental and individual efforts, but it lacks a strong, definitive statement about the author’s stance on the issue.
- How to improve: To present a clearer position, the writer should use more definitive language throughout the essay. Phrases like "it is essential" or "it is crucial" can help convey a stronger stance. Additionally, the conclusion could summarize the main points more forcefully, reinforcing the author’s viewpoint on the importance of addressing the issue.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the causes and solutions to living alone. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For example, the mention of "conflicts" as a reason for living alone is introduced but not explored in depth. The solutions provided are somewhat vague, lacking specific examples or detailed explanations of how they can be implemented effectively.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. For instance, when discussing government initiatives, the essay could specify what types of programs would be effective. Providing real-world examples or case studies can also help to substantiate claims and make the argument more persuasive.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes and solutions related to living alone. However, some sentences stray slightly from the main focus, such as the discussion on personal mental health, which, while relevant, could be more directly tied back to the broader societal implications of living alone.
- How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus on the topic, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the main question. It may be helpful to outline the essay before writing to ensure that all points are relevant and contribute to the overall argument. Additionally, revising sentences to clarify their connection to the topic can help maintain focus.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in the depth of analysis, clarity of position, and development of supporting arguments. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes and solutions, and a conclusion. The ideas are generally organized logically, with causes of living alone discussed before solutions. However, within the body paragraphs, the flow of ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the freedom of living alone to the conflicts in family relationships feels abrupt. The reader may struggle to see the connection between these points without clearer linking phrases or a more structured approach.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that outline the main idea. Additionally, ensure that each point flows smoothly into the next by using transitional phrases. For example, after discussing the freedom of living alone, a sentence like "In contrast, this independence can sometimes lead to conflicts with family, prompting individuals to choose solitude" would help bridge the two ideas.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the topic. However, some paragraphs are overly long and could be broken down into smaller sections for better clarity. For instance, the second body paragraph could be divided into two: one focusing on the reasons for living alone and another on the conflicts that lead to this choice.
- How to improve: Aim for more concise paragraphs that each focus on a single idea. This can be achieved by identifying the main point of each paragraph and ensuring that all sentences within that paragraph support it. Consider using bullet points or lists for complex ideas to make them more digestible, especially when discussing multiple causes or solutions.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "although," "nevertheless," and "in terms of," which help to connect ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "provided that some reasonable steps are taken" could be better integrated with the preceding sentence to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "furthermore," "in addition," or "on the other hand" to create smoother transitions between contrasting ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity. For example, instead of "based on above discussion," consider "based on the discussion above," which is more grammatically correct and clearer.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices could elevate the score further.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "detrimental effects," "wonderful freedom," and "mental well-being." These expressions contribute to the overall clarity and sophistication of the writing. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "living alone" is repeated multiple times, which could be substituted with synonyms like "solitary living" or "single living" to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. This could involve using a thesaurus to find alternative expressions for frequently used words or phrases. Additionally, varying sentence structures can help in showcasing a wider vocabulary range.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "conflicts" and "mental health services." However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "a profusion of youth pursue this familiar trend," where "familiar" may not accurately convey the intended meaning. The phrase "terrible fear about troubles" is also vague and could be more clearly articulated.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the ideas being expressed. For example, instead of "familiar trend," the writer could use "growing trend" or "increasing phenomenon." Additionally, replacing vague terms with more specific language will improve clarity. For instance, "fear of living with someone else" would be clearer than "terrible fear about troubles."
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with few errors. However, there are noticeable mistakes, such as "voluntaries" (which should be "volunteers") and "individual ‘s effort" (which should be "individual’s effort"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools or reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling of commonly used words and phrases in academic writing can further enhance spelling proficiency.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their lexical resource in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "Although this issue can exert detrimental effects, some feasible solutions can be utilized to address it" showcase the use of subordinate clauses effectively. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and unclear structures, such as "Individuals are not affected by some others’ various ideas," which could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer should practice using more varied introductory phrases and transition words to connect ideas smoothly. For example, instead of starting several sentences with "Another argument for this challenging phenomenon is," the writer could use alternatives like "Additionally," or "Furthermore," to create a more dynamic flow. Incorporating more conditional sentences and passive voice constructions could also add variety.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "living alone supplies wonderful freedom and extensive independence" could be more accurately expressed as "living alone provides individuals with wonderful freedom and extensive independence." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, which can confuse the reader. The phrase "based on above discussion" should be "based on the above discussion," indicating a missing article.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly on common errors, can help. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially concerning commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. Reading more academic essays can also provide insights into correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch these errors.
By addressing these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future IELTS writing tasks.
Bài sửa mẫu
The increase in the number of people living alone has sparked considerable public debate. Although this issue can exert detrimental effects, some feasible solutions can be implemented to address it.
There are several problems inherent in the reasons why some people prefer this common trend, especially young individuals who often choose not to form romantic relationships or delay marriage. One of the most pressing issues facing society today is that living alone provides significant freedom and extensive independence, which many cannot attain if they choose to stay with their partners or families. Living by themselves also allows individuals to direct their own lives completely, not only managing their time and selecting their preferred career paths but also customizing their living spaces according to their preferences. Individuals are not influenced by others’ varying ideas, and there are no common family rules that restrict their personal lifestyles. Another argument for this challenging phenomenon is that conflicts lead a portion of society to opt for solitude, particularly due to family and romantic relationships. A significant number of young people adopt this trend to avoid unnecessary struggles with parents and relatives regarding perspectives, lifestyles, and other aspects. Additionally, some individuals who have experienced heartbreak may take time to calm down and heal their broken hearts before entering into a new relationship.
Nevertheless, this situation can be remedied, provided that some reasonable steps are taken. One possible solution to this issue is that the government should not only improve communities through practical programs but also enhance public spaces. Creating public spaces, such as academic libraries, green parks, and attractive coffee shops, offers many opportunities for people to relax and happily interact. Organizing community events and encouraging volunteers not only contribute beneficially to society but also provide opportunities to make friends and connect mentally. On a personal level, individuals should prioritize their mental well-being and overcome their fears about living with others. Investing in and strengthening mental health services, as well as raising awareness about mental health issues through psychology programs, can help direct people to understand the obvious issues related to living alone and the power of social unity.
In conclusion, based on the above discussion, the rising trend of solo living is likely to create significant challenges for society. Addressing this issue depends not only on government efforts but also on individual initiatives to make communities and lives easier than ever.