In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruits and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruits and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh
the disadvantages?

Recently, transformation from public parks and open spaces into gardens has become a controversy about its benefits and drawbacks. From my perspective, the advantages of this approach may be pale in comparison to its disadvantages.

On the one hand, public parks and open spaces are replaced by gardens, which provide many upsides for residents. Improvement in health can be seen as an advantage of this change. This is explained that many grown fruits and vegetables absorb carbon dioxide and emit oxygen, creating a fresher and cleaner atmosphere for local people. Consequently, they might reduce the risks of developing many respiratory diseases because of air pollution. Furthermore, stimulating natural cohesion is the other benefit. When local people are supplied with space to cultivate vegetables and fruits, they have opportunities to study and care for them instead of neglecting them. As a result, they might be supported and enhanced natural and plant knowledge from planting.
On the other hand, converting from public parks and open spaces into gardens brings about many potential drawbacks. The deprivation of recreational space is the first disadvantage. This is because public parks and open spaces provide many physical infrastructures and available space for local people to engage in outdoor activities. Thus, local people might find it difficult to find a conductive environment to help them might invigorate and relieve their stress from physical activities. The disagreement from community is the second downside. For example, in Ho Chi Minh City, many local people participate in physical activities in parks as their habits on every morning. Hence, if public parks and open spaces were demolished to construct gardens, some parts of the community would be difficult to find conductive environment, sparking unsatisfactory.
In conclusion, although transformation from open spaces and public parks into gardens might provide benefits for health, I assume that many downsides, which overweigh upsides, should be considered to limit many unexpected situations.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"transformation from public parks and open spaces into gardens" -> "conversion of public parks and open spaces into gardens"
Explanation: "Conversion" is a more precise and formal term than "transformation," which is often used in more general contexts. This change enhances the academic tone of the sentence.
"a controversy about its benefits and drawbacks" -> "a debate regarding its advantages and disadvantages"
Explanation: "Debate" is more specific and formal than "controversy," which can imply a more emotional or sensational tone. "Advantages" and "disadvantages" are also more formal than "benefits" and "drawbacks."
"may be pale in comparison to its disadvantages" -> "may be outweighed by its disadvantages"
Explanation: "Outweighed" is a more precise and formal term than "pale in comparison," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"This is explained that" -> "This is explained by"
Explanation: "This is explained by" is grammatically correct and more formal than "This is explained that," which is incorrect.
"absorb carbon dioxide and emit oxygen" -> "absorb carbon dioxide and release oxygen"
Explanation: "Release" is more accurate in this context, as plants release oxygen as a byproduct of photosynthesis, not emit it.
"creating a fresher and cleaner atmosphere" -> "producing a fresher and cleaner atmosphere"
Explanation: "Producing" is more precise and formal than "creating," which can imply a more general or vague process.
"might reduce the risks of developing many respiratory diseases" -> "may reduce the risk of developing respiratory diseases"
Explanation: "May" is more appropriate than "might" in formal academic writing, and "the risk of developing respiratory diseases" is more precise than "the risks of developing many respiratory diseases."
"stimulating natural cohesion" -> "fostering community cohesion"
Explanation: "Fostering community cohesion" is a more specific and appropriate term than "stimulating natural cohesion," which is unclear and awkward.
"supplied with space to cultivate vegetables and fruits" -> "provided with space to cultivate vegetables and fruits"
Explanation: "Provided" is more formal and appropriate in this context than "supplied," which can imply a more general or casual provision.
"might be supported and enhanced natural and plant knowledge" -> "may gain enhanced knowledge of natural and plant cultivation"
Explanation: "May gain enhanced knowledge of natural and plant cultivation" is clearer and more formal, avoiding the awkward and incorrect phrase "supported and enhanced natural and plant knowledge."
"The deprivation of recreational space" -> "The loss of recreational space"
Explanation: "Loss" is a more precise and formal term than "deprivation," which can imply a more negative or extreme condition.
"find a conductive environment" -> "find a conducive environment"
Explanation: "Conducive" is the correct adjective form, whereas "conductive" is a noun and not typically used in this context.
"might invigorate and relieve their stress" -> "might invigorate and alleviate their stress"
Explanation: "Alleviate" is a more formal and precise term than "relieve" in this context, fitting better in academic writing.
"disagreement from community" -> "disagreement within the community"
Explanation: "Within the community" is grammatically correct and more precise than "from community," which is awkward and unclear.
"difficult to find conductive environment" -> "difficult to find a conducive environment"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone by using "a conducive environment."
"should be considered to limit many unexpected situations" -> "should be considered to mitigate potential unforeseen consequences"
Explanation: "Mitigate potential unforeseen consequences" is more specific and formal than "limit many unexpected situations," which is vague and informal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of converting public parks into gardens, which is essential for a balanced response to the prompt. The author identifies health benefits and community cohesion as advantages, while also discussing the loss of recreational space and community disagreement as disadvantages. However, the analysis of these points could be more thorough. For instance, while the health benefits are mentioned, the essay could further elaborate on how these benefits impact the community as a whole, rather than just individual residents.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each part of the question is explored in depth. This could involve providing more specific examples or statistics to support claims about health benefits and community cohesion. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more explicit discussion of the overall impact of these changes on urban living.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer states a clear position in the introduction and conclusion, indicating that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. However, the argument could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For example, while the disadvantages are discussed, they are not always clearly linked back to the main argument about their overall impact compared to the advantages.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should consistently refer back to the central argument in each paragraph. This could be achieved by concluding each point with a sentence that ties it back to the main thesis, reinforcing why the disadvantages are more significant than the advantages.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the advantages and disadvantages of converting parks into gardens. However, some points lack sufficient development and support. For instance, the mention of respiratory health benefits is a strong point, but it could be more compelling with specific examples or studies that illustrate the correlation between green spaces and health outcomes.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to expand on each idea presented. This can be done by providing more detailed explanations, examples, or evidence that support the claims made. For instance, discussing specific types of recreational activities that are lost when parks are converted into gardens could strengthen the argument about the disadvantages.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the transformation of public parks into gardens. However, there are moments where the connection to the main topic could be clearer. For example, the phrase "many grown fruits and vegetables absorb carbon dioxide and emit oxygen" is somewhat tangential to the main argument about the advantages and disadvantages of the transformation itself.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate to the advantages and disadvantages of the topic. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument. Additionally, avoiding overly technical details that do not directly support the thesis can help keep the essay on track.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, there is room for improvement in depth of analysis, clarity of position, and support for ideas. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with distinct sections for advantages and disadvantages. The introduction sets the context and presents the writer’s perspective, while the body paragraphs are divided into two clear parts. However, the logical flow between ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of gardens to the drawbacks feels abrupt, and the connection between the points could be more explicit. The use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" is effective, but the internal organization within each paragraph could be enhanced to ensure that each point builds on the previous one.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using more transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the health benefits, you could add a sentence that links these benefits to the subsequent point about community cohesion, such as, "In addition to health benefits, the cultivation of gardens also fosters community ties." This would create a smoother transition and reinforce the relationship between points.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in terms of length and depth. The advantages paragraph is somewhat longer and more detailed than the disadvantages paragraph, which may give an impression of bias. Additionally, the conclusion could be more developed to summarize the key points made in the body.
- How to improve: Aim for more balanced paragraphs by ensuring that each point is explored in similar depth. For instance, when discussing the disadvantages, you could elaborate further on the impact of losing recreational spaces by providing specific examples or statistics. Additionally, strengthen the conclusion by briefly reiterating the main points discussed in the essay, which will help reinforce your argument and provide a clearer closure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Furthermore," "Consequently," and "On the other hand," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be made clearer. For example, the phrase "This is explained that…" is awkward and could be more fluidly expressed. Additionally, some sentences are lengthy and could benefit from clearer linking words to enhance readability.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, you could use "Moreover" or "In addition" to introduce additional points, and "Conversely" to highlight contrasting ideas. Additionally, revise awkward phrases for clarity; for example, instead of "This is explained that many grown fruits and vegetables absorb carbon dioxide," consider rephrasing to "This can be explained by the fact that many fruits and vegetables absorb carbon dioxide." This will improve clarity and cohesion within the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on enhancing logical flow, balancing paragraph length, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further improve the coherence and cohesion of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms such as "transformation," "conducive environment," and "natural cohesion." However, the vocabulary usage is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "public parks and open spaces," which could be varied to enhance the essay’s lexical richness. Additionally, phrases like "the other benefit" and "first disadvantage" are somewhat simplistic and could be replaced with more sophisticated alternatives.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "public parks and open spaces," you could use "recreational areas" or "green spaces." Additionally, employing more advanced connectors or transitional phrases, such as "Moreover," "In addition," or "Conversely," would help to elevate the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary, such as "the advantages of this approach may be pale in comparison to its disadvantages." The phrase "may be pale" is awkward and does not convey the intended meaning effectively. The use of "deprivation of recreational space" is also somewhat vague; it could be clearer if expressed as "loss of recreational space."
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. For example, instead of "may be pale," you could say "may be outweighed." Additionally, ensure that terms are used in the correct context; for instance, "deprivation" could be replaced with "loss" or "reduction" to convey the idea more clearly.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "conductive" instead of "conducive," and "might invigorate" which is awkwardly placed. These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary and terms related to the topic can improve overall spelling proficiency.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences like "When local people are supplied with space to cultivate vegetables and fruits, they have opportunities to study and care for them instead of neglecting them" showcases an ability to convey detailed ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "This is" or "As a result," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly using "This is explained that," the writer could rephrase to "This can be explained by the fact that" or "This highlights the importance of." Additionally, using a mix of sentence lengths and types can create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "the advantages of this approach may be pale in comparison to its disadvantages" should be corrected to "the advantages of this approach may pale in comparison to its disadvantages." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the missing comma in "absorb carbon dioxide and emit oxygen," can lead to confusion. The use of "might" in several places is also somewhat ambiguous and could be replaced with more definitive language to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly with verb forms and punctuation. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases and grammatical mistakes. Furthermore, practicing the correct use of modal verbs and ensuring that they align with the intended meaning can enhance clarity. For instance, replacing "might reduce the risks" with "can reduce the risks" would provide a stronger assertion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Recently, the conversion of public parks and open spaces into gardens has become a debate regarding its advantages and disadvantages. From my perspective, the advantages of this approach may pale in comparison to its disadvantages.

On the one hand, the replacement of public parks and open spaces with gardens provides many benefits for residents. Improvement in health can be seen as an advantage of this change. This is explained by the fact that many grown fruits and vegetables absorb carbon dioxide and release oxygen, creating a fresher and cleaner atmosphere for local people. Consequently, they may reduce the risk of developing respiratory diseases because of air pollution. Furthermore, fostering community cohesion is another benefit. When local people are provided with space to cultivate vegetables and fruits, they have opportunities to study and care for them instead of neglecting them. As a result, they may gain enhanced knowledge of natural and plant cultivation from planting.

On the other hand, the conversion of public parks and open spaces into gardens brings about many potential drawbacks. The loss of recreational space is the first disadvantage. This is because public parks and open spaces provide many physical infrastructures and available space for local people to engage in outdoor activities. Thus, local people might find it difficult to find a conducive environment to help them invigorate and alleviate their stress from physical activities. Disagreement within the community is the second downside. For example, in Ho Chi Minh City, many local people participate in physical activities in parks as part of their daily routine. Hence, if public parks and open spaces were demolished to construct gardens, some parts of the community would find it difficult to locate a conducive environment, sparking dissatisfaction.

In conclusion, although the transformation of open spaces and public parks into gardens may provide benefits for health, I assume that many downsides, which outweigh the upsides, should be considered to mitigate potential unforeseen consequences.