In some countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think there is a positive or negative development?

In some countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing.
Do you think there is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, in some countries, people in rural areas are moving to urban areas, causing a significant decrease in the population in the countryside. This problem has both positive and negative sides. This essay will explain why it has such a two-sided development.

On the one hand, rural people who move to cities will have advantages they do not have in the countryside. Almost all of their purposes are to have a better life. In contrast, others want to find a job to make money, etc because cities always offer better job opportunities with higher incomes and a variety of employment options for them. As an illustration, in Vietnam, many students in the countryside who graduated from universities do not choose to find a job in their homeland; on the contrary, they move to cities such as Hanoi or Ho Chi Minh City to pursue their careers. Some will be architects, some will be chefs, others may be waiters, dishwashers or menders, etc. At that time, they could have their income and the ability to take care of their lives in a foreign land. Moreover, rural people can also expand their knowledge about the modernization of society and its dramatic development in every field. They will understand more about today's society and have access to smart devices such as phones, computers, or social networks. This will help improve their lives with the help of technology, they can also be closer to society. Therefore, there are many benefits to moving to cities. This can help rural people change their lives.

On the other hand, this also has its negative side if the world is rapidly developing, especially the population. In cities, if too many people from the countryside move to the cities, there will be an overpopulation there. For example, there is a sharp increase in population in some big cities when more and more rural residents move to cities such as the overpopulation in Mumbai, India. Mumbai's population has increased by about 8 million people in the past 30 years, with many coming from rural areas and surrounding suburbs to live and work, typically resulting in packed trains, with people even clinging to train doors to move. Furthermore, people from the countryside moving to the cities will have a difference in culture and behaviors. In some countryside, people still have feudal thoughts like discriminating against homosexuals, gender prejudice, forcing kids to do hard work, etc. Some people when come to the city, show their discrimination and criticize homosexual couples. That is because their thinking is still outdated and not modernized. Not only do they still have backward conceptions but they also keep their ancient and long-time customs. In China, specifically in some provinces, some old women still believe that “foot binding” is a beauty of Chinese women and still have its evidence, even though this thought has not been accepted since the mid-20th century. In addition, when overpopulation occurs, people from rural areas will be faced with not being able to find jobs. It also causes a housing shortage, creating mini apartments or shared rooms that are cramped and lack privacy. Therefore, the migration of suburban and rural people to cities will cause many disadvantages.

In conclusion, people want to aim for a better life, especially people in the countryside. They move to cities to make their lives better, but it will develop both positive and negative ways. In the countryside, there will be a significant decrease in population, causing the income of the area will be changed. In cities, there will be either advantages or disadvantages in population, jobs, incomes, society, and culture. In the end, it always has a two-sided impact, and we should improve people’s lives, either in cities or in the countryside, in every area of life.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Nowadays" -> "Currently"
   Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."

2. "people in rural areas are moving to urban areas" -> "rural residents are migrating to urban centers"
   Explanation: "Rural residents" is a more specific and formal term than "people in rural areas," and "migrating to urban centers" is more precise and formal than "moving to urban areas."

3. "causing a significant decrease in the population in the countryside" -> "resulting in a substantial decline in rural population"
   Explanation: "Resulting in a substantial decline" is more formal and precise than "causing a significant decrease," and "rural population" is a more concise and formal expression.

4. "Almost all of their purposes are to have a better life" -> "Their primary objectives are to improve their quality of life"
   Explanation: "Their primary objectives are to improve their quality of life" is more formal and specific than "Almost all of their purposes are to have a better life."

5. "to find a job to make money, etc" -> "to secure employment and earn a living"
   Explanation: "To secure employment and earn a living" is more formal and specific than the vague and informal "to find a job to make money, etc."

6. "always offer better job opportunities with higher incomes" -> "consistently provide better job opportunities with higher salaries"
   Explanation: "Consistently provide" is more formal than "always offer," and "salaries" is a more precise term than "incomes."

7. "will be architects, some will be chefs, others may be waiters, dishwashers or menders, etc." -> "may pursue careers as architects, chefs, waiters, dishwashers, or maintenance workers"
   Explanation: This revision clarifies the types of jobs and uses more formal titles, enhancing the academic tone.

8. "they could have their income and the ability to take care of their lives in a foreign land" -> "they can secure employment and manage their lives in a foreign environment"
   Explanation: "Secure employment and manage their lives" is more formal and precise than "have their income and the ability to take care of their lives."

9. "expand their knowledge about the modernization of society" -> "enhance their understanding of societal modernization"
   Explanation: "Enhance their understanding" is more formal and academically appropriate than "expand their knowledge."

10. "with the help of technology, they can also be closer to society" -> "through technological advancements, they can also integrate more effectively into society"
    Explanation: "Through technological advancements, they can also integrate more effectively into society" is more precise and formal, replacing the vague "with the help of technology, they can also be closer to society."

11. "there will be an overpopulation there" -> "there will be an overpopulation in these cities"
    Explanation: Adding "in these cities" clarifies the location, making the statement more specific and formal.

12. "with people even clinging to train doors to move" -> "with individuals clinging to train doors to board"
    Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "to board" is more precise than "to move."

13. "show their discrimination and criticize homosexual couples" -> "display their prejudices and criticize same-sex couples"
    Explanation: "Display their prejudices" is more precise and formal than "show their discrimination," and "same-sex couples" is a more respectful and formal term than "homosexual couples."

14. "not only do they still have backward conceptions but they also keep their ancient and long-time customs" -> "not only do they retain outdated beliefs but also adhere to antiquated customs"
    Explanation: "Retain outdated beliefs" and "adhere to antiquated customs" are more formal and precise than the original phrases.

15. "foot binding" -> "the practice of foot binding"
    Explanation: Adding "the practice of" clarifies the reference and enhances the formality of the text.

16. "creating mini apartments or shared rooms that are cramped and lack privacy" -> "resulting in cramped, poorly ventilated, and inadequately private living spaces"
    Explanation: This revision provides a more detailed and formal description of the conditions, replacing the colloquial "mini apartments or shared rooms."

17. "the income of the area will be changed" -> "the local economy will be impacted"
    Explanation: "The local economy will be impacted" is more specific and formal than "the income of the area will be changed."

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and style of the essay to better align with academic standards, enhancing clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the issue regarding rural-to-urban migration, presenting both positive and negative aspects. The author discusses the benefits of better job opportunities and access to modern technology, while also highlighting the challenges of overpopulation and cultural differences in urban settings. This balanced approach demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the prompt. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit statement of the author’s overall position on whether this development is positive or negative, as it remains somewhat ambiguous.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should clearly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This could involve explicitly stating whether they believe the positives outweigh the negatives or vice versa, providing a more definitive answer to the prompt.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a balanced view but lacks a consistent, clear position throughout. While the author acknowledges both sides, the conclusion does not decisively lean towards one perspective, which can leave the reader uncertain about the author’s stance. Phrases like "it always has a two-sided impact" suggest neutrality rather than a clear opinion.
  • How to improve: The author should adopt a more assertive tone regarding their position. This can be achieved by using phrases like "I believe" or "In my opinion" to clarify their stance. Additionally, reinforcing this position with strong concluding remarks would help solidify their argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas related to the migration phenomenon, such as job opportunities, cultural differences, and overpopulation. Each idea is supported with relevant examples, such as the reference to Vietnam and Mumbai, which adds credibility. However, some points could be more thoroughly developed. For instance, the discussion on cultural differences could benefit from more specific examples or statistics to illustrate the impact of these differences on urban society.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author should aim to elaborate more on key points, providing additional examples or data where possible. This could involve discussing specific consequences of overpopulation or detailing how technology improves lives in urban areas.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of rural-to-urban migration. However, there are moments where the discussion veers slightly off course, particularly in the cultural section. The mention of "foot binding" feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument about migration and may confuse the reader about its relevance.
  • How to improve: The author should ensure that all examples and points made directly relate to the central theme of the essay. It may be beneficial to briefly explain how cultural beliefs impact the integration of rural migrants into urban environments, thereby maintaining relevance to the topic. Keeping a tight focus on the implications of migration will enhance coherence and clarity.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, it can be improved by clarifying the author’s position, elaborating on key points with more detailed examples, and ensuring all content remains directly relevant to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing the positive and negative aspects of rural-to-urban migration, and a conclusion. The ideas are generally organized logically, with each paragraph focusing on a specific viewpoint. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively outlines the benefits of moving to cities, such as better job opportunities and access to modern technology. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother, as the shift from positive to negative aspects feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of the second body paragraph to signal the change in focus. For example, phrases like "Conversely" or "On the flip side" can help guide the reader through the shift in perspective. Additionally, ensuring that each point is clearly linked back to the main argument will strengthen the overall coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by examples. However, some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main argument of the paragraph. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that explicitly states the advantages of urban migration before delving into specific examples.
  • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring each one begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. This will help readers quickly grasp the focus of each paragraph. Additionally, consider using concluding sentences that summarize the main point of the paragraph, reinforcing the argument before moving on to the next idea.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand," "in contrast," and "moreover," which help connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are repeated, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the writing. For example, the phrase "on the one hand" is used effectively, but a more varied vocabulary could enhance the essay’s sophistication.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "moreover," consider alternatives like "furthermore," "in addition," or "additionally." Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help maintain cohesion without redundancy. For example, instead of repeating "rural people," you could refer to them as "these individuals" or "migrants" in subsequent mentions.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, implementing these suggestions can elevate the writing to a higher level, potentially improving the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "urban areas," "overpopulation," and "modernization" being effectively utilized. However, the vocabulary tends to be repetitive, particularly in phrases like "people from the countryside" and "move to cities," which are used multiple times without variation. For instance, the phrase "better life" is repeated without synonyms or alternative expressions.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "move to cities," alternatives like "relocate to urban centers" or "migrate to metropolitan areas" could be employed. Additionally, using more specific vocabulary related to the topic, such as "rural-urban migration" or "urbanization," would demonstrate a broader lexical range.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "they could have their income" is vague; it would be clearer to specify that they could "increase their income" or "earn a sustainable income." Additionally, the term "feudal thoughts" may not accurately convey the intended meaning in a contemporary context, as it suggests a historical framework rather than current attitudes.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. This can be achieved by clarifying ambiguous phrases and ensuring that terms are contextually appropriate. For instance, replacing "feudal thoughts" with "traditional beliefs" or "outdated views" would enhance clarity. Furthermore, using more specific language when discussing concepts like "cultural differences" or "employment opportunities" would strengthen the argument.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no major errors that impede understanding. However, there are minor issues, such as "menders," which may not be the best choice of word in this context. The term "mender" is less common and could be replaced with a more widely recognized term like "repair workers" or "handymen."
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy and overall language quality, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. This includes reading the essay aloud to catch any awkward phrasing or uncommon terms that may not fit well. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can help improve overall spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and ensuring spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future IELTS assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like “In contrast, others want to find a job to make money, etc because cities always offer better job opportunities with higher incomes and a variety of employment options for them.” However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of “some” to introduce examples can make the writing feel monotonous.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider using more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of starting several sentences with “Some will be architects, some will be chefs,” try using a more complex structure: “Among those who migrate, some may pursue careers as architects, while others might find opportunities as chefs.” Additionally, incorporating more transitional phrases can help to create smoother connections between ideas.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, the phrase “this also has its negative side if the world is rapidly developing” is awkwardly constructed and could be clearer. Additionally, punctuation issues arise, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences. For example, “This will help improve their lives with the help of technology, they can also be closer to society” should be split into two sentences or connected with a semicolon.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on identifying and correcting run-on sentences and comma splices. Practicing sentence combining and breaking down complex ideas into simpler sentences can help. Furthermore, reviewing the rules of punctuation, especially regarding the use of commas in compound and complex sentences, will enhance clarity. For example, revising “This will help improve their lives with the help of technology, they can also be closer to society” to “This will help improve their lives with the help of technology. Additionally, they can become closer to society” would clarify the meaning and improve the flow.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, in some countries, people in rural areas are moving to urban areas, causing a significant decrease in the population in the countryside. This problem has both positive and negative aspects. This essay will explain why it has such a two-sided development.

On the one hand, rural people who move to cities will have advantages they do not have in the countryside. Almost all of their objectives are to have a better life. In contrast, others want to find a job to make money, because cities consistently provide better job opportunities with higher salaries and a variety of employment options for them. As an illustration, in Vietnam, many students in the countryside who graduate from universities do not choose to find a job in their homeland; on the contrary, they move to cities such as Hanoi or Ho Chi Minh City to pursue their careers. Some will be architects, some will be chefs, and others may be waiters, dishwashers, or maintenance workers. At that time, they can secure employment and manage their lives in a foreign environment. Moreover, rural people can also enhance their understanding of societal modernization and its dramatic development in every field. They will understand more about today’s society and have access to smart devices such as phones, computers, and social networks. This will help improve their lives; through technological advancements, they can also integrate more effectively into society. Therefore, there are many benefits to moving to cities, which can help rural people change their lives.

On the other hand, this also has its negative side if the world is rapidly developing, especially the population. In cities, if too many people from the countryside move to the cities, there will be overpopulation there. For example, there is a sharp increase in population in some big cities when more and more rural residents migrate to cities such as the overpopulation in Mumbai, India. Mumbai’s population has increased by about 8 million people in the past 30 years, with many coming from rural areas and surrounding suburbs to live and work, typically resulting in packed trains, with people even clinging to train doors to board. Furthermore, people from the countryside moving to the cities will experience a difference in culture and behaviors. In some rural areas, people still hold feudal thoughts, such as discriminating against homosexuals, gender prejudice, and forcing children to do hard work. Some individuals, when they come to the city, display their prejudices and criticize same-sex couples. That is because their thinking is still outdated and not modernized. Not only do they retain outdated beliefs, but they also adhere to antiquated customs. In China, specifically in some provinces, some older women still believe that “foot binding” is a beauty of Chinese women and still have evidence of this belief, even though this thought has not been accepted since the mid-20th century. In addition, when overpopulation occurs, people from rural areas will face difficulties in finding jobs. It also causes a housing shortage, creating cramped living spaces that lack privacy. Therefore, the migration of suburban and rural people to cities will cause many disadvantages.

In conclusion, people aim for a better life, especially those in the countryside. They move to cities to improve their lives, but this development has both positive and negative aspects. In the countryside, there will be a significant decrease in population, causing changes in the income of the area. In cities, there will be either advantages or disadvantages in population, jobs, incomes, society, and culture. Ultimately, it always has a two-sided impact, and we should strive to improve people’s lives, whether in cities or in the countryside, in every area of life.