In some countries crime rates are increasing. what are the causes of this problem? what can be done about it?

It is argued that the rates of criminals are going up. It is due to the high rate of unemployment and the lack of education. Fortunately, this problem can be tackled by providing more training.

One notable factor that contributes to high crime levels is unemployment. Additionally, employees may be replaced by machines so that it leads to poverty. As a result, individuals may resort to theft and robber. Therefore unemployment affects significantly on the rise of crime rates.

Another factor which causes the growth of delinquency rates is poor education. People who do not receive adequate education may not know clearly about laws, in order that they tend to offend crime. For instance, a research in Brazil illustrates that more than 60% criminals receive poor education. Consequently, low level of education may make people become criminals.

To deal with this issue, the governments should offer more training. Individuals who can get adequate education will not be replaced by technology. In addition, they will be aware to distinguish right and wrong, so that they may not commit wrongdoings. Hence, improving the quality of education may decrease the number of offender.

In conclusion, the extension of crime rates is because of joblessness and inadequate education, but it can be addressed by policy of developing training.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the rates of criminals" -> "the rates of criminal activity"
Explanation: "Criminals" is a noun that refers to individuals who commit crimes, whereas "criminal activity" is a more appropriate term to describe the frequency or extent of criminal behavior, which is more precise in an academic context.
"It is due to" -> "This is attributed to"
Explanation: "This is attributed to" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a cause-and-effect relationship in academic writing.
"the lack of education" -> "insufficient education"
Explanation: "Insufficient education" is a more specific and formal term that better conveys the idea of inadequate educational opportunities or quality.
"can be tackled" -> "can be addressed"
Explanation: "Can be addressed" is a more formal and commonly used phrase in academic writing to indicate that a problem can be dealt with or managed.
"employees may be replaced by machines" -> "employees may be replaced by automation"
Explanation: "Automation" is a more precise term than "machines," which is vague and can encompass various types of machines, not just those that replace human workers.
"it leads to poverty" -> "it often leads to poverty"
Explanation: Adding "often" clarifies the frequency of the consequence, which is more specific and academically appropriate.
"affects significantly on the rise of crime rates" -> "significantly affects crime rates"
Explanation: The phrase "affects significantly on the rise of" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Significantly affects crime rates" is grammatically correct and maintains the intended meaning.
"delinquency rates" -> "delinquency"
Explanation: "Delinquency" is the correct noun form, referring to the state of being delinquent, whereas "delinquency rates" is redundant and less formal.
"People who do not receive adequate education may not know clearly about laws" -> "Individuals without adequate education may not fully understand the laws"
Explanation: "Individuals without adequate education" is more precise and formal than "People who do not receive adequate education." "Fully understand" is also more formal than "know clearly about."
"in order that they tend to offend crime" -> "thereby tend to commit crimes"
Explanation: "In order that" is overly formal and awkward in this context. "Thereby" is more appropriate and natural, and "commit crimes" is the correct verb form.
"a research in Brazil" -> "a study in Brazil"
Explanation: "A research" is grammatically incorrect; "a study" is the correct term for a specific investigation or inquiry.
"low level of education may make people become criminals" -> "low educational levels may lead individuals to criminal behavior"
Explanation: "Low educational levels" is more precise and formal than "low level of education," and "lead individuals to criminal behavior" is a clearer and more formal expression.
"the governments should offer more training" -> "governments should provide additional training"
Explanation: "Provide" is more formal and specific than "offer" in this context, and "additional" is more precise than "more."
"they will be aware to distinguish right and wrong" -> "they will become aware of the distinction between right and wrong"
Explanation: "Become aware of the distinction between" is more formal and academically appropriate than "be aware to distinguish."
"may not commit wrongdoings" -> "may not engage in wrongdoing"
Explanation: "Engage in wrongdoing" is a more formal and precise term than "commit wrongdoings," which is grammatically awkward and less formal.
"policy of developing training" -> "policy of developing training programs"
Explanation: Adding "programs" specifies the type of training being referred to, enhancing clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay identifies two main causes of increasing crime rates: unemployment and lack of education. However, it fails to fully address the second part of the prompt, which asks what can be done about the problem. While the essay mentions providing more training, it does not elaborate on specific measures or policies that could be implemented to tackle the issue of crime effectively. The response lacks depth in discussing potential solutions, making it feel incomplete.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should ensure that both causes and solutions are thoroughly explored. For instance, they could discuss community programs, government initiatives, or specific educational reforms that could help reduce crime rates. Including examples and elaborating on how these solutions would work in practice would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position regarding the causes of crime but lacks consistency in its argumentation. The introduction states that crime rates are increasing due to unemployment and lack of education, but the body paragraphs do not maintain a strong connection to this position. The transition to discussing solutions is abrupt and does not clearly link back to the causes presented earlier.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should ensure that each paragraph ties back to the central argument. They could use topic sentences that reiterate the main points and provide clear transitions between causes and solutions. This would help reinforce the essay’s overall stance and make it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to unemployment and education as causes of crime, but these ideas are not sufficiently extended or supported. For example, the claim that unemployment leads to crime is made, but the connection is not deeply explored. The mention of a study in Brazil is a good start, but it lacks specific details or analysis that would strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should provide more detailed explanations and examples. They could include statistics, case studies, or expert opinions that illustrate the relationship between education, unemployment, and crime. Additionally, expanding on the proposed solutions with specific examples of successful programs or policies would enhance the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing crime rates, their causes, and potential solutions. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the transition to solutions. The phrase "policy of developing training" at the end feels vague and does not clearly relate back to the earlier points about unemployment and education.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the prompt. They could outline the structure of the essay more clearly in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph contributes to answering the question. Using clear and specific language when discussing solutions would also help maintain topic relevance.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should aim for greater depth in addressing all parts of the prompt, maintain a consistent position, provide more detailed support for their ideas, and ensure that they stay focused on the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a specific point related to the causes of rising crime rates, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses unemployment, while the second focuses on education. However, the connection between ideas could be strengthened; transitions between points are sometimes abrupt, which may confuse the reader. For example, the transition from discussing unemployment to education lacks a clear linking statement.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases to better connect ideas between paragraphs. For instance, after discussing unemployment, a sentence like "In addition to unemployment, another significant factor contributing to crime is inadequate education" would provide a smoother transition. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific cause of crime, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, the paragraphs could be more developed; some ideas are presented but not fully explored. For example, the discussion on education could include more detail about how education specifically relates to crime prevention.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument. Expanding on each point with examples or explanations will also add depth to the paragraphs. For instance, in the education paragraph, you could elaborate on how educational programs can directly impact crime rates.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic use of cohesive devices, such as "Additionally," "As a result," and "Consequently." These devices help to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences feel disjointed due to a lack of varied linking words. For example, the phrase "so that" is used repetitively, which detracts from the overall fluency of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, consider using alternatives such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "In contrast" to introduce new ideas or add information. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms can help to avoid repetition and create smoother connections between sentences. For example, instead of repeating "education," you could use "this knowledge" in subsequent sentences to refer back to the concept.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it tends to rely on basic terms and phrases. For example, words like "unemployment," "education," and "crime" are repeated without variation. While the use of terms like "delinquency" and "offender" shows some attempt at variety, the overall lexical range remains limited. The phrase "rates of criminals" is awkward and could be expressed more naturally as "crime rates" or "criminal activity."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "unemployment," alternatives like "joblessness" or "lack of employment opportunities" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "criminal behavior" or "illegal activities" can diversify the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "affects significantly on the rise of crime rates" is grammatically incorrect and should be revised to "significantly affects the rise in crime rates." Furthermore, "offend crime" is a misapplication of terms; a more accurate phrase would be "commit crimes." The phrase "the rates of criminals" is also misleading, as it suggests a measurement of criminals rather than crime itself.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on the correct collocations and grammatical structures. Reviewing common phrases and their usage in context can help. For example, using "commit offenses" instead of "offend crime" would enhance clarity. Additionally, practicing sentence restructuring can aid in achieving more precise language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "robber" (which should be "robbery" in this context) and "a research" (which should be "research" or "a study"). The phrase "low level of education" is also somewhat awkward and could be better expressed as "low levels of education."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, possibly using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help catch errors. Reading more extensively can also improve spelling through exposure to correctly spelled words in context.

Overall, while the essay meets some basic criteria for vocabulary use, there is significant room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and practicing spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("It is argued that the rates of criminals are going up.") and compound sentences ("Another factor which causes the growth of delinquency rates is poor education."). However, the range is limited, and there is a noticeable reliance on basic sentence forms. For example, the phrase "it leads to poverty" is a straightforward structure that could be enhanced with more complex forms, such as conditional or relative clauses. Additionally, the use of passive voice is minimal, which could add depth to the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions. For instance, instead of saying "As a result, individuals may resort to theft and robber," the writer could say, "As a result of rising unemployment, many individuals, feeling desperate, may resort to theft and robbery." This not only adds complexity but also enhances the clarity and richness of the argument.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "affects significantly on the rise of crime rates" is incorrect; it should be "significantly affects the rise of crime rates." Additionally, the use of "robber" instead of "robbery" is a misuse of the noun form. Punctuation errors are also present, such as missing commas that could improve readability, particularly in complex sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, correct preposition usage, and the proper forms of nouns and verbs. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify and correct these issues. Furthermore, paying attention to punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in lists and complex sentences, will enhance the overall clarity of the writing. For example, revising "in order that they tend to offend crime" to "which may lead them to commit crimes" would improve both grammatical accuracy and clarity.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammatical structures, there is significant room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. By incorporating more complex sentences and focusing on grammatical precision, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued that the rates of criminal activity are increasing. This is attributed to the high rate of unemployment and insufficient education. Fortunately, this problem can be addressed by providing more training.

One notable factor that contributes to high crime levels is unemployment. Additionally, employees may be replaced by automation, which often leads to poverty. As a result, individuals may resort to theft and robbery. Therefore, unemployment significantly affects the rise of crime rates.

Another factor that causes the growth of delinquency rates is poor education. Individuals without adequate education may not fully understand the laws, thereby tending to commit crimes. For instance, a study in Brazil illustrates that more than 60% of criminals have received insufficient education. Consequently, low educational levels may lead individuals to criminal behavior.

To deal with this issue, governments should provide additional training. Individuals who receive adequate education will not be easily replaced by technology. In addition, they will become aware of the distinction between right and wrong, so they may not engage in wrongdoing. Hence, improving the quality of education can decrease the number of offenders.

In conclusion, the increase in crime rates is due to joblessness and inadequate education, but it can be addressed by a policy of developing training programs.