In some countries, crime rates are increasing. What are the causes of this problem? What can be done about it?

In some countries, crime rates are increasing. What are the causes of this
problem? What can be done about it?

In today's age, many cities are now facing the issue of ascending criminal rates. This problem is often caused by the lack of sufficient regulations and the shortages in educational and economical qualities, yet it can be tackled by improving living conditions of the locals.

To begin with, the main cause of crime is to fulfil their requirements. For examples, some criminals are supposed to feed their whole family in poor circumstances; therefore, they will attempt to get more money illegally. Moreover, some factors such as unemployment, high competition stakes in a business, high taxes with low salary can also trigger their criminal face. Furthermore, inadequate regulations can create favorable opportunities for the lawbreakers to offend, and this might result in crime to happen repeatedly. Hence, the authorities must possess appropriate solutions for its problems.

Nonetheless the governments are working in the progress of developing its nation. Accordingly, the issues of poor living conditions can have positive results and the criminal rate might be reduced. Additionally, the authorities can implement more effective rules on its residents. The criminals can be warned about the consequences after their crime commitment. Therefore, there should be reasonable key solutions to solve the cities' issues.

To conclude

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In today’s age" -> "In the contemporary era"
   Explanation: "In the contemporary era" is a more formal and precise term that enhances the academic tone of the essay.

2. "ascending criminal rates" -> "increasing crime rates"
   Explanation: "Increasing crime rates" is a more commonly used and precise term in academic and formal contexts, avoiding the less common and slightly awkward "ascending criminal rates."

3. "the lack of sufficient regulations and the shortages in educational and economical qualities" -> "insufficient regulations and deficiencies in educational and economic standards"
   Explanation: "Insufficient regulations" and "deficiencies in educational and economic standards" are more precise and formal, improving clarity and specificity.

4. "improving living conditions of the locals" -> "enhancing the living conditions of residents"
   Explanation: "Enhancing the living conditions of residents" is more formal and specific, replacing the less formal "improving living conditions of the locals."

5. "the main cause of crime is to fulfil their requirements" -> "the primary cause of crime is to meet their needs"
   Explanation: "Meet their needs" is a more precise and formal expression than "fulfil their requirements," which is somewhat awkward and less commonly used.

6. "For examples" -> "For example"
   Explanation: "For example" is the correct form, as "For examples" is grammatically incorrect.

7. "some criminals are supposed to feed their whole family in poor circumstances" -> "some criminals are compelled to support their entire families in impoverished conditions"
   Explanation: "Compelled to support their entire families in impoverished conditions" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "feed their whole family in poor circumstances."

8. "high competition stakes in a business" -> "high levels of competition in business"
   Explanation: "High levels of competition in business" is a more natural and formal way to express the idea.

9. "high taxes with low salary" -> "high taxes and low salaries"
   Explanation: "High taxes and low salaries" is grammatically correct and clearer than the awkward "high taxes with low salary."

10. "criminal face" -> "criminal activity"
    Explanation: "Criminal activity" is the correct term, replacing the incorrect and unclear "criminal face."

11. "the authorities must possess appropriate solutions for its problems" -> "authorities must develop appropriate solutions to these problems"
    Explanation: "Develop appropriate solutions to these problems" is more precise and formal, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.

12. "Nonetheless the governments are working in the progress of developing its nation" -> "Nonetheless, governments are actively working to develop their nations"
    Explanation: "Governments are actively working to develop their nations" corrects the awkward and grammatically incorrect original phrase, enhancing clarity and formality.

13. "the issues of poor living conditions can have positive results" -> "addressing poor living conditions can yield positive outcomes"
    Explanation: "Addressing poor living conditions can yield positive outcomes" is more precise and formal, replacing the vague and less formal "the issues of poor living conditions can have positive results."

14. "the criminal rate might be reduced" -> "crime rates may decrease"
    Explanation: "Crime rates may decrease" is a more formal and precise way to express the potential reduction in criminal activity.

15. "The criminals can be warned about the consequences after their crime commitment" -> "Offenders can be informed of the consequences of their criminal actions"
    Explanation: "Offenders can be informed of the consequences of their criminal actions" is more formal and precise, replacing the awkward and less formal "The criminals can be warned about the consequences after their crime commitment."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by identifying causes of increasing crime rates, such as lack of regulations and poor educational and economic conditions. However, it fails to fully explore the second part of the question regarding what can be done about the problem. The suggestions provided are vague and not sufficiently developed. For instance, the mention of "improving living conditions" lacks specific strategies or examples, which weakens the response.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both parts of the question are thoroughly addressed. This can be achieved by providing concrete examples of causes and elaborating on actionable solutions. For instance, discussing specific policies that could improve education or job opportunities would strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that crime is primarily caused by socioeconomic factors and that improving living conditions can help reduce crime rates. However, the clarity of this position is undermined by inconsistent phrasing and a lack of cohesive argumentation. The transition between ideas is abrupt, making it difficult for the reader to follow the writer’s line of reasoning.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use topic sentences that clearly state the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, linking phrases can help guide the reader through the argument, ensuring that each point builds logically on the previous one.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas related to the causes of crime but does not extend or support them adequately. For example, the statement about criminals needing to "feed their whole family" is a good start but lacks depth and supporting evidence. The essay also does not provide specific examples or data to substantiate claims, which weakens the overall argument.
  • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should elaborate on each point with examples, statistics, or real-life scenarios. This could involve discussing specific case studies or referencing research that highlights the relationship between socioeconomic factors and crime rates.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes of crime and potential solutions. However, there are moments where the writing becomes vague or strays slightly from the main argument, such as the mention of "the authorities must possess appropriate solutions for its problems," which lacks specificity and clarity.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to answering the prompt. Avoiding vague language and ensuring that each point is clearly linked back to the main argument will help keep the essay on track.

Overall, the essay needs to be expanded to meet the word count requirement and to provide a more comprehensive response to the prompt. By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the clarity, coherence, and effectiveness of their argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the problem and its causes, followed by a discussion of potential solutions. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing causes to solutions is somewhat abrupt, particularly in the second paragraph where the shift from causes to solutions lacks a clear linking sentence. Additionally, the ideas within paragraphs could be better sequenced to enhance understanding; for example, discussing the economic factors contributing to crime before mentioning inadequate regulations would provide a clearer rationale for the proposed solutions.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For instance, after discussing causes, you could include a sentence like, "Given these causes, it is crucial to explore potential solutions." Additionally, ensure that each paragraph follows a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, followed by supporting details that are logically ordered.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the prompt. However, the second paragraph could be split into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the causes of crime and the other on the solutions. This would not only improve readability but also allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point. The conclusion is also incomplete, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Consider starting a new paragraph when introducing a new concept or when the focus shifts significantly. Additionally, complete the conclusion to summarize the main points discussed and reinforce the overall argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "to begin with," "moreover," and "nonetheless," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some phrases are used repetitively. For example, "therefore" is used multiple times, which can make the writing feel monotonous. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices does not always enhance clarity; for instance, "the authorities must possess appropriate solutions for its problems" could be clearer with a more direct phrasing.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "consequently," and "on the other hand." This will help to create a more engaging and fluid reading experience. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to clarify relationships between ideas rather than merely to connect sentences.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. Words like "ascending," "fulfil," and "inadequate" show some variety; however, the overall lexical choices are somewhat repetitive and lack sophistication. For instance, the phrase "criminal rates" is used multiple times, which could be varied with synonyms such as "crime levels" or "criminal activity." Additionally, terms like "poor circumstances" and "high competition stakes" could be expressed more creatively to enhance the essay’s lexical richness.
  • How to improve: To elevate the range of vocabulary, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "criminal," they could use "offender" or "lawbreaker." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can help in diversifying word choice.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecision. For example, the phrase "trigger their criminal face" is awkward and unclear; it would be more precise to say "trigger criminal behavior." Moreover, the term "the authorities must possess appropriate solutions for its problems" is vague. It would be clearer to specify what kind of solutions are being referred to, such as "the authorities must implement effective crime prevention strategies."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity in their word choices. They can practice rephrasing sentences to eliminate vague terms and replace them with more exact language. For instance, instead of saying "the issues of poor living conditions can have positive results," they could specify what those results are, such as "improved social welfare programs can lead to reduced crime rates."

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "fulfil" (which is correct in British English but should be "fulfill" in American English), "economical qualities" (which should be "economic conditions"), and "its problems" (which should be "their problems" to refer back to "authorities"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch mistakes. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, the writer should familiarize themselves with the differences between British and American English, depending on the context of their writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, phrases like "the main cause of crime is to fulfil their requirements" and "the authorities must possess appropriate solutions for its problems" show an attempt to use different structures. However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed, such as "the criminals can be warned about the consequences after their crime commitment," which lacks clarity and fluidity.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences and varying sentence beginnings. For instance, using introductory clauses or phrases can help create more sophisticated sentence forms. Additionally, integrating more transitional phrases could improve the flow between ideas, making the argument more cohesive.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "the lack of sufficient regulations and the shortages in educational and economical qualities" is awkward and could be better expressed as "the lack of sufficient regulations and shortages in education and economic opportunities." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "the governments are working in the progress of developing its nation," where "its" should be "their" to match the plural subject. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases, affect readability.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on practicing subject-verb agreement and ensuring that nouns and pronouns match in number. Regular grammar exercises and reviewing common grammatical structures can help solidify these concepts. For punctuation, the writer should familiarize themselves with the rules regarding commas, especially in complex sentences and lists. Reading well-structured essays can also provide insight into effective punctuation use.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and attempts to address the prompt, improvements in the variety of sentence structures and grammatical accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Regular practice and revision, along with seeking feedback on writing, will be beneficial for the writer’s development.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, many cities are now facing the issue of increasing crime rates. This problem is often caused by insufficient regulations and deficiencies in educational and economic standards; however, it can be addressed by enhancing the living conditions of residents.

To begin with, the primary cause of crime is to meet their needs. For example, some criminals are compelled to support their entire families in impoverished conditions; therefore, they may resort to illegal means to acquire money. Moreover, factors such as unemployment, high levels of competition in business, high taxes, and low salaries can also trigger criminal activity. Furthermore, inadequate regulations can create favorable opportunities for lawbreakers, which may result in crime occurring repeatedly. Hence, the authorities must develop appropriate solutions to these problems.

Nonetheless, governments are actively working to develop their nations. Accordingly, addressing poor living conditions can yield positive outcomes, and crime rates may decrease as a result. Additionally, the authorities can implement more effective regulations for their residents. Offenders can be informed of the consequences of their criminal actions, which may deter future offenses. Therefore, there should be reasonable key solutions to resolve the issues faced by cities.

To conclude, while increasing crime rates are a significant concern, understanding the underlying causes and implementing effective measures can lead to a safer society.