In some countries, government are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
In some countries, government are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
The question of whether it is advisable for the authorities to relocate factories and companies from major cities to the countryside is a highly debated topic. I strongly agree with this idea, as this trend provides job opportunities for local people and brings down the costs for businesses.
Moving the industries to rural areas paves the way for local people to get a job. It is undeniable that decent wages can enhance their quality of life and facilitate employees meeting their human essential needs such as entertainment. For example, a research in Bac Giang, where many industrial areas are concentrated recently shows that profit margin deriving from entertainment services like cinema has increased considerably since some factories were built up. Moreover, If they own sufficient financial resources, the standard of living is likely to develop, leading to raising awareness and exposing themselves to education in order to improve their intellectual levels.
Not only can this development bring advantage for workers, but it also reduces costs when relocating companies to regional areas compared to in some metropolises. The wage paid for workers is lower than for city dwellers because of some limitations of degrees , and so are the costs for renting infrastructure. Therefore, they can allocate their budget for enhancing products, and invest in improvements and innovations if they wish to remain successful. As can be seen, Samsung, which is a technology corporation built some factories in Bac Giang because of cheap labour market, it is estimated that the revenue doubled after changing the position from Ha Noi to Bac Giang. Besides, groups can use this money to make positive contributions to society and attract more employees for their development.
In conclusion, transferring plants to regional areas has an effective impact on both workers and businesses by creating jobs for the former and reducing expenses for the latter.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
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"Moving the industries to rural areas paves the way for local people to get a job."
-> "Transferring industries to rural areas opens up employment opportunities for local residents."
Explanation: "Paves the way" is a colloquial expression. Replacing it with "opens up employment opportunities" maintains formality while conveying the same idea more precisely. -
"It is undeniable that decent wages can enhance their quality of life and facilitate employees meeting their human essential needs such as entertainment."
-> "Decent wages undoubtedly improve their quality of life and enable employees to meet their basic human needs, including entertainment."
Explanation: Replacing "undeniable that" with "undoubtedly" and restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality enhances the academic tone. -
"Moreover, If they own sufficient financial resources, the standard of living is likely to develop, leading to raising awareness and exposing themselves to education in order to improve their intellectual levels."
-> "Furthermore, with adequate financial resources, there is a likelihood of an improvement in the standard of living, leading to increased awareness and access to education, thus enhancing intellectual development."
Explanation: This revision rephrases the sentence for clarity and formality, avoiding awkward phrasing and maintaining academic rigor. -
"Not only can this development bring advantage for workers, but it also reduces costs when relocating companies to regional areas compared to in some metropolises."
-> "This development not only benefits workers but also reduces costs when relocating companies to regional areas compared to metropolitan locations."
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence improves clarity and maintains a formal tone by avoiding unnecessary repetition and streamlining the expression of ideas. -
"The wage paid for workers is lower than for city dwellers because of some limitations of degrees , and so are the costs for renting infrastructure."
-> "Worker wages are lower compared to those in urban areas due to differences in educational attainment, and similarly, infrastructure rental costs are reduced."
Explanation: Clarifies the comparison between rural and urban wages and infrastructure costs while eliminating redundancies and improving formality. -
"As can be seen, Samsung, which is a technology corporation built some factories in Bac Giang because of cheap labour market, it is estimated that the revenue doubled after changing the position from Ha Noi to Bac Giang."
-> "As evidenced by Samsung, a technology corporation that established several factories in Bac Giang due to the availability of inexpensive labor, it is estimated that revenue doubled following the relocation from Hanoi to Bac Giang."
Explanation: Rephrasing for clarity and formality, and adjusting sentence structure for smoother flow and precision. -
"Besides, groups can use this money to make positive contributions to society and attract more employees for their development."
-> "Furthermore, organizations can utilize these funds to make positive societal contributions and attract additional employees to foster their growth."
Explanation: Enhances formality and clarity by rephrasing and restructuring the sentence while maintaining the intended meaning.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt: the advantages and disadvantages of relocating industries to regional areas. It discusses job creation for local residents and cost reduction for businesses, which are the main advantages mentioned in the prompt.
- How to improve: While the essay does touch upon both advantages and disadvantages, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the potential drawbacks of this trend. Providing a more nuanced discussion of potential negative impacts, such as environmental concerns or social disruptions, would strengthen the argument.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance in favor of relocating industries to regional areas. The author consistently advocates for this approach throughout the essay, stating a strong agreement with the idea and providing supporting arguments.
- How to improve: While clarity and consistency are commendable, it’s important to acknowledge counterarguments or potential drawbacks to strengthen the overall argument. This could involve addressing potential criticisms and providing counterpoints to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and supports ideas with examples and reasoning. It provides specific instances, such as the case of Bac Giang, to illustrate the benefits of relocating industries to rural areas.
- How to improve: To enhance the depth of analysis, the essay could expand on the presented ideas by providing additional examples or discussing potential long-term implications. This would provide a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and strengthen the argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the advantages of relocating industries to regional areas as outlined in the prompt. However, there could be slight deviations, such as the focus on entertainment services in Bac Giang, which may not directly relate to the central theme.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, it’s important to ensure that all examples and arguments directly support the main thesis of the essay. While tangential points can add depth, they should not detract from the primary discussion. Reframing or omitting less relevant details can help maintain coherence and relevance.
Overall, the essay effectively addresses the key elements of the prompt and presents a coherent argument in favor of relocating industries to regional areas. To improve, the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion of potential drawbacks and deeper analysis of presented ideas. Additionally, maintaining strict relevance to the central theme and expanding on arguments with additional examples or reasoning would strengthen the overall response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It starts with an introduction that clearly states the author’s position, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of relocating industries to rural areas for local job opportunities, while the second paragraph focuses on cost reduction for businesses. Each paragraph maintains a clear focus on a single aspect of the argument.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, the essay could strengthen the connection between paragraphs. Transition sentences could be added to smoothly guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, the conclusion could summarize the main points more explicitly to reinforce the overall argument.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure the content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, such as job creation or cost reduction, and maintains coherence within its own topic. However, there is room for improvement in paragraph coherence, particularly in the second paragraph where the discussion shifts abruptly from wage differences to company investment without a clear transition.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Additionally, use transition words or phrases to smoothly connect ideas between paragraphs, creating a more cohesive flow of information.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences. Examples include words like "moreover" and "besides" to introduce additional points, as well as pronouns like "this" to refer back to previous concepts. However, there is limited variety in cohesive devices, and some transitions between ideas could be smoother.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion, consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices such as conjunctions (e.g., "however," "therefore") and transitional phrases (e.g., "in addition to," "on the other hand"). Additionally, pay attention to pronoun clarity to ensure that references to previous concepts are unambiguous and easy to follow for the reader.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt at utilizing a variety of vocabulary throughout. There is evidence of lexical diversity in phrases such as "decent wages," "profit margin," "standard of living," and "intellectual levels." These expressions contribute to a relatively rich lexical resource, enhancing the overall quality of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance the lexical range, consider incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary where appropriate. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "companies" and "workers," synonyms such as "corporations" and "employees" could be introduced. Additionally, expanding the range of descriptive language and incorporating academic or domain-specific terminology relevant to the topic would elevate the lexical resource further.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise or contextually appropriate. For example, the phrase "some limitations of degrees" may not clearly communicate the intended idea, and "raising awareness" could be replaced with a more specific term such as "fostering education." Conversely, phrases like "cheap labour market" and "positive contributions to society" are clear and precise in conveying the intended message.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision by selecting vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning within the context of each sentence. Avoid ambiguous or vague expressions that may obscure the message. Proofreading and revising the essay can help identify opportunities to replace imprecise language with more appropriate alternatives.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with few noticeable errors detracting from readability. However, there are a few instances where spelling errors are evident, such as "Ha Noi" instead of "Hanoi." These errors do not significantly impede comprehension but should be addressed to enhance the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spelling and grammar checkers or proofreading tools to identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with common spelling patterns and frequently misspelled words can aid in reducing errors. Taking the time to review and revise written work for spelling accuracy can help ensure a polished final product.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are used throughout the essay. There is an attempt to incorporate some complex structures, such as subordinate clauses and conditional sentences, albeit with occasional inaccuracies or awkwardness. For instance, the sentence "Moreover, If they own sufficient financial resources, the standard of living is likely to develop, leading to raising awareness and exposing themselves to education in order to improve their intellectual levels." While this sentence attempts complexity with the conditional "if" clause, it is grammatically flawed and could be expressed more clearly.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, strive for greater clarity and accuracy when using complex structures. Practice constructing complex sentences with clear subject-verb agreement and appropriate punctuation. Additionally, explore a wider range of sentence types, including rhetorical questions, parallel structures, and varied introductory phrases to add richness and coherence to your writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a good grasp of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies throughout the essay. For example, in the sentence "It is undeniable that decent wages can enhance their quality of life and facilitate employees meeting their human essential needs such as entertainment," there is a missing article before "employees" ("facilitate employees meeting their human essential needs"), and the phrase "human essential needs such as entertainment" could be punctuated more effectively for clarity. Additionally, there are errors in subject-verb agreement and awkward phrasing, such as "reduces costs when relocating companies" (should be "reducing costs when relocating companies").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, carefully review sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Pay close attention to punctuation rules, particularly when using commas and conjunctions to connect ideas within sentences. Practice proofreading your work for errors in grammar and punctuation, and consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify areas for improvement. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common grammatical pitfalls and practice incorporating corrections into your writing to refine your skills over time.
Bài sửa mẫu
The debate over whether it is wise for authorities to move factories and companies from major cities to rural areas is ongoing. I firmly support this notion, as it provides employment opportunities for local residents and cuts costs for businesses.
Transferring industries to rural areas opens up employment opportunities for local residents. Decent wages undoubtedly improve their quality of life and enable employees to meet their basic human needs, including entertainment. Furthermore, with adequate financial resources, there is a likelihood of an improvement in the standard of living, leading to increased awareness and access to education, thus enhancing intellectual development.
This development not only benefits workers but also reduces costs when relocating companies to regional areas compared to metropolitan locations. Worker wages are lower compared to those in urban areas due to differences in educational attainment, and similarly, infrastructure rental costs are reduced. As evidenced by Samsung, a technology corporation that established several factories in Bac Giang due to the availability of inexpensive labor, it is estimated that revenue doubled following the relocation from Hanoi to Bac Giang. Furthermore, organizations can utilize these funds to make positive societal contributions and attract additional employees to foster their growth.
In conclusion, transferring plants to regional areas has an effective impact on both workers and businesses by creating jobs for the former and reducing expenses for the latter.
Phản hồi