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In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

It is true that industrial sites and corporations in many parts of the world are encouraged by federal governments to leave the metropolises to regional places. Although this phenomenon exerts some adverse impacts, I am of the belief that it is overwhelmingly positive.
On the one hand, there are two major drawbacks that some businesses encounter when applying this tendency. Firstly, some firms might struggle to distribute their commodities due to the lack of proper transportation system. This sometimes gives rise to the supply chain disruptions, which causes severe damage to the companies. Secondly, the firms based in regional sites force to spend more budget on delivering their goods to other regions. It means that they could force to boost selling prices of products, and customers have no choices but to pay more to purchase the products.
Nonetheless, the demerits detailed above pale in comparison to the readily apparent benefits that this development brings about. The first advantage is that transforming industrial sites and companies between cities and suburbs help curb environmental problems. The fact that huge amount of emissions from factories released into the atmosphere is the key cause of air pollution. This transmission therefore facilitates decreased pollution levels in metropolis. Furthermore, this trend offers more job opportunities for local residents living in the childhood. The likely result is that residents’ living standards are enhanced and it makes a great contribution to local economic growth.
In conclusion, the transmission of industrial complexes and enterprises from cities to suburbs might lead to some disadvantages for firms, but it is more beneficial and sustainable in the long term.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "encouraged by federal governments" -> "encouraged by governmental authorities"
    Explanation: Replacing "federal governments" with "governmental authorities" adds formality and specificity to the statement, aligning it more closely with academic language.

  2. "I am of the belief that" -> "I contend that"
    Explanation: Substituting "I am of the belief that" with "I contend that" enhances the formality of expression and contributes to a more sophisticated tone.

  3. "there are two major drawbacks" -> "two significant drawbacks exist"
    Explanation: Changing "there are two major drawbacks" to "two significant drawbacks exist" introduces a more formal structure and precise language, adhering to academic writing conventions.

  4. "struggle to distribute their commodities" -> "encounter challenges in distributing their goods"
    Explanation: Replacing "struggle to distribute their commodities" with "encounter challenges in distributing their goods" elevates the language by using a more formal term ("goods") and avoids informality.

  5. "gives rise to the supply chain disruptions" -> "leads to disruptions in the supply chain"
    Explanation: The modification from "gives rise to the supply chain disruptions" to "leads to disruptions in the supply chain" streamlines the sentence and maintains a formal tone.

  6. "force to spend more budget on delivering their goods" -> "are compelled to allocate more budget to transport their goods"
    Explanation: Substituting "force to spend more budget on delivering their goods" with "are compelled to allocate more budget to transport their goods" improves precision and formality in the expression.

  7. "they could force to boost selling prices" -> "they may be compelled to increase selling prices"
    Explanation: Changing "they could force to boost selling prices" to "they may be compelled to increase selling prices" offers a more refined way to convey the idea, avoiding potential ambiguity.

  8. "readily apparent benefits" -> "evident advantages"
    Explanation: Replacing "readily apparent benefits" with "evident advantages" maintains clarity while using more formal language.

  9. "transforming industrial sites and companies between cities and suburbs" -> "relocating industrial sites and companies from cities to suburbs"
    Explanation: Adjusting "transforming industrial sites and companies between cities and suburbs" to "relocating industrial sites and companies from cities to suburbs" improves precision and clarity in expressing the idea.

  10. "help curb environmental problems" -> "contribute to mitigating environmental issues"
    Explanation: Substituting "help curb environmental problems" with "contribute to mitigating environmental issues" offers a more nuanced and formal way of presenting the positive impact on the environment.

  11. "huge amount of emissions" -> "substantial emissions"
    Explanation: Changing "huge amount of emissions" to "substantial emissions" maintains clarity while using a more formal and precise term.

  12. "released into the atmosphere is the key cause of air pollution" -> "constitutes a primary factor in air pollution"
    Explanation: Modifying "released into the atmosphere is the key cause of air pollution" to "constitutes a primary factor in air pollution" enhances the formality and clarity of the statement.

  13. "transmission" -> "relocation"
    Explanation: Replacing "transmission" with "relocation" provides a more accurate term, avoiding potential confusion and maintaining a formal tone.

  14. "offers more job opportunities" -> "provides additional employment opportunities"
    Explanation: Substituting "offers more job opportunities" with "provides additional employment opportunities" enhances formality and precision in expression.

  15. "living in the childhood" -> "residing in the vicinity"
    Explanation: Changing "living in the childhood" to "residing in the vicinity" improves the precision of the statement, avoiding an informal expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument. The disadvantages of industries moving to regional areas, such as transportation challenges and increased costs, are discussed. The advantages, including environmental benefits and increased job opportunities, are also presented.

    • How to improve: While the essay covers both aspects, a more balanced discussion with a deeper exploration of the drawbacks and benefits would strengthen the response. Providing specific examples or evidence for the mentioned drawbacks and advantages could enhance the depth of analysis.

  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance in favor of industries moving to regional areas. The writer consistently supports the idea that the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. However, the position could be more explicitly stated in the introduction.

    • How to improve: Explicitly state the position in the introduction to provide clarity for the reader. For example, "In this essay, I will argue that the advantages of industries moving to regional areas outweigh the drawbacks."

  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately but lacks depth in the development of examples. For instance, the discussion on the environmental benefit and job opportunities could be further elaborated with specific instances or statistics.

    • How to improve: To enhance the quality of the essay, provide more detailed examples and evidence to support the presented ideas. This will add depth to the analysis and strengthen the overall argument.

  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of industries moving to regional areas. However, there are moments when the focus could be sharper, such as in the second paragraph where the discussion becomes somewhat generalized.

    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to the main topic. Avoid generalizations and maintain a clear link to the prompt throughout the essay.

In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt, effectively addressing both advantages and disadvantages. To improve, the writer should focus on providing more balanced discussions, explicitly stating the position, developing ideas with deeper analysis, and maintaining a sharper focus on the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonably clear organization. It begins with an introduction that presents the writer’s stance and outlines the advantages and disadvantages. The body paragraphs discuss drawbacks first and then shift to advantages, creating a clear progression of ideas. However, within paragraphs, the flow could be smoother. For instance, the transition between discussing the disadvantages and advantages is somewhat abrupt, lacking a smoother segue.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider employing transitional phrases or sentences within paragraphs to better connect ideas. Also, ensure a more gradual transition between discussing drawbacks and benefits by providing a more structured shift or intermediary statement.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate distinct points. Each paragraph addresses either disadvantages or advantages, contributing to a coherent structure. However, there’s room for improvement in paragraph length and topic sentence clarity. Some paragraphs are slightly lengthy, making it challenging to follow the central idea at times.
    • How to improve: Focus on concise paragraphs, each centered on a specific point. Ensure a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through the content. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller, more focused ones to improve readability and coherence.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices (e.g., ‘firstly,’ ‘nonetheless,’ ‘furthermore’) to connect ideas within and between sentences. While these devices are present, their usage is somewhat limited, leading to occasional abrupt transitions between ideas. Additionally, there’s a need for a broader range of cohesive devices to create a smoother flow.
    • How to improve: Expand the variety of cohesive devices used (e.g., ‘however,’ ‘moreover,’ ‘consequently’) to create stronger connections between sentences and ideas. Ensure their strategic placement to signal relationships between arguments and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Improving coherence and cohesion involves refining the structure, paragraphing, and the use of cohesive devices. Focusing on these aspects will greatly enhance the clarity and logical progression of ideas in your essays.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. Some terms are repeated, and there is room for enhancement by incorporating a more diverse vocabulary. For instance, terms like "regional places," "metropolises," and "suburbs" could be substituted with alternatives to showcase a broader lexical repertoire.
    • How to improve: Introduce synonyms and varied expressions to convey similar ideas. For instance, instead of consistently using "regional places," consider employing terms like "outlying areas," "non-urban regions," or "peripheral zones" to demonstrate a richer vocabulary.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally employs vocabulary effectively, there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "transforming industrial sites" could be specified further for clarity. Additionally, the term "childhood" in the context of residents living in the childhood seems inappropriate; it may be a typographical error or a misused term.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to context and use terms that precisely convey the intended meaning. Clarify or replace ambiguous terms to ensure the reader accurately understands the message. In the case of "childhood," consider using "vicinity" or "locality" for greater precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few errors, such as "demerits" where "drawbacks" would be more appropriate. Additionally, the phrase "it makes a great contribution" could be improved for conciseness and accuracy.
    • How to improve: Proofread carefully to catch and correct spelling errors. Consider using grammar check tools to enhance accuracy. Focus on concise and precise language; for example, replace "it makes a great contribution" with a more direct phrase like "it significantly contributes" for better clarity and impact.

In summary, while the essay maintains an acceptable level of vocabulary usage and spelling accuracy, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. Introducing a more diverse vocabulary and refining word choice for precision will contribute to an enhanced lexical resource, ultimately elevating the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and compound structures. For instance, the use of conditional structures is evident in the sentence, "Although this phenomenon exerts some adverse impacts, I am of the belief that it is overwhelmingly positive." Additionally, the essay employs parallel structures, as seen in, "The first advantage is that transforming industrial sites and companies between cities and suburbs help curb environmental problems."
    • How to improve: While the essay already exhibits a good range of sentence structures, enhancing the use of rhetorical devices such as rhetorical questions or metaphors could add depth and flair to the writing.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement is slightly off, such as in "The likely result is that residents’ living standards are enhanced," where the plural subject "standards" should match with "are" but is instead paired with "is."
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, careful proofreading is essential. Writers should pay particular attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring that they align correctly.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs correct punctuation, including commas and periods. However, there are instances where punctuation use can be refined. For example, in the sentence, "On the one hand, there are two major drawbacks that some businesses encounter when applying this tendency," a semicolon or colon might be more suitable than a comma for clearer separation of ideas.
    • How to improve: To refine punctuation skills, writers can focus on mastering the use of semicolons, colons, and dashes to enhance clarity and coherence. Additionally, attention to comma splices and run-on sentences can further improve overall punctuation accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is indeed a fact that governmental authorities in various regions worldwide are encouraging industries and businesses to relocate from major cities to more regional areas. While this practice poses certain challenges, I contend that its advantages far outweigh the drawbacks.

On one hand, there are two significant drawbacks that some businesses may encounter when adopting this trend. Firstly, certain firms might face challenges in distributing their goods due to the absence of a robust transportation system. This can lead to disruptions in the supply chain, causing considerable harm to these companies. Secondly, businesses situated in regional areas may be compelled to allocate more budget to transport their goods to other regions. This, in turn, could lead to an increase in selling prices, leaving customers with no choice but to pay more for these products.

However, these drawbacks are overshadowed by the evident advantages that this development brings about. One significant benefit is the positive impact on environmental issues. Relocating industrial sites and companies from cities to suburbs addresses a primary factor in air pollution—the substantial emissions from factories. This shift contributes to decreased pollution levels in metropolitan areas. Additionally, this trend provides additional employment opportunities for residents living in the vicinity. The likely outcome is an enhancement of residents’ living standards and a substantial contribution to local economic growth.

In conclusion, while the relocation of industrial complexes and enterprises from cities to suburbs may pose some challenges for businesses, the overall benefits are more significant and contribute to long-term sustainability.

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