In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Governments are encouraging industries and businesses to relocate to rural areas in some nations. This writing would argue that the benefits of this trend are more significant than the drawbacks.
One drawback of moving to regional areas outside the big cities is that business and industries appear to face shortages of well trained workers. In other words, many skilled workers are possibly unwilling to change their locations or travel too far to get to work . Another negative aspect is that clients and corporate partners may change to a rival supplier. In more detail, long distances can become an obstacle to contacting and meeting work partners, they can change collaborators who are nearer to the huge cities’ center. As a consequence, there may be troubles with commuting to work of long-time qualified employees and customers.
However, the disadvantages above pale in comparison with the advantages. Firstly, relocating to suburban areas helps reduce many expenses. For example, labor costs, office rent, property costs. Another positive aspect is that this trend contributes to local communities. To be specific, more jobs are created for local people. With higher demands for labor resources, the unemployment rate for local workers is minimized, from there, stimulating the locals’ economy. It is clear that this trend brings some considerable benefits not only for businesses and industries but also for locals.
In conclusion, although there are still many limitations, governments encourage the move of businesses and industries out of the metropolitans also brings great benefits, inspiring the economies of countries in general and the local economy in particular.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"This writing would argue" -> "This essay argues"
Explanation: "This writing would argue" is awkward and unclear. "This essay argues" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing, clearly indicating the author’s stance.
"moving to regional areas outside the big cities" -> "relocating to regional areas outside major cities"
Explanation: "Big cities" is informal and vague. "Major cities" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic contexts.
"business and industries appear to face shortages of well trained workers" -> "businesses and industries face shortages of well-trained workers"
Explanation: "appear to face" is less direct and less formal. "Face" is more straightforward and appropriate for academic writing, and "well-trained" should be hyphenated as an adjective.
"many skilled workers are possibly unwilling" -> "many skilled workers may be unwilling"
Explanation: "possibly unwilling" is redundant. "May be unwilling" is more concise and maintains the conditional tone appropriate for speculative statements in academic writing.
"travel too far to get to work" -> "travel excessively far to reach their workplaces"
Explanation: "too far to get to work" is informal and vague. "Excessively far to reach their workplaces" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"clients and corporate partners may change to a rival supplier" -> "clients and corporate partners may switch to a rival supplier"
Explanation: "change to" is less specific than "switch to," which is more precise in the context of business and supplier relationships.
"long distances can become an obstacle to contacting and meeting work partners" -> "long distances can hinder communication and meetings with work partners"
Explanation: "become an obstacle to contacting and meeting" is verbose and awkward. "Hinder communication and meetings" is more concise and maintains a formal tone.
"they can change collaborators who are nearer to the huge cities’ center" -> "they may opt for collaborators closer to the city centers"
Explanation: "change collaborators who are nearer" is awkward and informal. "Opt for collaborators closer" is more direct and formal, and "city centers" is more precise than "huge cities’ center."
"there may be troubles with commuting to work of long-time qualified employees and customers" -> "there may be challenges with commuting for long-term qualified employees and customers"
Explanation: "troubles with commuting to work of" is awkward and unclear. "Challenges with commuting for" is clearer and more formal, and "long-term" is the correct term for describing the duration of employment.
"relocating to suburban areas helps reduce many expenses" -> "relocating to suburban areas reduces numerous expenses"
Explanation: "helps reduce" is less direct and less formal. "Reduces" is more assertive and suitable for academic writing, and "numerous" is more precise than "many."
"office rent, property costs" -> "office rent and property costs"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. Adding "and" corrects the grammatical structure, making the list more formal and clear.
"the unemployment rate for local workers is minimized" -> "the unemployment rate among local workers is minimized"
Explanation: "for local workers" is less precise. "Among local workers" is more specific and appropriate for academic writing, indicating the scope of the impact.
"stimulating the locals’ economy" -> "stimulating the local economy"
Explanation: "the locals’ economy" is awkward and informal. "The local economy" is the correct and more formal expression.
"also brings great benefits" -> "also yields significant benefits"
Explanation: "brings great benefits" is somewhat informal and vague. "Yields significant benefits" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of relocating industries and businesses to regional areas. The author identifies key drawbacks, such as the potential shortage of skilled workers and the risk of losing clients due to distance. However, the advantages are emphasized more, with points about reduced costs and job creation for local communities. The essay presents a balanced view, but it could benefit from a more thorough exploration of the disadvantages to fully satisfy the requirement of addressing all parts of the question.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should delve deeper into the disadvantages, perhaps by providing specific examples or statistics that illustrate the impact of these drawbacks. Additionally, a more explicit comparison between the advantages and disadvantages could strengthen the argument that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the advantages of relocating industries outweigh the disadvantages. This is evident in the thesis statement and the concluding remarks. However, the transition between discussing disadvantages and advantages could be smoother, as the abrupt shift might confuse readers about the overall stance.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the author should use transitional phrases that clearly indicate when they are shifting from discussing disadvantages to advantages. For example, phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the cost benefits of relocating and the positive impact on local economies. However, some points lack sufficient development. For instance, the mention of reduced expenses is vague and could be elaborated with specific examples or data to support the claim. The idea of job creation is introduced but could be extended with more detail on how this impacts the local economy.
- How to improve: The author should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. For instance, when discussing reduced costs, the author could specify how much lower labor costs might be in rural areas compared to urban centers. Additionally, providing real-world examples of successful relocations could enhance the credibility of the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the relocation of industries and businesses to regional areas. However, some sentences, particularly in the discussion of disadvantages, could be more concise and directly related to the prompt. For example, the phrase "troubles with commuting to work of long-time qualified employees and customers" could be more directly tied to the implications for businesses.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the argument. This can be achieved by revisiting the prompt frequently during the writing process to ensure that all points made are relevant to the question. Additionally, avoiding overly complex sentences can help keep the writing clear and on topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By addressing the areas for improvement outlined above, the author can enhance the clarity, depth, and overall effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument that the advantages of relocating businesses to rural areas outweigh the disadvantages. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion, and the body paragraphs are organized to first address the drawbacks before transitioning to the advantages. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition between the drawbacks and advantages could be smoother. The phrase "However, the disadvantages above pale in comparison with the advantages" serves as a transition but could be more explicitly linked to the previous points to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer transition phrases that connect ideas more explicitly. For example, after discussing the drawbacks, you might say, "Despite these challenges, the advantages of relocating industries are significant." This would create a more cohesive flow and help the reader follow the argument more easily.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph introduces the topic, the second discusses disadvantages, and the third outlines advantages. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and detail. The paragraph on disadvantages is somewhat lengthy and could benefit from being more concise, while the advantages paragraph could be expanded with more examples or elaboration.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, aim for a more balanced approach. Ensure that each paragraph has a similar level of detail and length. Additionally, consider starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea, which will help guide the reader through your argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Another positive aspect," and "In conclusion." These devices help to structure the argument and indicate the relationship between ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied linking words and phrases. For example, the use of "In other words" and "To be specific" is effective, but introducing additional devices like "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "On the other hand" could enhance the cohesiveness of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. This could involve using synonyms or alternative phrases to express similar ideas, which would not only improve cohesion but also demonstrate a broader vocabulary. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to maintain the flow of ideas without becoming repetitive.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph balance, and the use of cohesive devices. By addressing these aspects, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "relocate," "obstacle," "collaborators," and "stimulating." However, the vocabulary used is often repetitive, particularly in phrases like "business and industries" and "local communities." This limits the overall lexical variety and can detract from the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "business and industries," alternatives like "companies and sectors" or "enterprises and firms" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to economic and social impacts, such as "entrepreneurial growth" or "economic revitalization," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its intended meaning, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "clients and corporate partners may change to a rival supplier" could be more clearly stated as "clients and corporate partners may switch to a competing supplier." Additionally, the term "long distances can become an obstacle" could be more effectively expressed as "long distances can pose significant challenges."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that more accurately convey their intended meaning. Engaging in exercises that involve paraphrasing and refining sentences can help develop this skill. Furthermore, using context-appropriate terminology will enhance clarity; for example, replacing "troubles with commuting" with "challenges related to commuting" would provide a clearer understanding.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "well trained" (should be "well-trained") and "metropolitans" (should be "metropolises"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using digital tools that check spelling and grammar. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them regularly can help improve overall spelling skills. Engaging in frequent writing practice and seeking feedback can also aid in identifying and correcting spelling mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "However, the disadvantages above pale in comparison with the advantages" and "To be specific, more jobs are created for local people" show an ability to construct sentences that convey nuanced ideas. However, the essay relies heavily on simple and compound sentences, which limits the overall complexity and sophistication of the writing. For example, the sentence "Another negative aspect is that clients and corporate partners may change to a rival supplier" could be expanded into a more complex structure to enhance its depth.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex and compound-complex sentences. This can be achieved by using subordinate clauses or integrating relative clauses. For example, instead of saying "long distances can become an obstacle to contacting and meeting work partners," the writer could say, "Long distances, which can become significant obstacles, hinder effective communication and collaboration with work partners." Practicing sentence transformation exercises can also help in developing a wider range of structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a good level of grammatical accuracy overall, with only a few noticeable errors. For instance, the phrase "well trained workers" should be hyphenated as "well-trained workers" to indicate that it is a compound adjective. Additionally, the sentence "they can change collaborators who are nearer to the huge cities’ center" contains awkward phrasing; "change" could be better expressed as "switch to" or "opt for." Punctuation is generally well-handled, but there are instances where commas are missing, such as before "for example" in the sentence "For example, labor costs, office rent, property costs."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on identifying and correcting common errors, such as hyphenation and awkward phrasing. Regular proofreading and reading aloud can help catch these mistakes. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in lists and before conjunctions, will improve clarity. Engaging with grammar exercises that focus on common pitfalls can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band 7 for Grammatical Range and Accuracy, there is room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and grammatical precision. By incorporating more complex sentence forms and paying closer attention to grammatical details, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Governments are encouraging industries and businesses to relocate to rural areas in some nations. This essay argues that the benefits of this trend are more significant than the drawbacks.

One drawback of moving to regional areas outside the big cities is that businesses and industries appear to face shortages of well-trained workers. In other words, many skilled workers may be unwilling to change their locations or travel excessively far to reach their workplaces. Another negative aspect is that clients and corporate partners may switch to a rival supplier. In more detail, long distances can hinder communication and meetings with work partners, and they may opt for collaborators closer to the city centers. As a consequence, there may be challenges with commuting for long-term qualified employees and customers.

However, the disadvantages above pale in comparison with the advantages. Firstly, relocating to suburban areas helps reduce numerous expenses, such as labor costs, office rent, and property costs. Another positive aspect is that this trend contributes to local communities. To be specific, more jobs are created for local people. With higher demands for labor resources, the unemployment rate among local workers is minimized, thereby stimulating the local economy. It is clear that this trend brings considerable benefits not only for businesses and industries but also for locals.

In conclusion, although there are still many limitations, the encouragement of moving businesses and industries out of metropolitan areas also yields significant benefits, inspiring the economies of countries in general and the local economy in particular.