In some countries, it is now illegal for employers to reject someone applying for a job because of his/her age. Do you think this a positive or negative development?

In recent years, several countries have implemented laws making it illegal for employers to reject job applicants based solely on their age. This legislative change aims to combat age discrimination and promote equality in the workplace. I believe this is a positive development, as it fosters a more inclusive job market, utilizes the potential of experienced workers, and encourages diversity in the workforce.

Firstly, prohibiting age-based discrimination in employment ensures that individuals are judged based on their skills, qualifications, and experience rather than arbitrary factors such as age. This promotes fairness and equality, giving every candidate an equal opportunity to secure employment. It helps in eliminating biases that often prevent highly capable individuals, especially older ones, from being considered for roles they are well-qualified for. By focusing on merit, companies can build stronger teams and enhance their overall performance.

Secondly, experienced workers bring invaluable skills and knowledge to the workplace. Many older employees have a wealth of industry-specific expertise, problem-solving abilities, and leadership qualities developed over years of work. By allowing these individuals to remain active in the job market, companies can benefit from their insights and mentorship, which can significantly boost productivity and innovation. Moreover, younger employees can learn from their experienced colleagues, fostering a culture of continuous learning and professional development.

Additionally, promoting age diversity in the workforce can lead to more innovative and dynamic work environments. Teams composed of individuals from different age groups can leverage a wider range of perspectives and ideas, leading to better problem-solving and creativity. Diverse teams are better equipped to understand and cater to the needs of a varied customer base, enhancing a company’s competitiveness in the market.

Critics might argue that preventing age discrimination could lead to difficulties in managing a diverse workforce or higher costs associated with employing older workers. However, the benefits of an inclusive workforce far outweigh these concerns. Effective management practices and training programs can address potential challenges, ensuring a harmonious and productive work environment. Additionally, the value brought by experienced workers can justify any additional costs, as their contributions often lead to significant long-term gains.

In conclusion, making it illegal for employers to reject job applicants based on age is a highly positive development. It promotes fairness, leverages the skills of experienced workers, and fosters diversity and innovation in the workplace. By embracing age diversity, companies can create more inclusive, dynamic, and successful work environments, benefiting both employees and employers alike.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In recent years" -> "In the recent years"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "years" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more formal and precise.
"making it illegal" -> "prohibiting"
Explanation: "Prohibiting" is a more formal and precise term than "making it illegal," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in this context.
"I believe" -> "it is believed"
Explanation: Changing to "it is believed" shifts the sentence to a more formal, impersonal tone, which is preferred in academic writing.
"This legislative change aims to" -> "This legislative change seeks to"
Explanation: "Seeks to" is a more formal synonym for "aims to," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"fosters a more inclusive job market" -> "promotes a more inclusive job market"
Explanation: "Promotes" is a more direct and formal verb than "fosters," aligning better with the context of policy implementation.
"utilizes the potential" -> "utilizes the capabilities"
Explanation: "Capabilities" is a more precise term than "potential," which is somewhat vague and informal in this context.
"encourages diversity in the workforce" -> "fosters diversity within the workforce"
Explanation: "Fosters" is a more formal synonym for "encourages," and "within" is more specific than "in," enhancing the precision of the phrase.
"helps in eliminating" -> "helps to eliminate"
Explanation: "Helps to eliminate" is grammatically correct and more formal than "helps in eliminating."
"often prevent" -> "often prevents"
Explanation: "Prevents" should be used as a singular verb to agree with the singular subject "biases."
"problem-solving abilities" -> "problem-solving skills"
Explanation: "Skills" is a more specific term than "abilities" in this context, aligning better with the technical and professional context of the workplace.
"can significantly boost productivity and innovation" -> "can significantly enhance productivity and innovation"
Explanation: "Enhance" is a more formal synonym for "boost," fitting the academic style better.
"Critics might argue" -> "Some critics might argue"
Explanation: Adding "some" before "critics" provides a more precise and formal introduction to the opposing viewpoint.
"could lead to difficulties" -> "may lead to challenges"
Explanation: "May" is a more formal modal verb than "could," and "challenges" is a more precise term than "difficulties" in this context.
"higher costs associated with employing older workers" -> "increased costs associated with employing older workers"
Explanation: "Increased" is a more precise and formal term than "higher," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"the value brought by" -> "the value contributed by"
Explanation: "Contributed" is a more precise and formal verb than "brought," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position that the development of making age discrimination illegal is positive. Each part of the question is considered, as the author discusses the implications of this legislation on fairness, the utilization of experienced workers, and workplace diversity. The introduction succinctly outlines the main arguments that will be developed in the essay, ensuring that the reader understands the focus from the outset.
- How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of potential drawbacks or counterarguments. While the author does mention critics’ views, a more in-depth discussion of these points could provide a more balanced perspective and demonstrate critical thinking. Including specific examples or data to support claims would also enhance the argument’s depth.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout, asserting that the legislation is a positive development. The author reiterates this stance in the conclusion, reinforcing the main argument. The use of phrases like "I believe this is a positive development" and "the benefits of an inclusive workforce far outweigh these concerns" helps to maintain clarity.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, the author could explicitly link back to the main argument in each paragraph. For instance, concluding each paragraph with a sentence that ties the discussion back to the overall thesis could enhance coherence and remind the reader of the central argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents well-structured ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The points about fairness, the value of experienced workers, and the benefits of diversity are well-developed and supported with logical reasoning. The author effectively uses examples to illustrate the benefits of an age-diverse workforce, such as mentorship and enhanced creativity.
- How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, the author could incorporate specific examples or case studies from real-world scenarios where age diversity has led to positive outcomes in companies. Additionally, integrating statistical data or research findings could bolster the argument and provide more concrete evidence for the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, consistently addressing the implications of age discrimination laws. There are no significant deviations from the main subject, and each point made directly relates to the question posed in the prompt. The structure is logical, with a clear progression of ideas that supports the central thesis.
- How to improve: While the essay is largely on topic, the author should ensure that all counterarguments presented are directly relevant to the main argument. For example, when discussing potential challenges of managing a diverse workforce, it would be beneficial to explicitly connect these challenges back to the overall theme of why the legislation is still a positive development despite these concerns.

In summary, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-reasoned argument. With some enhancements in the depth of analysis, incorporation of specific examples, and clearer connections between points and the main thesis, it could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction that outlines the main argument and a logical progression of ideas throughout the body paragraphs. Each paragraph addresses a specific point supporting the thesis, such as fairness in hiring practices, the value of experienced workers, and the benefits of diversity. For example, the transition from discussing fairness to the advantages of experienced workers is smooth, allowing the reader to follow the argument easily.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow further, the essay could benefit from more explicit linking phrases between paragraphs. For instance, at the beginning of the second paragraph, a phrase like "In addition to promoting fairness, there are also significant advantages to employing experienced workers" could strengthen the connection between ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, each with a clear topic sentence that indicates the main point. The structure is consistent, with each paragraph expanding on the thesis in a coherent manner. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main arguments and reinforces the thesis, providing a strong closure to the essay.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is effective, the essay could improve by ensuring that each paragraph contains a balance of evidence and explanation. For instance, the paragraph discussing the benefits of experienced workers could include specific examples or statistics to illustrate the points made, which would enhance the depth of the argument and provide a more robust discussion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Additionally," which help to guide the reader through the argument. Transitional phrases like "However" and "Moreover" are also effectively used to contrast and add information, respectively. This variety contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To further diversify the use of cohesive devices, the essay could incorporate more complex linking phrases that indicate relationships between ideas, such as "In contrast to this," or "Consequently." Additionally, varying sentence structures within paragraphs can enhance cohesion; for example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "By," the writer could use different constructions to maintain reader engagement.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing information and using paragraphs and cohesive devices to support the argument. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can elevate the essay to an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary, utilizing a variety of terms related to the topic of age discrimination and employment. Phrases such as "age discrimination," "inclusive job market," "merit," and "diversity in the workforce" showcase a good range of vocabulary. Additionally, the use of synonyms like "prohibiting" instead of "banning" and "invaluable" instead of "valuable" further reflects lexical variety.
- How to improve: To reach an even higher band score, consider incorporating more advanced vocabulary and idiomatic expressions. For example, instead of saying "promotes fairness," you could use "fosters equity." Additionally, integrating more specific terms related to employment law or human resources could enhance the essay’s sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, with precise terms that convey the intended meaning. For instance, "combat age discrimination" effectively communicates the purpose of the laws discussed. However, there are instances where word choice could be improved for clarity. For example, the phrase "higher costs associated with employing older workers" could be more precise by specifying what types of costs are being referred to (e.g., "healthcare costs" or "training costs").
- How to improve: To enhance precision, ensure that vocabulary choices are not only appropriate but also specific. When discussing potential drawbacks, provide detailed examples or context to clarify what is meant. This will help avoid any ambiguity and strengthen the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "legislative," "capable," and "competitiveness" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong grasp of English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: While the spelling is already strong, to maintain this level of accuracy, it is advisable to practice writing regularly and to proofread for any potential typos or overlooked errors. Engaging in vocabulary exercises that focus on spelling can also be beneficial, especially for more complex or less commonly used words.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and effectively communicates the author’s viewpoint on the topic. By focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can continue to improve their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences, such as "This legislative change aims to combat age discrimination and promote equality in the workplace," effectively conveys nuanced ideas. Additionally, the writer employs conditional structures, as seen in "By allowing these individuals to remain active in the job market, companies can benefit from their insights and mentorship." The range of structures contributes to the essay’s coherence and clarity.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more compound-complex sentences, which combine multiple clauses. For example, instead of stating, "Critics might argue that preventing age discrimination could lead to difficulties in managing a diverse workforce," the writer could expand this by adding a dependent clause that elaborates on the critics’ perspective. This would enhance the complexity of the writing and demonstrate an even greater command of grammatical structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors that do not impede understanding. For example, the phrase "which can significantly boost productivity and innovation" is correctly punctuated, and the use of commas is generally appropriate throughout the text. However, there are instances where punctuation could be improved, such as in the sentence, "Moreover, younger employees can learn from their experienced colleagues, fostering a culture of continuous learning and professional development," where a semicolon could have been used to connect two closely related independent clauses for better clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on refining punctuation use, particularly in complex sentences. Practicing the use of semicolons and colons can help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, reviewing common grammatical pitfalls, such as subject-verb agreement and tense consistency, can further strengthen the overall accuracy of the writing. Regularly reading high-quality essays and analyzing their grammatical structures can also provide insights into effective grammar usage.

Overall, the essay effectively meets the criteria for a Band 8 in Grammatical Range and Accuracy, showcasing a strong command of varied sentence structures and grammatical precision. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can aim for an even higher level of proficiency in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

Firstly, prohibiting age-based discrimination in employment ensures that individuals are judged based on their skills, qualifications, and experience rather than arbitrary factors such as age. This promotes fairness and equality, giving every candidate an equal opportunity to secure employment. It helps to eliminate biases that often prevent highly capable individuals, especially older ones, from being considered for roles they are well-qualified for. By focusing on merit, companies can build stronger teams and enhance their overall performance.

Secondly, experienced workers bring invaluable skills and knowledge to the workplace. Many older employees have a wealth of industry-specific expertise, problem-solving skills, and leadership qualities developed over years of work. By allowing these individuals to remain active in the job market, companies can benefit from their insights and mentorship, which can significantly enhance productivity and innovation. Moreover, younger employees can learn from their experienced colleagues, fostering a culture of continuous learning and professional development.

Some critics might argue that preventing age discrimination may lead to challenges in managing a diverse workforce or increased costs associated with employing older workers. However, the benefits of an inclusive workforce far outweigh these concerns. Effective management practices and training programs can address potential challenges, ensuring a harmonious and productive work environment. Additionally, the value contributed by experienced workers can justify any additional costs, as their contributions often lead to significant long-term gains.